Somewhere I Belong

Chapter 7

Shay hide inside her room for the rest of the afternoon. She curled up on her bed; her knees pulled to her chest, staring across the room at the mirror, watching herself, her shiny, magenta eyes reflecting back the eerie light.

What was wrong with her? Why did she panic like that? She and Kurt had just been goofing around; barely sparring, no real damage had been done. But for that split second she got thrown off, she lost her bearings and she almost hurt Kurt worse then she'd meant to, worse then she's ever WANT to. Kurt was one of the few people at the Institute that had been friendly to her from the beginning.

She had to find him and apologize, there was no question about it. He'd probably be downstairs, either in the kitchen or maybe the common room with some of the other kids. She'd go find him, pull him aside and tell him how sorry she was. Shay just hoped word hadn't spread too far about what had happened. She didn't need anymore pressure on the subject.

Shay climbed off her bed and - just for something to keep her hands busy – grabbed a book off her nightstand. She left the room quickly, fighting the sudden urge to curl up again and sleep away her guilt. Looking around upstairs, she only got a lot of curious stares and she heard a few whispers as she moved downstairs.

From the common room to her right, Shay heard Kitty giggle, then Kurt's warm German accent flowed into the hallway. Taking a deep breath, Shay moved towards the open door and paused in the frame. Kurt was perched on the arm of the couch while Kitty was lying across it, flipping through the TV channels, the only two in the room. They both looked up when Shay entered the room. Kitty's eyes bugged out slightly while Kurt's face brightened into his normal smiling, causing Shay's guilt to melt away.

"Kurt," Shay began, but the blue elf jumped off the arm and walked right over to her. Shay stared at him in the eye as he drew even with her, his yellow eyes reflecting back at her darker ones. She was relieved to see no malice or anger in them, and Shay smiled. "I'm real sorry, Kurt."

"Don't worry about it," Kurt smiled. "I'll just be really ready next time."

Shay could have hugged him at that moment. Kurt was truly one of the sweetest guys she'd ever met which wasn't saying much, since it was between him, her father and some of the Morlocks. Kurt moved back to perch on the arm of the couch and Shay turned one of the straight-back chairs around, straddling the back, giving her wings room to spread out.

Kitty was flipping through the channels again, Kurt periodically making her stop on one show or another, just to tell her to keep going again. Shay watched them for a little while, then opened her book and began reading, only to close it a few minutes later. Kurt and Kitty were just too loud for her to read, though she really wasn't complaining.

"Oh, I love this!" Kitty cried as she stopped the TV on some old family-oriented shows. The kind that only started out with some melodramatic story, a few laugh tracks thrown in, topping it all off with a big group hug at the end. Shay looked at the TV for a second, then opened her book for a third time.

Shay tried to keep her mind on the book, but small sentences from the show kept creeping into her mind. It didn't help that Kitty kept 'awing' and 'ohing' at all the right pauses.

"There's no perfect family except those on TV," Kitty said suddenly, eyes transfixed on the screen.

"Ain't that the truth," Shay muttered as she flipped another page in her book. She didn't even realize she'd said it out loud until Kitty replied back to her.

"Ya know Shay, I've never heard you talk about your family at all."

Shay's head snapped up and she looked at Kitty. "What?"

"Your family," Kitty said again. Kurt's eyes switched from Kitty to Shay. He silently yelled at Kitty to keep quiet, though his curiosity about Shay had of course been stirred up since the afternoon's activities.

Kitty watched Shay's whole body language change with those two words. She's pulled her wings closer to her body, sat up a little straighter in her chair, and, although she didn't realize it, Kitty also watched her eyes begin to dart around the room, as though she was expecting something to come jumping out at her.

"Shay?" Kurt said, a worried edge coming to his voice.

"I don't really want to talk about my family," Shay mumbled softly as she looked back down at her book. Not now, not ever.

"Ok," Kitty replied slowly. She turned and looked at Kurt, who shrugged.

"I can related," Kurt said, causing Shay too look up at him. "I don't like talking about my mother."

Shay furrowed her brow out of curiosity. "Who's your mum?"

"A woman named Mystique," came Kurt's solemn reply. Shay had never seen him like this.

"Not a nice person," Kitty commented as she picked up the remote again.

"Nor a big fan of the X-Men," Kurt added.

Shay watched the two of them for a few seconds, then looked down at her book once again. They hadn't probed any farther for info on her family, so she'd repay the favor and keep her nose out of this Mystique business. But her mind wouldn't return to it's quietness, not now that Kitty had stirred things about her family. The seeds were planted and Shay's mind kept wandering back, diving deeper and deeper into her memories. She felt them falling on her, weighing heavier and heavier on her shoulders. She heard Kitty's laughs as though they were a million miles away, though they pricked at her mind like bee stings.

Closing her eyes, Shay took a deep breath, desperately trying to push away her past, back into the corner of her mind where she hid the crippling memories, but they wouldn't stop.

They seeped into her thoughts like her blood had seeped down her spine two years ago. Dark crimson had stained her shirt and her silver skin as her father had taken the knife, cursing at her for things she'd never done and-

NO! Shay's mind screamed. She jumped up from her seat, quieting Kitty and Kurt for a second before they asked what was wrong. Without answering, Shay fled the room. She raced pass Scott and Jean, who both jumped out of her way and shouted after her. She flew, not literally, out the front doors and down the steps. Continuing across the lawn, finally stopped when her hands touched the bark of a tree.

She sobbed and leapt up to grab the branch above her, pulling herself up and over it. Tears covered her cheeks as she pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly, her wings falling down to either side of the branch.

Now alone, hidden in the familiar shadows and darkness, away from the light and life of the Institute, Shay's mind gave up the battle against her memories, and everything came flooding back to her. A tidal wave of pain and tears, of lost trust and revenge, of rage and submission, washed every other thought, feeling or sense away, leaving Shay vulnerable and scared. Open wounds and fresh bruises would have been appropriate signs of her mind's torture.

Over an hour later, Shay finally raised her head, back sore from not moving, both legs asleep from lack of blood flow, wings stiff. She ached all over, but none of that measured up to the turmoil in her mind. She felt used all over again. If she let her mind go just a little more, she could remember the feeling of warm blood on her back and chest; she could see the reflection off the knife's steel surface; the murderous rage in her father's eyes.

Climbing slowly down from the branch, Shay's knees almost gave out as her bare feet sunk into the cool grass. She kept her hands on the tree, giving her legs a chance to strengthen. While she waited, she spread her wings, then closed them tightly, feeling the stiffness fade away slowly.

Her forehead rested on the bark of the tree. She could feel it creasing her skin. In the back of her mind she knew she'd have an odd mark there is she didn't move, but at the moment she didn't really give a damn.

"Fuck you, dad," she whispered to herself. She pulled back from the tree and wiped away the last of her tears. With a sigh, she turned and walked across the yard, absently rubbing her forehead back to normal, just as the sky opened up and cried down on her.

Shay rarely had slips like that. Normally she could control the thoughts and nightmares that had plagued her since early childhood. The worse they became, the more concentration Shay had to use to keep them in check. Sometimes if she sat alone for a little to long, if her mind began to wander, it might just happen upon the little box she kept all this ugliness hidden in. Curious hands wold flick the latch and release everything she had worked so hard to keep locked up.

She'd hide away from all the others, curl up into a little ball, wings wrapped around herself for protection against an unseen monster, and cry out all her fears, anger, and pain, just like today. The only different from all the others times and this one was that this time, she had been watched.

Logan had been sitting on the ledge of an upstairs window, smoking one of his usual cigars, when he'd heard the doors burst open from below him. He'd watched Shay run across the lawn and into the beginning of the woods. Her sobs echoed in his ears, though it faded as she disappeared into the darkness.

He was about to go after her, all the years of working at the Institute coming together to bring his protective side out. He lifted his leg back over the ledge but paused when he realized if it was he who'd left the Institute for a breather, he wouldn't want anyone following him. Her sobs came back to him again though, and he decided this wasn't just a breather. He had to make sure Shay was ok.

Walking down the main stairs, Logan's enhanced ears overheard Kurt, Kitty, Jean and Scott talking in the main common room.

"The Professor won't tell anyone about her. Kurt asks him just about everyday, but he won't say a thing," Kitty's voice bounced out into the hallway.

Logan looked at the front doors for a second, then moved closer to the opening of the common room.

Kurt spoke next, his German accent the easiest to pick out of the four. "Yes. Nobody knows were she comes from."

"What happened just now, Kurt? She came running by us and out the front doors." Scott's voice this time.

"I don't know. We were watching TV and Shay was reading a book. Then she jumps up, runs out the door."

"It was totally weird," Kitty added to Kurt's story.

"Did she say anything?" the last teen in the room, Jean, finally spoke.

"Not when she left. Before we asked about her family and she wouldn't tell us anything," Kurt answered.

"What's with all this mystery over this girl?" Scott remarked suddenly. "Seriously, what's going on around here? I don't even think Ororo or Logan know what's going on. I heard Evan saying something about the Morlocks to Ororo, but she didn't say anything."

"That would make sense, Shay being a Morlock, cause of her physically mutation and all," Kitty's voice piped in.

"Well, that doesn't mean much, Kitty. I mean, both Evan and Kurt live with us, and they have visible mutations."

"I know Jean," Scott replied for Kitty. "But up until a few months ago, Shay didn't live here. She had to come from someplace."

"Plus, it's not the same for me," Kurt finally spoke up again. Logan could actually hear the smile in his voice. "I mean, no one can turn down the fuzzy."

Logan heard the teens laugh for a second, then he moved away from the opening and towards the front doors. He'd check on the girl, then find Charles. Something was up and he was going to find out what was so secretive about Shay's past.

****Notes****

"No one can turn down the fuzzy." I love Kurt. He's got some of the greatest lines from Evo, plus, how CAN you turn down that fuzziness? So, Logan is FINALLY going to make a little more head-way into the story. He's kinda going to have a much LARGER part in the sequel, if you know what I'm saying. Anyways, you get a better glimpse of Shay's past in this chapter, so hopefully things will start to make sense. I'll tell you a little secret right now, you won't really find out the whole reason why Shay left home until the next story, so y'all will have to wait around until then. ::winks::