In Li's Room

Li looked over the lake. Had it just been last week that they had all gone swimming? Had it only been last week that they had been so carefree? Li sighed and looked around the room. It was hers. After spending her first three years sleeping in the normal Slytherin girls' dorms, but had tired of the gossip and the nature of the girls. She had gone to Dumbledore to beg for liberation from them and was rewarded by her own room.

The room was rather small, but she was alone, so Li didn't mind. She had a window, a bed and a trunk to use as a bookcase, that was enough. The room was situated between the sixth years boys and girls' dorms. The door opened up to the girls' dorms so Lily entered and exited the same way they did.

The room was rather plain. It was painted a light green and had no hangings on the walls and no decoration. The thing other than privacy that Lily loved about the room was the window. She often spent hours sitting here and looking out on the world as it slept under a dark cover that sometimes kept it warm but sometimes cold. Sometimes the cover was gray, because of the low clouds that passed over them, but it didn't matter.

Li looked out over the lake. She had always thought it beautiful, but tonight she could make out a stag taking a drink from the lake, it looked peaceful. Li sighed and played with her short hair. Sometimes she wished she wasn't a Slytherin. Being a Slytherin was so important; you always had to be ready to act, to decide; to plan. Sometimes all she wanted to do was watch scenes like this and not care about the fate of the world.

It was strange to think that the fate of the world rested on the shoulders of her friends. Lord Voldemort was recruiting the seventh year Slytherins and next year he would be on her friends. Li wasn't completely sure where she stood. All her friends were most likely going to join, but how could she turn her back on Dumbledore? Hadn't he given her a chance? Hadn't he introduced her to this world where she was accepted? Where she belonged? How could she betray the man that gave her that?

And how could she kill off muggles and muggleborns? She might not b fond of muggles, but that was no reason to kill them. There were some perfectly good muggles simply with the bad luck of not being born with magical ability, that's how the world worked, you couldn't help it whether you were or not, it was just who you were.

Such things were better put off. The most pressing matter on Li's mind was the Marauders and on a night like this, it was hard to think about even the sweet revenge she needed to take. It would have to be a good prank, no one messed with Li Evans, though they did get her into a more advanced charms class.

Li wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad. If she stood out as being talented, then Voldemort would recruit her right away and not give her the choice that Li valued. She had grown up in a home where that was the most important thing. It had been ingrained on her mind that everyone should be given the chance to make an informed decision about everything.

Maybe I should go for a walk? Li mused. She quickly decided against it due to the fact that she was comfortable. Life was passing too quickly, it had only been a minute ago she had been on the train, making that decision that would change her life forever. Sometimes Li wished she could dig her heels into time and make it pass more slowly so she could enjoy where she was.

The future didn't looked good. Li had little ambition that Slytherin was famous for. She knew she didn't want to too seriously involved in the war. She had no plan to marry and was even slightly repulsed by the idea. What was the point? Someone was going to leave in the end leaving the other heartbroken. Dating was even more pointless. It hardly ever resulted in marriage and was just a stupid exercise that took up time better spent hanging out with friends.

Severus and Lucius disagreed, as they always did. They had both had many relationships with girls where the girls ended up heartbroken. Girls were such pitiful beings, so weak and frivolous, so prone to crying and carrying on when they should have been more prudent. Li held disdain for girls. It was like being a muggle or wizard, either you were born with the luck of being a boy or you weren't. You shouldn't be hurt for that and you could work with them but one shouldn't try to act like one.

A/N These are Li's thoughts, not mine, reasons will be explained later.

Friendships were the relationships that worked. Friends could be counted on more than lovers. A lover would betray you easily and leave you; a friend is more loyal. A friend was always there where as a lover would desert you when you were in need. In a friendship, you maintained a bit of distance that kept you from getting too hurt. You also didn't have to tell your friends everything, just as soon as you're ready. How many times had Li heard, "We should have no secrets between us," from various girls to boys in the Great Hall? Secrets were what made a person interesting. Without secrets, a person was nothing. You didn't how everyone your true face.

Li especially scorned the girls who chased after her thinking her a boy. Most of these girls were Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, but Li got a few Griffindor and some lower grade Slytherins. Girls were so silly and emotional and so blind because they never got passed looks. They didn't bother.

I should really get some sleep, Li told herself. Li just couldn't make herself get up and go to sleep, it wasn't worth it, she would fall asleep when she fell asleep and where she was happened to be a fine place for the sleeping to take place.

The thing Li really missed about being a girl was being pretty. Li loved being though of as a boy and loved living her life like a boy would, it was so free but there where times where should would fine herself looking in the mirror and piling her short hair onto her head trying to make herself look pretty. It was just a feeling, like electricity. Dresses were also something she missed giving up, she loved the feeling of the material. Occasionally, she would try on a dress her mum had made her pack and just walk around the room. She didn't know why.

There were a great many mysteries in life. Why she loved feeling pretty? What the purpose of this all was? Which side should she chose? Why there was a giant dog and a werewolf right next to the stag outside?

Li did a double take on that last question. She looked back outside to see if her unconscious question was right. It was. Li looked hard at the animals. The stag appeared to be looking around before it turned around and fled into the forest, it was followed by the wolf, dog and a little shadow that appeared to be a rat. Li rubbed her eyes she must be more tired than she thought. Li closed her eyes that held heaviness to them. Li had one last thought before she drifted off, was she going to wake up? Li supposed she was but wasn't sure if she wanted to, things were a lot easier when she was sleeping.

A/N I need advice about which direction to head in, please put suggestions in review and remember, this is the counter story. It is anti-typical L/J fluff. I have an idea for later, but I don't know how to get there. Also, thank you to WindRider-Damia and Hanna-chan. Also to Damia, I know what you mean, I usually don't read Lily is a Slytherin fics that much either. I just got tired of writing the same thing and had to write this because it was countering the fic I usually write and I clicked on a very good Lily is a Slytherin fic by accident and loved it.