Disclaimer: Yep yep. I own nothing.

A/N: Wow! I am sooo trilled with all my reviews! This is the stuff people are afraid to write about?! Thank you so much all! Any and all ideas are welcome and my only request is that you continue to enjoy it as much as you are! Tally Ho!

Foxy and Chi Chi by Queen.

"Chi Chi Malone?!" exclaimed Harry as they sped along a wide dusty freeway "are you serious?!"

"What? Well its not like you can go around calling yourself "Harry" is it? I mean look at you" smirked Draco a.k.a Foxy.

"But . . ."Chi Chi" " moaned Harry, "I mean it even makes me want to get sick!"

"Oh shut up, you look good now hush" dismissed Draco, "now, you say were heading for those friends of yours yes?"

"Yeah" replied Harry dully; the thought of confronting Ron like this was not appealing.

"Well . . .it would be helpful you know if you could tell me where they actually live!" said Draco candidly.

Harry thought for a second. It occurred to him he actually had no real idea where Hermione lived, in all there years of being friends it had never really come up and as for Ron he wasn't even sure if they could get to him from the muggle world.

Draco gave him a sideways glance.

"You don't know do you?"

"I do! . . . Kinda" protested Harry "Ron . . .he lives in The Burrow . . . but I don't know how to get there from uh . . . here".

Draco rolled his darkly lined eyes.

"Honestly Potter! What are you like?" he scolded, long fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel along to Sophie Ellis Bextor's "Murder on the dance floor".

Harry simply shot him a look.

The large sleek black Bentley slid down the road and pulled up smoothly beside the shop marked "BIG JOES COSTUMES".

"This it?" asked Voldermort over his shoulder into the back seat of the car where a very disgruntled and flustered looking Lucius sat, knees up to his chin, a broom stick poking him in the ribs and another one where the sun don't shine.

Beside him Narcissa looked behind her and sniggered into her hanky.

Cheers thought Lucius.

"Yes, Sir, this is it. I saw it in the vision".

"Yeah yeah, I didn't ask for your life story" dismissed Voldermort with a wave of his hand "Now, shall we?"

The two in the front slide out, Voldermort classily taking Narcissa's hand and helping her out of the car.

Lucius sat crushed in the back seat watching mutinously.

"Ehem!"

"What? Oh Lucius will you hurry up! Those things won't carry themselves" tutted Voldermort.

Die thought Lucius, die die die.

20 minutes later he emerged from the back seat carrying the ridiculously giant cage, which he (quite resourcefully he thought) had stuffed with all the other crap. Voldermort and Narcissa stood waiting on the sidewalk looking decidedly bored. Narcissa was filing her nails.

Now where had she got a nail file asked Lucius to himself?

"Took your sweet time didn't you?" sniffed Voldemort.

Narcissa looked up for once forgetting about her perfect nails.

"Lu, we don't really want to go up to the shop . . . so we figured you would, you know, just to see what it is" she said as if this was such a simple task that he would be stupid to refuse it.

Lucius' eyes goggled. "So what did I take all this stuff out for"? He cried gesturing with his head to the pile of stuff that he now held.

Narcissa looked at him as if he was completely thick.

"So you could get out," she said as if speaking to the very slow.

Die die die die die die.

Harry peered out from behind his "movie specks" as Draco had taken to calling them. It was safe to say that they were both quite lost.

Draco who had never been in the muggle world for more then 5 minutes and that was when his father had shown it to him and told him "this is it, whole lot of nothing, don't be afraid to blow it up someday". In fact it amazed (and slightly disconcerted) him that Draco could drive at all. And he who, he had to admit had never really strayed further then his neighbourhood borderlines. And now here they were, speeding through a freeway where they were the only car on it and surrounded by dusty mountains on all sides.

Oh yeah, he was sure Hermione lived around here somewhere, along with Bigfoot and Godzilla.

Draco suddenly sat up straight and started pointing excitedly at a signpost that towered over them. Thus causing the dodgy car to swerve nearly making Harry lose his happnin' wig.

"Gah! What what what? Malfoy watch out!" shrieked Harry grabbing at his head as the car made a nosedive into the side of one of the many mountains.

A sharp * thunk * jerked both of them backwards into their seats as the car struck gold. Or indeed mountain, as was the case.

A stunned silence followed this latest development.

"Wow" breathed Draco blowing a wisp of escaped fake hair from his face.

Harry turned stiffly to stare at him.

"What the hell!" he shrieked "You could have gotten us killed!"

"But I didn't! And that my little friend is what counts" grinned Draco leaping up out of the car.

"But but but . . . " protested Harry shaking like a leaf "it was irresponsibly dangerous!"

"But an adrenaline rush no?" grinned Draco, who now stood in front of the car inspecting the hood.

Harry just sent him a death glare.

"Is there any damage?" sighed Harry sinking back into the seat.

"Hmmm . . .well, with my zero years of car study and my millions of no degrees in car structure, I would have to say, I don't have a fecking clue" concluded Draco.

Harry groaned and sighed.

"Ok, get back in, start it up and see how it goes" he suggested. Draco promptly scampered back in and started the engine.

A large shot of smoke burst up from the hood of the car causing them both to yelp with fright.

"Em, going on a hunch here, but id say there may be some damage" interjected Draco. Harry looked at him. Well duh.

"What the hell did you see anyway that made you do a Thelma and Louise?" asked Harry waving away the smoke that was blowing up from the hood of the car.

"Oh!" cried Draco joyfully "that!" he pointed over at the large signpost that read "Prettyville Range, 2 miles".

Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at Draco.

"A town silly!" prompted Draco.

"Uh huh, and were going to need one now! This needs a garage to fix it," muttered Harry.

Draco dismissed this with a wave of his hand.

"Well, whatever it needs, id say we'll just have to wait here till we can catch a ride" supplied Draco, "Id say one will come along soon"

Visions of the constantly empty freeway filled Harry's head. Oh shoot me now he though.

Draco had now settled himself happily in the drivers seat and was twiddling the little knobs of the radio. Apparently however much the car wasn't working the radio still was. Pink's "Just like a pill" soon filled the air around them.

It was early afternoon. A Tumbleweed drifted by.

Wow thought Harry, this is how am going die. Outside Draco now sat on the hood of the car, long legs dangling, singing along to the radio and calling to the various birds that decided to show up in the sky.

Several miles away Narcissa and Voldermort peered through the dusty windows of Big Joes shop and watched as Lucius bravely ventured inside.

"Should he tell them he a muggle?" whispered Narcissa to Voldermort. In the ways of muggles and their shops she was not as up to scratch as her darling son.

"No no" hissed Voldermort back "its been discovered that muggles do not take kindly to being called ah, muggles, and find it extremely perplexing and strange if someone goes around calling themselves one".

"Ah" nodded Narcissa. It all made so much sense, "Should he tell them he's a wizard?"

Voldermort considered this for a second.

"No, that would also be bad, again muggles are small, they have small brains, they would simply think him a "loony" and put him somewhere called "the loony bin", I read about it once".

Narcissa nodded again and looked adoringly at Voldermort, so full of wisdom.

Inside the shop Lucius looked around curiously. * This * is where his was? Good god, What was he doing here? Cross-dressing? Well considering everything, probably, yes.

"Hell-o there good master, and what can I do for you?" cried Big Joe from the back as his came striding over to the supremely disconcerted Lucius.

"Uh, ah, I was hoping you could . . . tell me if you'd seen two um . . . boys today?" asked Lucius. Wow he thought, I sound like a paedophile.

Big Joe looked curiously at him.

"Well, yes I did, well, iv seen a lot of boys today, you know, this being a costume shop and all . . . " he finished.

Lucius nodded and then they both just stood there, staring at each other for about a million years. Outside a sharp tap on the glass indicated that The Dark Lord was getting a cramp in his butt and wanted Lucius to hurry up.

Oh shut up, thought Lucius, What the bloody hell am I meant to say to him. At that moment it occurred to him that the short little man in front of him was eyeing him up and down.

"Eh, excuse me?" asked Lucius awkwardly.

"Oh, I beg your pardon sir, I was just thinking that I have just the thing to suit you . . . that is if your interested" grinned Joe, the salesman in him coming out.

Lucius looked doubtfully around the shop, what was here that would suit him he didn't know.

Outside a sharp tap sounded again, getting more impatient. Narcissa must now also have a cramp in her butt. Honestly.

Suddenly Lucius felt like rebelling. Who were they to tell * him * to hurry up? Why *couldn't * he stay here to try on strange clothes with this strange little man? Why couldn't he?

"Ok" he said smiling that winning smile of his, and looking at the nametag on the man chest pocket said " Ok Joe, hit me with what ya got".

Outside Narcissa stamped her foot angrily.

"What's he doing in there?!" she cried.

Beside her Voldermort peered through the glass.

"It would appear . . . he's trying on . . . a pair of trousers . . . " he said sounding more and more surprised.

Narcissa instantly hunched down beside him peering through the dusty glass too.

Lucius Malfoy stepped out of the changing room that not so long ago had nearly housed his dear son, in a dazzling pair of black leather trousers. A silver chain fell down from his hip, catching the light. On his feet Big Joe had supplied him with a pair of elegant high-heeled black boots.

Wow he thought as he looked at himself in the mirror. I look damn good!

"Thought you might like this sir, goes with your skin" smiled Joe from behind him.

In his hand he held a black silk shirt with a high collar and low-neck line, it was from the Dracula line and had tiny silver skulls as buttons.

5 minutes later Lucius emerged again now wearing the beautiful shirt. He looked stunning. To complete the outfit Joe supplied him with a hip length velvet cloak with dark red lining. A silver medallion of a snake's head hung at his chest. A silver topped walking stick from the Jack The Ripper line rested lightly in his hand. He looked every inch the mysterious gentleman who sleeps in a coffin.

Big Joe stood back to admire his handiwork.

"Ah lad, you look fine, just fine" he sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes.

Lucius smiled graciously. He felt good. Really good!

On his way out he left a handsome sum of money for Big Joe and stopped to sign the guest book. Above his signature were the two names of Foxy Franchesca and Chi Chi Malone.

Lucius peered at these for a second, the first signature was done splendidly the second however looked as if the person had had trouble writing it, as a small struggle with the pen had resulted in a small tear in the page, then it appeared that the first one had taken the pen and done the signature herself. The message they wrote was:

Dear Joe, thanks for the help, ill always know what to do now if I want to look a little more *busty *! " Chi chi" says thank you too. All the best, I hope you will get many good looking boys throwing themselves on their knees in front of you. All the best,

Foxy.

Huh thought Lucius, what was this guy? A pimp? Quickly he scribbled his name thanked Big Joe again and waltzed outside.

Narcissa leapt to her feet quickly followed by an older and therefore stiffer Voldermort.

"Where have you been? We've been waiting here for God knows how long! This is some chee-" she stopped mid-sentence as she saw her husband. Lucius stood there before her looking like Dracula himself, and absolutely stunning. His newly acquired walking stick tapped the pavement lightly as he flashed her a bright smile. Her eyes goggled as she took in this vision that was her husband. The man who had been stuffed in the backseat of the car with a broomstick up his rectum.

Beside her Voldermort simply stared, jaw hanging open.

"Lucius – " he began and then stopped. What could he say? That he liked the trousers? Hell yeah! Did he ever like those trousers! But he held his tongue.

Lucius smiled generously at both of them.

"Shall we?" he said indicating to the car. Behind him they both nodded dumbly.

"I'll drive" he said smoothly and dipped into the drivers seat. Again both of them behind him nodded dumbly.

Smiling to himself Lucius donned a pair of dark glasses, gunned the engine and sped off in the same direction as Draco and Harry had. Haha! He thought, life is goooood!

Sitting in the backseat Narcissa and Voldermort simply stared goggle eyes at him. Two broom sticks sticking up their rectums.

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6 hours later and Harry and Draco were considering catching, skinning and eating one of the bloody birds that never seemed to shut up!

Not a car had passed in 6 bloody hours. As Draco said, its like were just meant to be alone together. At that Harry had moved himself into the backseat of the car with the rest of their clothes and built himself a fort of sorts.

Draco remained sitti8ng on the hood watching for approaching cars.

Harry was suddenly jerked awake like a livid earwig by Draco's ecstatic cries of "A car! I see a car! A car!"

Urgh, finally, thought Harry and sat up to see the approaching lights of a car.

Draco promptly started dancing on the hood of the car and waving his hand frantically. It slowed down as it approached them.

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I think I'll leave that there for you now! Hope you enjoyed it this time too! Remember the golden rule! Review review review review! Thank you all kindly! Beautiful people!

~Queen~