A/N I have to put some kind of nonsense chapters in every once in a while so you guys get a break from the plot. This is based on a conversation I often have with my friends. The first part was a modified conversation between Nana, Ruth, Amy and myself. The second part was a modified conversation between the same people plus Stella, Yayoi and Lindsay. Please skip to the second part of this chapter if you are offended by questioning God and heaven.
Oh, I'm probably writing the guys all wrong, please forgive me, I have no idea how the mind of a guy works.
"Is everyone happy in heaven?" Severus asked one day as the three friends were lying on the Hogwarts lawn staring at the stars.
"Yes," Lucius replied.
"It's not possible for everyone to be perfectly happy at once," Li protested.
"Why not?" Lucius asked.
"Well for one, let's say I wanted no ham in heaven, but you wanted to eat ham everyday, it just wouldn't work," Li told him.
"I don't want jelly fish in heaven," Severus announced.
"But wouldn't the jelly fish be unhappy if they couldn't be in heaven?" Li asked. Severus nodded. "I want it to rain everyday in heaven."
"Then you must be in heaven here cause it rains so much. I want sun," Lucius said.
"I want it to be cloudy, I don't like light," Severus commented.
"And is there muggle things or wizard things in heaven? My sister wouldn't be happy if there were wizards in heaven," Li said.
"I wouldn't be happy if the place was populated by muggles," Lucius said.
"But there can't be a separate heaven cause where would those who are both go?" Li asked.
"Is there even a heaven?" Severus questioned.
"Well there can't be nothing, what would the point of living be?"
"No clue, but there's got to be something," Lucius speculated.
"Is there a God?" Severus asked.
"Course there is," Lucius answered.
"How do you know?" Li questioned. "Do you have proof?"
"I'm alive aren't I?"
"How do you know its God? Why can't it be a Goddess or a hell of a lot of Gods? Why just one?" Li asked.
"It says so in the Bible," Lucius replied.
"Doesn't it also have two stories about the creation?"
"They're not stories, they're real."
"How do you know they're real?"
"Because it's the Bible, it was written by God."
"Then why did God destroy the tower of Bable? Why did He put all that stuff on Job just because of a silly bet with the devil? Why did Noah get drunk after the flood? Why was Lilith thrown out of Heaven for wanting to be equal to Adam? Why did God not want Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge? Isn't enlightenment good?" Li questioned.
"Can we change the subject?" Lucius asked.
"What are you going to do when you're out of Hogwarts?" Severus asked.
"Join the Dark Lord," Lucius replied.
"I'm going to try to get into Triple U," Severus told them.
"That's a really good school," Li put in. Wizard University, (WU, Triple U) was known for turning out the majority of previous Ministers of Magic.
"What are you going to do?" Lucius asked.
"I dunno, I've been thinking a lot about it lately, I'm really not sure. Maybe I'll try to play Quidditch professionally," Li speculated.
"But girls can't play Quidditch, there's never been a girl on one of the Minor league teams nor the Major," Lucius protested.
"Why can't I try? And who says I have to tell them I'm a girl? No one here guesses," Li argued.
"Yes but that's different. Anyway, it's your life. Here's one, describe the type of person you want to marry," Lucius suggested.
"You go first," Severus said.
"Sure. She's got to have blond hair and blue eyes. She can't be fat though a little meat on her wouldn't hurt. She has to have nice eyebrows. She can't have a big nose. She can't have any flab. She has to have a large chest. She can't be taller than I. Her hair has to be straight. She has to have nice hands. She has to from a good family and is Christian. She has to be a talented musician and her grades have to be at least B+. She has to be English. She has to be able to cook and she has to be pureblood though that is implied," Lucius said.
"Of course," Li remarked.
"She has to do what I want her to and she has to understand her place. She has to be able to entertain and has to be a Slytherin," Lucius finished.
"That's sad," Li told him. "You shouldn't even bother. We all know you're going to marry whoever you snogged last."
"That was Narcissa if I'm not mistaken and I'm sure as hell not marrying her."
"It sounds like you just described her. Anyway, Narcissa isn't so bad a person," Li argued.
"Severus? You're turn," Lucius told him.
"I don't care what she looks like but I just don't want her to be fat. She has to be smart and wise. She has to be interested in the things I am and I want to be able to talk to her. I want her to be understanding. It would help if she were a Slytherin. That's it," Severus said.
"You Li?" Lucius asked.
"That's simple. I'm not going to marry," Li told them.
"Why not?" Severus asked.
"Life is too short to be tie down to anyone person and besides isn't it a bit disgusting the whole dating thing? When it comes to girls, guys are pigs, no offense," Li added.
"None taken," Lucius chuckled. "I'm a self admitted player."
"Good to know. You guys are all right when it comes to being mates and all, but when it comes to girls you are sickening. I mean just because I was wearing a dress at that ball, all the guys were drooling and hitting on me. It was disgusting. Who wants to deal with that? Besides, I want to go places. I'm not going to be someone's house wife who gets told what to do," Li explained.
"You wouldn't let someone do that, you'd dominate them. Sometimes I forget you're not a guy," Lucius told her. Li smiled.
"So what do you guys see me doing in twenty years?" she asked.
"You're going to be the seeker for the Cannons," Severus told her.
"I see you teaching here at Hogwarts as the Charms professor. Or maybe you'll be the next groundskeeper," Lucius chuckled.
"What about me?" Severus asked.
"Potions teacher at Hogwarts," Lucius and Li said together.
"No way! I don't want to be stuck here!" Severus protested.
"You have to, I don't any other two people to teach my son Charms and Potions. Slytherin House will depend on you to take points away from the Griffies," Lucius told him.
"So that's my fate? To be the potions professor?" Severus asked defeatedly.
"How about keeper of Askaban?" Li chuckled. "Lucius, you're probably going to be Minister of Magic. If you aren't I'll kill you."
"Why is that?"
"So you can overthrow the stupid law that says girls can't play Quidditch," Li informed him.
"Fine, I will be Minister of Magic just for you," Lucius said like he was going be Minister just for her.
"So how do you know you're going to have a son?" Severus asked.
"He has to be a boy so he can play with your son," Lucius told Severus.
"How come you both get a son and I don't?" Li asked.
"You aren't getting married, remember? You can't have a son if the son doesn't have a father. It's your fate to teach both of our children," Lucius reminded her.
"Right. So what are your son's name since you have this all planned out?" Li asked.
"Dunno, It's got to be something unusual. You know what good is a name if you can't complain about it? But it's got to be something powerful," Lucius said.
"How about Draco?" Li suggested. "It means dragon so it suggests power and the kid will hate it cause it can be made fun of so easily."
"You're a genius," Lucius told her. "My son shall be named Draco!"
"What about your son?" Li asked Severus. "What's his name?"
"I don't know. I want it to be something simple. I have horrible name and unlike Lucius I don't want my kid to suffer. Maybe Harry?" Severus said.
"How boring," Lucius told him.
"Harry Snape?" Li said. "It's a good name but it sounds a bit silly. I get to be Godmother, right?"
"Course," Lucius and Severus replied. The three friends stayed silent for a minute, thinking about their futures, not knowing that some of their predictions would be true, just not for the right person.
