N/A: I thank my reviewers. Vu, klee, marauder girl, jane air, I love guitars...
I'm glad I could surprise some of you, and I'm sorry if you think I'm crap because of the previous chapter. lol
About Lily: I'm speaking for her. I've done the
bullshit, I'll straighten it out again. lol
I honestly didn't fell easy about Harrys mom not loving Harrys dad. Because it
seems wrong. But I think, she really loved James. And I really think, that the
two of them WERE happy together.
I do not say that she would be happier with Snape. We don't even know since
when he's a member of the order, so maybe he was to that time still a death
eater or something like that. In my story, he's not, however.
For my story, it was somehow important, that Lily loved him back. Because,
remember the dream Draco had? I don't think that she would have appeared in his
dreams, if she wouldn't think it was a mistake that Snape never told her about
his feelings.
Anyway, I can't imagine the two of them together, having a baby or something..
you know that's just… irritable. And you can't change time. I think that lily
knows that, and that's another reason why she didn't show herself Severus. She
don't wanted to catch up on everything. That wasn't the reason she came.
hope you understand a little why I wrote this. And don't say she loved Snape
more. She loved him different. (yeah, for ME, there is just a difference)
~*~
"So you've kissed her."
Snape walked into Draco's room, looking excited and anxious.
Draco looked up from his school books.
"How did you find out?"
"Unimportant. What did you do that she's now the girlfriend of Potter?"
"Erm, professor… I would prefer not to talk about it. I mean… It's my business."
Snape rolled his eyes. Of course… He couldn't await for his pupil to tell him everything.
"Ok, it is very important. For me, and for you, especially for you, and for Gra- Hermione.", it cost Snape quite an effort not to say Granger, and this perplexed Draco.
"If you think so… Then I first want to know why it is important for YOU, and how you found out about the kiss."
"I- hmpf. It's important to me, because I don't want you to repeat a mistake I've made once in my life. And I found out about the kiss because a friend of mine."
This wasn't really a very detailed description, but Snape didn't want Draco to know everything. He was afraid of loosing the younger boys respect if he told him about Lily.
"Anyway, tell me what did you do to mess things up this way!"
Draco didn't really understand why everybody seems to be angry at him recently.
"Yeah, I've messed up things again. blah, I'm through that a thousand times. Why does everybody seems to blame me for everything? And as for information, I didn't 'mess up everything'. I knew it was a mistake to kiss her. And she accepted it, so I think she felt the same way. And I wasn't wrong, was I? Because otherwise, she wouldn't be in the arms of perfect potter."
Snape moaned loudly, crushing his hand down the table.
"Argh, I could jump out of my skin! Hell, don't you see that you've hurt her?? Are you blind?? I always thought you were smart, and now I see that you don't even notice if a girl is in love with you."
"Professor… I would suggest that you'll rest first. I think you're a little bit overexcited now."
"God, Draco, I'm neither a little baby nor an old man, so stop talking to me in that tone."
"Ok. Then I'll tell you what I mean. Leave me alone, ok? I don't need this stuff. You know Hermione exactly as less as I do. And I don't need you to tell me how she feels. Love is just an illusion. What this kiss was about is lust. And for me, that's all that's existing. Love? Oh please. What's love? Not more than a feeling that fools people. Just when you think you've found "the one", you'll find that you were fooled by this feeling. Just because I will not let me blind myself with that feeling, you blame me to hurt her? Oh no. Now simply another has taken this place of "the one". Potter is now the "love of her live". Maybe, in some months It will be Weasly?", Draco's voice was bitter.
"You know that you are talking a lot of bullshit, don't you?"
"Professor, what do you want from me? Do you want me to run to Gryffindor tower, throw myself in front of her and licking her toes? Do you want me to ask Hermione to marry me?"
"That doesn't sound bad. You can leave the part with the toe-licking, though.", Snape smirked.
"Honest. Did anyone expected that to be serious? Do you want me to numerate the reasons why I can't be with her?"
"Yeah." Snape remained calm now. The total opposite from how he was a few minutes ago.
"First: I'm a Malfoy. I'm pureblood. She's 'muggle-born'."
"Mr. Malfoy, that's no reason at all. May I remind you, that to your father, you're a traitor, and I don't think that he will care if you are together with a mudblood."
"Second: If I would be together with her, whole Hogwarts would now that I've changed the sides, now, because Hermione would never date a follower of Voldemort."
"Well… Do you think that would be bad? Oh yes, people could start LIKING you. Horrible." Snape faked a painful grimace.
"Third: I tried not to draw attention to me the last few months. Now I will be in the center of attention. It would be more difficult to hide. And you know I will need to hide.
Fourth: I would have to deal with Potter and Weasly. And, to be honest, I'm damn sick of fighting. I don't want to spend my hole year in hogwarts in the hospital wing. It's not that I wouldn't take it up with them at every time, but two against one… anyway."
"You're a egoist, do you know that?"
"What?"
"Did you ever waste a thought about what Hermione would have to go through if she's with you?"
"Yeah, actually, I DID waste some thoughts about that. Do you think she would be happy? Hiding with me? Her friends would refuse to speak to her. I guess, her school grades would also be affected. Did YOU waste some thoughts about that?"
"Yeah, but I'm sure that SHE would take that up with you, if you only would show her that you love her. And you DO, I know it."
"Yeah, maybe, I love her. But sometime, I'm sure, I'll hurt her. Intentional or unintentional. What's the sense of a relationship if theres nothing but pain in the end?"
The question stayed open. His words clang through the room.
Snape left. There wasn't anything more to say. Because somehow, he was right.
A/N: This chapter is for those who wondered why Draco did this. Of course he wasn't THIS sure about his feelings when he told Hermione that it didn't mean anything. He just had to break up, and then he had time to think about if that was a mistake. And in his opinion, this was the only right thing to do.
