Andrew got up from the bed, his white bedspread now stained with a small puddle of tears, and went to his underwear drawer. He opened it, reached beneath the stack of boxers, and pulled out a paperback book.

He had been too embarrassed to buy the book or borrow it from the library, so he went to the local Barnes & Noble, tucked it under his shirt, bought several "normal" books and comics, and walked out. It amazed and thrilled him at how easy the shoplifting had been – he didn't even trip the alarm.

He opened the book and flipped to a page he remembered reading several weeks ago, when he stayed up until two in the morning reading the entire thing under the covers with a flashlight.

The page read, "Coping With Your First Gay Crush."

He thought of Warren, with his spiked hair and large proboscis (even a virgin like Andrew knew what that meant) and his stomach became a pit of hot and cold tension, rapidly creeping down farther into his pants.

Andrew looked around the room, seeing clearly all that his prominent geek toys so carefully masked: Novels by Oscar Wilde. The worn copy of Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. CDs by popular boy bands. A poster of Captain Sisko to which he had several masturbatory fantasies.

"God!" he screamed, throwing the book back under his boxers and slamming the drawer shut. "Why am I like this?!"

He hurled himself back onto the bed, burying his head beneath his hands.