Now, now. Before you read this chapter I better warned ya. This chapter contains my opinions, and it expresses the way that I see trigun. So you are warned, I really don't want to see reviews saying: that never happen, or Meryl never said that. Because yes it never happen, this all made up. From meryl's past to what the plants say. All just my ideas and opinions.

Trigun and its characters belong to somebody else, not me. I know the sad true reality.

Chapter 10.We are back now to Knives and Meryl.

After their walk, they went back to their room. Meryl was still uncomfortable of Knives comment, and going back to their room didn't help to calm her much. Right now he is taking a shower. Meryl is thinking about what Knives said, about him being sorry and that he wanted to make her happy.

(Meryl's point of view)

I guess things were better when I thought that I was only a toy. I have been trying hard not to think of him as nothing else but the father of my children. But now he says that he cares, and that he wants to see me happy. Vash would probably make me happy...sigh... who am I kidding. This is the real world, not some kind of story were the prince falls in love with the princess

and live happily ever after. Every action has a consequence, I have to take responsibility of my

actions.

But, is it wrong to like him?. Am I a bad person for actually liking that man?. I don't agree with him, and he hurt me. But then again, he only did what came natural didn't he? Don't some animals mark their mates, so that no other male touches them. Is that what he tried to do, mark me as his? I've been wondering, why didn't he punch me or kick me. He

didn't call me names or made me feel like trash. And he actually licked my blood away, trying to make me feel better. Did he mean to rape me? Is that what he had in mind. He was gentle and passionate, he was being careful too. I heard about other girls getting raped, they were hit and abused and treated like whores. Did he just do what he thought was natural for him to do, because I'm his. I never asked him to stop, I never complained. Is it also my fault that this

happened, would he stop if I said no?

"Meryl what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking"

"About what"

Meryl is on the bed, sitting with her knees close to her chest and her head resting on her arms

"If I tell you to stop, would you do it"

"Stop what"

"Anything"

Knives sits on the bed

"It depends. You have to be more specific"

"If I don't want you to touch me, would you still do it"

"No, I won't force myself on you. If that's what you mean"

"Then that night, after you did that to my back. Why did you touch me"

"There was no reason not to do it"

"But you hurt me. Why?"

"I really don't know why. I was mad at you for leaving, and I was confused. I just wanted to show you that I could hurt you, that it wouldn't be wise to leave again. I'm used to getting what I want, at any cost"

"Is that why you hurt him, because you want him to

think the way you do. Is that why you send all those

people after him?"

"Yes"

"You know, his body is covered with scars. Milly and I saw him once, it was scary. I felt so bad for him, it was then that I started to worry about him more as a friend. I could see the pain he carried in his heart, how lonely he actually was. He didn't even call us by our names, I guess he got tired of getting close to people and seeing them die. That will explain why

after the fifth moon incident, he disappeared without saying anything. For two years, all I could do was think about him. I don't really know when I did start seeing him as more than a friend. But when I realized that I was falling in love, I ran away. That is why I went to Neon city, to forget about Vash, to remind myself that there were other men in the world. That he was an outlaw, and that I had no future with him"

"Is that why you went to bed with me?"

"When I first saw you at the club, I could feel something different about you. You went straight to

the point, and the way you acted so sure of yourself. So arrogant, so different from him. I guess that's why I slept with you that night, because you were the opposite of him. But still you looked like him. Actually, I didn't even notice until we went to your room"

"What are you trying to say with this?"

"Is it bad to enjoy what you like, am I a bad person because I like the way you touched me. (Meryl has tears in her eyes now) I just wanted to one day, get married and have children. To live in a nice house, with a husband that loved me and my children. Those were nice dreams, but that's all they are, dreams....Knives, I love Vash. But I guess that I also love you. I may not be in love with either of you, but I care about you and our future. What do you think?"

"All I know, is that I want you to be part of my future. I don't really want to talk about Vash, we

will have time for that later. Right know I want you to get better. Stop crying, you should

go to sleep"

(Meryl cleans her eyes, and stops crying)

"I'm not tired, don't you want to know what happen

inside the bulb"

"I was going to ask you that later, but if you want to

tell me now"

"We talked about you, and Vash. But we also talk about

humans and life, I showed them everything that I knew.

Every memory, every feeling that I could remember.

They were really surprised, they knew humans were

different. But they never imagined them to be so

complex"

"That's all they said? That they were complex."

"Well between other things, but they believe humans

are a necessity. Don't you agree?"

"You know what I think about humans"

"Actually, I don't. I know what Vash told me about

you, that's not the same as hearing it from you"

"Humans are nothing but beasts, they live driven by

their desires. I admit that they come in handy once in

a while, but after their purpose is done they are

nothing but trash"

"It was the humans that created us, if it wasn't forthem I wouldn't be here with you. It was also the

humans that came up with all the science, it is true

that they can act like beasts some times. I was one

after all, I know what a human can do when scared and

driven to fulfil its desires"

Knives sits behind Meryl and grabs her by her waist, bringing her close to him.

"Tell me Meryl, what was it like. What did you do as a

human"

"If I tell you, you are gonna have to tell me about you"

"Fine"

"Well, I guess that I should start with my family. My mother almost died giving birth to me, after that she never recovered. She has been weak since then, she needed lots of attention. My father got tired of it, he didn't wanted a wife that was too weak to give him the attention he wanted. He started seeing other women, we all knew about it. I hated him, my mother has been supporting him since they were dating. Always by his side, and when she needed him the most he left.

He divorced her and married again. Since then my mother got worse, she was depressed all the time. We tried to cheer her up, tell her that we were still by her side. But she told me that it was all my fault, she said: if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be like this. I'm guilty, If you think about it now. My babies take energy from me, but my body is strong I can take it. I guess that even though my body was more human than plant then, it was still to much for her body to handle it"

"That makes sense, what did you do after she said that?"

"I looked for a way to distract myself from home. I started working for Bernardelli when I was fifteen, I didn't wanted to see her. My brother kept telling me not to take her words to seriously, she was sick she had no idea what she was saying. But still, I couldn't face her anymore. I worked hard in that company, I started as a mail deliverer but a couple of months

later, I was the youngest agent in the whole company. I was always so caught up in my work, and when I wasn't working I was always out with my friends. Sometimes I wouldn't go home for days. I started seeing men when I was eighteen, but I never had a boyfriend that lasted more than a month. There was always something wrong about them, or that's what I said to myself"

"You don't live with her anymore, when did you move?"

"I moved from the house when I was eighteen, I never

went to visit them again after that"

"Do you miss them?"

"I guess I did, I really didn't have time to think about them. All I wanted was to move up in my work, and then we started to follow outlaws. It was Milly that always reminded me of my family"

"When did you meet her?"

"I meet Milly when I was seventeen, the manager thought that Milly had great potential but she is such klutz. She is a big girl and really strong, she is really good with that stung gun too. And I'm so short and puny, that the manager thought that we will complement each other perfectly"

"You followed outlaws? I can't believe that they sent two women to do that kind of job"

"There is no preference between male and females in the insurance, that's why I worked there in the first place"

"And why did you end up following Vash"

"By default, nobody else wanted to do it"

"I see, some humans know what's good for them. Did you

ever kill anybody while following outlaws?"

"Yes, but it was kill or be killed"

"Do you regret it"

"Yes but, I will do it again if I have to. Especially now that I'm pregnant, I want to be there for my children and I'll do anything to protect them. But don't confuse my words, I don't approve of killing. But I do believe, that we all have the right to protect ourselves and the ones that we love. Nobody has the right to take somebody else's life, but you do have the right to protect yours"

"You sound like her, but you are also different. Tell me, what do you think of her words? What do you think of her influence over Vash"

"You mean Rem? Well you have to respect her ideas. She was the closest thing to a mother and mentor to you and Vash. She did the best that she could, she wanted you too be different. You have to give her credit for that, but I think that Vash is... I don't know"

"Tell me, Vash is what"

"That night when Monev the gale attacked him, all those people die. I saw for the first time, who Vash the Stampede was. Not the donut loving, idiot skirt chasing man. But the real man behind that mask....(silence)....I couldn't understand why he didn't kill that man, he had the chance and power to kill him. All those innocent people, they didn't have to die.

I told them about that, I asked for their opinion. You know their way of thinking is really logical, even though they can feel emotions much stronger than us. When it comes to what they think as right and wrong, emotions don't count. They say that emotions cloud your mind, and make you do things you'll regret later"

"What did they say about Vash and me?"

"About Vash, that what he did was wrong. That it was best to think in the greater good, that unless you know what somebody is thinking and feeling what he did was blind and irresponsible. He gambled the lives of innocent humans, Thinking only in his emotions and ideals instead than on their right to live. They said that he was selfish, that he was thinking about his

guilt and how it will affect him. I told them that he tried to warn the people, that he tried to help them. But they said that he was trying the impossible, that he knew very well that he couldn't save those people. That he forgot or didn't want to admit, that he has his limits too.

About you, they say that you are wrong. That you are also forgetting your own limits, and that just because you are different. That doesn't mean that you are better, we all have our faults. They said that you are acting like the humans, driven by your dark desires and emotions. They can't understand why don't you listen to them, Vash can't hear them and you ignore them. They can't understand why you cause me pain, but then again they don't know what jealousy is.

They asked me to help the two of you, to tell you what they thought of your actions. To tell you to remember that it was the humans that created you, that created me. That it is true that the humans can destroy, but they can also create for the good of everybody. They want you two to know that you have your faults and limits. You are also human after all, you have a body that has it needs and desires. That it was thanks to those human desires, that I'm carrying life inside of me. If you were a plant like them, you wouldn't have those desires for me. For they don't know and can't

understand of lovers and being in love. They know nothing of jealousy and possession. They know nothing of hate or loneliness.

Finally, they want to let you know that there is no Eden. That a long time ago, they almost went into extinction because they thought that they didn't need anybody. Eden is what you make of your life, how you live it and with who. That's what they learned from the humans, that you can't create a perfect world it's impossible. It's not where you live, but how you live that makes a paradise"

(Meryl turns around to see Knives, he is quiet. She can tell that he is thinking)

"Are you O.K"

"Do you agree with them"

"I do, but you have to remember that I'm more like them than you. Right now, I'm in the middle of logic, desires and feelings. What my heart tells me, what my mind recommends to me and what my body desires are different things. I'm confused, I know what's right and wrong, but my heart tells me to go one way, and my body tells me to go the other. You want to know why I have changed, it's because I'm confused. I want you, I need you. But I also need Vash, I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to hurt you either. I love you both, but I'm not sure anymore if it is just love or if I'm in love.

"What do they tell you, what is it that you are confused about?"

"My mind tells me, to forget about you two. To live my life away from you, that it will be easier that way. My heart tells me to help you, to stay closed to you two and bring you together. My body tells me that it needs you, that it needs to be close to you. That it enjoys your touch and attention, that it needs you to make love to me. That it feels safe and needed by your side. Can you understand now, what I'm going through"

"I do, because I'm going through the same thing as you. But there is one thing we both agree on, I also need you close to me. When you are next to me, I no longer feel alone. And I want more and more of you because I feel complete"

"I'm tired now, can we talk tomorrow"

"Yes"

Meryl falls sleep in Knives arms, happy that somehow she is closer to him than anybody ever was.