*****

Faith stops by the house to check on Robin before going to Wes' apartment. She is surprised to find Wes' motorcycle parked outside.

"Robin?"

"We're in the living room, Faith," Robin calls.

Faith steps inside, unsure of what to expect. Robin is sprawled out on the couch, surrounded by papers and books. Wesley is sitting in the chair nearby, flipping pages in a book.

"I thought Robin might be getting a little restless sitting at home all the time. I brought him something to keep him occupied," Wes says.

"I'm an official consultant to Wolfram and Hart," Robin says, smiling. His smile drops. "What is it, Faith?"

"I went to see Angel. I'm supposed to bring you back with me, Wes. There's some news," Faith says, sitting beside Robin on the couch.

"Really?" Wes asks, looking up for the first time. He glances at his watch. "Damn. I promised Fred I'd make today's meeting."

"I think they'll wait for you this time," Faith says, quietly.

Wes examines Faith with cold blue eyes. "What is it?"

"Why didn't you tell anyone about…Lilah?"

Wes visibly flinches. "What?"

"Lilah. She's been coming to see you. You didn't feel like you had to tell anyone?" Faith asks, speaking quietly as not to upset him.

Wes is silent. Faith realizes that the man is trembling uncontrollably. She realizes suddenly that Wesley looks like hell. His eyes are sunken and the circles look like bruises under his eyes. He is as pale as Angel, who hasn't been in the sun in decades.

"Wesley. She's been putting spells on you," Faith says, quietly.

"What?" Wes asks, distracted.

"Spells. Hocus pocus. Bad mojo. She's been making you want her," Faith says, giving Robin a glance to assure him that she will explain.

"Bloody hell. Well…it certainly explains a lot…" Wes mutters, putting a hand to his head.

"Angel's looking into it. He should have some more details when I get you back to Wolfram and Hart," Faith says.

"I don't think…I think I need a little time to myself," Wes says.

"Sounds like your friends are worried about you," Robin says to his new friend.

"Doubtful," Wes mutters. "Faith. I'm sure they don't need me there for the research. Angel has taken care of Lilah, I assume?"

"Yeah, Wes. He put her in a safe place. Away from you. But you still have to come with me. At least show them that you're okay."

"Well I don't know if I'm okay. But I'm not going down there today. I'm going home," Wesley says, standing up. "Robin, that doctor I told you about will be stopping by to see you sometime this afternoon." He starts to leave the room.

"Hey. It's not going to be that easy. I promised Angel that I'd bring you in," Faith says, grabbing his arm.

"I don't want to fight you, Faith. We all know who would win. I just want to go home. I'll be by tonight for our patrol. I suddenly feel very tired," Wes sighs, his eyes flashing suddenly from the cold standard she is familiar with, to a light anguished blue. Then the cold returns. She releases him.

"Faith. Take him home, he shouldn't be driving!" Robin calls, quietly.

"Will you let me take you home?" Faith asks, quietly.

"I can manage. I'll be back tonight, Faith. I'll be at my apartment if Angel or the others need to reach me. I just really think I should…sleep." Wes nods to her with a slight smile and leaves.

"Whoa. He's a piece of work," Robin says as Faith sits down beside him, letting him put his arm around her.

"I…damn. What did you two talk about?" Faith asks, interested.

"He's very intelligent. I'm amazed that he didn't get along with Mr. Giles. He's also very…dark. Tormented. He reminds me of myself a few years back, except…he's on a whole other level. What happened to him, Faith? Who's Lilah?"

Faith sighs. "It's a long story. Lilah was this evil lawyer from Wolfram and Hart, that's the place Angel and Wes and his gang have taken over. Anyway, it seems that Wes and Lilah were doing the nasty before L.A.'s last apocalypse. She came to the Hyperion, that's the hotel that used to be their home base, for protection after the beast nearly killed her. Angelus bit her. Wes chopped her head off. Then it turned out that Cordelia really killed her. Anyways, she had a clause in her contract that extends beyond death. She's walking around with stitches holding her head on. Her time here is almost up and she has to go to hell, but she's been using magic on Wes to keep him bound to her. She's trying to make him love her."

"That's definitely a long story. Poor guy," Robin winces.

"I'm going to call Angel," Faith says, walking from the room.

"Yeah?" Angel answers.

"It's Faith."

"Did you find him?" Angel asks.

"Yeah. I let him go."

"You let him go? What does that mean?" Angel demands.

"I told him that Lilah was using the magic on him, Angel. He said he needed to get some sleep and that he really wanted to go home. I let him. He looks so tired…so hurt. He promised he'd be back tonight for patrol and that he would be at his apartment if you guys needed to contact him. He promised, Angel," Faith sighs.

"Okay. I'm going to go talk to him. We're having trouble with some of the translations…I don't trust Wolfram and Hart's goons with something this serious."

"It's been upgraded to serious?" Faith asks.

"If it involves my friends, then it's serious, Faith. Can I ask you something?"

"Depends on the question."

"Why are you so…intense about Wes? I thought you were going to snap Lilah's head off in Wes' office today," Angel asks.

"I feel sorry for the guy. He's not a bad guy, Angel, he's just in a dark place. You and I, we know about that dark place, right? You pulled me out of my spiral, but who's going to do it for Wes?" Faith replies.

"There's nothing else?"

"I'm with Robin, Angel. He's the first man I can say that I really love. There's nothing between Wes and me except tentative friendship. Why?" Faith asks.

"Nothing. Nothing…serious."

"Angel, tell me," Faith demands.

Angel sighs. "I'll swing by after I see Wes. I need to meet this Robin guy. See if I approve…"

"Fuck you, Angel," Faith laughs.

"Thanks for your help today, Faith. I'll keep you informed," Angel promises.

Faith returns to the living room and curls up on the couch with Robin.

"You alright, Baby?" Robin asks, kissing her forehead.

"Yeah. I think I am. I think this place is going to be okay for us. This town, I mean," Faith replies.

"You think?"

"Yeah. Angel and the guys, they're different from Buffy's gang. They know about pain and regret, about sin and redemption. They have some trust issues, but they accept me," Faith replies.

"I hope you can find your peace here, then. Maybe I can find mine, too," He smiles.

*****

Wes parks his bike beside his S.U.V. He finds his way to his apartment in a fog. The lack of sleep and buildup of alcohol has finally taken over. He is on autopilot.

Lilah using magic on him. Casting spells to make him want her. Wes collapses on his couch, his mind working too fast for him to focus on simple tasks like eating or making tea. Why didn't he realize that he was being tricked? He knew that he didn't want her, didn't trust her or believe anything that she told him, but he still…he made love to her. No, not made love, he fucked her. He couldn't keep his hands off her when he was in her presence.

Wes shakes his head, leaning over and putting his head between his knees as he tries to make sense of the thoughts bouncing around in his jumbled mind.

Spells. There were always side effects of magic. Maybe what is happening to him is because of Lilah's spells. The insomnia, the paranoia, the intense anxiety that he feels whenever he's around anyone related to Angel Investigations; what if all of that is due to Lilah's spells?

No. He's going mad, that's the only solution. He has to drink constantly to quell his shakes now. The only time he feels even remotely 'normal' is when he is focused on a battle or a fight. The madness…insanity is eating away at his mind. His father would be so proud to know that his son is succumbing to the paralytic madness that took his grandmother and 2 uncles.

Wes stands up and slams his fist into the wall in frustration. He can't think straight, his mind is rebelling against him, refusing to make sense of anything. He ignores the pain from his rapidly swelling hand and grabs the half-empty bottle of scotch from the table. He goes into his bedroom and finishes the bottle in a few gulps, allowing himself to enjoy the burning in his empty stomach. He wonders, as he lies down on the bed, when the last time is that he put anything besides alcohol in his stomach. He can't remember.

His bed smells like Lilah. Sweet, sweaty, passionate Lilah, who waits for him, like a vulture to come home from his drinking. She knows he drinks, she doesn't care. She just waits until she can have his skin against hers and that is all she needs to survive. She whispers things that he doesn't believe in his ears and he lets her. He listens to her and drowns her out with his mouth.

Why didn't he realize that she was doing something to him?

Because he wanted it. He wanted her. He needed her. What was different this time? He allowed her in his bed before she was dead, why should it be different now?

Necrophilia. The word has crossed his mind several times but Lilah…she's alive, he can feel the heat from her skin, the lust in her breath…the stitches in her neck…

He has to throw up. He manages to make it to the bathroom and vomit. He wishes he could purge himself of this feeling, the disgust, the guilt, the self-loathing that has penetrated every part of his life.

He wishes he could die but somehow, he knows that it would follow him.

He can't escape. He has been damned to live this way. It is his punishment for being a failure.

Wes returns to the bed. He lies down and covers his head with the pillow.

Finally, the spiraling darkness rocks him to sleep, but not to rest. Never to rest.