Chapter 8
Abby hadn't bothered to get her coat. The cold wind pierced her unprotected flesh like a knife. She stuck her hands in her pockets, but that didn't do anything for the rest of her body.
She was freezing, but she didn't care. She just wanted to get away from it all, from the horrible guilt and the pain. There was nothing left for her in life. She had to leave.
She considered what would be the easiest way to do it. She didn't want to bother with anything messy, like guns or knives. Maybe she should just sit outside until she froze to death. That should work; homeless people did it all the time.
Abby felt as if her whole life had become a void. Just a week ago she was happy, normal. Now, she couldn't even remember what normal was. All she knew was misery. She couldn't bear any more of it.
She walked into the park and saw little children laughing and playing. A little boy picked up a snowball and flung it at a little girl, who shrieked and hid behind a tree, laughing. Abby's heart ached. She remembered when she was like that. Happy and free, with not a care in the world but what patients she had had yesterday, what she and Carter were going to do tonight. She wished she could have that part of her life back.
She sat down on a bench and waited to freeze. She wondered how long it was going to take. She was already shivering, almost uncontrollably. She took her hands out of her pockets. Might as well get it over with.
A teenage boy and girl were walking along the path in the park. A boy whispered something to the girl and kissed her on the cheek. The girl smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her as they walked past Abby.
Abby's eyes filled with tears. She remembered when she and Carter were like that; walking through the park, happy with each other, not caring who saw them. She wished that they were still like that.
On cue, Carter walked up a path in the park. "Abby? Why're you sitting out here in the cold?"
Abby wanted to reach out to him, to cry on his shoulder, to let him comfort her. But she couldn't; she had already made up her mind about that. So instead, she went on the offensive. "Why were you following me?" she snapped angrily, but the effect was ruined because her teeth were chattering so hard.
Carter looked down at her. He could tell how much she was hurting. He wished she would let him help her. "I was worried, Abby. I saw how upset you were, and I wanted to make sure you were okay." He pulled off his coat and moved to put it over her shoulders. "It's freezing out here; let's go home."
Abby pushed his coat away. Did he really think some stupid coat would make up for abandoning her? "I don't want your coat, Carter. Leave me alone."
Carter stood, his coat in his hands, wondering what to do. He couldn't leave her out here alone, that was for sure. It was only 20 degrees out here; he had to convince her to come back to her apartment before she froze. "Abby, it's below freezing out here, and you don't have a coat. We need to go inside, okay?" He put his hand under her arm in an attempt to get her off the bench.
"Get off me!" she screamed, drawing several curious glances from passersby. "I don't need your help, and I don't need you, so just leave me alone!" She snatched her arm out of his grip and stormed away from him. Did he have to ruin everything? Now she would have to find someplace else to freeze.
She was furious when she realized that Carter was still following her. Who did he think he was? She was so mad at him, she wanted to push him in the river. Why didn't he just leave her alone; he had already proven that he knew how. She was infuriated about this whole situation, and Carter made a very convenient target for her anger. He had left her, just like everyone else, except he was trying to pretend that he hadn't.
She twirled around abruptly to face him. He was following her so closely that he almost ran into her. "Stop following me!" she yelled at him. Why wouldn't he just go away?
Carter folded his arms stubbornly. "Abby, are you okay?" he asked her quietly.
"What do you think? My whole family just killed themselves! Is that a situation where you're supposed to be okay?"
"Abby, I just don't want you to do something you'll regret. I know you're upset, but-"
"You don't know ANYTHING!" she screamed at him. She walked away, but he was STILL following her! Angrily, she stomped home. There was no use being out here if Carter was here.

____________________________________________________________________

"Hey, Abby."
Abby lifted her head to see Susan standing by her bed awkwardly. "Hi, Susan." She rolled over onto her back. "I guess you're taking over Abby- watching duty so Carter can have a break."
Susan looked down at her feet. She didn't answer, because that was exactly what she was doing. "How're you doing?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
Abby sighed. "Just peachy, Susan," she said sarcastically. Susan looked down, and Abby felt bad. After all, Susan hadn't done anything. Maybe she should be a little nicer to Susan. At least Carter was gone; she could be grateful to Susan for that.
In fact, right now Carter was probably out rejoicing because he finally got a break from his self-imposed 24-hour watch on Abby. She had felt like she would go insane with him inhabiting her apartment, unwanted, around the clock. She just wanted him to leave her alone so she could put her plan into action.
Over the past few days, all the feelings she had had for Carter (and everyone else, for that matter,) had been replaced with a cold, icy numbness. Every time she thought that maybe she should talk to Carter about how terrible she felt, she just reminded herself that it wouldn't change anything. Maggie and Eric would still be dead, no matter how many feelings she expressed. So what was the point?
So she was silent. She didn't talk to Carter, she didn't talk to anyone. The perpetual flow of questions he asked her were answered with icy scowls. In fact, the three words she had spoken to Susan were the first she had spoken since she yelled at Carter in the park.
"Wanna talk?" Susan asked, and Abby couldn't hold back a sigh. Why did everyone think she wanted to talk? Wouldn't it be a pleasant surprise if, the next time a co-worker dropped in for an unexpected visit, they asked her to dance instead? Abby realized that her thoughts were wandering, and that she hadn't answered Susan's question. "Not particularly."
Susan smiled. "Well, you wanna watch TV or something? I know you must be tired of Carter."
Abby found herself nodding in agreement. "Am I ever. Is there anything on this time of day besides soaps?" she asked, sitting upright on the bed. A little girl time might be nice. And besides, the more time she spent with Susan, the less she would have to spend with Carter.