Chapter 9
When Carter heard the sounds coming from the apartment, he couldn't believe it. He pressed his ear to the door, sure that his ears were deceiving him.
No, it was real, he had heard what he thought. His face broke into a smile as he heard Abby say, "No, not him, the one with the -ahem- large ears."
Susan responded, "You mean old DUMBO Roberts? You can't be serious." They both burst into laughter.
Carter smiled. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, but for the first time in days, Abby was happy.
He wondered why he wasn't able to make her happy. For the past two days, she had been giving him the silent treatment, and he could tell that she didn't want him in her apartment. He had thought that maybe she just wanted to be alone after what had happened, but now here she was, laughing and talking with Susan. Maybe she just wanted to spend time with another woman.
But he was her boyfriend! He didn't understand why she was so hostile towards him. Maybe it was because she was still afraid that he would leave, just like everyone else. Well, he wasn't leaving. He didn't care how much Abby ignored him, he was going to stay by her side. Hopefully, things wouldn't be so tense between them when she realized that he was here for the long haul.
Carter heard another laugh coming from the apartment, and he turned away from the door. They were having fun; he would leave them alone. He decided to come back later.
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Abby felt guilty about having so much fun with Susan. Her mother and brother had just died, and here she was laughing it up with a girlfriend. It just didn't seem right somehow.
She hadn't thought it was possible to laugh like that again. But when they had started talking about movie stars they had liked when they were little girls, she found herself laughing before she could control it. She had forgotten what it was like to have fun like that. Maybe things could be better again, somehow.
No, they couldn't. It was just like drinking. She had been happy for the few hours that Susan was there, but now that she was gone, Abby felt just a depressed as before. She couldn't forget that, despite a visit from a friend, she was all alone. Well, except for Carter. He was still hanging around her apartment, asking her if she wanted anything, trying to get her to talk. He was really beginning to annoy her.
She felt the same despair that she had been living with for days settle around her heart. What was she going to do?
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"I'm making dinner; you want some?"
Silence.
Carter sighed and put down the pot full of water. He walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Abby. "Are you just gonna ignore me for the rest of your life?"
"No, just until you get out of my apartment," Abby snapped back.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Carter asked her.
Abby stared at him. Did he really not know? How could he think that he could leave her once, and then things would just go on as they had before?
Well, if he was too stupid to understand, she wasn't going to explain it to him. Maybe if she left, he would be gone when she came back.
Well, probably not, but she could dream, couldn't she? She put on her shoes.
"Where are you going?" Carter asked, following her over to the door.
"Gee, I dunno, Dad. Is it okay if I cross the street by myself tonight?" she asked him sarcastically.
Carter sighed. "I'm sorry, Abby. It's just- I'm worried about you."
Abby didn't want to get roped into this discussion again. "Well, see you later!" she said, exiting quickly. She had no idea where she was going; she just wanted to get away from Carter.
She found herself walking up the stairs instead of down. "Well, I guess I'll go up to the roof," she said to herself.
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When I get up to the roof, I discover that it's just as cold as the weatherman said it was: 6 below. I feel like I'm naked and wet; my turtleneck and jeans offer no protection against the bitter cold.
I walk over to the edge of the roof and look down. The ground looks so far away. I wonder what would happen if I jumped.
I wouldn't have to worry about Maggie and Eric anymore, that's what. I think of the time Maggie took me and Eric to the carnival and- no, it hurts my brain too much, I have to stop thinking about them. I have to stop thinking about the good times I've had with my family, times I will never have again.
But how can I stop? How can I command my brain to never think about Maggie or Eric ever again? I realize that the only way I could do this is if my brain isn't thinking about anything. Maybe I should jump.
I carefully step over the three foot safety railing that surrounds the roof. Just one little push, and I won't have to worry about either one of them again. I won't have to wonder why I'm such a hateable person that both my mother AND my brother killed themselves just so they could get away from me. Oh, and Carter. Can't forget about him. I'm so loveable that my so- called boyfriend abandoned me when I needed him most. I'm not doing anybody any good, so why am I still here?
I imagine someone coming from behind and pushing me. That would be much easier that having to push myself.
Oh, no. I'm thinking about Eric again. How he used to look so cute when he cried. Now I'm crying, too.
"How could they leave me all alone like this?" I moan, my body racked with sobs. I lean over, so far that a simple wind would be enough to send me careening off the edge of the building, off the edge of my miserable existence. I might not even need that push.
Then I see someone approaching me from the stairs. Maybe I'll get that push after all.
Or maybe not. I realize that it's Carter. I really should jump before he gets any closer.
He comes within ten feet of me. I can tell he's not sure what I'm doing. In a wavering voice, he says, "Abby?"
When Carter heard the sounds coming from the apartment, he couldn't believe it. He pressed his ear to the door, sure that his ears were deceiving him.
No, it was real, he had heard what he thought. His face broke into a smile as he heard Abby say, "No, not him, the one with the -ahem- large ears."
Susan responded, "You mean old DUMBO Roberts? You can't be serious." They both burst into laughter.
Carter smiled. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, but for the first time in days, Abby was happy.
He wondered why he wasn't able to make her happy. For the past two days, she had been giving him the silent treatment, and he could tell that she didn't want him in her apartment. He had thought that maybe she just wanted to be alone after what had happened, but now here she was, laughing and talking with Susan. Maybe she just wanted to spend time with another woman.
But he was her boyfriend! He didn't understand why she was so hostile towards him. Maybe it was because she was still afraid that he would leave, just like everyone else. Well, he wasn't leaving. He didn't care how much Abby ignored him, he was going to stay by her side. Hopefully, things wouldn't be so tense between them when she realized that he was here for the long haul.
Carter heard another laugh coming from the apartment, and he turned away from the door. They were having fun; he would leave them alone. He decided to come back later.
_____________________________________________________________
Abby felt guilty about having so much fun with Susan. Her mother and brother had just died, and here she was laughing it up with a girlfriend. It just didn't seem right somehow.
She hadn't thought it was possible to laugh like that again. But when they had started talking about movie stars they had liked when they were little girls, she found herself laughing before she could control it. She had forgotten what it was like to have fun like that. Maybe things could be better again, somehow.
No, they couldn't. It was just like drinking. She had been happy for the few hours that Susan was there, but now that she was gone, Abby felt just a depressed as before. She couldn't forget that, despite a visit from a friend, she was all alone. Well, except for Carter. He was still hanging around her apartment, asking her if she wanted anything, trying to get her to talk. He was really beginning to annoy her.
She felt the same despair that she had been living with for days settle around her heart. What was she going to do?
_________________________________________________________________
"I'm making dinner; you want some?"
Silence.
Carter sighed and put down the pot full of water. He walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Abby. "Are you just gonna ignore me for the rest of your life?"
"No, just until you get out of my apartment," Abby snapped back.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Carter asked her.
Abby stared at him. Did he really not know? How could he think that he could leave her once, and then things would just go on as they had before?
Well, if he was too stupid to understand, she wasn't going to explain it to him. Maybe if she left, he would be gone when she came back.
Well, probably not, but she could dream, couldn't she? She put on her shoes.
"Where are you going?" Carter asked, following her over to the door.
"Gee, I dunno, Dad. Is it okay if I cross the street by myself tonight?" she asked him sarcastically.
Carter sighed. "I'm sorry, Abby. It's just- I'm worried about you."
Abby didn't want to get roped into this discussion again. "Well, see you later!" she said, exiting quickly. She had no idea where she was going; she just wanted to get away from Carter.
She found herself walking up the stairs instead of down. "Well, I guess I'll go up to the roof," she said to herself.
_____________________________________________________________________
When I get up to the roof, I discover that it's just as cold as the weatherman said it was: 6 below. I feel like I'm naked and wet; my turtleneck and jeans offer no protection against the bitter cold.
I walk over to the edge of the roof and look down. The ground looks so far away. I wonder what would happen if I jumped.
I wouldn't have to worry about Maggie and Eric anymore, that's what. I think of the time Maggie took me and Eric to the carnival and- no, it hurts my brain too much, I have to stop thinking about them. I have to stop thinking about the good times I've had with my family, times I will never have again.
But how can I stop? How can I command my brain to never think about Maggie or Eric ever again? I realize that the only way I could do this is if my brain isn't thinking about anything. Maybe I should jump.
I carefully step over the three foot safety railing that surrounds the roof. Just one little push, and I won't have to worry about either one of them again. I won't have to wonder why I'm such a hateable person that both my mother AND my brother killed themselves just so they could get away from me. Oh, and Carter. Can't forget about him. I'm so loveable that my so- called boyfriend abandoned me when I needed him most. I'm not doing anybody any good, so why am I still here?
I imagine someone coming from behind and pushing me. That would be much easier that having to push myself.
Oh, no. I'm thinking about Eric again. How he used to look so cute when he cried. Now I'm crying, too.
"How could they leave me all alone like this?" I moan, my body racked with sobs. I lean over, so far that a simple wind would be enough to send me careening off the edge of the building, off the edge of my miserable existence. I might not even need that push.
Then I see someone approaching me from the stairs. Maybe I'll get that push after all.
Or maybe not. I realize that it's Carter. I really should jump before he gets any closer.
He comes within ten feet of me. I can tell he's not sure what I'm doing. In a wavering voice, he says, "Abby?"
