Chapter Five
Chandler didn't come back that day. Monica sat on the bed the entire time, waiting for him to come, waiting for her chance to tell him she was sorry. She knew she never should have said what she did – she had no right to. Although they were true, she didn't have a right to leave him with such a burden. She loved him – so why was she doing this to him? These questions swam in her head for the entire evening.
Monica woke up with a start. When she looked at the clock, she saw that it was six in the morning. She shook her head and groaned. Why did she have to wake up so early all the time? Then, Monica remembered last night's events. She groaned again, but louder. She looked to the right of her, but she didn't see Chandler.
"Chandler?" she called out. No answer. "Chandler?" she asked again, but louder. No answer. "Chandler!" Monica stood up and looked around. He wasn't in the hotel room. Monica sighed and put her hands to her face.
"What have I done?" she asked herself. Chandler could be hurt, lost – dead. Monica shook her head. No, it couldn't be. But she knew she was just fooling herself. Anything was possible now. She quickly grabbed her keys and ran out the door, in search of Chandler. "What have I done?" she whispered again.
When she ran out the hotel doors, she immediately regretted not bringing a coat. It was biting cold outside in the morning. She shook her head but continued. Everywhere she looked, she saw couples holding hands, kissing, or walking together. And it broke her heart every time. Every time was just another reminder that that should be her and Chandler. Chandler. Even when she just said his name, chills ran up her spine. Through it all, Monica always found herself smiling when she thought of him. Then she remembered why she was outside in the first place – Chandler could be hurt. Monica felt her eyes tear. If anything happened to him, she'd never be able to forgive herself for it.
"Chandler!" she called out. "Chandler! Where are you?" Monica looked past every corner, door, and window she passed by. Monica sighed. "Chandler… please… please be okay."
After about three hours looking for Chandler, Monica finally collapsed onto a bench. Where was he? Monica wiped the tears from her eyes and got back up. She couldn't stop until she found him. Suddenly, Monica saw a woman holding a man's hand – and that man looked awfully identical to Chandler. She felt her heart rip apart. All of this time… all of her worrying and fear – he was with her. Rachel. Suddenly her fear became anger. She quickly ran up to him, but stopped short on her way when she remembered Rachel thought they used to date. She shook her head and just headed back to the hotel in tears. She looked down at the floor, kicking pebbles along the way.
"Life's hell. Then you die," Monica muttered to herself. "I just wish I'd die now."
When Monica reached hers and Chandler's room, she took out her cell phone and dialed Joey's number. She figured it was about time that they got an update on their lives. Phoebe was the one to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Phoebes… it's me, Monica," she greeted.
"You guys, it's Monica!" she heard Phoebe yell excitedly in the back round.
Monica smiled. "Hey, who's there with you?"
"Well, it's me, Joey, and Ross."
"Can – can you please put me on speaker?"
"Sure thing." Monica heard a click.
"Hey, Mon!"
"Mon! How are you?"
"Hey you guys. I'm – well, I'm fine. How are you three holding up?"
"Boy, oh boy, do I miss your cooking!" Joey exclaimed. "And you."
Monica laughed. "I miss you all."
"Is Chandler there?" Ross asked.
"N – no, he's out with her."
"Her?"
"Rachel."
"Oh, yeah…"
"So what are you doing now?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
"Well… bored. We're eating pizza and drinking beers. Sound like fun?" Joey answered.
"Sure does."
"Mon? What's the matter?"
"What? Nothing, why would you think something was wrong?"
"You have that distant voice."
Monica sighed. "No I don't."
"Mon, I'm your brother… I've known you all my life. So don't just sit there and tell me everything's okay when it's not."
"It's just – well, since Chandler found his 'soulmate'… he doesn't need me anymore. Should I come back to New York?"
"I don't know… what do you think?" Phoebe asked.
"I – I don't know, either…"
"What do you want, Mon?"
Monica paused. "I – I…"
"Mon?"
"I want him," she whispered. For about five minutes, there was complete silence. No one said anything – Monica because she didn't know what to say and the other three because they were still recovering from shock. Ross was the one to break the silence.
"You – you what!?"
Monica just held her eyes tightly closed, not saying a word.
"Mon… what do you mean?" Joey asked, surprisingly clam.
Monica hesitated to answer. "You know what I mean."
"No, we don't!" Ross yelled.
"Ross, calm down," Phoebe said.
"I am calm!" he screamed.
"Ross, what is the matter with you?" Monica heard Joey ask. Monica shook her head.
"Please…" Monica started, but no one was listening to her. "Anyone?"
"She can NOT say that! Chandler? Why him?!" Ross asked, his voice shrill.
"He's sweet, he's funny, he's -" Monica started, but was cut off by Phoebe.
"Ross! What the HELL is the matter with you?"
Monica couldn't take it anymore. She silently hung up and closed her eyes. The tears fell down rapidly, but she didn't even notice – just like her friends didn't notice her. Why did she say anything to them? She knew why – because she expected them to be considerate of her feelings, for them to understand. How could they understand? Monica laid her head down and fell into a fitful sleep.
Monica woke up to the sound of a door creaking open. She quickly sat up, relieved to see Chandler walking in. Monica smiled, and so did Chandler.
"Mon, I- "
"I'm sorry, Chandler," she cut him off. Chandler looked surprised.
"Really?"
"Yes. I – I shouldn't have said what I did… I see your point, and I'll gladly help you. If it's what you want, I'll pretend to hate you."
Chandler smiled. "Would you really do that for me?"
"Of course, Chandler. I came on this trip with you, didn't I? I want to see you happy. I love you."
"Thanks, Mon. I love you, too," he said and went over to hug her. Monica smiled, although she had nothing to smile about. If only he meant those words like she did.
"Where were you all night? You scared me," Monica asked.
"I'm sorry. I just had to do some thinking."
"About what?"
"Well…" Chandler hesitated.
"I'm all ears."
Chandler smiled. "I was thinking… maybe I should move to California…" he started, but stopped when he saw the look on Monica's face. "Mon… what's the matter?"
"What? N – nothing. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong."
"I said I was thinking about moving here… not that I would…"
"But you will, won't you? I mean… you'd do anything for this Rachel. You came all the way here… why not stay here?"
"You're not okay with this," Chandler sighed.
"What? Why wouldn't I be okay with it? Why, Chandler, why?" Monica was speaking hurriedly now.
"Mon… it's just… I think I'm falling in love with her."
"Okay, then move here! I'm totally okay with it! Don't think about what you'll be leaving behind in New York! Don't think about Ross, Phoebe, or Joey! Don't think about how much we'll miss you! Just think about her!"
"Mon, I'll still see you!"
"When? You'll never leave Rachel's side… and she thinks we used to date. You'll never be able to see me! And it's not like you'd lie to her… telling her you're going on a business trip or anything!"
"Mon…"
"I came with you on this trip so you could be happy, Chandler. Not so I could lose you," Monica whispered, tears falling for the first time in front of Chandler.
"You won't lose me!"
"Yes I will. I know you by now. I know that our ten years of friendship doesn't matter to you."
"That's not true!"
"But it is. It is."
"How would you know, Mon?"
"Okay, then if our friendship matters to you… where were you all last night?"
"I was thinking!"
"But where?"
"Why do you need to know!?" Chandler yelled.
"I looked for you for hours last night, Chandler. I was afraid that you were lost, hurt… or dead. So, tell me now, and don't lie. Where were you last night?"
Chandler sighed. "I – I was with Rachel… at her apartment."
"That's what proves my point. While I was out looking for you… while I was so incredibly sorry for what I said to you, while I was afraid and confused… you were with Rachel." Monica looked down at the floor and wiped her tears. Then she looked back up, straight into Chandler's eyes. "And I still am afraid and confused."
"About what!? You don't have to choose between your friend and soulmate!"
"No, I don't Chandler. Because I'm not even WITH my soulmate!" Monica grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. "Just move here, Chandler. If that's what you really want. But please promise me something – please don't forget me and the years of laughter and fun we've had. Remember… best friends forever. You pinky swore."
Chandler looked at Monica and sighed. "Mon, wait. Wait, I didn't mean it!" But she was already out the door. Chandler quickly ran out and went towards Monica. "Monica… I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."
Monica turned around, and Chandler was surprised to see streams of tears descending from her eyes. "Yes you did. And it doesn't make me feel better just to hear it."
"No, I do mean it."
"Chandler, just move here!" Monica yelled. "You told me yourself… Rachel's the most important thing to you!"
"What if she's not?"
"But she is! She is." Monica couldn't take it anymore. She collapsed onto a bench and put her hands to her face. "I know she is."
"How would you know that!?"
Monica looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Chandler… for the first time in years… your eyes sparkle."
"How do you know it's because of her?"
"You love her… and she loves you. I can see it."
"You can not!"
"Why are you so afraid of love, Chandler?"
"Well… you get hurt. Commitment."
"You're right about one thing… you do get hurt." Monica looked down and then back up at him. "Chandler… someone told me… that you shouldn't be afraid of love or telling her you love her. Sometimes you lose in love, but you always lose when you give up."
"You don't understand…"
"I do understand! I do."
"Mon…"
"I can't run a repeat of last week if I can't handle this one, Chandler. I don't have the strength… I don't have the courage."
"Please…"
"Just move here, Chandler. Do it for the both of us. Just move here and be happy." Monica got up and walked away. Chandler, not knowing what to do or say, just stood there. He was torn between the two.
His soulmate… the love of his life.
Or his best friend.
The days passed, and Monica and Chandler tried to keep things normal. They tried to pretend as if Chandler didn't have a life-altering decision ahead of him. In all, things were good. To Chandler. Okay, to Monica. It was Monica's birthday that day. Monica smiled to herself. Today would be one day that things would go back to normal… even if it was just for a few hours. They both decided to spend the day together. And nothing was going to stop them from having the time of their lives. Every year on Monica or Chandler's birthday, the two would go out to dinner and then just hang out, doing the things they loved to do. Although they were in California, they saw no reason to break the tradition. Monica felt the wind blow across her face, forcing her to close her eyes. She was walking toward their hotel room, where Chandler told her to meet him the other day. When she closed her eyes, she envisioned Chandler. Chandler, holding her hand. Chandler, kissing her. Chandler… her Chandler. Monica shook her head.
There was no use in thinking about it.
But that never stopped her.
When Monica opened the door to the hotel room, she walked in, expecting to see Chandler. But there was no Chandler. She looked around.
"Chandler, are you here?" she called out. She figured he was playing a game with her. She smiled… she remembered how the first time he jumped out of his room yelling, 'Surprise!' she nearly tripped over. Ever since then, Chandler did the same thing every year.
"Chandler?" Monica knocked on the bathroom door, and when she got no answer she let herself in. "Seriously, Chandler… are you here?" She opened the shower drapes, but no one was there. She stepped out of the bathroom and looked under the bed.
"Chandler! Get out!" Monica looked around. But when she looked at the dresser, she saw a note.
Dear Monica,
Happy birthday! I'm so sorry. I can't make it today. This is Rachel's only day off of work for the week, and she wanted to do something special. It's also our two – week anniversary. Sorry I couldn't make it. But two-week anniversaries only happen once, right? Maybe we can celebrate your birthday tomorrow? I'm so incredibly sorry. But look under your pillow, and you'll see a surprise.
Your best friend,
Chandler
Monica read the note over a few times before it finally sunk in. Chandler chose his and Rachel's 'two-week anniversary' than her birthday.
"Yeah, two-week anniversaries only come once. But this may be our last time together on my birthday." Monica tried hard to keep the tears from flowing down her cheeks, but there were too many held up. They fell like a river. Monica looked under her pillow and saw another note. All it said was: I ordered you food. That was all. There was also a small box, and Monica took it. When she opened it, she saw a ring. The ring she'd always wanted but never could afford. Monica smiled. It must have cost a fortune. When Monica looked at the ring closer, she saw small words that said, 'C&M – Best Friends Forever'. Monica collapsed onto the bed.
"Yeah, happy birthday to me."
Monica looked over at Chandler, wiping her eyes once more.
"I love you, Rachel," she heard him mumble in his sleep. Monica frowned. She slowly walked over to him. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. Why was she doing this? She knew the answer, but she didn't know if it was the right one. Monica looked down at Chandler's sleeping form and smiled. It wasn't a happy-smile. No, it was definitely not. She leaned down towards him. She was about to tear her world down. But she knew Chandler would be happier this way.
"Now I know I'm not the one for you, Chandler," she whispered. Monica watched as a tear fell onto Chandler. "I know I'm not the one for you." Monica silently leaned down and kissed Chandler… their first kiss. Monica felt Chandler kiss back, but she knew he was still asleep. "I'm not the one for you," she whispered one last time when the kiss finished. It was a sweet kiss, and Monica wished it had lasted forever. If only life were so simple. Monica took her duffel bag and draped it onto her shoulder. She looked out to the starry sky, up at the moon. Large, full, and strong. That was what the moon was. She wished she could switch places with it. Monica walked over to the door and opened it. She looked over at Chandler one last time.
"I love you," she said, and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Chandler woke up to the sound of a door closing. He sighed and looked over at Monica's side, seeing if she was awoken by it, too. But when he saw the empty pillow, Chandler panicked. Where was she? He looked around, and saw that a note was on top of her pillow. He took it and read it out loud.
"Good luck. Love, Monica." Chandler's face shown clear confusion. "What?" He looked around, and finally realized what was going on. He jumped out of his bed and ran to the door. He looked up and down the hallways, but didn't see anyone. He ran towards the stairs and sprinted down them. He rushed out of the entrance and looked up and down the street. Soon he saw the familiar figure and ran towards her.
"Monica! Monica!" he yelled, running after her. But before he even got halfway there, he saw her get into a cab, and watched the cab drive away. "Monica!" he cried out desperately. "Come back." Chandler collapsed right there on the sidewalk, bursting into tears. He'd lost his best friend.
"Monica! Come back!" he sobbed, unaware of the thousands of faces watching him. "Don't leave me! I need you!" he cried out. Suddenly, Monica's voice rung through his head. The ten years of friendship – of understanding.
'Best friends? Forever?' Monica asked, laughing.
'Forever.'
'So what happens when you find... the one?' she joked.
'You're the only one for me,' he told her, grinning. /
Chandler looked up. "Why did you take her away from me!?" he asked as if she'd been gone for years.
'Have you ever thought of how life would be if we never knew each other?' she asked.
'No. Because I like everything exactly the way it is… and there's no need to think of anything that could've been.'
'Chandler? I never want anything to change.'
'Me either. Never.'
Chandler put his hands to his face. Why was this happening to him?
'Please don't forget me and the years of laughter and fun we've had.'
"Oh, Mon," Chandler sobbed. "How could I forget?"
To Be Continued…
Sorry this took FOREVER to update! I've been so busy… I barely had enough time to do anything to the story. Anyway, please tell me if you liked it or not. Remember… no next chapter if I don't get any reviews!
