*SNIFF* Well, it's finally here, well sort of. I had to split it into two parts cos I got carried away again. I have to say a big, big thank you to everyone who reviewed, particular those who reviewed every single chapter. *Scully sends big hugs your way and lots of smiles*
Stargate: It is not mine, nor will it ever be, but I'm grateful that MGM let me take the cast on an exceedingly long adventure. :O)
Rating: Oh what the hell, it's the last chap, so we'll make it PG13.
Spoilers: There be spoilers ahead. Bits and bobs from Season 2 onwards, up to Descent (S6).
Warning: It's a biggie, but there will be lots of love in the room. *G*.
End Chapter 21
For the next 30 minute Jack advised the General of everything that had happened over the last few days bringing him back to their present circumstances, and Sam's admission of treason.
Up until this point General Hammond had remained quiet throughout allowing the young man to get it off his chest.
"Jack, you do realise that there will have to be a court martial, don't you?"
"Sir, it wasn't Carter's fault, she was being controlled." Jack pleaded to his commanding officer, hoping that there was some other way around this.
"I know that son, but I'm afraid things have gone too far now. I cannot just sweep this under the carpet like it never happened."
Jack knew that there wasn't any alternative, but he had to try, for Carter's sake. "Please sir, she doesn't deserve this."
Shaking his head, his only response was. "I'm sorry Jack. The hearing will be scheduled as soon as you are both up and ready."
Sighing deeply, Jack closed his eyes in defeat. "Yes, sir."
"Get some rest. I'll come and see you both in the morning."
Chapter 22 – The Trial – Part 1
It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes after General Hammond left, that Colonel O'Neill fell into a deep slumber. Dreams of the last few days continued to plague him. Different scenarios played out in his mind as he tried to work out what he could have done differently.
Over in the next bed, Sam slept restlessly. Jacob sat beside her, watching as she continued to toss and turn. Frown lines featured prominently as she tried to shake off the nightmares. Her vitals hadn't reached critical levels, but they were still way above normal. Jacob was worried that his daughter would never be the person that she once was.
Jacob's stature revealed his concern; his body slumped forward, as if the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders. He'd never seen his daughter looking so fragile. She seemed so small and vulnerable. At this moment Jacob felt that his little girl was more like a china doll. He feared that if he touched her, she would break. His hands lay in his lap, clasped tightly. It had been so much easier when she was younger.
His mind took him back to the past of when Sam was afraid of the dark. As a child he was able to reassure her. It was easier then, to chase away imaginary 'boogiemen' from a childhood nightmare. Now though, the nightmares were very real for her, and he felt helpless.
Jacob bowed his head; silently defeated by circumstances beyond his control. Thoughts and feelings of inadequacy churned within him. He felt angry about what the Goa'uld had done with her, and how they forced his daughter to commit despicably acts against her friend and CO. Jacob shook his head in an effort to rid himself of the regrets he had for failing to come to his daughter's aid sooner. His duties as a Tok'ra had kept him away from his daughter for far too long, and she had paid the ultimate price for his alliance with them.
A bleep from the monitor alerted him to the fact that her blood pressure had spiked once more. Jacob was not prepared to see his daughter hurt any longer and knew that it was time to seek out the help of Doctor Frasier. Being careful not to wake Sam, he slipped out of the cubicle and headed for the Doc's office.
Doctor Janet Frasier was reviewing the blood work on her patients, when she heard a tap on the door. Looking to see who her nighttime caller was, she was surprised to see Jacob stood there.
"Come in Jacob."
"Doctor Frasier, I'm not disturbing you am I?" Jacob asked tentatively.
"No, not at all. I've just received the blood work back from the lab for Colonel O'Neill and Sam." Janet answered wearily.
"Anything I should know?"
"Well, Sam has two different chemicals in her bloodstream, similar to neural toxins. With the interaction of them both, it's causing an adverse reaction to her brain and body chemistry. We've seen two different sides of Sam since she was brought back to the SGC, the volatile Sam, and the withdrawn side of her."
Jacob allowed the news to set in before he asked, "Is it permanent?"
"I don't think so. Her toxicity levels are gradually coming back to normal, but it'll still be a few more days before the drugs dissipate. Then we'll just have to wait and see. The marks on her forehead and body should heal without any real problems. As for her fever, I'm hesitant to introduce something else. I think for the time being, we'll just have to use old fashioned medicine, unless things become progressively worse."
"Did you get a chance to speak to her?"
"A little, she's very mixed up." Janet answered sadly, rubbing her head to erase a headache that continued to pound within her skull. "I spoke to Daniel, Teal'c and Jonas during their physicals and they told me what happened. To be perfectly honest, I think she's holding up remarkably well. With everything that's taken place, both to her body and mind, we're lucky to have gotten her back at all."
Taking a deep breath inwards she continued, pain for her friend evident in her voice. "As I told Sam earlier, it's just going to take some time. I think once she starts remembering everything that happened, she'll start to improve. I've asked Dr Mackenzie to come and see both Sam and Colonel O'Neill; he should be arriving later in the week to discuss the way forward. Unfortunately it's far beyond my expertise." Janet advised him dejectedly; slightly frustrated at her own inadequacies to help her friend.
"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, seeing the worried looks on the young doctor.
"I'm fine. It's just I feel, so..."
"Helpless? Angry?" Jacob said, knowing exactly how she felt.
Smiling sadly at his understanding, she continued. "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. She's my best friend and I just wish…" Janet answered unable to explain further.
"I know."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump all this on you. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Actually, you answered some of the questions that I came here to ask. I'm just worried about her, and needed a bit of reassurance myself."
Smiling sadly at the elderly man, she replied. "Unfortunately it's just a waiting game now."
Getting up from his seat, Jacob thanked the Doctor and returned to his daughter's side.
Rubbing his hand over his head, he let all the words sink in. He desperately needed some time to think things through; luckily it was now nighttime, and the base was pretty much deserted. The stillness of the night would give him the perfect opportunity to gather his thoughts in anticipation for the days ahead. Sam would need him now more than ever, particularly in light of the impending court martial. With his mind set, Jacob decided that he would not leave her until all this was sorted out.
Another voice in his head appeared from within. //We have other duties to attend to Jacob.// Selmack advised, whispering his thoughts into his tired mind.
"I know that Selmack, but this is my daughter, and I will not leave her."
//She will be fine. We on the other hand have information that must be relayed to the others."
"Selmack, I don't really care about them at the moment. Until my daughter is fit and well, then I will remain with her. With or without your approval."
//You are being unwise Jacob Carter.//
"Welcome to parenthood." Was all that Jacob replied, he knew that Selmack would never know the pain a parent feels when their child is ill, and hoped that he never had to. Sure he knew that this was Sam's choice to join the SGC, but it was what she loved, and he would do anything to allow her to keep it alive.
Sitting back down inside the cubicle, he lay his head against the wall, and fell into a silent slumber.
Daniel had been walking round the SGC for several hours, reacquainting himself with his old stomping ground. He never realised until now how much he'd missed everything and everyone, particularly his team. He had spent the last hour speaking with Jonas. As their conversation progressed, Daniel was taken aback slightly that Jonas had offered to give back his office. Declining the offer, he told the young man that this wasn't his time; it was Jonas's.
Walking back towards the infirmary, he had spoken with everyone except Jack and Sam. He needed to tell them that he couldn't stay, but he wasn't sure how they would take it. Unconsciously it had been Sam who had showed him the way forward. Her admissions of guilt in the gateroom made him realise that he too had to face up to the consequences of his actions. A feeling of nervous energy built up inside him. Daniel wasn't looking forward to the conversation he would have to have with either of them.
On entering the stillness of the infirmary, he sat down next to Jack and witnessed the troubled sounds and expressions of his former CO murmuring in his sleep. Jack in the depths of slumber felt a presence watching over him, and opened his eyes to see Daniel looking at him with a curious expression on his face.
"Sorry Jack, I didn't mean to disturb you." Daniel advised.
"You didn't." Jack replied rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes. Hesitating slightly he continued, "I'm actually glad you woke me up."
"Not pleasant dreams then I take it?"
"You could say that." Jack replied controlling his breathing. Looking carefully at the young man before him, Jack noted a change in the young mans demeanour. Daniel's eyes lowered towards his hands, unsure of how to proceed. Clearing his throat, Jack asked, "You're leaving aren't you?"
Now looking directly at his friend he replied softly, "Yeah, I am."
Jack sat up to pay more attention. "Why? I mean it's not as if you've been summoned or anything?"
"Jack, I have to go. This isn't my time. I need to go back and face the consequences of my actions. Now that you and Sam are back and in one piece. I've done what I came to do." Daniel tried to explain, but knew that it was a futile gesture. When things didn't go with what Jack had in mind, he'd turn on the blinkers; and that's exactly what he was doing now.
"Sam needs you, Daniel. She needs all of us. You can't just leave like this. We need you to testify at the court martial."
Inhaling deeply, part of him wished that he had just left. Jack was very protective when it came to members of his team, with Sam though, he knew that it was more than that.
"Sam will be fine, she's got all of you here to look out for her. I promise that I'll keep an eye on her, if I can."
"Daniel, she won't want the 'voice of reason', she just wants to know that you'll be there for her, as her friend." Jack started.
"Jack, that's not fair."
"No, it isn't Daniel, but do you think your leaving us again is?" Jack enquired, knowing though that he was being unreasonable. It wasn't that he was angry with Daniel for having to leave again. It was just that he'd gotten used to them being a team once more.
"Jack, please try and see it from my point of view." Daniel implored him.
"I am, it's just… well, you know."
Daniel cocked his head towards him, and saw beneath the façade that Jack so often portrayed. Looking deeply in his eyes, he finally understood and replied. "Yeah, I know. I'll miss you lot to."
Saying goodbye had never been one of Jack's strong points, and not wanting to prolong it any further replied. "Thanks for everything. I know what you did wasn't easy, but well…um…thanks again."
"You're welcome. Take care, Jack." With his last words spoken, Daniel left his friend to find some peace. Taking a deep breath he went to see Sam.
On opening the curtain, he saw Jacob flat out in the chair, worry etched in his elderly features. Sam was still curled up in a foetal position and his heart went out to her. His thoughts were, that no one should ever have to go through something like this, particularly Sam. Not wanting to disturb her, Daniel closed his eyes and tried to find someway into her subconscious. Ascending from the room, his leaving left a brightness that lit up the whole cubicle.
Jacob opened his eyes to see the young man ascend once more, "Thanks Danny." Looking once more at his daughters still form, her cheeks looked very flushed. Sheen of sweat covered the brow of her head, and her whole body radiated heat. Jacob felt his heart plummet into his stomach, and he pleaded silently to whoever had control over his daughters fate. "Don't, take my little girl, please. I need her."
Leaving Sam for a few moments, he called out to Janet, disturbing Colonel O'Neill in the process.
"Jacob, what's the matter?" Jack asked shouting across the screen, a hint of fear echoed in his words.
"Sam's fever's spiked." Jacob replied, with a hint of panic.
Hearing the raised voices Janet came out of her office with a worried expression on her face, "What's wrong?"
After Jacob relayed Sam's condition, Janet checked the Sam's chart; her condition had been monitored periodically through the night, and had only been checked half an hour ago. The readings read, 102.F. Checking her temperature once more, Janet frowned, it now read 105.F. Janet knew that Sam couldn't sustain her body temperature at that level for very long. With the ice packs not working, she knew it wouldn't long before Sam would start with febrile convulsions. What disturbed her even more was the fact that Sam hadn't woken.
Ignoring the Doc's previous request for him to stay in bed, Jack disconnected himself and went to see how she was; he would face the wrath of ol' Doc Frasier later.
Daniel guided himself through Sam's fevered dream, and saw her in the midst of battle. Within Sam's mind, hoards of Jaffa slaughtered innocents. What troubled him more was that there in the centre of it all, were SG1. Goa'uld firing upon them left right and centre. Sam knelt beside Colonel O'Neill trying desperately to protect him with her own body. With her hands on his wounds, blood seeped through, spilling down her fingers. No matter how much she tried to wipe the blood off, it kept appearing in front of her eyes. She knew she couldn't help him as he continued to drown his own blood. Around her, the bullets continued to fly overhead.
Jack's soft voice resonated against the battle that forged on around her, "It's your fault, Sam!" The tears in her eyes continued to well and fall freely onto her hands below.
Approaching her cautiously, Daniel laid a hand on her shoulder, but she didn't turn round. Instead she continued to stare relentlessly at the ongoing battle that surrounded her; watching her friends fall one by one.
"Sam?" Daniel asked softly. Trying again he turned her to face him. "Sam, what is this?"
"It's my fault Daniel, all of this. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I hurt my friends, and I have to pay the consequences." Sam answered tearfully.
"Oh Sam." Daniel thought that if this was how she coped in a dream state, he completely understood why she had acted so strangely when they had returned t
Kneeling beside her, Sam's hand still pressed firmly on her CO's wound. Daniel looked earnestly into her troubled eyes. "Sam, I know what you must have gone through was hard, and I can't pretend to know what you're feeling. What I do know is this. The Sam Carter I know, wouldn't willingly hurt her friends. You have to accept the fact that you will have regrets over what happened, but you also need to realise that your friends are here to help you get through this. Don't feel as if you have to do this by yourself."
"I've hurt him Daniel." Sam replied sadly, all the pent up emotions finally reaching the surface. She forced herself to say the words, "He nearly died because of me."
Treading carefully, unsure if what he was saying was the right thing, he replied; "Yes, he did Sam. You can't change that. Think about this though; he would have died FOR you. Seeing you like that on the ship tore him apart, and he would have gladly - well maybe not gladly, but he would rather have died than see you struggle like this. You need to talk to him; the real Jack O'Neill, face to face."
Looking down at the Colonel in front of her, his eyes were closed. Sam placed a hand on his chest, but couldn't feel a heart beat. Dejected, Sam got up and paced back and forth, ruffling her hands in her hair. Gesturing wildly at the Colonel's still form, she replied. "You see what happens? My actions caused this."
Daniel closed his eyes briefly trying to think of a way for her to see that this wasn't real. "Sam, it may be easier to stay safe in this world, but your friends need you." Then wondering if he should take it further, said softly, "Jack needs you."
"I can't face him Daniel. I wouldn't know where to start. Everything is so jumbled."
"Sam. You're trying to sort everything out in one go, and it won't work. Tell him what happened from the time you went to the DeAsha homeworld, and go from there. Things that you can't remember, Jack, Teal'c or Jonas can fill in. Don't shut them out."
As the thoughts churned around in Sam's mind, the killing and destruction appeared to settle around her. Sam looked directly at her friend and asked, "Will you be there?"
Stepping closer to her, he caressingly placed his hand on her head. "I'll be here…." Then moving his hand to her heart he continued, "...and I'll be here. Just because you can't see me Sam, doesn't mean I won't be there for you."
Sam nodded, taking her friends hand. "I'll miss you."
Daniel smiled in return. "Me too."
Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can do this." She thought, and then suddenly felt as if she was surrounded by water. Opening her eyes, her vision appeared blurry at first. Sam allowed herself a few minutes to adjust them. After a few moments she became more aware of her surroundings. Looking downwards she found herself submerged in water.
"Hey, welcome back, Sam. You had us all worried for a while." Jacob stated with a huge smile on his face, relief clearly evident that she had come back to them. There stood next to him were Janet and Jack, looking equally relieved.
"Temperature appears to have come down, how do you feel Sam?" Janet said, relieved that her friend was finally awake.
"Better, thanks."
Sighing with relief Janet responded, "Good. Okay, let's get you out the water and into a fresh gown."
Throughout the exchange, Jack had remained silent. He didn't know if his presence here would be welcome, and muttered inconspicuously. "I'm glad you're feeling better. Excuse me." Jack finished heading out of the room where they had taken her.
Biting her lip, she knew this would be the most opportune time, "Sir."
Snapping his head back at the sound of her voice, his heart skipped a beat. Trying hard not to expect too much from that one little word, he clenched his fist in anticipation. "Yeah, Carter."
"Um…could you come and see me in a few minutes?"
Jack smiled slightly in anticipation. It wasn't much, but he would take anything right about now.
Once Janet had settled Sam back into bed and reconnected the monitors, Jack arrived a few minutes later. Sam looked intently at her father then towards Jack. Hesitantly she asked both her dad and Janet if they could have some privacy.
Jacob gave Jack one of his father looks that stipulated 'under no circumstances are you to get her agitated'. Seeing though how important it was for them to start talking again, he kissed his daughters forehead and let them be. Janet sternly admonished the Colonel for being out of bed, and ordered him return to his own side after their talk. In return Jack promised faithfully to not whine for the remainder of his stay in the infirmary.
Sam adjusted herself, and sat up a little more fully. Jack continued to hover by the curtains, waiting patiently for Sam to say that it was okay to join him. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Sam continued to bite her lower lip. Both of them knew that this wasn't going to be the easiest of conversations. Swallowing hard, they looked into each other's eyes at the same moment. Tired blue eyes met his. Both sharing regret and pain about each other.
Sam patted the bed beside her as an invitation for him to sit with her. Jack hesitated, briefly wondering what the others would think if they caught him sat on the edge of her bed. Jack decided it would be safer to remain slightly at a distance; uncertainty clouded his thoughts.
Sam saw the hesitation and knew exactly what was going through his mind. Her eyes sent out a plea asking him to meet her halfway, and then speaking softly said, "Please."
That one simple word to Jack meant more than anything else. She needed him to be close, and he needed to feel closer to her. Walking slowly towards her, he perched himself on the edge of the bed, turning his body towards his 2IC. Sam continued to fiddle with her hands, trying desperately to find the right words.
Jack saw the internal struggle waging within her, and his heart skipped a beat. Pausing for just a moment, he hesitated whether to take her hand in his. This wasn't a case of regulations be damned, it was a necessary part of the healing process. One with which they both would need to take tentative steps to rebuild the unspoken bond.
Clearing her throat Sam stated sadly. "Daniel's gone."
"I know, he told me. Did you see him before he left?" Jack hoped the answer was 'yes', because he didn't want to have to explain this as well.
"Yeah, I did. He... um...said a few things that helped."
Sending a silent word of thanks to Danny he looked at her intently. "I'm glad."
"Me too."
A silent pause fell before them. Each wondered who should speak first, or who would have the courage to open up to the other. In the past it was always Sam who made her feelings very clear. Jack remembered the time when she had wanted to talk about Daniel's ascension; he had cut her off. It had been important for her to talk then, but he felt that if he had opened up to her it would mean revealing more than he cared to admit. So in typical military style he'd dismissed her with a wave of his hands, and he knew it had hurt her deeply.
Not wanting to repeat his past behaviour he decided to take the opening step. Clearing his throat before he began, he rubbed the base of her thumb. Trying desperately to fixate his eyes on anything but her face he began slowly.
"I screwed up Sam. I don't know of any other way to say it. I put you in position… that should never have happened."
Sam heard the words softly fall from her CO's mouth, and couldn't believe her ears. Daniel had been right, he was tearing himself over this, just as much as she was.
"Sir, it's not your fault. I should have told you about Jaret from the beginning."
"What do you mean?" Jack asked, a concerned expression masking his chocolate coloured eyes.
"I had a bad feeling, but I thought it was just Jaret being arrogant. I didn't tell you how I felt." Pausing slightly, Sam gathered her thoughts. "I'm sorry."
Jack went to interrupt her, but she halted him. "Please, I need to tell you this. The morning you came looking for me in the lab, he'd warned me not to tell you all or… he'd kill you." With those last words, Sam's eyes began to fill with tears.
Holding back a sob that threatened to surface she continued. Jack sat quietly, empathising with her anguish. "When you asked how I was…I nearly told you, but then you…collapsed. My… selfishness nearly killed you." Sam finished with a touch of bitterness.
"It wasn't selfish to want the help of your friends. If I were in your position I probably would've done the same thing. I knew something was wrong, and I kinda cornered you into telling me."
Smiling slightly, she had remembered the look of concern in his eyes that morning. "It was those puppy dog eyes, sir."
Startled, his eyes locked onto hers as she carelessly wiped the tears that silently fell. "W.w.w.what?"
"The reason I nearly told you. It was those pouting eyes, you looked as lost as I felt."
For the first time he felt as if the old Samantha Carter was resurfacing, and his slight smile reflected in his eyes. "Carter, a Colonel in the military cannot have puppy dog eyes. Trust me."
"Other Colonel's don't have them, sir… but you do."
Shaking the image out of his head, he would have to ask Teal'c about that. It was a welcomed relief to see her like this, but he knew that this was only the beginning.
"I don't remember much after that, just bits and pieces."
"A lot happened. When Jaret took you through the Stargate…do you remember that?"
Sam shrugged as the Jack continued. "We found you in the cave, you were dying." Jack suddenly felt his throat constrict, a shiver travelled down his spine at the memory. Sam felt the goose pimples raise to the surface on his hand.
She remembered…something, someone holding her. It had felt so comforting. Looking up at him she said. "You held me, didn't you?" Absently her mind wandered, trying to catch that elusive memory, she closed her eyes briefly. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I felt so safe."
Jack was sure she would be able to hear his heart, as it pounded against his chest. Now was the time for honesty. "I didn't want to let you go. I thought that…"
Sam opened her eyes, her expression held a touch of sadness at her CO's struggle. "What did you think?" She added softly, needing to know.
"I thought that…if I let you go. I'd never get you back again."
Allowing a single tear to escape once more, Sam didn't know how to respond. This was the first time that he'd ever really shared his feelings with her. A single dark thought resurfaced, masking everything he had said.
A hint of regret touched her voice as she said. "I bet you wished you hadn't after what I did."
A build up of anger and sadness rose to the surface at her statement. "Why would you say that?"
"Because it's the truth."
Shaking his head vehemently he grabbed his 2IC's face, and made sure that she was looking directly at him, and hearing the words. "Sam, is that what you really think?"
Searching the depths of his eyes she replied. "Yes."
Suddenly feeling the desperate urge to escape the look he was sending her. Sam tried to remove her hand from his, but he refused to let it go.
"No you don't. Don't back away from me now." Jack told her in his most commanding voice. "The person on *that* Goa'uld ship was *not* you. That 'I'm-a-mate' snakehead twisted your mind; he injected you with all kinds of stuff. I know the real Samantha Carter, and I trust her with my life."
"Yes, but can you still trust her...trust me. After everything I did to you."
Without hesitation her replied simply, "Yes."
Allowing the words to sink in, Jack saw the soul searching in her expression. "Sam. We both have regrets about what happened. Neither of us can change that, but I trust you. If I had thought you'd turned to the 'dark side' I would have left you there."
"The dark side?"
Jack shrugged, "Sorry, been watching to much Star Wars with Teal'c."
Sam smiled a soft tired smile, she felt as if she'd run the gauntlet with her emotions.
"It's just that…I don't know if I trust myself anymore."
"Sam, it's going to take time. Give yourself a break. You can't walk away from something like this, without having… scars."
Sam rubbed her eyes tiredly; a small yawn escaped her lips. Knowing that she was exhausted he squeezed her hand lightly, and said. "That's my cue. You need your rest, and ol' Doc Frasier's gonna have my hide for talking to you this long."
As if right on cue, Janet appeared at the edge of the bed. "Ahem."
Not able to think of anything else, all that came out of his mouth was, "Doh!"
"Why are you still here?" Janet demanded of her uncooperative patient.
Jack cocked his head as if to say, 'so sue me'. Instead he replied, "I'm just going."
Hopping off the bed he leant into Sam and whispered, "I swear that women's got the ears of a bat." Which elicited a genuine smile from Sam. Jack's thoughts were, "Mission accomplished." He knew that it was still going to be a bumpy road, but he felt better than he had a few hours before.
The next few days passed slowly for both of them, Janet had insisted that Colonel O'Neill remain in the SGC until his blood work came back negative. For once he didn't kick up a stink, much to Janet's surprise. Janet made a mental note to herself to thank Sam's help in this department.
Janet had discharged Jack from the infirmary that morning, along with the proviso that if he felt unwell in any shape or form, then he had to come back. Begrudgingly, he had agreed. Since Jack's release, Teal'c, Jonas, and Jacob continued to sit patiently for several hours each day talking to Sam about what had happened. Jack had been there almost constantly, trying to regain the friendship they had lost along the way.
****
Janet knew that Sam had been hanging around the Colonel for too long, when she began whining on her fourth day in the infirmary.
"Janet, please can I go home now. I feel much better. I've no longer got a fever, and you said that my blood work was almost back to normal, and…"
"Almost, is not clear Sam. I'm sorry, but for the time being you will have to stay here."
Sam tried to interrupt once more, but Janet wasn't having any of it. "It's not open for debate Sam."
"Fine." Sam said solemnly.
"Hey Doc. How's our patient today?" Jack enquired walking into the infirmary; casually looking between Sam and Janet.
"Grumpy."
Sam crossed her arms in protest at Janet's accusation; she was not 'grumpy'. Speaking directly to her CO she retorted moodily, "I am not."
Rolling his eyes slightly he replied, "And how would you describe yourself today then, Carter?"
"Frustrated, bored, irritated, totally ticked off. Shall I go on?"
"Ooookay." Jack stated simply. Carter was not in a good mood, but he also knew the reason why. General Hammond had informed him that the legal advisors for the court martial would be arriving sometime this afternoon; and Sam was worried.
"Told you!" Janet warned walking back towards her office.
Jack shrugged, and thought that it was going to be a very long day, especially if his 2IC continued in this mood she was in. Not wanting to bring up the court martial immediately, Jack skirted round the issue. "So, Carter. Has Dad been in to see you this morning?"
Still agitated she replied, "Yes, but he left to talk with General Hammond about the court martial."
In his mind, Jack thought, "Okay, nothing like jumping right in! Subtlety was so overrated anyway." Then said aloud, "So, is this why you're in a bad mood, cos Dad went to see Hammond?"
"I'm not in a bad mood…Sir."
"Could have fooled me." Jack countered keeping his voice steady.
Unprepared for what came next, Sam shouted, "Do you know what he said? He came in and announced, 'I'll sort it for you. Don't worry about a thing. Leave it all to me' I mean how dare he." Sam shouted her voice becoming increasingly higher with each sentence. "This is my mess, and I'll get myself out of it. I just wish he would leave things alone."
Jack remained silent, allowing her to get it out of her system. Ever since they had come back from the planet, Carter had been more volatile than a volcano. Doc Frasier had told them to expect this, but even now she continued to surprise him with one of her outbursts.
They had lessened considerably over the last couple of days, and Janet had told him that it was due to the toxins dissipating within her blood stream. So, for the time being the SGC had had to put up with her ever changing mood swings.
Jack had felt that over the last few days, their roles had been reversed. Normally it would be Carter trying to placate him, but these days he had turned into a very sharp diplomat when it came to her aberrant behaviour.
Once she'd stopped her ranting he said calmly, "Feel better?"
Sighing, Sam replied, "Sorry, sir. I didn't mean to dump all this on you."
"Don't sweat it Carter, that's why they pay me the big bucks!" Jack replied in all honesty. Suddenly getting an idea on how he could at least take away the boredom of the infirmary he asked. "Fancy escaping for an hour?"
"I've tried that, sir. Janet said "No". Sam replied moodily.
"Leave it to me. I'll see if I can work my magic on her." Sam looked speculatively at her CO, and doubted that he would be able to coerce Janet into anything.
****
General Hammond was sat in his office discussing with Jacob Carter the way forward. He had contacted the president and requested that the hearing be conducted on base. Due to the delicacy of the situation and the work of the SGC, the president agreed.
"Did he tell you who would be presiding over the trial? Jacob asked sitting anxiously.
"I received word this morning that, General Myles will be overseeing the court martial."
"Not Joe Myles?" Jacob asked, recalling the name from his past.
"The very same."
"Oh! George, I think we're going to have one or two problems."
"That was my feelings, when I found out." General Hammond replied unhappily.
"You think it's worth contacting him? I don't want this to prejudice my daughter's case."
"Jacob. He's tough, but he's fair." George advised, hoping to improve Jacob's mood. "If I were you, I wouldn't interfere. It could make matters worse."
"Yeah, I suppose your right. That would just be another thing to add to her list of why she's annoyed at me. I saw her this morning, and told her not to worry about anything, and that I would sort it. You know what she did? She blew her stack."
General Hammond shook his head at his friend. He understood completely about not wanting to let your children go. Though even after all these years he still couldn't get through to his friend that his daughter was a fine officer, and could hold her own in any given situation.
"Jacob. I know you want to help your daughter, but don't interfere. She's got excellent council to help her. Colonel Jessica Chapman is one of the best and we're lucky to get her. She's won, more times than she's lost, and she's as tenacious as hell once you get her in the courtroom."
"I know, it's just hard sometimes for me to let go. There were so many times that I wasn't there to help her. Now that I'm able, she doesn't want it." Jacob replied feeling slightly hurt.
"Jacob, she has the same stubbornness as her father. Give her time, she'll come round." George answered trying to ease the troubled feelings his friend professed.
Jacob nodded. "What time is this Jessica Chapman due to see Sam?"
"She should arrive about 13:00 hours. After she's taken a deposition from Major Carter, she'll begin contacting witnesses."
"I hear the prosecuting officer is a bit of a rotweiller?"
"Francis McGuire is an outstanding legal mind, the only thing you have out watch out with him is his ability to twist words; if you're not careful he can make you sound as if your daughter's ultimate motive, was treasonous all along."
"Thanks George, you really know how to make a father feel better."
****
Sam paced back and forth in the infirmary like a caged animal, desperate to leave - even if it was only for a few hours. Every couple of minutes she peered through to the doctor's office and watched as her commanding officer gesticulated with his hands. Every once in a while they would both turn to look at her, and Sam feeling sheepish for being caught, turned away quickly.
After about 10 minutes Jack resurfaced and headed over to Sam with a smug expression clearly evident on his face.
"Told you." Jack told her.
"Really? She's letting me go?" Sam replied in disbelief. "Well what are we waiting for, sir. Let's go."
"Whoa, Kimusabe. There are three things you have to agree to before she'll let you go."
Sam flopped down on the bed, and sighed heavily. Muttering under her breath, "There's always something, isn't there?"
Ignoring her sarcasm, he continued. "Number 1, you're only allowed out for an hour."
Sam crossed her arms in annoyance, an hour! That was hardly enough time to do anything.
"Number two, you have to reign in your temper, we've got some new recruits on base, and we don't want to frighten them off on their first day."
Sam pulled a face at his attempt at witticism. She knew she had just about pushed him to the limit over the last days, and knowing the Colonel asked, "You sure that was Janet's suggestion, and not yours?"
Jack pulled a face, damn her, she knew him to well. "Now that you've mentioned it, Carter."
Sam rolled her eyes up at him and impatiently asked, "And the third?"
"I have to be your shadow for the duration."
Sam looked at him incredulously, "What?"
"I have to go everywhere you go."
Sam scowled at the thought of being treated like this. "So, what… I'm a prisoner now?"
Jack, attempting to answer diplomatically replied, "No." Sam gave him an 'I don't believe you' look. "Well…um…sort of, yes."
Flailing her arms in disgust, Sam's voice raised in anger. "Oh, that's just great. What happened to that whole, 'I trust you speech?'"
Jack knew she would feel like this. If he were in her shoes, he would probably have the same thoughts. "Carter…Sam!" Jack stated tentatively, hoping to calm her down. If she carried on like this, neither Janet nor General Hammond would let her go anywhere.
General Hammond had already advised the Colonel that Major Carter was on house arrest until the trial. Neither of them was happy about it, but as Major Carter was still confined to the infirmary, it hadn't been a problem, until now.
Jack knew that Sam was going stir crazy stuck looking at these 4 walls, which is why he'd asked Janet in the first place. General Hammond had agreed it this morning, but only on the authorisation of Doctor Frasier.
Hearing her name, Sam turned round to face her CO. Fire burned within her eyes in an effort to try and contain her rising temper.
Jack continued, "Carter, you're up on charges of treason. You know the score. It's either me, or you have a couple of SF's follow you around for an hour. Believe me when I tell you, that my company is far more stimulating."
"And will you want to follow me to the bathroom as well?" Sam responded with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Jack shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the image and replied, "Too much information, Carter."
Weighing up the pros and cons, she agreed to his terms - albeit grudgingly. With her temper calming she asked, "Where are we going?"
Jack hesitated; he knew half of her frustrations were due to the fact that she couldn't remember things, so he had arranged for them to go through the security videos from the night Sam left the base. Whether it was the right thing to do or not, he wasn't sure. She had a right to know though, particularly if the prosecution was planning on using the tape as evidence against her.
"There's something I think you need to see." Jack replied evasively.
Sam paused at the doorway and looked directly in his eyes, "What aren't you telling me?"
"You have a suspicious mind Carter."
"No, I just know you, sir."
"I thought it was about time you saw the video tapes from that night you left the base."
To Sam the idea of leaving the infirmary didn't seem so appealing now. She had enough bad thoughts about what had happened and she didn't want to see some video of herself showing it in black and white. "No thanks, sir. I think I'll pass."
Jack knew this would happen if he told her. Which is why he was being so vague in the first place. "Sam, I think it would help. I mean you said it yourself, the memories you have of that night are vague. The only way your gonna know what happened is to see the tapes for yourself."
Sam shook her head vehemently. "I don't want to see it. I told you that a few days ago."
Placing his hand on her arm he replied, "Sam, Colonel Chapman will be here tomorrow to go over your defence. Now I maybe wrong, but I think she might have some questions about that night. So, what are you going to tell her? That you don't remember?" Jack cornered her. Then sensing she was backing off from him, he held her arm a little tighter.
"Sam, they're gonna use that tape as evidence, how can you defend yourself if you don't know what they're talking about?" He saw that she was thinking about what he had said, so continued. "Teal'c, Jonas and I will be with you every minute, I promise."
Sam bit her lip, unsure of how to prepare herself. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this. His eyes begged for her to comply. "Please."
After a minute, Sam nodded her head in compliance. Releasing his grip from her arm he had to contain himself from reaching out for her hand. He didn't realise how hard this would be on his feelings. Even unconsciously, Sam had a way of tugging at his heartstrings.
Jack and Sam met up with Teal'c and Jonas in the briefing room. Jack had already squared it with General Hammond earlier that morning. He'd requested that there should only be SG1 present.
Sam sat beside Colonel O'Neill as the recorder began playing. What she saw on the television screen made her feel like a criminal She watched herself deliberately steal supplies from the lockers, and head for the control room. The others remained silent while her eyes remained glued to the screen.
Her hands gripped tensely against the arm of the chair, as she watched herself being man handled by Jaret. Her breathing escalated and she clenched her knuckles. Her blood boiled with trying to contain her hatred for this man.
Then without any realisation of what was coming next she saw Jonas enter the control room. Looking over at Jonas, she didn't remember this happening. Suddenly she felt her heart slam against her chest. Watching the screen carefully she witnessed him running over to her; concern etched in the young mans face.
Taking her eyes away from the television she asked softly, "You were there?"
Jonas nodded, "I came in and I saw you lying on the ground and wanted to get help for you…but you stopped me."
Sam put her hand to her head gently massaging her brow, which was creased with concentration. Desperately trying to fit the missing pieces into place. At this point Jack had paused the video, waiting until Sam was ready to continue.. He could see her struggling, and he wished he could help her, but there was only so much he could do.
Jack pressed the recorder once more and saw her eyes transfix on the image of Jonas's worried features. Although Jack had seen this tape several times, it still caused his heart to flutter. The screen was now showing the Goa'uld Jaret, trying to kill Jonas, and he turned to watch Sam's reaction, but he wasn't prepared to see the tears flowing down her cheek. Sam turned to face them all, the hurt and sadness was clearly evident within her eyes. All Jack wanted to do was scoop her up in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right.
Returning her vision to the screen ahead, Sam's hand dangled listlessly by her side. The next sequence of events showed Jonas collapsed; his body lay unmoving. Jack unconsciously reached for her hand, and expected her to push it away. Instead Sam grasped it firmly and turned to face him, unable to look at the television any longer. Holding onto his hand like a lifeline, she felt so lost and alone.
Jack leaned in closer whispering to her softly, telling her that it was going to be okay. Sam didn't care at this stage whether anyone was in the room or not. Jack caressingly wrapped his arms around her, allowing her tears to fall gently down his shoulder. With her head resting lightly on his shoulders, Sam's sobs echoed in the large room. Jack enveloped her further; one hand circled her back, the other rested softly against her head holding her even closer into him. Words were not necessary. A simple embrace between them spoke volumes, as Jack continued to rock her back and forth in his arms.
Jonas and Teal'C saw that this was a private moment for the both of them and decided to leave their friends alone.
***
It was now a week later; Sam had been released from the infirmary a few days before. Since her release, she had confined to quarters. Though she understood the reasons behind it, she had, for once in her life seen enough of the SGC to last her a lifetime.
Everyone had been to see her, including Doctor Mackenzie who had visited that morning. General Hammond refused to permit her to stand trial until she had received the all clear from the psychologist.
Jack had come to see her after her meeting with him, and she hadn't been happy.
"So what did Doc. Mackenzie have to say?" Jack asked tentatively sitting on the edge of her bed.
"He told me I had 'issues'."
"Nooo, really?"
"Sir!" Sam replied indignantly, and hurt by his statement.
"What! What did I say? Are you telling me you don't have 'issues'?"
"No."
"Well then, I don't get it." Jack retorted unsure of why she had a problem with this. Jack knew that after everything she had been through, it would have been wrong if she didn't have issues. He knew though, that once she got back into work, it would just be a matter of time. It didn't mean that she was a less effective member of the team because of it, hell he'd had issues for years. It didn't mean that he was unable to complete his duties with SG1.
"Doctor McKenzie thinks that my issues will have a negative effect on the team, if I was to return to SG1."
Jack felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. Sam, not on his team - that was just too unbearable for him to comprehend. They had been almost inseparable these last few weeks and he couldn't imagine continuing with SG1 without her by his side.
Since Sam had spent the majority of time in the infirmary, General Hammond had agreed some down time, at least until the court martial had been concluded. So with his authorisation, each team member had been talking with Sam continually about everything that had happened. Gradually over the last few days, the majority of pieces that had been missing from her memory had slotted into place.
It had been particularly difficult for both of them, when they discussed what had taken place upon Amemait's ship. Emotions had run high, and they had each lost their temper with the other. As the toxins dissipated even further from Sam's blood stream, Jack noticed a subtle change in her behaviour. Before she had been so argumentative with him, and had hurt his feelings on more than one occasion. Now, though, Sam was more or less back to normal. She still had the occasional mood swing, but he put that down to stress.
"Negative effect." Jack grumbled, "I'll give him 'negative effect' when I punch him in the nose for even saying that to you. How dare he. I'm the only one who has the right to make that call." Jack continued getting annoyed.
Sam turned to face him with a curious expression on her face. Her heart skipped a beat at the lengths he would go to in protecting her - her knight in shining armour. She knew he wouldn't actually do it, but the sentiment was there, and she smiled contentedly. It was at that moment Sam finally realised; no matter what had happened in the past; he still trusted her and cared for her.
Looking intently at her once more, he realised how close to the mark he'd got about declaring his feelings for her. Clearing his throat, Jack took a deep breath to steady the rising emotions within him. Once he felt he had control again he asked with a hint of nervousness, "So…um…what did you say to him?"
"I told him, that if he didn't let me go back to work, he'd have you and Teal'c to deal with." Sam smiled, "Between us, I think he's scared of Teal'c."
Jack grinned at the unexpectedness of her answer, it had taken them both a while to get back to their friendly banter, and he had missed it. What Sam hadn't realised is, the more time they spent together, the more his sense of humour had rubbed off on her.
"I can just imagine his face. I assume he didn't find it amusing."
Sam smiled; this was just pure Jack O'Neill, the man who could cheer her up in a heartbeat. "No, he didn't."
"So, what did he say after that."
Shaking her head, she knew it wasn't funny, but in a kind of weird way it was. "He… um… didn't say anything. He just nodded his head, said 'I see', then...." Sam sighed dramatically. "He, scribbled furiously in his note pad for the next twenty minutes."
"Oh Sam." Jack laughed. "That's your cards marked."
"Tell me about it."
After letting the silliness of the situation fall by the wayside, they both fell into silence thinking about the real possibility that she may never be able to come back to SG1. Giving her hand a squeeze to reassure her, he sighed deeply and said with conviction, "Look, no matter what happens over the next few days, I'll stand by you. We all will."
*****
That night, Sam lay on her bed staring at the ceiling for the last three hours while sleep eluded her. Throughout the day she had tried to keep up her sense of humour, especially when her CO had come to visit. Now though as the night drew closer, she felt herself fading.
Unable to keep the pretence up any longer, she allowed herself to cry. This was her life, and she couldn't imagine herself doing or being anything else. Her defence council had warned her of the possible outcomes, and now after three hours of thinking things through, she had got to the stage of expecting the worst. Closing her eyes, she tried to find an inner peace.
After a few minutes she was sure she heard a subtle knock on her door. Sitting up, she waited for a moment, thinking it was her imagination. Then hearing it a second time she swung her legs over the side of the bed wondering who would be calling at this hour. Clearing her throat, she said, "Who is it?"
A male voice softly resounded against the metal door. "It's me. Can I come in?"
Sam's heart fluttered, what was he doing here at this time of night? She had thought he had gone home hours ago. "It's open."
As the door opened, there stood her CO and her friend. His face reflected uncertainty and worry, "I hope I didn't wake you."
"N.n.no, come in, sit down." Sam replied slightly flustered.
Jack sauntered over to where she was sat, and hesitated briefly before sitting down next to her; their backs against the wall. A silent pause drifted between them. "I know I shouldn't be here, especially this late. It's just that I...erm...couldn't sleep. I thought maybe you would be having the same problems?"
Sam looked at him intently seeing the concern in his soft features. She didn't know what to say. Her heart was saying one thing, but her brain was telling her it was wrong on so many levels. Deciding to go with her heart, she laid her head softly against his shoulder and whispered, "I'm scared."
"I know." Jack answered softly wrapping his arm around her waist pulling her into him.
"What am I going to do?" Sam said dejectedly.
"Sleep tonight, worry tomorrow." Jack replied trying to belay her fears.
Sam smiled softly against his body; he had just the right words to calm her fears. Feeling safe in his arms gave her the courage to ask, "Will you stay until I fall asleep?"
"Your Dad couldn't drag me away."
For the next half an hour Jack felt her breathing even out until eventually she fell into a deep slumber. Glancing down at her, he hadn't seen her looking at peace for a long time. He knew he couldn't stay here all night. The rumour mill would have a field day if someone caught him coming out of her quarters in the early hours of the morning; and she didn't need that. Carefully he removed his arms from around her and gently lowered her body to a prone position; positioning her head against the pillow.
Looking at her sleeping peacefully at last, he picked up a blanket and wrapped it carefully around her body. His heart ached at the thought of tomorrow…well today. He didn't know if he wanted to carry on working here if she wasn't with him.
Brushing her hair away from her eyes, he bent down and lightly kissed her forehead.
"Good night Sam."
In the depths of sleep she heard the words, and without stirring whispered, "Night Jack."
End of CHAPTER 22 – PART 1.
A/N. Please don't shout at me, the next bit is nearly ready I promise. I'm half way through; it's just taking longer than I thought. Sorry. I promise it will be up within the next couple of days. I just can't stop rambling.
