Chapter Six

`"You… are freakishly strong!" Chandler gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"No, you're just a wimp," Monica laughed, pinning him to the ground.

Chandler's eyes sparkled, leaving Monica mesmerized. "Fine," she said, letting go of him, "I'll let you go this one time. But you'll owe me… big time!"

Chandler grinned. "Why, thank you, Gellar."

"Don't act cocky, Bing." Monica laughed right along with Chandler.

"Me? Who are you kidding?"

Monica slowly let Chandler stand up. Chandler let out an exaggerated sigh. "I'll never!"

Monica laughed. "Don't be melodramatic."

Chandler beamed. "Who're you to tell me what to do?" Chandler quickly swept Monica off her feet and into his arms. "Look what the Chan-Chan man brought home today!"

"Chandler! Put me down!"

"Never!" Chandler smiled and carried her over to the couch. "You're mine forever."`

Monica twisted the ring on her finger, letting the tears fall freely. There used to be a day when Monica didn't have any worries. When all she had to face was going to work. And then after work she'd see Chandler, hang out with him and the gang. She wished… even for just one day, one moment… things would go back to that way. Back to simple. Back to content. Monica looked out the window, looking through the thick fog. She tried to keep her mind on how she was going to see her friends soon… but her mind just kept reminding her that her true love was being left behind.

"It's for the best," Monica whispered. "I wasn't the one for him. Rachel is." Monica wiped her tears and let out a quivery sigh. Despite her effort to dry her eyes, more tears just kept falling.

"Who're you talking to?" Monica jumped, startled to see that someone was even seated next to her. Monica forged a smiled.

"Myself."

When Monica left it at that, the man smiled. "My name's Muriel."

Monica looked at him and frowned. Chandler Muriel Bing.

"Does my name bother you?" he asked, sensing her depression.

Monica shook her head. "No, it's not you. It – well, I just used to know someone with that same name in the middle."

"Why does it bother you?"

"A lifetime of reasons."

"Then you could call me whatever you'd like," he joked. Monica felt the tears coming. Chandler used to always say that to strangers. Monica closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind. But all she saw was Chandler seated next to her instead. It was time to let go… she knew it was. Why else would she be sitting on this plane? She knew it was time to let go. But she couldn't help but hold on.

Chandler sat down on the bed, sadness engulfing him. He'd just lost his best friend. Sure, he knew where she was going. But he couldn't leave Rachel. He'd just finally decided he was in love with her. When Chandler laid his head down, he noticed a note on his pillow. He didn't notice it before, but now that he saw it, tears stung his eyes. It was from Monica. As he read it, he could hear Monica's voice reading it to him; he could see her beautiful face.

Chandler,

We met it seems… such a short time ago

You looked at me, needing me so.

Yet from your sadness, our happiness grew

And then I found out… I needed you too.

I remember how we used to play

I recall those rainy days

The fire's glow… that kept us warm.

And now I find we're both alone.

Goodbye may seem forever.

Farewell is like the end.

But in my heart's a memory.

And there you'll always be.

Chandler read the poem she wrote to him several times before he put it down, wiping his tears. The paper was tear-stained, and the ink was smudgy from Monica's tears. Now the paper was nearly soaked from his own. And the tears wouldn't stop.

"Come back, Mon," he whispered. "I need you."

Monica took her luggage and pushed her way past all of the busy travelers. When she finally reached the exit, she ran out of the building and stopped a taxi. But before she got in, Monica looked around. It was the same as when she left it. It was the same. She was a whole different person. She got in the taxi, gave her directions, and pulled out her cell phone. Ross was the one the pick up.

"Hello?"

"Ross?"

"Mon… is that you? Look… I'm really-"

"Give Phoebe the phone."

"She's not here."

"Then give me Joey."

"No… look…"

"Ross, just give him the phone." Monica heard Ross sigh and hand someone the phone.

"Monica?" It was Phoebe.

"I thought you weren't home."

"This is my apartment…"

"Well, I just wanted to call to tell you that I'm coming home. I'm already in New York and I'm in a taxi."

"Okay. Hold on."

"Okay." After a few minutes, the silence was broken.

"Mon, please talk to me," Ross begged. Monica sighed and shook her head, not even bothering to notice he couldn't see her. Without answering him, she just hung up the phone. Her cell phone rang numerous times after that, but she ignored it.

After ten minutes of being alone with her thoughts, the taxi pulled up in front of her apartment building. Monica paid the driver and went to her apartment. When she opened the door, tears came to her eyes. It held so many memories that would never be replaced with new ones. It was the first time she was in the apartment without Chandler being her roommate. Without bothering to unpack, Monica threw herself onto the couch and buried her face in her hands. She'd always thought that things would always be great. That she'd always have Chandler. 'You're still young, and already you have nothing to live for,' her mind told her. And her heart told her the same.

"Mon! Are you in there? Why did you lock the door?" It was Phoebe. Monica shook her head, but made no attempt into opening the door for them.

"We know you're in there! We heard you come in!" This time it was Joey.

"Leave me alone," Monica pleaded.

"No! We want to see you!"

"Why? So you could lecture me? I don't need to deal with this right now!"

"We just want to see our friend! Is that so terrible?"

Monica sighed. "Is Ross there?"

"No."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No!"

Monica got up and headed for the door. When she opened it, she was relieved to see only Phoebe and Joey standing there. After Ross's reaction towards Monica's confession, she didn't think she'd ever want to see him again. Phoebe didn't wait a second before pulling Monica into a hug, Joey joining.

"We were so worried about you after you told us, Mon," Joey said, still hugging her. "We weren't sure what you were going to do, and we knew it must have been hell on you."

Monica broke from the hug and frowned. "I'm fine."

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Really," she answered.

"Then why did you come back?"

Monica didn't know what to say, and suddenly she realized that her eyes must have been blood-shot and puffy from crying. "Because… he didn't need me anymore."

"And why are you crying?" Joey asked, ignoring her answer.

"Because I'm so happy to be back!" Even to her, the answer was half-witted.

"Don't give us this bullshit!"

"I thought you were going to comfort me," Monica whispered. "So if you're here to tell me how I'm wrong, or how stupid I've been, then you might as well just leave." Monica went over to the couch and fell onto it, feeling the hot tears descend from her eyes and down her cheeks. Her two friends closed the door and went towards her.

"We're sorry, Mon," Joey apologized. "We didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah… and don't cry. Please don't cry," Phoebe said, her tone soft. Monica looked up.

"If I could be anything in the world, it'd be a tear," she said simply.

"What?"

"His tear. So I would be born in his eyes, live on his cheeks, and die on his lips." Phoebe and Joey didn't know what to do. So they just sat there, hugging Monica, watching their friend fall apart.

"Where have you been these past few days?"

"I've just been hiding out in my… apartment. I just had some things I had to sort out."

"I understand." She smiled.

"I missed you."

"Even just for a few days?"

She nodded. Chandler smiled. "I missed you too, Rach."

Rachel smiled and kissed him softly. Chandler looked at her. They were at a restaurant – Rachel's favorite, to be exact. It was about a week after Monica left, and to Chandler, things were going to be okay. He had Rachel – why wouldn't they be?

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Chandler," Rachel whispered.

"And you're the best thing that ever happened to me." But Chandler wasn't so sure if he was telling her the truth. Because Monica happened to him.

"Chandler?" Rachel interrupted his thoughts, sensing his mind was far. Chandler quickly sat up straight and smiled.

"Hmm?" he mumbled as he took her hands, intertwining his fingers with hers. Rachel smiled.

"What are you thinking about?"

Chandler kept up his smile, but inside he didn't know what to tell her. How could he tell her that Monica was on his mind?

"You."

But he felt guilty even saying it. Because all his mind was telling him was, I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she's okay… I wish she were here. And those thoughts swarmed in his head the entire evening.

-~-

I wonder what he's doing now.

No, on second thought… he's probably with Rachel.

Monica sat on her couch, hugging her knees to her chest. She heard a knock on the door but ignored it.

"Mon! We know you're in there! You can't stay in there forever!" It was Ross.

"Come out – please!" Phoebe's voice sounded desperate.

"Being alone is not the answer!" Joey's voice was soft, pleading. Monica shook her head.

"Well… I think it is," she said, her voice shaky. Tears fell down her face and she did nothing to stop them.

"You need to talk. To someone… anyone."

Monica didn't reply.

"Come on, you've been locked up in there for a week! You need to talk to someone."

Yeah, and that someone is Chandler.

"We're not leaving until you tell us what you're feeling!"

Monica sighed and went over to the door. She put the chain-lock on it and unlocked the door.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm fine!"

"Don't tell us that everything is fine!" Ross raged. Monica shook her head.

"Mon… you can sit there for a week, crying, and tell us that everything is fine?" Phoebe asked, ignoring Ross's outburst.

"What do you care, anyway?" Monica asked.

"We care a lot. A whole lot."

"Then show it and leave me alone."

"Not until you give us some answers!" Joey pleaded. Monica sighed.

"Fine."

"Thank you!"

"What kind of answers?"

Phoebe looked down at her hands. "How long?"

"How long?" Monica repeated, confused.

"How long have you had feelings for Chandler?"

"I – well…" Monica stopped short and glanced at Ross. "What does it matter?"

"Please… you promised us answers."

"For ten years," she whispered. The three gasped.

"You've been hiding it for that long?" Phoebe was asking all of the questions.

"What does it matter?" she asked again.

"Does he know?"

"No."

"You've been hiding this from him for ten years?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Phoebe asked softly.

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Or his life."

"Do you know if he feels the same?"

"Of course he doesn't feel the same. He has… her."

"How have you been able to keep it a secret for so long?"

Monica hesitated. "Hey… this is more than just a few questions!"

Phoebe nodded. "Okay." She paused, but looked up at Monica once more. "Can I at least come in and talk to you?"

Monica shook her head. "I don't… no. I need to be alone."

"No you don't! We're here to help you!"

"I don't need help!" Monica quickly shut the door and locked it once more. She didn't need help. At least… that's what she's been telling herself. Monica sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. I need him back… I need my heart back… I need my life back.

Cold, wet rain splattered across his face, but he barely noticed it. What was he doing? Where was his life going? He needed an answer, but couldn't seem to find one. Monica used to be the one who told him all he needed to know.

"Chandler?" Chandler turned around and smiled.

"Hey."

"What are you doing in the rain?"

"Nothing, Rach. Just taking a walk," he replied, slipping his hands into hers.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Chandler didn't reply but just walked on, his hand still holding hers. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh… old friends," Chandler managed. He swallowed and forced a smile. "You know… old-time buddies?"

Rachel nodded. "Who?"

"Just… you know… friends."

Rachel nodded once more and shivered. Chandler noticed this and took off his jacket, putting it over her shoulders.

"Cold?" he asked, rubbing her shoulders, still walking. Rachel nodded. "Hey Rach?"

"Hmmm?"

"What would you do if your best friend left you?"

Rachel took a moment to answer. "I'd go back to her."

"But… what if you can't? What if you've found your soulmate, who lives in… say, Alabama… and your friend went to New York?"

"Why do you need to know this, Chandler? Did someone leave you?" Rachel asked, seemingly concerned. Chandler shook his head.

"No, no… nothing like that." Chandler smiled, but Rachel knew it was a forged one.

"Chandler… are you hiding something from me?"

"Never," Chandler whispered. "It's just – I, my best friend… Joey… I told you about him, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well… he – he finally found the love of his life. Isn't that amazing? And, well… his best friend left him. To Alabama. What should he do?"

"I thought you were his best friend…"

"Well, I am. But she… she knew everything about him. She was a different friend."

"Well… why can't the girl he's dating come with him?"

"She thinks they used to date…"

"Oh."

"So what should he do? Be with the love of his life or his best friend?" Chandler was desperate now.

"Has he ever had feelings for the friend?" Rachel questioned. Chandler shrugged.

"I – I don't think so…"

"Then he should stay with the woman."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean… if this woman really is the love of his life… he could always get another friend."

Chandler nodded, but he wasn't so sure if she was right. Nonetheless… he made up his decision.

Whether he was right or wrong, he was going to stay.

To be continued…

I know, this took forever to post up. But I've had writers block a little… and I'm still very busy. Expect the nest chapter sooner. Please review… you know by now. ;). Hopefully I'll post the next chapter after some good reviews. And thank you all for being patient with me.