That evening they regrouped in Dante's basement, only to be greeted by the sound of small feet skittering across the floor.

Saori narrowed her eyes. "What was that?"

Kenta looked around, nervously wringing his hands.

Dante turned pale. "Red alert! All hands to battlestations!" he cried, running around hysterically. He handed Saori a loaded crossbow and continued his mad frenzy around the basement.

Kenta turned to Saori. "Care to hazard a guess?"

Saori shook her head. "I've got a better idea." She tripped Dante and pointed the crossbow at his head. "What's with you?"

Dante's eyes widened at the sight of the weapon. "Hey, watch where you're pointing that thing!"

"I am."

"Oh. Right then. Well. You know squirrels, right? Okay. And you know how they mobilize into efficient strike teams to paralyze our communications network?"

Quizzical stares.

"They chew on the computer cables!"

More stares.

Kenta scratched his head. "I frequently worry about your mental health."

"Don't worry, be happy. La la la la la la la!"

"There, that's precisely what I'm talking about."

Saori tightened her grip on the crossbow. "What squirrels!"

Dante looked around, nervous. "They were my sister's squirrels. She bought them from a scientist who didn't want them anymore. And they're super-intelligent now from all these experimental drugs! They keep escaping from their cage and wreaking havoc on the wiring!"

Saori was unfazed. "Uh-huh."

"We have to get out of here," Dante said, visibly shaking. "It's not safe! If they cut the power we'll be alone! In the dark! With squirrels! GET OUT! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!" And with that he passed out.

Cue the awkward moment of silence. Finally Kenta said, "Should—shouldn't we help him?"

"What a stupid question," Saori said. "Of course we should help him." She didn't move.

A moment passed. "Um…"

"Ethics are for losers. Let's get something to eat."

Kenta obediently followed Saori upstairs for a raid on Dante's refrigerator.

* * *

The next morning, with Saori suspended and Dante still unconscious, Kenta was the only one to attend school. His classes were blissfully sane, and he got some useful work done with Normal Guy Jim.

But none of that is entertaining, so we'll move along now.

As coincidence would have it, Dante awoke at the exact same time that Kenta arrived in the basement by falling down the stairs. They went to the computer, where Saori had been furiously playing Thief all day.

"This error came from HELL!" she said as they sat down. "BACK TO HELL WITH YOU!!"

Dante complacently propped his head on his hands. "So…how was your day?"

Saori turned to face him. "I'd been playing all day until the computer froze and I had to reboot and I got the demon-spawned error so I lost the saved game you FOOL!"

"That's nice. I would tell you how mine went, but somehow I can't remember…"

"RAAAAAHHHHH" was all Saori could say as she stormed around the basement like Godzilla on steroids.

Eventually the Incredible Hulk calmed down, and they resumed playing the game. From the very beginning, thanks to the you-know-what. By this time, the trio had gained a remarkable cohesion, efficiently slaughtering and/or evading every guard in their path. They could communicate without words, act without hesitation, shake without stirring. Or something like that. The point is (yeah, like there's a point!), they could get a lot of stuff done relatively quickly. They breezed through a handful of levels before Dante and Kenta succumbed to sleepiness.

When they awoke in the morning, Saori was still playing. They went over to see what was going on when disaster struck! Suddenly! With a vengeance! It was dramatic!

Oh. Anyway, what happened was that Kenta tripped over the computer's power cord, unplugging it. Dante, fearing for Kenta's life, pulled the clumsy boy upstairs like a cheetah dragging a dead gazelle.

When they returned in the afternoon, Saori no longer felt a strong need to kill them. As they joined her in front of the computer, the movie depicting Garrett's first meeting with Constantine began.

"My name isConstan—"

Saori looked thoughtful. "I never noticed before, but Garrett's kinda cute."

Both boys turned to look at her.

"Viktoria and I are old—"

"Eyes forward!"

They snapped their attention back to the screen.

"I don't know about Garrett," Dante said, "but Viktoria is mighty hot."

"No argument there," Saori said.

"It is a gemstone called the eye—"

Both boys stared at her, their identical expressions a mixture of incredulity and amazement.

"Do you want me to kill you? I swear I'll do it."

"Who dares interrupt me?! Fear me, for I am Constan—"

Dante looked deeply serious. He put a hand on Saori's shoulder. "I don't doubt it for a second. That's the kind of friend you are."

"Remove your hand now."

He yanked his hand away with the zippiness of a hummingbird on speed. "Forgive me?"

"Never."

"Shall we continue?" Kenta asked, choosing to ignore the unpleasantness that had transpired.

"Affirmative," Saori said, getting back to business.

And the three played on. They were exploring new territory, seeking new life, and boldly going where no one had gone before! That is, they were playing levels that they had never reached before. Their progress was slow, and they had only finished a few more levels.

It was a dark and stormy—wait, I said that already. Oh well, it was dark and stormy. Soon, the sounds of the impending storm managed to penetrate the sphere of isolation erected around the basement.

"Perhaps we should terminate the game and disengage the computer until the storm passes," Kenta said.

"We can't stop! We'd get the error, that piece of #%&* ^$@!…" At this point, her speech deteriorated into something utterly profane, yet thankfully unintelligible.

As the author's wishes would have it, a squirrel (a normal one, not super-intelligent!) decided to take shelter from the storm in the transformer. It then decided to eat the transformer, something that, in retrospect, was not such a good idea. Its frail squirrel body was electrocuted, and all power to Dante's house was swiftly cut off.

To say Saori was pissed would be a gross understatement. Her rage was overshadowed only by the fury of the storm itself, and just barely at that.

Dante and Kenta sat in the bathroom, having locked themselves away from Saori, a.k.a. "The Raging Volcano." Dante occupied himself by making UFOs on the ceiling with his flashlight. Kenta hugged his knees close to his chest. "How long do you anticipate the power being unavailable?"

Dante shone the light into the mirror, blinding himself. "OW! Oh, um, I dunno. Last time we had a big storm like this, we didn't get power back for a couple days. My eyes…" he moaned, seeing white spots dance across his view.

"Quite frightful."

Dante rightfully intuited that Kenta was referring to the scary prospect of Saori being denied Thief for several days. "Quite," he echoed.


Author's Notes:

Please review :)

Lookie lookie! I'm not just rambling!! There's actual story here!!! Party at my house!!!!

I may have strayed from reality just a little in this chapter…but the squirrel in the transformer thing really did happen. They are Evil.

^__^