By noon the next day, the power company had successfully extricated the charred squirrel body from the transformer. Saori spent the day playing Thief and writing a manifesto against squirrels. Dante and Kenta, after barely surviving their final detention, returned to the basement.

"How goes the thieving?" Kenta asked.

"Motor control failing…vision blurring…life support failure imminent…" Saori mumbled.

"I beg your pardon?"

Dante draped an arm around Kenta's satiny shoulders. "You see, as much as she'd like you to believe otherwise, our gal-pal Saori is not invincible. Staying awake in a basement for three days will knock out anyone."

"Do you mean to say that she has remained here for three consecutive days?" Kenta said, disbelieving. He turned to Saori. "But you require rest, sustenance—"

"And a shower," Dante added helpfully.

"Remind me to kill you later," Saori said before passing out. Her forehead landed on the keyboard, making the number 666 appear coincidentally, or maybe prophetically, on the screen.

* * *

Twelve hours and a shower later, Saori, joined by Dante and Kenta (and Jim, but who cares?), returned to school. Our story continues at their mandatory counseling session, moderated by none other than the friendly counselor who used to be a kindergarten teacher, Miss Lili.

"Please sit down. I want you to feel at home here," Miss Lili said, beaming brightly at the four students as they entered the conference room. "Before we begin, let's make some rules! These will help our little talk be good! The most important rule is that we are all 'special' and wonderful human beings, so why don't you give yourself a pat on the back, okay?"

"Ooh boy," Dante murmured, slouching down in his chair.

"Sit up straight, Dante! We don't want our backs to ache, do we? That's right! Now, this room is what I call the 'respect zone,' " she said, making quotation marks with her fingers. "That means that we need to listen to what other people say, okay?" she asked, looking at each person in turn and smiling. "We also need to be on our best behavior and use our indoor voices! We're in a place of learning," she said, just in case anyone had developed amnesia in the last five minutes.

By this time, Dante and Jim had slipped into a comatose state. Kenta was as complacent as ever. Saori, remarkably composed, asked permission to go to the bathroom.

"Of course, dear!" Miss Lili said, smiling cheerily. "We'll wait for you!"

Saori very calmly walked out of the room. Then she began to sprint.

Unaware of the horrendous fate soon to befall her, Miss Lili smiled at the delinquents—I mean, misguided youths—sitting around the table. "Hey, I know! Let's sing a song while we're waiting for our friend to come back! I know a good song! Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're togeth—"

THUD. Miss Lili's head hit the table.

Dante and Jim looked up. Saori was standing outside the window, holding something that looked suspiciously like a tranquilizer gun.

"Holy shit! What did you do?!" Jim asked, jumping up.

"It would appear that she has incapacitated the counselor," Kenta said.

"Oh, I've done more than that!" Saori said, climbing inside. "That dart was full of—"

"Gah!" Dante said, covering Kenta's ears. "Ix-nay on the oison-pay!"

"It's time to go," Saori announced, resting the gun on her shoulder. "Out the window. I've got the getaway vehicle ready."

Dante peered outside the window. "Holy flying monkeys, Dorothy! The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile???!!!"

Saori slapped him upside the head. "Idiot, the car next to it!"

"Oh."

"Hey, I'm not leaving any witnesses!" she said, leveling the gun at Jim. "C'mon, let's take a little ride."

Jim, now convinced that his classmates were junior members of the Mafia, climbed out the window. Kenta and Saori followed.

Dante, who was already outside, had somehow managed to climb on top of the Weinermobile and was now singing at the top of his lungs. "Oh, I WISH I were an Oscar Mayer WEI-NER! That is what I'd truly like to BEEEE!"

"GET DOWN HERE!" Saori yelled at him. "Don't MAKE me come UP there!"

And before you can say cameleopardheffalumpopotamus, Dante was back on the ground. "I drive, I drive!" he said, the continuous implied threats on his life apparently not cramping his style.

"Like HELL you do," Saori said, yanking him away from the driver's seat. She handed the keys to Kenta. "Kenta drives."

"I am getting OUT of here," Jim said, foolishly thinking he could escape.

Saori blocked his path. "Hey, we're not in the 'respect zone' anymore. Do you want to ride in the trunk?"

"No ma'am."

"You keep thinking that." She turned away. Normal Guy Jim, who may have to be renamed Dumb Guy Jim if this keeps up, tried to make a break for it. She immediately used the Vulcan nerve pinch on him, making him collapse like a sack full of collapsible stuff. "Into the trunk with you!" she said, heaving Jim's carcass into the trunk and slamming the lid.

"The aft storage compartment of this motor vehicle does not provide ample ventilation for a human," Kenta said.

"Oh, FINE," Saori said, sighing heavily. "If I make some air holes, will you be happy?!" When Kenta nodded assent, she shot several rounds into the trunk.

"YIPPEE!" Dante said, clapping his hands.

"Let's GO already."

They got into the car, Saori riding shotgun and Dante stretched out in the back. As Kenta pulled out of the lot, Dante pumped his arms and shouted, "Road trip, WOO!"

And so began the road trip to end all road trips, or maybe just some of them. The first two hours were surprisingly calm. Kenta was a very careful driver, and Saori spent most of the time proofreading her squirrel manifesto. Dante thought he heard thumping noises coming from the trunk, but dismissed them as his imagination.

The next two hours were pure hell.


Author's Notes:

Jim has a potty mouth. Shame on him.

Isn't Miss Lili just your absolutely favorite character now?? She sure is MINE, heh heh! (it's been a long day…)

Hmm, I seem to be straying further from reality with each chapter. *shrugs* It's all good.

Does anyone know why Saori let Kenta drive? Cause I sure don't. Clueless author + lack of reality = good story!

Oh…and about Kenta's satiny shoulders…I swear, that wasn't my idea…