Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales

Written by Sakki-san

I don't own Weiss. Wish I did, though.

I LOOOVE my kitty!! He makes such adorable sounds and looks so CUTE!!! ^__________^ He's still mine, though.

Omi: OK! THIS chapter is going to have a PLOT!

Nagi: YAY!

Schu: pf. You're only happy because you like Omi.

Omi: ^_^

Nagi: =^_^=

Omi: Ok. We're going to do a spoof of a fairy tale.

Farfie: CINDERELLA!!!!!!!!!!

All: O_O

Crawford: Why the hell would we want to do THAT?!

Farfie: Because it such a God hurting story!!!

Schu: How does it hurt God?

Farfie: Faeries.

Yohji: …o…k…

Nagi: I like it.

Omi: Alright then! Once upon a time there was a beautiful young…

Schu: blonde guy…

Omi: who lived with his evil stepmother and…

Nagi: many many stepbrothers.

Yohji: Am I the beautiful young blonde guy?

Schu: Of course not.

Yohji: ;-;

Omi: Then…who…

Schu: You, of course.

Nagi: O_O!!!

Omi: Wh-what?! But I'm the narrator!!!

Schu: Nagi can take your place. Now here, put these on.

Omi: No way!

Schu: Do it.

Omi: ;-;

Nagi: So...um…anyway. The evil stepmother was – wait, stepmother? We're all guys here.

Hell: I'M NOT.

Aya: SHI – NE HELL!!!!!!!

Hell: Shut up. I'm here to play the evil stepmother.

Aya: _@_…

Nagi: …so the evil stepmother favored her biological sons over her stepson.

Omi: ;-;

Hell: HEY BOY! GET TO WORK CLEANING THE…

Farfie: fireplace so that you can go out and get some gasoline to BURN THEM ALL THE TO LAKE OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: o.o;;;….

Crawford: …The evil stepmother was very happy in her current position because she was rich and powerful.

Hell: Which made me happy.

Crawford: I said that.

Nagi: Then one day, the prince of the land got lonely.

Schu: I am so fucking lonely.

Nagi: Schu, lay off the swearing.

Schu: Fine. I am so #$&*ing lonely.

Nagi: ~_~;;;…

Schu: I need companionship.

Nagi: So his father, the king…

Crawford: …eh?

Nagi: …*NUDGE*

Crawford: OW. Um, son. You look…erm…distressed…waitasecond, I AM NOT HIS FATHER!

Schu: For this story you are.

Nagi: The king decided to host a ball so his son could find a…

Farfie: LAKE OF FIREEEEEEE

Schu: FARFIE, SHUT THE #$&* UP!!!

Farfie: o_o scary…^_^ must hurt God a lot.

Schu: GRRRR

Nagi: …anyway….the king hosted the ball so his son could find a wife.

Schu: GRRRR

Nagi: Der, I mean, a, uh…boyfriend?

Schu: ^_^ Much better.

Crawford: I can't believe I have to be his father.

Omi: Don't pity yourself.

Nagi: The invitation to the ball –

Schu: Party. I think a party would be better.

Nagi: -_- Whatever. The invitation to the party reached the house where Omi, his evil stepbrothers, and evil stepmother lived.

Hell: OMI, GET THE MAIL!

Omi: Yes, evil stepmother. Hey look! There's an invitation in here!

*silence*

Nagi: …

Hell: ….Is it my line?

Nagi: No, the evil stepbrothers are supposed to come barreling down the stairs to get to the invitation.

Omi: Who plays the evil stepbrothers?

*silence*

All: …

Yohji: ….oh yeah! I'm one of them!

Omi: _! Took you long enough to remember!

Aya: -_-

Ken: Why am I an EVIL stepbrother?

Nagi: Dunno. Just get down here.

Yohji: Hey, this is an invitation to the prince's party!

Aya: Shi-ne.

Ken: Should be fun…

Hell: This WILL be fun.

Yohji: What are you talking about? You're not going.

Hell: I'm talking about letting Schoen dress you.

Aya, Ken, and Yohji: (o.0) eep…

Schoen: YEE HEE HEE!!! *tackle*

Ken: WAAAAAA

Aya: HEY! HANDS OFF, WENCH!

Schoen: …wench?

Aya: Sakki won't let us swear.

Schoen: Oh well, sucks to be you. Now COME! For I have LEATHER.

Schu: O_O…@_________@

Aya: NOOOO!!!

Yohji: YAY!

Ken: ;-;

Nagi: And so the evil stepbrothers were dragged, carried, and run off to the dressing room, leaving behind the evil stepmother and Omi.

Omi: ….can I go?

Hell: No.

Omi: ;-; Why not?

Hell: Because I'm a mean evil bitch.

Omi: ;-; *slowly walks off*

Aya: Why can THEY swear and I CAN'T?!!

Nagi: Aya, get back in the dressing room, you need pants.

Aya: ….o_O GYAH

Nagi: ~_~;;; So the poor young Omi wandered back into his room, sad and dejected.

Omi: ;-;

Nagi: But when he got there, he saw a –

Farfie: HUGE LOAF OF FLAMING BREAD SITTING IN A LAKE WHICH I HAD PUT THERE AND I HAD ALSO BOUGHT THE BREAD AND GROWN THE BREAD AND CHIHUAHUAED THE BREAD AND NOW I HAD PUT IT IN OMI'S ROOM SO THAT HE COULD NOT GET TO THE WONDERFUL, SEXY BLACK LEATHER OUTFIT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, WHICH HAD NOT BEEN PUT THERE BY ME, BUT BY HIS LITTLE MOUSIE FRIENDS, WHOM HE HAD BEFRIENDED WITH HIS WONDERFUL SINGING AND BRITNEY SPEARS IMITATIONS BECAUSE THE MICE LIKED BRITNEY SPEARS WHICH MADE ME ANGRY MOSTLY BECAUSE GOD LIKES BRITNEY SPEARS!!

All: O_O

Crawford: THAT'S IT!!!! *draws cross*

Farfie: O_O GOD SYMBOL!!!!

Crawford: *charges* SHUT THE !#%^%#&%$*%^**)(%@#$&$@&^%$*^$@^h$#&%@$&#&%#*rd$%@$&%@#%@&#$#$ UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All sans Crawford, who's chasing Farfie, and Farfie, who's being chased: O_O….

Nagi: ….what was supposed to happen was, when he got there, he saw a wonderful, sexy black leather outfit on the other side of the room.

Schu: That had been put there by his little mousie friends?

Nagi: How should I know? I've never heard Omi sing.

Yohji: You should.

Omi: WOW! Look at this wonderful, sexy black leather outfit! I should put it on!

Nagi: And so he did!

Omi: …can I have some privacy?

Schoen: *TACKLE*

Omi: GAAAAH

Schoen: *pets outfit* pretty…

Hell: SCHOEN! Get lost!

Schoen: *stalks off* That's all the thanks I get for being so helpful…

Nagi: So as they were all getting ready to leave, Omi ran down in his sexy black leather outfit!

Yohji: The sexy blonde guy in the white leather got jealous, so he…

Aya: cut it in half.

Yohji: Using his brother's sword.

Omi: O_O! ;-; You guys are so MEAN!

Nagi: And the cute little blonde ran off, and the others left.

Ken: I feel oddly out of place here.

Schu: Stay.

Ken: o_o…

Nagi: Poor little Omi sat in his room, utterly miserable, until there was a flash of golden light!

Omi: What's that bright light in my room?!

Farfie: Hi! I'm your fairy godfather!

Omi: …………..NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Farfie: Shut up, I'm here against all moral ethics and against the will of God, so it's a good thing.

Omi: What are you talking about?! That's a terrible thing!

Farfie: But bad things are good.

Omi: …

Farfie: Anyway, shut up and listen to me. I'm here to replace your once-wonderful, sexy black leather outfit with an even more wonderful, more sexy black leather one.

Omi: Can you actually do that?
Farfie: As long as it hurts God.

Omi: ….weren't you being chased by Crawford?

Farfie: Oh, I ditched him somewhere on the side of the road on the way here. Anyway, stand up.

Omi: ok…

Farfie: *concentrates* This hurts God…This hurts God…This hurts God…

Nagi: As soon as he was done chanting, there was another bright flash of light, and Omi was wearing a…

Farfie: LAKE OF FIREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Crawford: YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Farfie: O_O GOTTA RUN *zoom*

Nagi: …he was wearing an even more wonderful, sexier black leather outfit. Leave it to your imagination to come up with it.

Omi: Wow, I look really sexy in this! Now, what to do with my hair…

Nagi: Comb it nice and loose, and wear these.

Omi: Thanks for the shades, Nagi! *puts them on*

Nagi: *gurgle*

Schu: …;-; I can't see him…

Aya: *WHACK*

Nagi: OW! Oh…right. So Omi walked all the way to the palace because he didn't have a carriage

Ken: That was made out of cheese.

All: o.O…

Ken: …what?

All: O.o…

Ken: …I felt like saying it.

Aya: I feel like doing something right now, but I can't.

Schu: Sure you can.

Aya: -_- Check that. SHOULDN'T.

Nagi: …he arrived at the palace where the prince was…

Schu: Bored out of his mind.

Nagi: Then his father noticed a young blonde enter the palace.

Crawford: =_= Look, Schu. Blonde kid.

Schu: OOOO, WHERE?!

Nagi: The prince saw the little blonde kid in the sexy black leather.

Schu: *DROOL*

Nagi: See?

Schu: HELL YEAH. So the prince excused himself and headed down the stairs.

Yohji: Past the jealous onlookers who wanted a piece of the prince.

Aya: Not this one.

Ken: Or this one.

Schu: Don't worry, I'll be back for ALL of you as soon as I'm done with that little one over there.

Nagi: The blonde kid noticed the prince coming toward him, and…

Omi: Panicked. But kept his calm.

Nagi: Making him look even better than before. *drooool…*

Crawford: You're cleaning that up.

Schu: I walked right up to the kid and said

Farfie: BURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crawford: GGGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Farfie: HURT GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Schu: SHUT THE HELL UP!

All: o.o

Schu: Good. I said, 'Hey kid, you win!' And grabbed his arm and started dragging him off.

Nagi: …BUT THEN I TACKLED YOU!!! *tackle*

Schu: AH! ^_^ Hey, you want a piece of me, too?

Nagi: No, I want Omi.

Omi: =^_^=

Yohji: So the narrator and the main character disappeared off to do…things.

Schu: Dammit, who do I get to sleep with, then?

Yohji: Us!

Ken and Aya: … *back away*

Schu: Oh no you don't.

Farfie: AND I RAN OVER GOD'S CAT WITH CRAWFORD'S CAR!!!!

Crawford: MY CAR!!!!!!!

~FIN~

A/N: I'm out of ideas for the next chapter, would you all be so kind as to tell me what I should spoof/parody/write about next?