I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses. I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses. I will never again write humor fanfiction on a sporratic bouncy ball sent back by my vacationing muses.
Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales
Written by Sakki-san
Turns out my muses WEREN'T back. Damn that sporratic bouncy ball.
*whap*
…
*bows repeatedly* My deepest apologies to Amiko-san, who was done an injustice by my failure to write humorous fanfiction. It did not do justice to her wonderful picture *HINT HINT DRAW ME PICTURES YOU WONDERFUL REVIEWER PEOPLE YOU HINT HINT* which she drew. She requested Fushigi Yugi from me and I screwed it up. I promise to re-write it PROPERLY next time.
Ok, with that over with, let's see just how sporratic THIS bouncy ball is.
Aya: Sakki-san is a bitch.
Crawford: You state the obvious.
Aya: -_-
Omi: It's not nice to call her a bitch!
Yohji: She made you wear a skirt.
Omi: ….
Nagi: ^_^
Schu: You, too.
Nagi: ….
Schu: XD
Aya: She's a bitch and a useless one at that, too.
Crawford: Again, you state the obvious.
Aya: !
Yohji: Ok, if you're so smart, stop her from killing Aya.
Aya: o_o?
Sakki: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Aya: O_O!
Crawford: -_- Trivial. *pulls out gun* Stop right there.
Sakki: O_________O *freezes in midair*
All: o_o…
Crawford: -_-;;; Sometimes that's all they understand.
Yohji: 'They'?
Crawford: Women. And cats.
Aya: ….*hissss*
Crawford: *kick*
Aya: O_____O *HISSSS*
All: o_o;;;
Aya: grr...hey. Where's Ken?
Schu: ....Ken? OH. Right. Ken.
Aya: …where is he?
Schu: ^^;;;; Well, you see…
Aya: *pulls out katana* WHERE IS HE.
Schu: o_o;;; Drop the sword, kittycat. He's…erm…hiding.
Aya: Where and why?!
Schu: …Well, you see, Ken's been reading fanfiction, and seeing as he's one of the top targets for rape/molest/kidnapping/torture fics…he feels victimized.
Crawford: …and?
Sakki: .O;;;;
Schu: …and….he's hiding on a lampshade.
All: …
Yohji: …on a lampshade?
Schu: *nods* On a lampshade.
Aya: …on.
Schu: I made that quite clear.
Aya: …don't you mean 'under'?
Schu: See for yourself.
Aya: o_o… Ken?
Ken: *hiding on a lampshade* :D They'll never find me here!
Aya: …
Crawford: …
Yohji: …
Schu: I told you.
Ken: :D!!!
Aya: …
Crawford: …is he insane?
Yohji: I should think so…
Ken: Mwahahahahaha!! I'm a genius!!!
Crawford: o_o;;;
Ken: :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yohji: His lack of gray matter is really starting to become obvious.
Schu: I think we should leave him alone.
Aya: …right.
Crawford: Hm.
Yohji: *smokes*
Schu: *waves away smoke* I only breathe MY secondhand smoke.
Yohji: *continues to smoke*
Aya: -_-
Crawford: …
*This continues for some time*
Aya: …hey.
Crawford: -_- hm?
Aya: …Where's everybody else?
Crawford: Don't know.
Aya: …
Yohji: *throws cigarette away* Let's start a parody.
Schu: Of what?
Yohji: Dunno.
Sakki: …Crawford? T_T Can I get down now?
Crawford: …you're still here?
Sakki: YES.
Crawford: Oh. Ok then. Get out or I'll shoot you.
Sakki: *hits the floor* X_x *crawwllll*
Aya: *tempted to run her through, but thinks…otherwise*
Schu: Anyway, we need to do a parody. Appease the readers.
Yohji: Yes. Appease. You mean flirt. ^_~
Readers: *SWOON*
Yohji: ^_^ If anybody's over 18…
Schu: ENOUGH. I desire…a PARODY.
Crawford: …(Zelly bribed you to say that, didn't she.)
Schu: (yes.)
Crawford: (How much?)
Schu: (…1000 yen?)
Crawford: -_-;;;
Schu: ^_^ Hey, money is good. Even YOU know that.
Omi: *attacks Crawford* HOW DARE YOU SLAP NAGI!!!
Crawford: -_- *kicks Omi away*
Omi: T_T How did you know I was coming?
Crawford: …Tell me that question was rhetorical.
Omi: …o_o it wasn't.
Crawford: …-_____-;;;
Nagi: ;_; *rubs face*
Crawford: I didn't hit you that hard.
Nagi: Still…;_;
Omi: SEE?! *whips out spork* NOW YOU DIE!
Crawford: o_o Omi. I foresaw this. Go away.
Omi: …..foresaw?...OH THAT'S RIGHT. You can see the future. ….DAMMIT
Crawford: -____________-;;;
Yohji: Hey! Parody! Now!
Aya: -_- shi-ne.
Yohji: …Schu, gimme that flare gun.
Schu: What flare gun?
Yohji: The one you have in your pocket.
Schu: …Oh. That one. Here.
Yohji: Thanks. *aim…FIRE!*
*KAH-BOOM!*
All: O_________________O
Yohji: Thanks again.
Schu: You're welcome.
Crawford: …Why do you have a flare gun in your pocket?
Schu: *shrugs* You never know when it could come in useful.
Yohji: ANYWAY! Let's parody something.
Omi: You suggest something. *eyes Crawford warily*
Crawford: …-_-
Yohji: Hm. How about Beauty and the Beast?
All: o_O
Yohji: …What? It was the first thing that came to mind.
Crawford: -_- As long as I'm not –
Schu: CRAWFORD IS THE BEAST
Crawford: …I hate you.
Schu: :D
Yohji: Yes. Crawford can be the beast. Now to pick the most degrading part for the most stick-up-his-ass character.
Schu: …that character has already been chosen for the Beast.
Crawford: HEY
Yohji: Ok, second most.
All: *look at Aya*
Aya: *polishing his katana blade* -.-
Schu: …I suggest someone else. Like Nagi.
Nagi: O__________O
Crawford: NANI?!!
Zelly: *runs in!*
Yohji: o_O Who are you?
Zelly: I am ZELLY! And I DEMAND that you do….ESCAFLOWNE! *bum bum*
All: …
Zelly: *thumps chest proudly* I DEMAND IT! And Alanzo shall suffer greatly at the hands of Ugusta's cooking lessons UNTIL IT IS CARRIED OUT! *runs out*
All: …O_o…
Crawford: …Whatever that was, I'm going to try and forget it.
Schu: Oh, that? That was Zelly.
Yohji: The one who bribed you?
Schu: Yeah. *munches cracker*
Yohji: …where did you get the crackers?
Schu: …Nowhere o.o;;;;;;;;;
Yohji: I want one.
Schu: Here.
Yohji: ^_^ yum!
Schu: Anyway, Nagi should be Belle.
Nagi: O________________O
Crawford: *throws gun at Schu's head*
Schu: *ducks*
Crawford: I REFUSE TO BECOME A PEDOPHILE
Yohji: *SNORT* You already ARE.
Crawford: …I am not.
Yohji: *leaps at him* YOUR HESITATION PROVES YOUR GUILT! ADMIT IT!!
Crawford: …Yohji, go away. And stop smoking Schu's crack.
Yohji: O_________O I DON'T SMOKE CRACK YOU CAN'T PROVE IT GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Crawford: ……*kicks Yohji in the…well let's keep it a low profile*
Yohji: O.O *falls over*
Schu: …ok. Nagi is Belle. It's decided.
Nagi: …Schu?
Schu: What?
Nagi: Omi is standing over you. Holding a spork.
Schu: o_o…
Omi: And about this far from deranged.
Schu: o_o;;;;;;;;
Crawford: Omi, put down the spork.
Omi: Not until Nagi is un-made as Belle or I'm made the beast.
Crawford: Yes. Do one of those two.
Schu: NO. Omi, get away before I tickle you.
Omi: O_O…T_T *puts away spork*
Schu: You can be Gaston, the dashing man who tries to win Belle's affections.
Omi: …I suppose that's better than nothing.
Crawford: -_-;
Schu: So, who's gonna be that little guy who follows him around?...what was his name again?
Farfie: IVOR THE ATLANTIC WHO SAILED ACROSS THE SEA ON A TIN CAN OF THE DEEP ABYSS OF THE TOMATO SOUP!!!
Schu: *SCREAAAAAAAM!*
Farfie: :D
Schu: *grabs chest* GUUH-huuu…GUUH-huu… (~~~ That's breathing, folks. T_T I'm horrible at writing, I know)
Crawford: o_o;;;
Farfie: Tomato soup hurts God.
Aya: -_- shi-ne.
Farfie: My bread dipped in tomato soup hurts God even more.
Aya: _ shi-NE!
Yohji: *stands up* Ok, let's get this going. Crawford, kick me again and I will kill you.
Crawford: -_- I foresaw it. You won't make it. *kick*
Yohji: O.O *thud*
Schu: o_o;;; I'll be the narrator, ignore the little guy…wait, Aya, you can be the little guy. The rest of you be swooning women.
Crawford: 'The rest of you' happens to be one collapsed man and two insane ones.
Schu: ….T_T So? I'm the narrator. BEGIN.
Crawford: -_-
Schu: ^_^ One day in a pretty little French village there lived a sweet young man who sang and read a lot.
Nagi: I refuse to sing.
Schu: Ok, be genki, then.
Nagi: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Schu: o_o That's overdoing it.
Nagi: …fine. :D
Schu: …Anyway, he was being pursued by the dashing Omi and his sidekick, Aya.
Omi: …:D?
Schu: :D.
Omi: :D!
Aya: -_________-
Schu: Omi wanted Nagi. BADLY. Because Nagi was so pretty. But Nagi didn't like Omi.
Omi: T________T
Schu: no, :D!
Omi: ......:D....!
Schu: That's right. SO ANYWAY. One day Nagi ran to the magical castle far out in the forest!...To save his father, Farfie.
Farfie: Being trapped in a magical castle hurts God.
Schu: -_- Ok, Yohji can be that candlestick. Ken, you be the clock.
Ken: :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They STILL haven't found me!!!
Schu: …Brad?
Crawford: -_- Don't call me that. *grabs Ken*
Ken: *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM*
Crawford: -_- *throws Ken on the floor*
Ken: *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM*
Crawford: QUIET
Ken: O_O O_O O_O
Schu: ...yes.
Nagi: I must go save my father! GO, FILIPE!
Filipe: O_O?
Nagi: ….T_T Horses don't understand me.
Filipe: …:D *suddenly charges off*
Nagi: O______________O *hangs on for DEAR LIFE*
Schu: XD
Yohji: …ahem.
Schu: XD…right. ^_^ So young Nagi arrived at the enchanted castle, where his horse ran away from him.
Filipe: *comes to a stop*
Nagi: *slides off* @_______________X
Filipe: XD *runs off again*
Nagi: neveragainneveragainneveragainneveragain ((Authoress' note: that was the same kind of response I had to reading my first NC-17 fic…yet I continued to read them.))
Schu: XD He went INSIDE the castle.
Nagi: *crawls into the castle* @______x…o_o where am I?
Schu: An enchanted castle, moron.
Nagi: …oh. Right. *grabs hold of Yohji* All right, candlestick…
Yohji: Leggo
Nagi: T_T No. You glow with such pretty light...that I can't let you go...@__________@
Yohji: O__O;;;
Schu: XD!!! The great Yohjí decided that –
Yohji: Wait. Yohjí?
Schu: Yes, Yohjí.
Yohji: …what's with the i?
Schu: Makes your name look cooler.
Yohji: …Hey, you're right.
Schu: ANYWAY, the great Yohjí decided to show young Nagi around. He was accompanied by the stubborn Kensworth.
Ken: @____________________________@ I'm going to be raped and molested and kidnapped and tortured and and and and ARRRGGHHH I'M A VICTIM OF ALL THIS
Schu: ….Ok, we'll just say Kensworth is out for repairs. Yohjí showed Nagi around until suddenly…the MASTER appeared.
Crawford: I REFUSE TO WEAR THIS SUIT.
Schu: Well, obviously. That one's not yours.
Crawford: …
Yohji: XD Suffered a bit more dain bramage than we though, ne, Crawford?
Crawford: QUIET
Schu: XD!!! So the MASTER appeared.
Crawford: *appears in a cape* … who is THIS?
Yohji: O_O;;;; Just some little bitch for you, sir.
Nagi+Crawford: WHAT?!!!
Schu: O_O WOW. Their voices matched octaves.
Yohji: And two higher than usual…
Crawford: @^#$@^$#!%!...
Nagi: ~___________~
Yohji: XD Anyway, just some little bi –
Nagi: I swear I'll castrate you with my powers.
Yohji: O____O;;;;;;;; Just a kid. Just a normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill kid.
Nagi: Better.
Crawford: …you will stay here and I will let your father go.
Nagi: …o_o really?
Crawford: -_-; Yeah, really. Let out the prisoner.
Yohji: As you command…sir. *walks off*
Schu: So, with the father released –
Farfie: NAGI WAS KEPT CAPTIVE IN THE EVIL MANIACAL CASTLE WHICH WAS REALLY GLOOMY BUT HAD ONCE BEEN A WONDERFUL SHINY CASTLE WHERE A MEAN OL' NASTY PRINCE LIVED BUT WAS CURSED BY AN ENCHANTRESS NAMED TOT WHO TURNED HIM INTO A GREATLY UGLY BEAST! NOW SEE HERE THIS PRINCE HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PEDOPHILE AND THAT DIDN'T CHANGE WHEN HE TURNED INTO A SPOTTY BEAST AND THE END OF THE STORY CAME QUICKLY BECAUSE NAGI FELL IN LOVE WITH THE UGLY BEAST AND THE BEAST LOVED HIM BACK AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVERY AFTER IN A TIN CAN OF THE ENDLESS DEPTHS OF THE TOMATO SOUP IN THE DEAD CENTER OF A LAKE OF FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Schu: O_O…Oh, thanks a lot, Farf. You just ruined the whole plot.
Yohji: Yeah, and we didn't get to see any yaoi action. None!
Crawford: I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE
Nagi: Just TRY and deny it. I see the way you look at me.
Crawford: !!!...Omi, get away from me with that spork.
Omi: Not until you promise to stop eyeing Nagi.
Schu: Dammit, Farf! The readers are gonna MURDER you.
Yohji: Yeah. And us, too.
Farfie: So you two admit that you're actually rabid fangirls?
Both: O.O We didn't say that!
Aya: oh REALLY? *draws katana*
Yohji: H-hey, Aya, buddy, old pal…
Schu: C'mon, you know we were just joking around!! ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;………right?
Aya: *growl*
Yohji: Ah, Schu, I think we should run…
Schu: What makes you think that?!
Yohji: Well, Aya's approaching us really fast with his katana out and –
Schu: I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!!
Yohji: Oh. Well how was I supposed to know that?!
Schu: Any idiot can tell sarcasm from normal speech! If I asked you to cut off my hands instead of helping me untie a huge knot and I said it in an OBVIOUSLY sarcastic voice, would you do it?!
Yohji: Probably! After all, you're telling me to do something and therefore I should do it! The girls say it all the time!
Schu: You mean you mutilate your dates?!
Yohji: No!! That's not what I meant!
Schu: Don't deny it!
Yohji: You can't deny that you're actually straight, then!
Schu: O_O I AM NOT!
Yohji: You are too!
Aya: …Normally, I would get some popcorn, but I can't stand rabid fangirls in disguise.
Schu: AM NOT!!!
Yohji: ARE TOO!!!
Schu: I AM NOT STRAIGHT!!
Yohji: Oh, right. You're a lesbian trapped in a man's body, that's it, isn't it!
Schu: O_O!!!
Aya: …*attack!*
Both: O_____________________________O!!! *run like hell*
Ken: *hiding under a cardboard box* hehehehehe…nobody can find me here!
~FIN~
….Lame, wasn't it? ^^;;; At least I updated…
