Disclaimer: None of the characters/places etc. are mine. Another note for this chapter: a few of the pieces of dialogue – and I mean a few – are from The Fellowship Of The Ring, Book One, Chapter 5 (A Conspiracy Unmasked). This fic is overall very in-canon, and so the events are followed closely, hence the dialogue.
This is slash and there is nudity in this scene (though no descriptions, worst luck). It's not overly sexual. Only two people get ideas from it… and it's nothing serious. This is the most slash-y scene so far, though, and there will be more like this throughout the story, but not only this type of thing. Mostly this fic is about the way they deal with a slightly taboo relationship, not the ins-and-outs of the relationship itself.
Just A ChildChapter Three
'A bath!' Came Pippin's voice in an awed shriek from the hall. 'O blessed Meriadoc!'
Merry blushed a little, smiling wide for the compliment, and came towards his cousin from the kitchen. After informing the three weary travelers, much to their joy, that there were three baths ready and taking turns was not necessary, he waited for only a little while.
Pippin was first into the bathroom, and stripping off quickly in his usual childish, unashamed manner. 'C'mon, Sam, Frodo!' he urged them with a laugh as he fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, which hung down to his mid-thighs – sculpted and pale, Merry noticed – now his trousers and underwear were pooled about his feet on the floor. Hobbits were, as a general rule, mostly unashamed of nudity when surrounded by members of their own sex. Especially young hobbits that were near-all related and every single one friends. 'Don't be so slow!' His bright eyes danced up to Merry as he slipped off his shirt and, in one quick movement, ended up in the bath, sending a lot of water out onto the floor.
Don't look. He's your cousin. Turn around, and go back out to the kitchen.
'Merry!' cried Pippin. 'Pass me the soap, don't stand there like a tree that's gawping.'
'Ah, but do trees gawp?' pondered Frodo, hissing slightly between his teeth as he eased his aching body into the hot water.
'This one won't any more,' Merry assured them with a laugh, moving towards the cabinet – don't look, he's your cousin, keep your eyes up, don't even turn your head his way – and taking three bars of soap from inside. One he threw to Sam, who caught it deftly with the skilled hands of one used to physical labor; one he dropped into Frodo's bath by the hobbit's toes. Frodo groaned as he went searching for it under the water, complaining that Merry was a troublesome lad for hiding away soap like that and should be eaten by Farmer Maggot's dogs. Merry grinned at this and after a mock-grimace at Frodo moved forward towards Pippin bath, using all his willpower to only look at Pippin's face and chest. 'Here you go,' he said as evenly as he could, handing Pippin the cake of soap. Pippin beamed up to him in that sunshine way of his.
'Thanks, Merry!' What're you hiding from me? Why do you look like that?
Meriadoc was distracted, however, by a large bruise that marred the perfect white skin of Pippin's stomach, just above his belly-button. His face twisted with concern, and silently he knelt down beside the tub and reached out a gentle hand to caress the hurt skin, running his fingers over his cousin's stomach. 'What happened?' he asked softly. What hurt you? What did this to you? Did Frodo and Sam not take enough care of you? Oh, love…
Pippin leaned his head down, watching wide-eyed as Merry's fingers trace wide circles over his damaged skin. He held his breath, feeling his flesh tingle at Merry's delicate touch, more caring and concerned than anything else in the world. 'It's just a bruise,' he whispered. What? You look… different, Merry…
'How?' Merry's fingers did not stop their tender ministrations: the movement was so natural, so simple, and so pleasurable. It was intimate, yes, but in no way sexual – at least, to Pippin they did not feel as they were, and Merry made very sure they were not. He would never, ever risk loosing the friendship of his younger cousin.
'I fell over,' came the hushed reply. Pippin felt like he was being hypnotized by the continuous circular motions of Merry's soothing fingers on his upper stomach. Merry had touched him this way all his life, like a caring elder brother, but somehow… somehow, this was different. Pippin couldn't explain it, but he knew that he didn't want Merry to stop. A shiver ran down his spine. Please carry on, Merry. I've missed you touching me like this. Well, just missed you really… more than I thought possible. And with Pippin, it would never cross his mind that any amount of love he felt for Merry was wrong. Platonic love; as he felt now, or anything else: love was always right. Though he didn't know what Merry was feeling…
Frodo watched with a knowing look, coughed a little, and turned to Sam. He had guessed for a long time that Meriadoc loved Peregrin. He had known ever since he caught Merry staring at Pippin a few years ago, when the younger hobbit was playing some childish game. He had seen the look of pure adoration and the will to protect and cherish in Merry's eyes. He thought they would be good for each other, but now was not the time. Sam had not even noticed the display, and was busily humming while he washed the dirt from himself.
Merry jumped back and up, a flush rising to his cheek. 'I'll get you a cold compress for it, one that you can wear while we eat,' he muttered in a hurried way, before making a quick exit, his hands still tingling as they had when they were in contact with Pippin's satin-smooth skin.
***
---- I don't know why I'll do this. I don't know what it'll mean, what it'll change. But I can take that risk. I must.
We're brothers; or very nearly. Best friends, always there for each other. And now something's wrong with him, and I'll fix it, whatever it takes. ---
***
I love you, Pip. You'll never know how much. It was almost a prayer. Every night, in the dark of his room, Merry thought it countless times, his lips mouthing again and again, 'I love you, I love you, I love you…' a hundred times, a hundred again, and more, till he fell asleep. He was dozing off now, his mouth flowing with the silence of the familiar syllables, the words that both killed him bit by bit and kept him alive for the promise of something more, when his door opened quietly. Had he been asleep, he would never have noticed. And he was the only person –hobbit – in this small guestroom, so the visitor must be searching for him. His heart pounded at the thought.
Pippin was even quieter on his feet than most hobbits were. There were no lights in the room, and with curtains drawn he was silent and invisible. He knew this was Merry's room, and it was not by chance alone that his footsteps had fallen along the corridor between the chamber he shared with Fatty and this one. I've missed you so much. I've missed the way you hold me and protect me all night if I want you to, like an older brother would. I've missed waking up to see your little frown that you wear every time you sleep. I've missed just having my cousin here with me. 'Merry?' he whispered into the serene blanket of darkness. 'Merry? It's me…'
Merry would never, ever need to ask who "me" was when the speaker's voice was so singular and so loved: so oddly sweet, so tuneful, so high for a male's that it could only belong to a young hobbit. He wanted to hear that lovely voice every day of his life. 'I'm over here,' he replied, using his voice to guide Pippin to him, till he felt the bed sag under the weight of the other hobbit. He was surprised Pippin hadn't heard and commented on the drum-like beating of his heart. Why are you here, Pippin? How did my words of love summon you tonight when they never have before? Why are you here to tease me unintentionally, remind me of what I can't have? He wanted so badly to reach out and touch his cousin, feel the curly hair of his head over his fingers, but he restrained himself to merely pushing the covers down a little, revealing his chest.
Oh, I'm so nervous, why is this different, just hold me, just help me, just keep me and have me and love me and save me and keep away the night and the Black Riders and my fears and love me and need me and hold me again…
'Merry…' he crept onto the bed, feeling his way forward till his hands brushed against Merry's still form. 'I'm scared; I can still feel them…' Black horses, thundering hooves, their eerie call… 'Hold me, Merry.'
I love you so much, and I want to protect you, to hold you close and dear forever.
Merry held up the covers just long enough for Pippin to wriggle under them. The younger hobbit's body was cold from wandering through the house dressed merely in a long night-shirt, with the chill of autumn all too abundant. Merry put his arms around his cousin and drew him close, pulling the pliant form back until it melded with his own body, and they were almost one; Pippin's back against his stomach, Pippin's curly locks of hair tickling his nose. 'Better?' His own body was tingling and heating, not merely in response to the other's cold.
I love you.
Pippin nestled back into him with a blissful sigh, winding one of his legs back between Merry's as he had always done, since he was young. They often slept together for mutual warmth and reassurance. Except this time, he found a different comfort in the movement. His eyes closed slowly, and his breathing was peaceful. 'Love you, Merry,' he breathed out.
Did you mean that, Pippin, as I so badly want you to?
Pippin always did fall asleep quickly. Merry smiled blissfully, tightening his arms about the other's stomach. Pippin, who was indeed asleep already, murmured something and wriggled a little, a smile twisting his lips – though Merry could not see it. The older hobbit moaned slightly, very nearly silently, desperate not to wake Pippin, but the other lad's movements had sent waves of pleasure through his body that he found hard to ignore.
'I love you, Pippin,' he replied in a whisper when he had control of his voice again, daring to kiss the back of Pippin's head as gently as he could. Now the other hobbit was asleep, asleep but still here, Merry's thoughts and words could be as one quiet whisper in the air. 'I love you, my sweet, my little one, and I want to protect you from it all… I want you to know it will always be alright, I'd die for you, I need you, you keep me here…'
As Merry fell asleep, he was still whispering, and in his dreams he and Pippin spent countless hours together showing their love in myriads of ways and words.
***
---- Did you really mean that stuff you said? When you thought I was asleep? When you held me safe and warm and I knew I never had to worry about anything, ever again? I don't even know if I want you to mean it…
Why does this have to happen? Why do you have to confuse me like this? And why did I enjoy it? ----
