Something's gone very odd with the reviews for this story… Some of them haven't appeared on the 'reviews' page. So thanks to all those reviews which aren't shown, as well as those which are.
This chapter is again slash.
Just A ChildChapter Four
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---- There's only eight years between us, but sometimes it could be much, much more. Merry seems to feel things that I don't. Or at least, that I didn't use to. When I woke up this morning, opening my eyes to see him first, I can't explain how I felt. It think it's what Merry feels, though. It was so different from anything else I have ever experienced. There was only him, and his quiet breathing, and the little smile on his face. The smile that was there because of me. The way his arms were still tight about me, the way he held me close still after all my tossing and turning through the night all showed just how blissful he was in that sleep. I smiled too, because I never knew I could make anyone as happy as I make Merry.
And I never knew anyone could make me as happy as he does. Which is why I did it, so suddenly I couldn't think, only feel. And it changed everything. ----
***
Pippin leaned forward, not stopping to consider what he was doing for fear he might stop. Merry's body was pressed against him, warm from a night of close contact. Merry's breath tickled his hair, and Pippin's eyes were locked on the slight smile that played with Merry's lips. Merry, Merry, Merry.
Don't think don't think don't think…
Pippin pressed his lips onto Merry's, angling his head awkwardly so their noses didn't collide, almost painfully aware that he had not done this before, not like this, not because he was trying to express a feeling he didn't have the words for. The kiss was short and unsure, and Pippin pulled away quickly, a flush rising to his youthful cheeks. What've I done? Why did that happen? Was that right? Was it bad? Please don't wake up, Merry… He licked his lips nervously, his eyes flitting over the other hobbit's face, wide and anxious. Pippin couldn't stop thinking over his discoveries: Merry's lips were soft and sweet and satin smooth, and from close up Merry's skin smelt faintly of some comforting, homely scent which Pippin had never appreciated fully before.
What? Merry's body tensed a little, and his eyes flickered open once or twice. 'Pippin? What? Pippin?' Oh by all the ale in the Shire did he just kiss me? Was I just awoken by a kiss from Peregrin Took, my cousin? What've we done? What has he done?
Oh no oh no oh no oh no he's awake and I've upset him and I've done wrong to Merry! Why do I always mess up like this? I am no good and young and stupid, like they all say. 'It's nothing, Merry, go back to sleep!' great contrast between their thoughts.
'No! Pippin, why'd you do that?' You can't do that, don't you understand? I'm not good enough for you! You need to find a girl when you come of age, and settle down to start a family! You don't want a male Brandybuck who can't give you any heirs! I can't let you do this and cause you the pain of everyone hating you! 'Pippin!' His lips tingled even as his arms stiffened about Pippin's body.
There were tears in the younger hobbit's eyes. Why are you doing this? 'Merry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…' a sob tore his chest and throat and he raised a hand to wipe away his tears. I'm so stupid… 'Please, forgive me, forgive me, I didn't mean it…' I did I did I did! And this is hard enough for me without you making me feel bad… I always thought you were the one who would love me whatever I was or I did! Was I wrong about what you said? Do you really want me only as your cousin? What've I done…
'Of course you didn't!' shouted Merry, so loudly and with such violent anger it surprised even himself, and he hated to do it but… couldn't Pippin see? It was for his own good. Just a child. 'You were probably dreaming about a girl' the word was bitter on his lips and its foul taste in his mouth made him want to gag 'and acted it out! That's all!' ouch
Pippin watched, speechless and silent, with tears running down his young cheeks, as the one person who had never hurt him before pulled his arms roughly away from his cousin and, shoving the covers off his body without ado rolled out of bed. His dark eyes were wild with anger, and he almost shook with the rage that coursed through him. 'Just forget it ever happened, Pippin.' I won't. And I'll never forgive myself for treating you like this. But it's best for you, and I'd do anything to make things good for my sweet Peregrin… 'It didn't mean a thing.' With heavy hands and an even heavier heart he made his way over to the chair over which he had laid his clean clothes for the morning, and picked them up before trudging over to the door, not looking back. 'I'll get changed in one of the bathrooms,' he said in a dull monotone as his hand reached for the doorknob. 'And remember: it didn't mean anything.' Though it may have changed my life…
Maybe if I say it he'll come back, he'll forgive me, he'll love me like I so want him to… 'It doesn't mean anything? Like the things you said last night?'
Merry's entire world dropped away from under his feet. He opened the door with a fumbling hand and stepped out, slamming it behind him, casting a still sobbing Pippin into the darkness. Pippin was afraid of the dark, when he was on his own. It was a cruel thing to do, and Merry knew it. And he didn't open the door to let light in. Instead he walked away, drowning in the inexplicable feeling of having his heart torn to pieces while it still was beating in his chest. Good expression
Back in the room, Pippin buried his face into the pillow, biting his lips till he drew blood and wishing with the rashness of youth that he were dead.
***
---- You kill me, slowly and softly and with incredible grace. Every time you smile your angelic grin, another wound is added to those already on my chest. Every time you laugh, my agony mounts. And you heard.
You heard. And then, you kissed me. I was kissed by a child.
And I can't, can't, can't let the most blissful thing I have ever felt be experienced again between us. I'm the eldest of the two of us. It's up to me to do whatever it takes, however painful it is, to make you happy, to do the right thing for you.
To keep you innocent. ----
Wow, great ending, so sad!!!! I'm crying, but that's because I have chlorine in my eyes from swimming in this heat wave. ARFGGGGGG! Croatia must be absolutely Boiling! I hope you have a great time in Venice, unless the canals have evaporated!
On another note, my dad's from Serbia, do you speak Croatian? It is quite similar.
Anyway, great chapter, well done, this story will turn out brilliant as always.
