Weiß Kreuz Fairy Tales

Written by Sakki

Look! I'm not dead!

Crawford: *SHOOT*

…dammit.

Sakki: Finals make God laugh

Farf: Finals must die

Omi: Finals are good.

Sakki: …*EAT*

Omi: O___O *EATEN?!*

Sakki: Ugh...too sweet. *SPIT*

Omi: p_q Now I'm all covered in Sakki slobber.

Yohji: Go away, Sakki. You're not interesting. *SHOVE*

Sakki: HEY I OWNZ J00

Yohji: …?

Sakki: …nobody understands me. =_= *goes to play Kingdom Hearts*

Crawford: *SHOOTS SAKKI*

Sakki: @____O AAAUGH *SHOT*

Schu: What was that for?

Crawford: Everything.

Schu: …

Crawford: …that she did to me.

Schu: …ah.

Farf: …:3

Schu: …o_o?

Farf: …this is the song that never ends…

Schu: o_O;

Ken: AAAAAA NO STOP NO DON'T SING THAT NOT THAT SONG ANY SONG BUT THAT SONG AAAAAAAA

Farf: XD It just goes on and on MY FRIIIENDS

Ken: *SCREAMANDDIE*

Yohji: …what the HELL. This is so screwed.

Schu: Obviously.

Yohji: Not quite as screwed as when Ken hid on the lampshade, though…

Schu: Not quite.

Ken: That reminds me, I need some string cheese.

All: …

Ken: …what? O_o I was looking at Yohji's crotch, and -

Schu: *SNORT*

Yohji: _____ KEN, SHUT UP.

Ken: o_o?

Omi: O__O; Ken!

Nagi: …I have nothing to do with this.

Crawford: I won't laugh, but I did find that statement amusing.

Ken: p_q

Schu: XD _ Pull the stick outta yer ass, Brad. XD XD XD

Crawford: -_-;

Farf: Some people – STARTED SINGING IT not knowing what it WAAAS

Ken: O___O DIE?!

Farf: And now they can't stop singing it forever just because this is the song that never EEENNNDSSS *BREAATHE* @__x;

Yohji: I have a question.

Schu: Shoot.

Yohji: Where's Aya?

Schu: …I'm not sure.

Crawford: He's over there, looting Sakki's dead body.

Sakki: *DEAD!*

Crawford: …Aya, get away from her.

Aya: :3

Yohji: O_O;;; That's not healthy.

Ken: o-o Aya? Why are you grinning like that?

Aya: I found the scri~ipt…

All: …FJDKLSJFLSDJFKLSJFF GIVE IT TO ME

Aya: NO. *stands up* It's MY turn to narrate, you bastards! And I'm going to narrate whether you give a @$^% or not!

Schu: Not if I have anything to say about it. *POUNCE*

(And thus the vicious Schu-mon LEAPS upon his prey, the lonesome Ayachu…)

Aya: -_- *dodge*

Schu: *SPLAT*

Omi: …ewwwww...

Nagi: Gross. I got Schuldich brains all over me.

Aya: :3 Now then. What did she have planned for today…?

Crawford: I'm almost afraid to find out.

Aya: So am I. Hey, it looks like we're doing Sailor Moon again.

All: FJKDSJFKAJKLGJLDKSJAD WHAT

Aya: Just make a change here….a change there…make Schu in a leotard…

Schu: WASN'T I EMBARRASSED ENOUGH *LAST* CHAPTER?!

Aya: I still need to get back at you for the flower scene.

Schu: BUT THAT WAS FARF'S IDEA

Aya: Your point?

Schu: ….________!

Aya: Anyway. Because I hate you all equally, I'm picking your parts. Crawford, get in the miniskirt.

Crawford:  No.

Schu: *NOSEBLEED*

Aya: Do it.

Crawford: I have superiority.

Aya: I have a sword.

Crawford: I have a gun.

Aya: I have a paintbrush.

Crawford: I have a banana-flavored pillow.

Yohji: …what the hell.

Schu: Hey, could somebody scoop my intestines back into my stomach?

Omi: O_O NOO

Nagi: -_- Moron. *FLING!*

Schu: Ow.

Aya: SHI-NE

Crawford: SHI-NE

Aya: RAR

Crawford: RARAR

Aya: O___O…*EATS CRAWFORD*

Crawford: *EATEN*

Aya: :3

All: O__O

Aya: Now submit, bitches.

Yohji: …

Schu: Those are three words I would never have expected to hear him say in public.

Nagi: Yeah, I thought he'd only say that to Ken.

Ken: O_O?!

Aya: *EATS NAGI*

Nagi: __ Spit me out.

Aya: ._. *spits out*

Nagi: Disgusting.

Aya: Anyway. If any of you piss me off again, I'm going to eat you. Got it?

All: Yes SIR.

Farf: :3 eating people hurts god

Aya: _

Farf: …-_x; Eating people REALLY hurts God.

Aya: Alright. Schu, you're playing Sailor Mars.

Schu: -____-

Aya: You've got a slightly longer skirt. Be thankful.

Schu: …For WHAT?

Aya: I don't know. Figure it out. Omi, you're Mercury.

Omi: Is it because I like computers?

Aya: -___- NO. It's because you're a freaking DITZ and OPTIMIST, my God-cursed NEMESISES in LIFE.

Omi: O_O…

Aya: Yes, it's because you like computers. Moron. Ken, you're Jupiter.

Ken: …I won't ask why.

Aya: Good boy. Yohji, since you're such a slut, you're Venus.

Yohji: :D She turns me on.

Aya: We'll see how well you turn yourself on in that miniskirt.

Yohji: …_@

Aya: Anyway. Who's left? Farf and Nagi…I ate Crawford. That's 8. Nagi, you're that stupid mask guy, and Farf is Sailor Moon.

Nagi: …I'm Farf's lover and future husband?

Farf: That really hurts God. *STABCHAIR*

Aya: Yes, Nagi. You are. Now get in the tux.

Nagi: -__-;

Aya: And now we begin. *ahem* One day the schoolgirls were walking to school.

Ken: p_q I don't like this miniskirt.

Farf: *I* like it on you.

Ken: o_o…

Schu: XD I get to go to a private school with longer skirts. SEE YA! *zoom*

Yohji: Bastard.

Omi: o_o This computer is too small. I can't see anything. *squint* …

Ken: *tugonskirt* This thing keeps riding up on me.

All: …

Aya: …*nosebleed*

Ken: O_O;

Aya: _!! *rubs nose* ANYWAY. Then, out of nowhere, a MONSTER APPEARED!

Takatori: And so I was saying –

Aya: O___O SHI-NE

Yohji: *SMACK*

Aya: ___!...right. Go kill the monster.

Crawford: *DIGESTED!*

Farf: Ok. MOON  POWER MAKEUP SHIZNAT CRAP STUFF!

Omi: DITTO!

Farf: ___

Omi: …p_q BLUE MAKEUPY CRAP! 

Yohji: SEXY TURN-ON MAKEUP GIRLS WEAR!

Ken: …uh… GREEN…POWER STUFF?

Aya: -_-;

Ken: OH RIGHT. *achoo* EARTH POWER INEDIBLE TOXIC FACE CRAP!!

Schu: FLAMETHROWER!!

Aya: And to think, I didn't help with that.

Farf: I AM SAILOR GODHURTERFROMHELL! YOU SHALL NOW DIE BECAUSE IT HURTS GOD! *POINT*

Omi: O_O

Farf: …*KICK*

Omi: @___x;; I AM SAILOR COMPUTERGENIUSHACKERFOO. I SHALL…HELP DESTROY YOU.

Yohji: ^_~ I am SAILOR SEXY! I'LL TURN YOU ON AND YOUR GROIN SHALL EXPLODE!

All: O_O

Yohji: What? I am SO that sexy.

Aya: -___-

Ken: I'M…SAILOR…OO! RIGHT! SAILOR SPORTINGGOODS! IF YOU DON'T BUY FROM ME, I'LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A MONKEY!

Farf: A monkey…from HELL?!

Ken: O_O…I don't know?

Farf: Good boy.

Schu: I AM SAILOR REALLYSUPERHOT! I WINK, YOU DIE!

Aya: Really.

Schu: *WINK*

Girl: *DIES*

Aya: …o_o; Really.

Schu: :D

Aya: -_-; So the Sailor Stupids flew off somehow to destroy the evil monster who had gone twenty blocks by the time they were done transforming and introducing themselves.

Schu: Wait. Sailor Stupids?

Aya: You are.

Schu: GOD. I hate you SO DAMN MUCH.

Aya: Good. They finally encountered the monster, the evil Takatoria.

Yohji: My, aren't we creative today.

Aya: Why don't I castrate you?

Yohji: O_O I'll be good

Aya: For once, you're smart. The evil Takatoria left his car and ATTACKED.

Takatori: I need money. Hey, you girls – boys? – girls? – boys? – oh, who cares. Kids, get over here. I'll let you sleep with me if you pay me twenty thousand yen each!

All: *GIRLYSCREAM*

Takatori: :D

Farf: O____x THAT REALLY HURTS GOD

Takatori: Say, some of you look familiar. Oh well. C'mon! It's cheap!

Schu: Get it AWAYY~!

Yohji: You get it away!

Omi: I feel victimized!

Ken: RAPE!! RAAAAPPPEEE!!

Aya: Suddenly, a daisy ripped through Takatoria's stupid moustache.

Takatori: OW! What was that? A daisy? Hm, kinda pretty. I think I'll keep it. I wonder where Crawford is…he always has extra pockets.

Crawford: *TRAVELS THROUGH AYA'S INTESTINES!*

Aya: And thus appeared the amazing…Catsuit Nagi.

Nagi: -_- I think I would have preferred the tux.

Omi: O____O

Schu: …WOW. I like the fishnet pantyhose, Nagi.

Nagi: _ Shut up, Schuldich.

Aya: Yes. Catsuit Nagi, dressed not in a catsuit, but in one of those skimpy outfits with cat ears and a tail, appeared with daisies in his mouth to stop the evil Takatoria from taking advantage of the poor girls.

All: BOYS

Aya: You look like girls.

Schu: It was your idea.

Aya: Hn.

Takatori: NO! Now I'll have to reduce myself to drastic measures to knock them out! *PULL OFF SHIRT*

Schu: O______O *FAINT*

Yohji: O__O…GROSSSSSS EWWW GET IT AWAAAY~

Ken: OHMYGOD THAT'S HORRIBLY TERRIBLY DISGUSTINGLY – Ooo, look! A butterfly!

Omi: MY EYEESSSS! MY VIRGIN EYES!

Nagi: You're not a virgin, Omi.

Omi: Huh?

Nagi: Remember? Back in December…?

Omi: …oh…yeah…right…

All: …

Omi: …o_o; I was drunk?

All: …

Omi: ...I was…lonely?

Aya: …god, I hate you.

Omi: ;-;
Aya: Anyway…they lost control of two Stupids, but the remaining two and Catsuit Nagi took on Takatoria.

Nagi: GET HIM BEFORE HE TAKES OFF HIS PANTS!

Farf: YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI~

Omi: SUPER WINGED GENKI DARTS OF DEATH!

Aya: You used that last time.

Omi: ;-;…

Aya: Use a new attack, bitch.

Omi: O_O…p_q HOMING MISSLE FLYING ARROW DART-LIKE THINGS FROM THE PLANET X!

Aya: Better.

Nagi: DAISIES!

Farf: *MAUL!*

Takatori: NOOO I AM DEAD

Aya: …it's like something out of Romeo and Juliet.

Nagi: Is it dead?

Omi: I sure hope so.

Farf: I'll make sure. *STAB*

Takatori: *VANISH!*

Aya: And so they defeated the evil Takatoria.

All: YAY!

Aya: And that's the end. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom. *leaves*

*moments later*

Crawford: I hate you.

Aya: …WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY – oh. Right. I ate you, didn't I.

Crawford: Yes, you did. So I expect some manner of payment.

Aya: …

Crawford: Take off your pants and your shirt.

Aya: SHI-NE

Crawford: *TACKLE*

Bathroom door: *SHUTS*

All: DAMMIT

Omi: p_q

Nagi: *comfort*

Yohji: …so is Farf gonna do another explosion or something?

Farf: No. But I will do this.

Schu: *unconscious*

Yohji: Ok, do it. *sits on Schu*

Farf: *grabs Ken*

Ken: O_O?!

Farf: *PASSIONATE KISS!*

Ken: @___________________@

Yohji: O___O

Schu: x___x

Farf: And now I screw him.

Ken: @__________________________@

Aya: HOLY DAVID

Crawford: D

~FIN~

Dammit, if this doesn't work right, I'm going to kill something.

Sorry it was so short. But I felt like updating.

And does anybody know how Sanosuke is properly pronounced?!