Author's note: It's been a while since I last finished a chapter this early in the evening. Well, early for me, it's almost midnight, but usually I finish a chapter around 3 am if not in early morning after passing a whole night working on it. I'm sorry if it took longer than supposed to, I got a small case of writer's block and was unable to write anything satisfying for the pass few weeks (I believe it's been two weeks… ). Also, I wrote a new story for Rurouni Kenshin, it's titled Honeysuckles and Moonlight Shreds (here I insert a bit of self publicity…hehe) So, on with the usual rambling. I've been called a punk! By FBH's little brother. Me? A punk? I'm nothing of the such! Ok, I do have short spiky red hair and a pierced eyebrow… and boots and skater pants… listen to punk, punk rock, metal and hard core music… But it doesn't make me a punk because of it, does it? Just what makes a girl or a boy be a punk anyway? I'm an artist, I dress as I like too, quite strangely sometimes when I decide to add a tie or wear boots with a skirt. So, I'm a really strange girl, but I don't think I'm actually a punk, if I am, than it was not on purpose, I swear! Anyway, enough of this, one with the fic!
Warnings: A bit of insanity maybe and lots of blood.
Disclaimers: Lost my job, yes.. I lost it, but you may already know that. So I don't have a penny. See what I mean?
Within Soul
By Evil Karyta
Chapter Seven
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched -- they must be felt with the heart.
-Hellen Keller
It was believed that in order for your mind to create a dream, one's soul needs to ascend to the gaps between heaven and earth where memories laid. Kenshin was the proof of the saying, he never dreamt, beside the incessant reminder of passed murder that would plague his usually blank sleep. His nigh lone and dark when only his body took the needed rest and his mind was left to unconscious wandering, lost in nothingness such as the void where his spirit should reside. He had not once in his life experienced the pleasure of a dream or the torture of a nightmare. Now, many had no memories of those nightly tale that played when the slumbered, but he just had none. To the small swordsman, the space between the down and rise of the sun was filled with nothing, just a passing moment, such as closing and opening your eyes while blinking, only left with a gap of 4 to 8 hours of no memories. In all, he never dreamt.
When he opened his eyes, he was hit full force with the wake of a splitting headache, last remain of a deprived need that left him pained and strained. He felt weak, as helpless as a child. Now if any sought revenge on his assassinations, it would be the perfect time to strike. He would not have the force to fight back, and somehow, he wished someone had the initiative to do such a deed. He had became rather weary of an endless wander, life filled with stealing, forced to witness generation to be born into the world before dieing and giving into the next one, era to rise and fall. He was more than afflicted by the fact he stilled breathed than he thought he would. Before falling unconscious, he had dared hope it would be the end of him. Now he faced the fact of his immortality, knowing fully well that whatever he would do, nothing would bring him down but the sword by which he lived.
"Wonderful…" he breathed in dripping sarcasm.
He vaguely noticed the cold air that swayed around him. The breeze slipping inside through an opened window that filtered the morning's sunlight. Kenshin barely registered the fact that he was resting on a futon, the sheets hugging him as they should, keeping a certain warmth while taking the chill of the surrounding. He blinked a few times, trying to recall his doings of the night before. He remembered the pain and the blue eyes that seek a way to help him while the red head agonized through his unnatural need for bloodshed and death. The memory was a confused trail of images. The rolling of a head as blood rained within a small room, a corps hitting the floor, a woman soaked under the moonlight, so beautiful he was stoked in place, the horror of seeing her stained in red, turning into some kind of deadly goddess, her pale skin glowing as rivulets of scarlet liquid dipped down her face. He just could not replace the events in the right order and recreate the night's events.
Sighing, the man turned his head to his left and froze, violet gaze catching the sight of a sleeping form warped in a blanket barely a feet away from his sleeping place. Long ebony hair sprayed around her, falling in inky rivers down her shoulder to surround her delicate frame as a cold shiver shook her sitting body. Her usually cheerful face was wrinkled in displease, not as oblivious as should be in her deep slumber and to the cold air lavishing at her in a forceful way. Her once pink lips taking a bluish hew denoting the fact that she was slowly failing to regain her heat. Seeing this, Kenshin tried to move out of bed and close the evil window that let such cold get to her but he saw the woman's head snap up and her lethargic ocean gaze stared at him for a moment before she swiftly bat her eyelids in an attempt to clear the fog of sleep away from her vision.
"You're awake…" she stated in between shivers.
"I should close that window, that I should," he said as a mean for an answer.
"I purposely left it open last night. You were feverish; it was all I could do to keep you in a normal body temperature."
"You will catch your death if you keep it open," he reprimanded her.
"Don't worry, it's not a little cold that will kill me," he denoted a sarcasm along her smiling replay.
"Still…" but he was cut short in his movement to sit up by a cool hand over his forehead, pressing him back into the bed.
"Don't bother. I'll be alright."
She gently brushed the crimson locks that had fallen over his face, watching the now perfectly calm amethyst iris that not so long ago had flicked to fiery amber. When Kaoru had came back last night with a bucket full of water, she had never even phantom the possibility of coming to a agonizing Kenshin, moaning in pain as he fell to the floor. All thoughts of her previous loathing had dissipated upon such a sight and soon, all she could think about was tending to this unknown disease that had stroked him. With a strength and a determination that was hers only, she had drug him to his room which was the nearest and hastily searched for possible injuries. Finding none but discovering a rapidly growing fever instead, she tucked him in the futon, opened a window and stood a vigil on him through the long night that followed.
As she watched over him, her mind could not pass over the fearful sight of the glowing golden eyes that had met her gaze upon her discovery. They had held so much pain and fright that she felt her heart be tearing apart, her caring nature not able to ignore such a plea. It had plagued her uncomfortable sleep, each time waking her with a start and leaving her pondering on the unnatural feel of such eyes coloring. Never before had Kaoru witnessed such vivid and bright eyes, however, the sight had been short and she could not help but wonder if it had only been a trick of her tired mind. The reality of his pain, thought, had been obvious, and the heated skin, foreteller of a sickness in wake, had pushed the thought back each time she would awake. Although now his skin had returned to a normal temperature as her long fingers brushed the flesh of his forehead in tender gesture.
The man had no memory of such tender attention given to him, such a feeling of genuine kindness being foreign to his existence throughout the long years that had pilled since his unfortunate birth into the world. This made him wonder. How someone could so freely give such care to a person she barely knew? Moreover, how should she possibly care for him, out of all people to look after, who begged for attention, love and care? But the soft caress of her fingertips was so much comforting that further thinking seemed irreverent to him. Though enjoying the attention was just as profane as anything else could be. However, the weakened state in which he resided was enough to cloud his judgment and let him enjoy such ministration without so much of a shadow of reticence.
Kenshin could get used to such tender gesture even though a part of him forbade it. He opened his heavy lids, trying to see through the blur that his vision had become, results of his drained body, he knew it would not last for very long. Soon, he would regain all of his strength and his consciousness would be pushed aside, turning into what would be best described as a monster, ready to roam and find a pray, to steal yet another soul. He had to get the blue-eyed girl out before his crave was unleashed. Convince her somehow that all he needed was rest. But looking at her worried gaze, he knew such a demand was easier said than done.
"You look tired, Kaoru-dono. You should get to your room and rest, that you should," he breathed weakly.
"Don't worry about me, the one who needs rest right now, are you," she uttered, the motion of her hand not stopping its gentle come and go over his brows.
"I assure you that I will be fine… just, let me sleep, I'll be fine in a couple of hours, that I will."
"Kenshin…" but she was cut short in her reprimanding speech.
"Leave…" he said crudely and then took a harsh calming breath before forcing his plea. "Please."
She sighed, not sure as to how to react to his demand. Her worries were great, but she did not wish to upset him in any way. After much pondering, she smiled sweetly and nodded in agreement, feeling that maybe she was pushing it a bit too far. If he did not needed her help, she would not force him. It might be hard enough for him to accept the fact that he was render quite helpless.
"If you need anything, just let me know. I'll come and check on you once in a while just in case," she stated firmly.
"Ok, but get some rest yourself, you look livid," said Kenshin knowing that in order to get her out, he had to agree to whatever conditions she had in mind.
Her lips curved upward in a caring show of affection and then got to her feet. He watched the blanket in which she had been warp untangled itself from her slim form, reviling an elegant kimono. Why she had been wearing such rich clothing was out of his comprehension, but he was not about to question her on the matter just yet. She padded toward the door and with a last glance in his direction, exited the room, sliding the shoji close softly behind her. The crimson haired swordsman uttered a sigh of relief, she was out of danger, she would get some rest, and her soul would stay alive. That was all he needed to know before his exhaustion took over him and pushed him toward the numb state of his dreamless sleep. When he would wake again, he would be facing a dead body, colorless eyes staring accusingly at him and the guilt of an other useless death weighing on his shoulder, a new painful memory to come and reply itself while he would starve for comfort and get torment in return.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When Kaoru returned to the room, a tray of miso soup and rice balls in hand, she was met with silence and gloom. The window she had so carefully left open had been shut, the wooden shutter had also been moved so it could serve its purpose, steal the outdoor light away from those who might long for sleep. This could have been perfectly normal, knowing that Kenshin was a very secluded person and might wish some comfortable shadow to sleep, however there was something lingering, not apparent to the careless eyes, which told her something as amiss. Her gaze grazed the depth of the room, seeing naught but a few deformed shadows and different shades of gray and black, the soft glow of the torch fire that lit the corridor was no use, illuminating only the small portion of wooden flooring and the border of the tatamis, stretching her shadow into disproportionate length. The girl cautiously stepped in, the dishes in her tray clicking, not doing much in concealing her presence and she cursed the damn thing. She disposed of it, leaving the food by the door and outstretched her arms as she blindly tried to find her way.
It was eerie to say the least, walking blindly, her feet colliding with some unknown objects that were left discarded at random. With her luck, it would not be a surprise if she would fall face first into the hard floor. Then she stopped, how come his room had became so disheveled? When she had left him, everything was neatly place, nothing on the floor but the man and his futon. Kaoru tried to see through the lack of light and moved further in when her bare foot touched something. It was soft and damp, the liquid that soaked it seemed to have sticky proprieties and a shiver of cold fear ran through her. Taking a step back, she glared at the ground, trying desperately to distinguish just what she had stumbled upon. Her eyes getting used to the low light, she could barely discern Kenshin's gi, darken by the mysterious substance that drenched it.
In the corner, a soft rumbled quaked the silence. Her head snapped in that direction, eyes wide and heart beat wild. In the obscurity, a form was outlined, unmoving, their back turned. A ragged breath resounded and she moved further away, reaching the other wall opposite from the form that awaited in that corner. There, her ankle grazed the helm of a lamp. Not really thinking, the black haired young woman hunker down, her hand blindly looking for the lamp while the other retrieved the matches that she always kept in her obi, cracking one and then gave the fire to the light producing object, creating a soft glow that speared through the room, giving a gory life to the leaping shadows.
There, in the corner, bare from chest to waist, was a very silent and blank Kenshin. His long hair left undone, cascading down his broad shoulders and manly back like a scarlet waterfall. He did not seem to notice her presence, nor did he acknowledge the fact of the sudden light. He stayed there, facing the wall in contemplative silence. Behind him was his gi, drenched with a red liquid that had started to stain the tatami on which it had be left forgotten. Horror griped her in all its bitter, stomach turning force, rendering her to a shivering form firmly pressed to the wall and she pressed her hand to her mouth in an attempt to conceal the gasp that threatened to escape. The swordsman, as if in a trance, fixed his hands, bloodied and dripping in crimson drops, transfix. She observed the man as he turned and turned again his hand, palms up, palms down, doing the same gesture times and times again, watching the scarlet fluid slid around them, like a child not nearly understanding what he saw.
It was only then that she realize how lost he felt, watching in dazed silence this bloodied fingers. His old hakama were just has stained as the discarded gi, the crimson blot incrusted to it, as if it had absorbed every drops of the sanguine fluids. She swallowed her fear and got to her trembling feet, one hand reaching for his shoulder hesitantly. As Kaoru moved to touch him, his voice stopped her, deep and far away as he spoke softly.
"Don't," was all he said.
"But Kenshin…" she let the sentence trail off, not knowing exactly what she could say.
"Don't come any closer. I will only stain you further."
"Ken… shin…"
"I'm a monster…" he whispered, voice barely audible.
"Don't say such horrible things, you're not…" he would not let her finish.
"I am!" it sounded harsh, loud in self-reproach, and so painful. "I killed, countless times, will do it again. I'm lost in a damned circle of perpetual death, never to see the end of it."
"You do it for what you believe is true," she tried to console him.
"Not this… not that way, not by shattering existence itself!"
He turned his head toward her, his eyes flashing amber, fiery, forceful and powerful. She took a step back, startled by the mere sight of such a vibrant gaze; it seemed that it could burn her very soul. Breath catching in her throat, living her speechless, breathless. Ocean blue locked with golden orbs, seeing more than should be seen, catching that tiny glimpse of fear, of loathing, that lingered deep within. Lost, as a child, inner demons lurching inside, eating his core, feasting upon his very being, leaving him confused, tiered maybe, and completely adrift and disoriented. Lone, as the soul survivor of a fierce battle, watching over and over again the memory of his fallen friends, dissipated family and sacrificed beloved. Scared, as a dieing man, seeing his life slipping away from him as the blade of the enemy pierced his heart, devoured by pain. Powerful, as a fierce tiger, ready to bounce on his pray, fangs bared and deadly, calculating and intelligent but soft and loving when touched at the right place. It was all there, in his amber eyes, shining, swirling, never to leave, forever lingering within their depth.
"Kenshin…"
She could not resist the overwhelming feeling inside, it pushed her to reach out for him, to tell him everything was alright, that he was not stained, not a monster, that he was Himura Kenshin, caring, loving, beautiful inside as most were if not more. Gently, her fingertips touched his brows, shoving away the crimson strands of free hair, watching attentively his reaction as they played over his eyes. He seemed startled, staring down at her tender blue eyes, not able to discern efficiently what she thought. Kaoru then let her finger caress down to his scared cheek, but kept her gaze locked with his, not once wavering, steady in all their caring watching. He gave the impression of being frozen in place, not comprehending her soft touch or the feeling that it created.
She bit at her bottom lip, grazing the flesh with her white teeth and than southing it with a reflexive lick of her rosy tongue. He was spellbound, lost in a moment of perfect silence as she returned the compassion he once gave her. Kaoru's other hand soon joined the first, fingering the silky texture of his sanguine locks and the velvet touch of his skin, starting to forget what had pushed her to do it. Kenshin closed his eyes and lined into her careful touch, the feel of her hand beautiful to him, better than anything he ever experienced. His arms had dropped, hanging about his waist, the blood that covered them a far away memory and the pain of his mind lost in distant musing as he simply enjoyed what she generously gave.
The crimson haired swordsman fluttered his lids open to look at her sapphire gems, which had never ceased to observe him. Something inside broke, suddenly, as unknown to him as it had been, it just disappeared, a wall, maybe a shield he had erected for self protection or maybe someone else's, whatever it had been, it was gone and he was now bending forward, his gaze switching from her glittering iris to her soft, pink and inviting lips. He had became obsessed with them in the space of milliseconds, all he could think of was those pert lips, demanding attention, calling him in sultry whispers. Try as he might, he was irresistibly drown toward them, like a magnet to an opposite pole, a bee to a flower, a moth to light with probably the same deadly effect. Everything but her was irrelevant, cast in shadow, gone with the wind, leaving him with one single thought, a crave, a need for something else, something he had never wanted until now.
Slowly, the gap that separated them was closed, as he tentatively brushed his mouth over hers, lightly, barely touching, observing her reaction to his touch. She did not shy away, did not move or seemed to be scared, she just watched him, her eyes intense, a deeper indigo, like the night, and small sparkle of dancing silvery stars lingering in their entrancing depth. Kenshin tired again, this time, longer but just as gentle but as he was about to retire again, she closed her lids and leaned in, her hands keeping his face to hers. Everything was shut away, giving in and leaving his lips to tease hers sweetly. His hands returned to life as one was brought up to cup her cheek, blood forgotten as it left as red print on her pale skin. His free arm circled her waist, drawing her closer to him as he crushed his lips in a developing kiss, nipping at the bottom one and she surrounded to him completely.
His bare chest could feel the soft fabric of her kimono and through it, the roundness of her breasts as Kaoru hugged herself to him, arms resting around his shoulder. Kenshin's fingertips were gentle, fingering the flesh of her cheekbone before getting lost in the mass of her long ebony strands, her ribbon having come undone somehow, leaving them to flow in a river of ink. He opened his eyes, wishing to see her through half open lids and was met with the horror of his hand printed on her cheek. His gaze had returned to their usual violet and were wide in shock. He pushed away, sizing her by the shoulders, leaving the space of an arm in between them. She stared at him, just as astounded as he seemed to be but not for quite the same reason.
"I've stained you…" he whimpered. "Stained you."
She looked bewildered, his statement completely alien to her understanding. She tried to reach out to him again but he firmly kept her away. Kenshin could not let this beautiful woman be soil by his darkness and bloodied heart. She was compassion made human, unreal to this world, one of a kind, precious and forbidden to him, whatever he was feeling for her at the moment or previously, he had no right to it. Even though he longed to kiss her again, even though he desired something in her that was not her soul, even though her internal beauty and alluring exterior called him forward, coxed him toward her, he could not let it be.
"I've stained you…" he repeated like a mantra, something to convince himself that it was wrong to get closer, that she deserved more.
"Kenshin…"
He shook his head, no, he could not give in. The Choshu assassin let go of Kaoru and turned his attention to the floor, looking for a specific something and spotted it near the low table behind him. He bent and retrieved a rag cloth and returned to the girl who was watching his every move in utter perplexity. He gently reached for her left cheek where the blood stained accused him in all it horrid glory, vivid contrast to her pure flesh. He gingerly cleansed it, wiping it off with careful and loving hand all the while his red strand shielding his gaze.
"What are you doing?" she inquired.
"I'm cleaning your face, that I am. You must remain pure," he answered.
"Pure? You think I'm pure?" his lack of answer was talking clearer than any words could. "You're a fool Kenshin if you think I'm pure"
She vehemently pushed his hand away, anger clear in her face as her eyes blazed in fury.
"You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not innocent, not pure, far from it! I'm just as stain as you might think you are!" she yelled.
He watched her, puzzled, as she rushed toward to door, muttering a few wisely chose curses and then flashed a hard look at him. Her blood boiling in rage, she had become once again that forceful typhoon everyone seemed to fear. He stayed there, bloody clothe in his bloody hand, lavender gaze still lost in self-loathing. How she hated it, that look of guilt, that seemed to eat him out, turning him to a pathetic man she knew he was not. But he was too blind to even see that, too self centered and egoist to understand that he was not the only one who did wrongs, that he was not by any means the sole sinner upon their rotten earth.
"You're an idiot, Kenshin. An egocentric idiot that can't see farther than his nose, too lost in his own reproach to see anything else beside his own self," and with that, the shoji were forcefully close, making the walls weaver under the strength of her swing. "I've brought you miso soup and rice balls, eat them if you wish, I've got things to do!"
He stared at the door and then at the food platter that rested beside it, seemingly cold.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To be continued………
a/n: I didn't get many review this time, but you know what? As desperate for critics as I may be, I don't care anymore. Review if you like, don't if you're not feeling like it. I'm just tired of it.
"KARYTA'S INDIVIDUAL THANKING TO HER LOVELY REVIEWERS"
Jason M. Lee: Strange… I thought you had figured it out yet.. maybe I'm a little to vague sometimes. Sorry if I confused you. By the way, next time, try and not submit three identical reviews. ^-^
Kakarlena Tsuquoi: Thanks, but I don't think it was that long though.
Aerin-Chan: Yeah, I sold donuts for a week and then got fired… T-T Wasn't good enough, said I paniced each time I had more than one thing to do. So I'm back to the eternal search for a summer job. The worst part is that I don't think I'll be able to keep working, if I get one, once school starts again. But I didn't had to cook, though I'm far much better a cook Kaoru can be. The title of the movie is Ichinchi shi Hem no Rekuiem, and it's wonderful! ^-^. If you're curious about what happen after the OVA, I know of a site with the manga scan of the serie. It's omanga.cjb.net and it's great! Curious? That's not even a good enough word to describe how much I am. Usually, I ask so many questions that even my teachers are starting to get annoyed. How could I cut it? Well, it would've gotten way too long and I was eager to get that chapter out. Matsu will make an other apparition soon… I think. I hope that now you know who's that bathing woman. Don't worry about your heart, I don't even think Tomoe would appear here, though she is in an other fic of mine. That would be a good idea, I was looking for a proof reader, so if you're up to it, say so and I'll send you the next chapter as soon as its done. Hope you liked this chapy… it got quite interesting in the end, didn't it?
omochi: Thanks, but I lost it… Not that I didn't worked hard, but… well, it just wasn't meant to be. I didn't even got the chance to try those ice cappuccino… but if I were you, I'd stop drinking those thing… not that it's not good, but it's not even made of real coffee… But don't get me wrong, it's nothing dangerous, it's just that I'm a bit on the natural kind of food. That indigo thing? Um… I do know what's going to happen with it… but you don't! mwahahahah*caugh, caugh* (think I need to work on the evil laughing a bit more)
emsdesire: Yes, I'm an evil writer, so there should be a couple more evil endings to come…hehe. I'm happy you like it, ^-^
Lady E: I'm glad you find it fascinating. It took me sometime to work it out, and I still have some trouble with it… but I'm not telling you in which issue because I would give the story away!
Female Hitokiri Battousai: Hey, as promised, a bottom note along with the e-mail. I hope I didn't scare you away the other day. I can easily get carried away. By the way, I was only kidding with your brother, you know. Trying to scare him off, don't think it worked as I thought it would. I don't understand why, last time, it worked perfectly fine with my friend's brother, but of course, I was in front of him and could easily kick his but if he didn't understood that I was joking around. Anyway, it had been fun talking to you (though I hate talking through the mic… I don't like my voice and I'm not good with speeches, I'm clumsy when it comes to talk. I'm more at ease with a keyboard than anything else. Should work on that, next time, force me into talking, it'll get me less shy if I work on it a bit ^-^) Hope you'll like this chapter! And that it answered your question, if not, I'll tell you who the woman by the basin was.
Well, thank you every one. I love your reviews so much I would eat'em! Ok, I'm off now, see you guys around! (don't forget to leave a review, it's the button just at the bottom right corner, yes, that one over there, click on it! *sorry, couldn't resist.. hehe*)
