BASTILA SHAN:
I look at them. I suppose I should have called them friends long before this, but I was all too aware of the truth. Now I look into their eyes and see something a Jedi should never see.
Betrayal.
"You USED me, Bastila. You're…you're no better than the Sith." The words cut like a lightsaber, because I know they are true. How close I came to forgetting who…what…the woman who stands next to me was.
Carth is confused and hurt. He's come to care for her…a factor I never expected. I suppose both of us have betrayed him, but Seeira's…Revan's was not intended. I wanted them never to know the truth.
But lies sustain us - Jedi and Sith alike. We tell a gentle lie here, a calculated lie there. All in the name of power for Sith, and all in the name of the Light for Jedi. I used to believe that…Revan, you gave me more truth than I knew.
I remember that battle with the all the clarity the Force has granted. It was terrible, and through my Battle Meditation, I saw such death and pain - things that would drive anyone without the training mad. I saw our ships cripple Revan's flagship. Malak saw his opportunity, and went in for the kill. We were in a tiny assault ship and had no time.
Reven was a legend, spoken of in hushed voices. How strange then to run up to the lifeless body inside the Dark Lord's armor and instantly notice how small it was. Pulling off the mask, I saw a face like my own - a human woman. There was no mind in the empty shell, only enough of the lower functions to keep the body breathing and sustain the heartbeat.
There hadn't been time for much discussion. One of my party thought the merciful thing would be to allow Revan death. Another argued that we could pull the Star Forge information from the husk of her brain and otherwise leave her be - held between life and death.
Defying them both, I chose what I believed to be the Jedi choice. Putting her hand in mine, I willed life into her broken body. I carried that life in my hands, felt it grow within me, and become strong enough to live on its own.
Such things I saw!
The Council did not know what to do. I allowed Revan to live, and made things more difficult. It's one thing to allow a sentient too far gone to save become one with the Force. It's quite another to rebuild a shattered mind, to create a new person from what had been and pray that a dead foe would not return to life instead.
Computer records were altered, of course. Reven was dead as far as the Republic was concerned, and the Council decided it best to keep this new creature - Seeira Jast - innocent of what she had been. More gentle lies followed, and she never left my side. I've treated her like a child, because that was essentially what she was - a new life that I carried and birthed, and was therefore my responsibility.
Ah, but children grow and innocence is lost. Separated during the attack on the Spire, I had believed that she would return to being Revan once out of my constant watch. I was wrong.
Revan does live…but as the bond I share with Seeira. The former Dark Lord is now part of both of us.
The Dark Side is almost forbidden to speak of. Jedi try to run from it, or to deny its power, save as a warning to padawans not to let passions get the best of them. The Dark Side is spoken about like a cloak that one may cast off with enough training and practice.
That is the lie that sustains a Jedi. The truth is that we can no more outrun the Dark Side than we can ourselves, for the darkness is part of the heart of all sentients. We can no more discard it then our own skins. I have seen a Dark Lord show mercy, and the Light Side willingly commit betrayals. I have seen the Light Side run from the Darkness, and I have felt the Dark powers that drove Revan mad.
That lie will be the death of the Jedi one day.
I explain to Carth and Seeria both that there is no time for talk. Malak is on his way, and only the Force knows what terrible things he is capable of doing. Seeira is also in a delicate position right now.
Malak is aboard right now. He needs the Battle Meditation, and will try to turn me. I have no doubt he'll slaughter Carth, and try to turn Seeira before killing her, too.
I must act as a Jedi. I must protect.
My battle will not be with Malak, however. The true battle will be with myself.
