Title: Don't Love Me
Summary: Love is a curse to Ryan. Ryan/Seth
Rating: R -dark themes, slash
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters etc.
Notes: Don't read this if you don't like slash etc. I normally don't write first person POV fics, but I wanted to give it another try.
Feedback: Make me a better writer. Reply if you have the time.
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Don't love me.
I'm nothing.
I'm noone.
Don't even feel sorry for me. I'm not worth it.
I can't be what you need.
You want to be my incubus, but I'm no woman.
I know you don't really want to hurt me, I know that, but I can't trust it. I can't trust anything. So go ahead, use me. I want you to. It's all I'm good for.
I'm not soft and I'm not supple and I won't make your tongue feel sweet and your heart expand with silly notions of love. I can't be loved. All I know is pleasure for pain, traded measure for measure.
Please, don't look at me like that.
No, I'm not yours. I could never be yours...even if I wanted to be.
I can be your whore, but don't love me. I can make you come with a flick of my tongue. I can make your body feel like it's going up in flames. I can make you cry with my lips against your throat sucking your veins dry, but I can't make myself be loved.
I don't believe in love. Love is cruel and hungry. Love is a bribe and vicious cesspool of deceit. Love is my enemy.
There was a boy once, with fine strands of golden hair, almost like a halo, and blue ocean eyes. His laughter was like a song. His smile a light in the dismal darkness. His mother loved him with a backhand. His father loved him with a belt. His brother loved him with a fist. His neighbours loved him with their hands. Touching. Grabbing. Violating. Raping.
Love destroyed that boy. Love made him cynical and guarded. Love made him ache.
I'm not that boy anymore.
Don't love me. I'm not worth it, at least that's what they say and I know they're right.
My father loved one thing and that was money. My mother's affliction was alcohol.
It's funny, they met in a bar. He was holding it up and she was drinking herself sober.
You laugh, but it's the truth.
The only time she can function is when she's drunk and the only time he gave a damn is when he had a gun in one pocket, money in the other, a beer in one hand and a tit in the other.
Maybe I'll turn out just like him, except I'll have a pack of Marlboro in one pocket, a copy of some worn book in the other, some really good champagne in one hand and a cock in the other.
Don't look at me like that.
Fine, maybe I'll give up smoking.
It's okay to laugh, it was a joke...kinda.
I'm a fuckin' fag.
What? It's true. Trey would love that.
Love gets you nowhere.
I'm filthy. I'm corrupted. You don't want to love me.
Do you hear me? Are you listening? Seth?
Please Seth, don't love me.
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end.
