Chapter 8

Ron, the saw master

When Ron stepped onstage, he still thought he was Fess Parker, then when the bright lights and applause his him he went insane! He started sawing everything: curtains, some nearby stage furniture, even the stage itself. People just started laughing and applauding, then somebody threw a pineapple on stage. He put it on a stool and carved it in the shape of Tony Blair's head.

There was uproarious applause--from the tourists, of course.

When Ron was done, the judges introduced the audience to their unique rating systems. Dobby threw a pile of laundry on the stand in front of him. "I give him four socks and a footie!"

Uproarious applause.

Winky said, "That's definitely an apple martini!"

More tiresome applause.

Hagrid held up a paper that said "FIF."

"What on earth is that?" asked Dumbledore.

"Ah, that's, ah, the Roman numeral five, y'see."

Confused silence.

"On a five-point scale," he reassured everyone.

Snape stomped his foot only four times, then gave Ron a dirty look.

"I know Fess Parker," he started angrily. "I've worked with Fess Parker, and I'm friends with Fess Parker. You are no Fess Parker."

More uproarious applause.

Ende