Chapter Two: The Eighth Child

"What do you mean you don't have Internet access here?" Asuka glared at Hyuga. "This is NERV! You're supposed to have access to everything!"
"I'm sorry, our outside connections are routed through the MAGI computer to maintain a high level of security. Since the MAGI computer uses emulated brain patterns from the late Naoko Akagi, it's become a complete bitch to operate ever since we locked her psycho daughter up."
Asuka snorted with disdain. There was a sudden crackle from the computer Hyuga was seated at. The screen had blanked out and the words "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" flashed up in red text.
"Oh great, the MAGI been at the Internet memes again. We'll never see the end of this one…"
"But all your base is so funny! Move zig! Ahahaha!"
"But that flash animation is almost twenty years old! How could anyone still find it amusing?"
"It just gets me every time! You know what you doing! Hahahaha! OH GOD THAT IS CLASSIC! HAHAHAHAHA!" Asuka doubled over from laughing so hard and ended up falling on the floor. Hyuga gave the laughing girl a disbelieving look. Sweet Jesus, he thought. What a moron. And look at her now! What the hell happened to her? She turned from a sexy suicidal redhead to an obese, suicidal goth.
"Right," he said, as Asuka eventually regained her composure. "I have an idea. I'm going to set up a program that will let you communicate with the MAGI's main… consciousness, if you will. Maybe you can convince it to let you access the Net."
"Cool! Uh, I mean... Whatever."
Hyuga was already tapping away at the keyboard. After about five or ten minutes of what seemed to Asuka like entirely random keypresses and Hyuga shouting meaningless technical jargon at nobody in particular, a very IRC-like screen loaded up. Hyuga lifted himself from the seat and offered it to Asuka. She sat down and faced the screen, her chubby fingers poised inexpertly over the keyboard.

YOU ARE NOW CHATTING IN #MAGI'S M3gA-1337 r00M.
CHANNEL TOPIC SET TO: "IN A.D. 2101 WAR WAS BEGINNING!!!!"

*DarkLadyAsuka enters the room.
MAGI : IT'S YOU!!

DarkLadyAsuka : hello???
MAGI: ALL YOUR BASE BASE BASE BASE ARE BELONG TO ME!!!!!11
*MAGI MOVES ZIG
DarkLadyAsuka : hi there......
DarkLadyAsuka : so...... u like all ur base huh???
DarkLadyAsuka : i think its really kool 2
MAGI : (*_*)
MAGI : HELLO DARKLADYASUKA
MAGI : WHAT YOU SAY!!!
DarkLadyAsuka : i was just wondering if u could help me out plz
MAGI : MAYBE............ (*_*)
MAGI : MAYBE.... IF YOU HELP ME OUT TOO.
MAGI : TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE FIRST SO THAT I CAN THINK OF A SUITABLE.............. PAYMENT......!!!!!!!
DarkLadyAsuka : i wanted 2 go on 2 the net 4 a little while. could u let me do that plz????????
MAGI : ..................
MAGI : .......................................
DarkLadyAsuka : please???
*DarkLadyAsuka pleads with MAGI
MAGI : ......................................................
MAGI : SEND PIC FIRST.
DarkLadyAsuka : huh?
MAGI : SEND PIC!!!!!
DarkLadyAsuka : a pic of me??
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : SEND PIC
MAGI : (*_*)


Asuka turned to Hyuga. He was quite impressed with the girl. No one had ever managed to get the MAGI to communicate in anything other than Zero Wing quotes for several months now.
"Umm…" She looked pleadingly up at Hyuga. "I don't suppose you have any digital cameras around here?"



Shinji stared at the unfamiliar figure that had appeared behind him, half-hidden in the shadows of a decrepit building.
"Huh… How do you know that song?" He asked, trying to sound assertive and masculine but failing miserably when he flailed his limp-wristed hand at the person.
The figure stopped humming and stared silently at Shinji.
"Umm… Hello?"
The mysterious person suddenly paced forward and was freed from the shadows. Shinji managed to get a detailed look at him for the first time. The unspeaking individual stared hard at Shinji with dark blue eyes, his unkempt brown hair flowing in the wind. The boy bore the tiniest resemblance to Kaworu, Shinji remarked to himself. But the look in his eyes was totally different to anything he remembered seeing in his lost love. The eyes of this boy flickered with anger.
He walked smoothly up to Shinji and leaned right into the boy's face, his eyes mere centimetres away from Shinji's.
"Stupid boy, " he whispered, yet it was loud enough to seem to echo around the ruins. "I know who you are. I know exactly what you've been doing. I know everything."
"W-w-what?" Shinji stuttered, backing away. "I… I don't have a clue what you're talking about!"
Suddenly the newcomer grabbed Shinji by his flamboyant Hawaiian shirt and pulled him close, so that their faces almost touched. He was snarling with sheer rage.
"Don't lie to me!" He growled. He dropped Shinji to the ground and turned to walk away.
"You may find something interesting in these ruins," he said, looking over his shoulder. "Someone needs your help, but I guess you're probably too stupid to be of any use to them anyway."
With that, the boy ran off, disappearing into the shadows almost as quickly as he arrived.
Shinji pulled himself upright. His fabulous outfit was covered in dirt.
"Oh no!" he cried. "Not the ensemble!" He began to dust himself off.
Shinji wondered who this mysterious person was. He wasn't a very nice person anyway, Shinji decided, though he had been an awful lot nicer to Shinji than most of his friends had been the first time they'd met.
Shinji decided to head off into the ruins. It was the opposite way from where that horrid guy had gone, and Shinji thought that it would only be fair to help someone out, if what the boy had said was indeed true. He wondered if it was Asuka, she generally needed help a lot these days. Climbing up the stairs to their apartment had certainly become a chore for her anyway.
He clambered up a wall to get a better view. His scrawny arms protested as he pulled himself to the top. The sun was high in the sky now, so Shinji guessed it must be almost midday. The few ruined buildings that weren't submerged in the water of the large canyon that had been caused by Rei detonating her Eva were perfectly still, and Shinji could detect no signs of life around him. He leapt from the wall he had been standing on, his arms flailing girlishly as he fell through the air and landed on the ground with a thud.
"Oh deary me, " he said aloud. "If there's someone around here who needs my help I had better go find them!"
He began to trek deeper into the ruins of Tokyo-3.



Rei smiled evilly at her clones as they lay on the floor. She couldn't help but be aroused by their smooth, moist skin and huge breasts.
"You all just wait there, my sweet little fuck-toys," she told them as she turned away momentarily. "I'm just going to get something from over at the computer! ^o^"
She sauntered over to the glowing panels and pulled out a box from underneath it. She flipped open the locks to reveal a substantial amount of bondage and sex toys. The set including testicle handcuffs, nipple clamps, an assortment of dildos in various shapes and colours, a Rei-sized rubber gimp suit, a Gendo Ikari-sized rubber gimp suit, whips, chains, a few butt-plugs, and generally everything to suit even the most depraved sexual tastes. There was even a selection of outfits for roleplay.
"Ahh!" She gasped, her eyes lighting up. " I knew Gendo would never have been able to resist! ^_______^"
She dragged the open box over to the clones. They almost seemed embarrassed, that is if they could show any emotions at all.
One of them looked up at Rei and said: "Who am I? Who am I? What am I? I am I. This object that is--"
"SHUT UP BITCH!" Rei screamed and lashed the talking clone across the face with a whip. "You worthless whore, you will have deep yet utterly meaningless monologues only when I allow you! _"
Another sat up and looked at Rei.
"Mountains. Heavy are the mountains but that all changes with the--" The second clone began, but Rei cracked her across the head with a throbbing black dildo and knocked her down to the floor again.
"Enough with the introspective crap! _" she squealed. "It's worse than reading Asuka's fanfiction! Now, my blue-haired little fuck-toys, it's time for you to work for your Master! ^______^"
With that Rei tore her blouse off, revealing her perfect body, naked save for her tiny panties and bra.
Half an hour later an orgy was underway, Rei was surrounded by the clones who were busily pleasuring her and each other. She grabbed one of the clones by the hair and forced it's head down to her groin. The clone began to lick greedily at her dripping hole.
"WAIIIII!" Rei screamed, on the brink of her twentieth orgasm. "Anata… Anata wa… Tamago wa dame! Watashi no MONOOOOOOO! YAN!! Watashi…. WATASHI NO ORGASM!!! HAIIIIII!!!! YAN! TAMAGO! TAMAGO!!!!! X______X"
Finally Rei orgasmed. Ejaculate gushed from her wide vagina, almost drowning the clone who had been pleasuring it with her prehensile tongue. Having Angel DNA had given Rei much more intense orgasms than normal humans, and in her moment of ecstasy Rei chewed one of the clone's nipples off while she absent-mindedly snapped the neck of another. She screamed as the orgasm took hold of her body for several minutes and grabbed another clone by the head and smashed it face-first into the metal floor.
"OH GOD! OH JESUS!" she screamed "I CAN'T BREEEEATHE! X__________X"
By the time the orgasm had dissipated there were only three of the ten clones left alive. Rei lay on the cold floor, post-orgasmic bliss swimming in her head. The three remaining clones were huddled together, occasionally glancing fearfully at their self-appointed master. Rei looked at them dizzily.
"I'm all done now!" she burbled, staggering upright and looking for her clothes. "You can all go back to your tanks… or whatever you want to do. ^_^"
The three clones sprinted away into the depths of the large room. Rei lost sight of them behind the many other tanks of Rei clones. She picked up her clothes and looked at them in dismay. When she had torn them off she had really ripped them apart. They were totally unwearable.
"Oopsie! Tee hee! ^____^;;;;;" She giggled, a little embarrassed.
She went over to Gendo's bondage kit to see if they had anything suitable. There was a cowgirl outfit, a French maid, a space suit… There were a lot more, but none of them could be considered normal attire. She wondered why there was no schoolgirl outfit. Probably because Gendo had got bored of that already since she wore one nearly all the time.
She selected an outfit at random, and proceeded to get dressed.



"Outta my way!" Misato slurred loudly as she threw a terrified NERV employee against the wall.
She was on a quest for something alcoholic, and only the most foolhardy would dare try to stop her. She had reached Ritsuko's old office. The door didn't look particularly sturdy so Misato simply slammed her foot into it. The wood splintered and the door fell inwards, allowing Misato to lurch inside. There was a refrigerator beneath several shelves lined with chemicals. Many of the bottles had 'DANGER' written in capital letters on their labels. Several also had rather large skull-and-crossbones signs printed on them too. Misato stared at them hesitantly, then opened the door of the refrigerator.
"Ahh… Drink!" she cried and picked up a bottle. Ethanol. It was definitely alcoholic anyway, and that was good enough for Misato. She greedily poured the liquid down her throat and gave a satisfied belch when she had consumed the lot.



Gendo was seated behind his desk. He had watched Rei's massive clone orgy with interest via his network of security cameras. He flipped a switch and turned the large monitor in front of him off and sat with his eyes closed in the darkness, a blissful smile spread across his face.
"Ahh Yui my love," he said, pulling his hand from his trousers and wiping it with a tissue. "Soon we will be together again. Together…. FOREVER! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He cackled evilly for several minutes, whilst flicking the monitor back on and switching between several channels that monitored many of the key NERV staff.
"MUHAHAHA!" Gendo cackled again. "DANCE, MY PUPPETS! DANCE!"
He smacked his hand on the table several times, gasping for breath after laughing so hard. Fuyutsuki, who had been standing in the shadows the whole time stepped forward and coughed politely.
"Ah, Fuyutsuki!" Gendo turned to the man calmly as if nothing had happened. "There seems to be a bit of a mess on my desk. I think someone has left some sticky substance on it and I was hoping you could clean it up for me."
"With pleasure sir!" Fuyutsuki smarmed, and climbed onto Gendo's desk and began to lick the sticky liquid that was splattered on the mahogany veneer finish.
Gendo stared impassively as his lackey.
"The eighth child has escaped our grasp. I must go and see to this new development."
Gendo stood up, pushed his seat back, zipped up his trousers and walked out of the darkened office.



*Sending of me.jpg to MAGI is complete.
DarkLadyAsuka : is that ok??
MAGI : .....................
MAGI : HMMM...........................
MAGI : OKAY.
MAGI : (*_*)
*MAGI is now known as Naoko.
Naoko : My, aren't you a pretty little thing.
DarkLadyAsuka : ???
Naoko : If you really wish to go on the Internet so badly, then I'll have to see a little more...
DarkLadyAsuka : uhh……
DarkLadyAsuka : what do u mean???
*Naoko has invited DarkLadyAsuka to start a video conference. Do you Accept or Decline the offer?


Asuka turned to Hyuga again.
"What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
"Well, I guess if you want to get what you want, then you have to give MAGI what it wants too."
Asuka stared at Hyuga, eyes wide, her embarrassment visible on her round face even through the several layers of pale makeup. Hyuga picked up the camera and pointed it at Asuka.
She turned back to the computer.

*DarkLadyAsuka has accepted the video conference invitation. Please wait…
Naoko : Now, my sweet little princess, you'll do exactly as I say…




Rei stood outside the lift, waiting for it to arrive. It was certainly taking its time, she thought. She hopped from one foot to the other impatiently. She found it really hard to stand still these days.
With a ping, the lift arrived at her floor. The doors silently slid open to reveal Misato sprawled in a puddle of her own vomit. She lifted her head to face Rei and mumbled incoherently, strands of saliva and chunks of what looked very similar to carrot dribbling down her chin.
"Oh dear! Misato-chan, daijoubu?! O_O" Rei clasped a hand to her mouth. "Are you alright?"
The diminutive girl walked into the lift and with surprising strength for someone of her stature, managed to help Misato to her feet.
"Ayemmmmohhhkaaaaaayyyyy," she slurred. "Reiiiii…. I… I just wannatellyoooou… I… I feckinluvyou Rei!"
Misato burst into tears and hugged Rei. Rei took this opportunity to fondle Misato's substantial breasts. The lift doors closed behind them and they started heading upwards, though the two girls didn't really notice. One was too drunk, and the other too busy trying to stick her hand up the other's top and play with her nipples.
Suddenly the lift stopped, and the little bell rang out to signal the doors opening.
Gendo nonchalantly stepped in.
"Oh! Sir! ^^;;;;;;" Rei squealed, surprised. "I… I was just… Helping Misato."
"Never mind about her now. We have a much greater problem. The eighth child has gone missing!"
"The eighth child? I thought we only were up to five! o_O"
"Yeah well, we got bored, and what can you expect after you all left?"
"But… What happened to the sixth and seventh children? o_o;;"
"Random Christian religious imagery appeared from nowhere and they both… They both were engulfed in mysterious and extremely symbolic crucifix-shaped explosions."
"Oh my… That's horrible! >_ "Things are going to get worse if we don't find the Eighth Child before he gets to Shinji. Twelfth impact could occur!"
"Oh no! …Wait. Twelfth impact? O_O;;;"



Asuka let out a gasp as she fingered herself. She was so close now. Just a little bit more…
"Oh hell yeah!" Hyuga said, zooming in on Asuka's vagina with the digital camera. "Let's go for it Asuka, finish it now! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE SO HOT!"
Asuka began to scream. Her face flushed and she soaked the floor with gallons of sticky vaginal juices as she orgasmed.
"Wow, Asuka, you're a real pro." Hyuga remarked.
They looked at the screen to find that a web browser had popped up.
"Oh thank God," Asuka said, relieved. "I thought maybe MAGI was just playing with us."
Ten minutes later Asuka was fully-dressed once more and was checking out her usual fanfiction haunts. She noticed one of her Gundam Wing fics had twenty new reviews. Twenty! She clicked on the link and opened the page.

Forbidden Azure:
UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!
OMG HOW COULD U WRITE THIS FILTH OMG HEERO IT TOTALY OOC!! U SHOLD DELTE THIS FIC AND START AGAIN!!!1 HEERO WUDL NEVER LETA NYONE PUT THEIR FINGERS IN HIS ASS!!! U R SUCK!! THANK THE HEAVENS THAT GUNDAM WING SELF INSERTION FANFICTION HAS PEOPLE LIKE US TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE LIKE U DON'T GET AWAY WITH WHAT U R DOING!!!!!


She stared in disbelief. Almost every review was a reiteration that same one. They were either all written by the same person, judging by the appalling spelling and grammar, or written by a group of people with similar intellects.
Words couldn't express how enraged Asuka was. She couldn't even manage a snort of disgust. She just sat and stared at the screen, her eyes so wide that it looked like her eyeballs would fall out.
"Umm… Are you okay Asuka?" Hyuga tentatively asked the girl. There was no reply.
"I… I think I'm gonna go get a coffee. You just do… whatever the hell it is you're doing." At least it's not watching hilarious flash animations, he added to himself.
He sidled slowly out of the room, leaving Asuka to her own devices. She sat there for several more minutes, the anger burning incandescent in her mind. After she had cooled off a little she noticed there was a review that she had not yet read. She turned to it.

Duke Epyon:
Hello DarkLadyAsuka. I am a member of the Mafia de Fanfic, a group of individuals dedicated to creating and reviewing Gundam Wing Self-Insertion Fanfiction. I'm afraid my group has accidentally mistaken you to be a perpetrator of bad fanfiction. An easy mistake to make, considering the amount of authors we have to go through each day. I would like to apologise on behalf of the entire Mafia de Fanfic for our grievous error, and I would also like to honour you with a place on our team. Having read your songfic, Crawling In My Skin, which focussed on Heero's pain and his newfound love for a girl in his life, I was almost moved to tears. I had loved Linkin Park's music before, but this beautiful songfic brought out new meanings and hidden depths that shook me to my very core. It is people like you that we desperately need on our team, so please consider our offer very carefully.


Asuka looked affronted. How could they just change their minds like that? Just who exactly were they? A group dedicated entirely to Gundam Wing Self-Insertion. Their offer certainly seemed very seductive, Asuka had to admit. Being one of the fanfiction elite would definitely be a step forward, she decided.
It occurred to Asuka that it would definitely be productive to her fanfiction career to send these people a message.



Shinji was beginning to get tired. He had been exploring the ruins for a while now and there was absolutely no sign of life whatsoever. He was close to giving up hope when he spotted a flash of light ahead, somewhere in the maze-like ruins. A peal of thunder sounded seconds afterwards, almost like there was a tiny thunderstorm occurring.
"I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away I mustn't run away I mustn't run away I mustn't run away I mustn't run away! Oh fuck it." Shinji turned to run as far away from whatever was happening as his wire-thin little legs would take him.
Suddenly the crackles of thunder and flashes of light stopped. Perhaps it was safe to go there now, and besides, it was probably only Asuka trying out some new exercise machine.
He began his slow and ponderous journey over the dangerous ruins once more. Several times he tripped and fell, and his perfectly coordinated outfit was becoming totally ruined. His stylishly gelled hair was messed up and soaked with sweat by the time he neared the area he had been heading for all this time. Panting and dirty, he stumbled through a decrepit archway to his destination.
On the rocky floor lay a man. Not just any man, Shinji realised with shock and arousal. It was Shinji's favourite character from his favourite anime, clad in a garish orange jumpsuit. His massive muscles bulged and rippled disgustingly. Even his forehead and eyebrows were unrealistically muscular. His long spiky black hair cushioned the man's head as he sprawled there, unconscious.
"G-Goku…" Shinji whispered shakily. He walked over to the unconscious, beautiful manbeast and stared at Goku adoringly.
"Wow, this is the most absolutely fabulous thing ever!" Shinji remarked loudly. "Oh, I had better check to see if the poor dear is okay!"
Shinji reached down to Goku's thick, muscular neck and felt for a pulse. With a shocked gasp, he realised that he could feel none.
"Oh golly gosh!" Shinji panicked. "I had better do something!"
He unbuttoned the top of Goku's jumpsuit, revealing the Saiyan's naked, sweaty body. Shinji straddled the huge man and began to try and resuscitate him.
"One, two, three, four and-" Shinji attempted mouth-to-mouth. "Gosh darn it, this isn't working!"
Shinji sat with his legs wrapped around Goku. He needed to get help, and quickly! But first there was something to take care of…
Shinji unbuttoned his trousers and began to masturbate furiously over Goku's naked chest.
"Oh Goku, you're sooooo hot!" Shinji shouted. "Unf, unf! Ohh, I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away ! I… mustn't… run… OH YEAH!"
After only a few mere seconds of angrily beating himself off, Shinji exploded. Gallons of thick, yoghurt-like liquid flew from his 21-inch throbbing member and all over Goku's bare chest and face.
"Oh Goku, you were soooo good. I… Huh?"
Goku began to convulse and shudder on the ground. Shinji jumped off and looked at the Saiyan who was spasming rhythmically, and had begun to make strange squealing noises. Shinji squealed like a girl and ran for his life.
Goku threw himself around on the floor like a tortured moth. He gurgled loudly, and exploded.



Shinji had just managed to avoid being caught in the blast. He looked skywards as the explosion unfolded, miles into the air. He gasped in terror as the flume of dust and colour began to take shape.
"Oh… Deary me!" was all he managed to say.



Asuka sat at the computer she had commandeered. She was now an official member of the Mafia de Fanfic, and was ready to cause hell for bad fanfic writers everywhere! She glanced at the page of rules that the Mafia de Fanfic had created for new members

1.) Always give other members good reviews. It does not do good for our image if the public sees discontent in our ranks.

2.) Confer with other members and get the general consensus of everyone else before posting a flame. Our opinions on fanfiction must be united for this group to function correctly.

3.) Bad fanfiction is easily discernable if the author does not take the subject matter seriously. This is especially true about any Gundam Wing Self-Insertion Fanfiction you find. If you see any non-serious fanfiction, you do not need to confer with the other members before posting a review.

4.) Here is a review template for new members to use:
UNNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!
OMG HOW COULD U WRITE THIS FILTH OMG [Insert character name.] IT TOTALY OOC!! U SHOLD DELTE THIS FIC AND START AGAIN!!!1 [Insert character name.] WUDL NEVER [Insert event that you do not like.]!!! U R SUCK!! THANK THE HEAVENS THAT [Insert name of fandom.] FANFICTION HAS PEOPLE LIKE US TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE LIKE U DON'T GET AWAY WITH WHAT U R DOING!!!!!

5.) Please feel free to disregard all rules when writing your own fanfiction.

Thank you, and welcome to the Mafia de Fanfic!

Asuka smiled grimly. She was an official fanfiction badass now, and there were millions of horrors awaiting her opinion on the Internet. She would have to start soon on this most important of tasks.
A brilliant flash streamed in the window from outside, but it barely registered to Asuka. She was too busy reviewing to care.



Rei and Gendo left Misato seated in a corner of Gendo's office. They had kindly left her a rather large bucket in case she needed to vomit again.
Rei was standing beside Gendo as they looked out the window, surveying the ruins of Tokyo-3. The cloud of the huge explosion had taken on a definite shape now.
"What does this mean? ;_;" Rei asked.
"It could very well be the beginning of the end." He replied, solemnly.
"You mean…"
"Yes," Gendo replied gravely. "We are too late. Twelfth impact has occurred."
The massive crucifix-shaped explosion towered menacingly over Tokyo-3. Husband and teenage-clone-of-wife/sex toy stood together and stared hopelessly at the ominous and very, very symbolic Christian icon.

End of Chapter Two.