Chapter 16

The winnah!

Then, for no apparent reason, Helga/Shelley started to cry and talk about how they both reminded her of her dead daughter. She would not shut up.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "The contest, Helga?"

"Oh, yeah. OK, you twose gotta have a run-off."

Hermione shrugged. "Fine." She asked Luna, "Mind if I go first?"

Of course Luna minded; she wanted to kill Hermione right then and there. But she politely replied, "I don't give a fuck."

Hermione came out in her same outfit, except no nipple tassles, and rapped some insanely violent song. During the last chorus, she pulled a gun out of the back of her shorts and fired into the audience several times, grazing one tourist's head and shattering another's wrist; both kept the bullets as souvenirs.

Next, Luna came out and did an amazing Exorcist impersonation, shattering a priceless chandelier. People started vomiting and crying uncontrollably.

"Whadda I do?" cried Helga/Shelley. "They were both great!"

Ende