Obligatory Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Warner Bros. and
Bright, Crane, and Kaufman Productions.
Living Situations: Rachel and Ross live in his apartment with Emma. Chandler and Monica live together in Monica's apartment. Joey lives alone at his place across the hall. Phoebe lives with Mike at her place.
The One With The Star Trek Convention
TEASER
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Monica, Joey, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating lunch, while Emma sleeps in her stroller.)
Joey: Have you noticed that we never look out that big window anymore?
Monica: What do you mean?
Joey: I mean (gets up and walks to the huge window on the wall of the apartment), when Ugly Naked Guy lived across the street, we used to look at him all the time. Now, all we can see is Ugly Naked Ross (cringes).
Monica: And now I'm going to throw up my lunch. Thanks, Joey.
Joey: How do you think I felt when I saw Ross naked in his apartment? I was throwing up sandwiches left and right.
Rachel: So this is what you do during your free time?
Ross: I wouldn't talk; you're the one who likes to walk around nude in the living room while I'm at work.
Joey: But it's Cute Naked Rachel that keeps me looking out the window.
Rachel (gasping): Joey!
(Joey and Ross high five each other.)
[OPENING CREDITS]
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (continued from before)
(Chandler enters the room, strutting and smiling with some tickets in his hand.)
Chandler: What a mighty fine day it is for the Chan-Chan Man!
Phoebe: Why do you look so gleeful today?
Chandler: I have in my hands, two fresh tickets for this Saturday's Star Trek Extravaganza!
Ross (jumping up): Dude, no way! I thought all the tickets were sold out.
Chandler: They were, but a co-worker of mine has to go to a wedding for the weekend, and so he gave them to me!
Ross: Oh, man I want to go to that so bad; look, I don't know whom you were planning to take, but could you take me, please?
Chandler: I was planning to take you, my friend.
Monica: And not your wife?
Chandler: Well, honey, I thought you didn't like Star Trek.
Monica: Oh no, I hate it, but it would be nice to consider me first.
Chandler: Ok then, I'll ask you first. Monica, would you like to go to the Star Trek convention with me? And then you say no. (to Ross) Dude, are you ready to go star trekkin'?
Ross: I am soo ready; I haven't been to a convention since I was like, nine.
Monica: That's because you tried to attack Captain Kirk at the autograph session.
Ross: Hey, I tripped on my shoe lace and fell against his leg, ok?
Monica: You almost knocked him over! Security escorted all of us out of the building!
Ross: That is ancient history; he wouldn't recognize me now. Oh I wonder if my Klingon battle uniform still fits.
Joey: You guys are dorks.
Phoebe: I know, you'd be all like, "Yeah, beam me up, Scotty; whoo hoo hoo I'm a Trekker."
Chandler: Actually Phoebe, it's Trekkie.
Ross: Well, both terms are accepted now.
(Chandler and Ross continue their conversation as the rest shake their heads in annoyance.)
Joey's Apartment (Joey is sitting in his Barcalounger, reading a soap box; Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, what's up?
Phoebe: I just said bye to Mike at the airport; he's going to be in California for a week to visit his family. I miss him already.
Joey: That must suck, but hey you can hang out with me. We can spend the next few hours talking; it's been a long time since we talked just one on one.
Phoebe: Ooh, yay! Ok, so what do you want to talk about?
(brief moment of silence)
Phoebe: I got something!
Joey: All right; go ahead.
Phoebe: Ever since Mike and I became serious in our relationship, I've been so happy. It feels so good having someone that you know is there for you. I can honestly see us spending the rest of our lives together.
Joey (smiling): Aw, that's great Pheebs. I'm happy for you too.
Phoebe: And not just that; it's like I have a new purpose to live now, you know.
Joey (in acknowledgment): Yeah.
Phoebe: I never really had a family before, with my mom killing herself and everything, but if things go even further with Mike, I could get married and become a mom to our children.
Joey (smile has turned into a slight frown): Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like I finally see my future in front of me and it's not some box on the street, like when I was homeless. It's a nice house, with kids playing in the front yard and me and Mike growing old and seeing them grow up and head to college and raise families on their own. You know that feeling you get when you can just see your destiny?
Joey (now frowning): No! (He walks toward the door.)
Phoebe: What? Joey, what are you going?
Joey: I need to find my destiny!
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Thousands of people are walking inside the arena, where many booths and activities are set up.)
(Ross and Chandler enter through the entrance; Ross is wearing his Klingon armor costume, while Chandler has on a blue Starfleet uniform, ala Mr. Spock, complete with plastic Vulcan ears.)
Ross: I can't believe they're holding this at Madison Square Garden; this place is so big!
Chandler: I know, this makes those other conventions look like little tiny peons.
(A party of three people pass; two of them, young kids, are in their Star Trek costumes and makeup; the third person, their older sister, is wearing normal clothing)
Ross (standing straight up): Salutations, humans! Qa'pla! (Klingon for victory/success/luck)
Boy #1: It's a funny looking Klingon!
Woman: What a loser (walks away with the younger brothers).
Chandler: Could you make a bigger ass out of yourself?
Ross: Oh.
Chandler: First of all, Ross, you never give the Klingon salute to civilians. They just don't understand.
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe has convinced Joey to stay in the apartment and is comforting him.)
Phoebe: Come on, Joey; I hate it when you're sad. Your aura gets so gray.
(Monica and Rachel enter; Rachel is pushing Emma's stroller.)
Rachel: Sorry we're late. We were changing the baby's diaper but Emma decided to start peeing all over the place.
Monica: So why did you call us, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Joey's depressed.
Rachel: What's wrong, honey?
Joey: I have no destiny!
Monica: Ok. Could you be a little more specific, Joe?
Joey: When Phoebe was talking about how happy she was with Mike and the future she was looking forward, I realized, what do I have to look forward to, except sex with chicks I hardly know?
Rachel: I thought you liked it that way.
Joey: I still do, but I'm thirty years old now. I thought that by this time, I would have a girl that I could really love, you know, someone that I could see spending my life with. Because let's face it, these boyish good looks aren't gonna last forever. I mean after I hit eighty-five, I'll just be old.
Monica: Joey, you're still a really young guy; you'll find the right person.
Rachel: That's right, and once you do, you'll be able to imagine your future too. You have a lot of time.
Joey: But when will I find her? All of you guys already have partners you love.
Rachel: I don't have anybody right now and neither does Ross.
Joey: But you both have Emma to love and care for. I have no one.
Phoebe: Joseph Francis!
Joey: What?
Phoebe: You may not have one single girl to marry right now, but until that happens you have plenty of people to care about like the five of us.
Rachel: And Emma.
Monica: And your parents and grandma and seven sisters.
Phoebe: And most of all, yourself.
Joey: Loving myself? Isn't that kind of a private subject, Pheebs?
Phoebe (swatting his arm): Not that kind of love!
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Ross and Chandler are waiting in a line to get autographs from William Shatner.)
Ross: We're almost next in line; oh man, it's Captain Kirk! I never got his autograph the last time I saw him.
Chandler: I still can't believe you tried to tackle him; I mean, even a Gorn monster couldn't take him down.
Ross: Hey, I tripped and fell against his leg, ok?
(As he says this, the person in front of them leaves and William Shatner is now directly facing them.)
Shatner: Next, please.
Chandler (whispering to Ross): All right, this is it; be cool, be cool. (face Shatner and extends his hand in the Vulcan shape) Greetings, Captain; live long and prosper.
Shatner (kind of smiling): Right.
Chandler: Oh, no I was just kidding around. The name's Chandler; it's an honor to meet you sir.
Shatner: Don't worry about it. It's nice to meet you Chandler. Where are you from?
Chandler: Here in New York City, the Village specifically, although it's anything but one.
Shatner: That's great; here you go (hands him the autograph). Take care.
Chandler: Thanks. (walks to the side and waits for Ross)
Ross: Uh, hi.
Shatner: Hi.
Ross: Please let me say, it's so wonderful to finally meet you. I'm a huge fan of your work, Captai - I mean, Mr. Shatner.
Shatner: It's okay, call me Bill. What's your name?
Ross (looks over to Chandler and mouths 'Bill!'): It's Ross; I'm Chandler's friend. We both live here in NYC.
Shatner: That's great; well here you go Ross - wait a minute, that name, it sounds familiar.
Ross: Wha, what do you mean?
Shatner: That name, those eyes (looks up), that hair. You're that nine- year old kid that tried to attack me! Security!
Ross: What, no, that was an accident, Bill!
Shatner: Don't call me Bill!
Chandler (grabbing Ross' arm): Abort mission; get to emergency escape pods, escape pods!
(Chandler and Ross run through the arena, trying to find an exit, but run into a group of security guards.)
Shatner (snatching their autographs): I'll be taking those.
Ross: I tripped and fell against your leg, ok?
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are still there. Phoebe: You feel any better, Joe?
Joey: Yeah, a little; thanks guys.
Monica: I'll tell you what; I'll make you that big sandwich you like with pastrami and swiss cheese -
Joey: And jam?
Monica: Jam with pastrami and cheese?
Joey: Hey, you want to make me feel better right?
(Monica begins the preparation as Ross and Chandler enter; their costumes are worn out. Ross' Klingon makeup has been rubbed away and Chandler's Spock ears are loose.)
Joey: Hehehehehehehe, hahahahahahahaha!
Phoebe: Now that's the laugh I like!
[CLOSING CREDITS]
Ross and Rachel's Apartment (Rachel is alone and has walked into the living room nude. She starts reading a magazine.)
(She realizes something.)
Rachel: Crap! I forgot to close the blinds. (looks out the window and gasps) I'm going to kill those guys!
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Joey, Ross, and Chandler are at the window.)
Ross: You really can see everything that's going on in there.
Joey: I know! It's great!
Living Situations: Rachel and Ross live in his apartment with Emma. Chandler and Monica live together in Monica's apartment. Joey lives alone at his place across the hall. Phoebe lives with Mike at her place.
The One With The Star Trek Convention
TEASER
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Monica, Joey, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating lunch, while Emma sleeps in her stroller.)
Joey: Have you noticed that we never look out that big window anymore?
Monica: What do you mean?
Joey: I mean (gets up and walks to the huge window on the wall of the apartment), when Ugly Naked Guy lived across the street, we used to look at him all the time. Now, all we can see is Ugly Naked Ross (cringes).
Monica: And now I'm going to throw up my lunch. Thanks, Joey.
Joey: How do you think I felt when I saw Ross naked in his apartment? I was throwing up sandwiches left and right.
Rachel: So this is what you do during your free time?
Ross: I wouldn't talk; you're the one who likes to walk around nude in the living room while I'm at work.
Joey: But it's Cute Naked Rachel that keeps me looking out the window.
Rachel (gasping): Joey!
(Joey and Ross high five each other.)
[OPENING CREDITS]
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (continued from before)
(Chandler enters the room, strutting and smiling with some tickets in his hand.)
Chandler: What a mighty fine day it is for the Chan-Chan Man!
Phoebe: Why do you look so gleeful today?
Chandler: I have in my hands, two fresh tickets for this Saturday's Star Trek Extravaganza!
Ross (jumping up): Dude, no way! I thought all the tickets were sold out.
Chandler: They were, but a co-worker of mine has to go to a wedding for the weekend, and so he gave them to me!
Ross: Oh, man I want to go to that so bad; look, I don't know whom you were planning to take, but could you take me, please?
Chandler: I was planning to take you, my friend.
Monica: And not your wife?
Chandler: Well, honey, I thought you didn't like Star Trek.
Monica: Oh no, I hate it, but it would be nice to consider me first.
Chandler: Ok then, I'll ask you first. Monica, would you like to go to the Star Trek convention with me? And then you say no. (to Ross) Dude, are you ready to go star trekkin'?
Ross: I am soo ready; I haven't been to a convention since I was like, nine.
Monica: That's because you tried to attack Captain Kirk at the autograph session.
Ross: Hey, I tripped on my shoe lace and fell against his leg, ok?
Monica: You almost knocked him over! Security escorted all of us out of the building!
Ross: That is ancient history; he wouldn't recognize me now. Oh I wonder if my Klingon battle uniform still fits.
Joey: You guys are dorks.
Phoebe: I know, you'd be all like, "Yeah, beam me up, Scotty; whoo hoo hoo I'm a Trekker."
Chandler: Actually Phoebe, it's Trekkie.
Ross: Well, both terms are accepted now.
(Chandler and Ross continue their conversation as the rest shake their heads in annoyance.)
Joey's Apartment (Joey is sitting in his Barcalounger, reading a soap box; Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, what's up?
Phoebe: I just said bye to Mike at the airport; he's going to be in California for a week to visit his family. I miss him already.
Joey: That must suck, but hey you can hang out with me. We can spend the next few hours talking; it's been a long time since we talked just one on one.
Phoebe: Ooh, yay! Ok, so what do you want to talk about?
(brief moment of silence)
Phoebe: I got something!
Joey: All right; go ahead.
Phoebe: Ever since Mike and I became serious in our relationship, I've been so happy. It feels so good having someone that you know is there for you. I can honestly see us spending the rest of our lives together.
Joey (smiling): Aw, that's great Pheebs. I'm happy for you too.
Phoebe: And not just that; it's like I have a new purpose to live now, you know.
Joey (in acknowledgment): Yeah.
Phoebe: I never really had a family before, with my mom killing herself and everything, but if things go even further with Mike, I could get married and become a mom to our children.
Joey (smile has turned into a slight frown): Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like I finally see my future in front of me and it's not some box on the street, like when I was homeless. It's a nice house, with kids playing in the front yard and me and Mike growing old and seeing them grow up and head to college and raise families on their own. You know that feeling you get when you can just see your destiny?
Joey (now frowning): No! (He walks toward the door.)
Phoebe: What? Joey, what are you going?
Joey: I need to find my destiny!
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Thousands of people are walking inside the arena, where many booths and activities are set up.)
(Ross and Chandler enter through the entrance; Ross is wearing his Klingon armor costume, while Chandler has on a blue Starfleet uniform, ala Mr. Spock, complete with plastic Vulcan ears.)
Ross: I can't believe they're holding this at Madison Square Garden; this place is so big!
Chandler: I know, this makes those other conventions look like little tiny peons.
(A party of three people pass; two of them, young kids, are in their Star Trek costumes and makeup; the third person, their older sister, is wearing normal clothing)
Ross (standing straight up): Salutations, humans! Qa'pla! (Klingon for victory/success/luck)
Boy #1: It's a funny looking Klingon!
Woman: What a loser (walks away with the younger brothers).
Chandler: Could you make a bigger ass out of yourself?
Ross: Oh.
Chandler: First of all, Ross, you never give the Klingon salute to civilians. They just don't understand.
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe has convinced Joey to stay in the apartment and is comforting him.)
Phoebe: Come on, Joey; I hate it when you're sad. Your aura gets so gray.
(Monica and Rachel enter; Rachel is pushing Emma's stroller.)
Rachel: Sorry we're late. We were changing the baby's diaper but Emma decided to start peeing all over the place.
Monica: So why did you call us, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Joey's depressed.
Rachel: What's wrong, honey?
Joey: I have no destiny!
Monica: Ok. Could you be a little more specific, Joe?
Joey: When Phoebe was talking about how happy she was with Mike and the future she was looking forward, I realized, what do I have to look forward to, except sex with chicks I hardly know?
Rachel: I thought you liked it that way.
Joey: I still do, but I'm thirty years old now. I thought that by this time, I would have a girl that I could really love, you know, someone that I could see spending my life with. Because let's face it, these boyish good looks aren't gonna last forever. I mean after I hit eighty-five, I'll just be old.
Monica: Joey, you're still a really young guy; you'll find the right person.
Rachel: That's right, and once you do, you'll be able to imagine your future too. You have a lot of time.
Joey: But when will I find her? All of you guys already have partners you love.
Rachel: I don't have anybody right now and neither does Ross.
Joey: But you both have Emma to love and care for. I have no one.
Phoebe: Joseph Francis!
Joey: What?
Phoebe: You may not have one single girl to marry right now, but until that happens you have plenty of people to care about like the five of us.
Rachel: And Emma.
Monica: And your parents and grandma and seven sisters.
Phoebe: And most of all, yourself.
Joey: Loving myself? Isn't that kind of a private subject, Pheebs?
Phoebe (swatting his arm): Not that kind of love!
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Ross and Chandler are waiting in a line to get autographs from William Shatner.)
Ross: We're almost next in line; oh man, it's Captain Kirk! I never got his autograph the last time I saw him.
Chandler: I still can't believe you tried to tackle him; I mean, even a Gorn monster couldn't take him down.
Ross: Hey, I tripped and fell against his leg, ok?
(As he says this, the person in front of them leaves and William Shatner is now directly facing them.)
Shatner: Next, please.
Chandler (whispering to Ross): All right, this is it; be cool, be cool. (face Shatner and extends his hand in the Vulcan shape) Greetings, Captain; live long and prosper.
Shatner (kind of smiling): Right.
Chandler: Oh, no I was just kidding around. The name's Chandler; it's an honor to meet you sir.
Shatner: Don't worry about it. It's nice to meet you Chandler. Where are you from?
Chandler: Here in New York City, the Village specifically, although it's anything but one.
Shatner: That's great; here you go (hands him the autograph). Take care.
Chandler: Thanks. (walks to the side and waits for Ross)
Ross: Uh, hi.
Shatner: Hi.
Ross: Please let me say, it's so wonderful to finally meet you. I'm a huge fan of your work, Captai - I mean, Mr. Shatner.
Shatner: It's okay, call me Bill. What's your name?
Ross (looks over to Chandler and mouths 'Bill!'): It's Ross; I'm Chandler's friend. We both live here in NYC.
Shatner: That's great; well here you go Ross - wait a minute, that name, it sounds familiar.
Ross: Wha, what do you mean?
Shatner: That name, those eyes (looks up), that hair. You're that nine- year old kid that tried to attack me! Security!
Ross: What, no, that was an accident, Bill!
Shatner: Don't call me Bill!
Chandler (grabbing Ross' arm): Abort mission; get to emergency escape pods, escape pods!
(Chandler and Ross run through the arena, trying to find an exit, but run into a group of security guards.)
Shatner (snatching their autographs): I'll be taking those.
Ross: I tripped and fell against your leg, ok?
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are still there. Phoebe: You feel any better, Joe?
Joey: Yeah, a little; thanks guys.
Monica: I'll tell you what; I'll make you that big sandwich you like with pastrami and swiss cheese -
Joey: And jam?
Monica: Jam with pastrami and cheese?
Joey: Hey, you want to make me feel better right?
(Monica begins the preparation as Ross and Chandler enter; their costumes are worn out. Ross' Klingon makeup has been rubbed away and Chandler's Spock ears are loose.)
Joey: Hehehehehehehe, hahahahahahahaha!
Phoebe: Now that's the laugh I like!
[CLOSING CREDITS]
Ross and Rachel's Apartment (Rachel is alone and has walked into the living room nude. She starts reading a magazine.)
(She realizes something.)
Rachel: Crap! I forgot to close the blinds. (looks out the window and gasps) I'm going to kill those guys!
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Joey, Ross, and Chandler are at the window.)
Ross: You really can see everything that's going on in there.
Joey: I know! It's great!
