Pretty Wife just blinked at Consolation Husband, trying to put together the course of events over the last few days. Was it just yesterday that she thought she saw dear departed dead boy in town, then he was at her front door for dinner, then maybe threatening her in the car, then that whole thing with Dan the Dry at the Drycleaners, and then he had wanted to tell her something, but then a late model Buick mowed him down, possibly the same late model Buick that drove away with Baby Heir?
Of course, there was a whole block of time unaccounted for in the hospital when she had tried to speak to Dan the Dry. She seemed to remember that someone had grabbed her. And hadn't she seen Stranger at the hospital? Had he been there to see her?
Consolation Husband, apparently thinking that Pretty Wife had become unhinged, commenced to pat her on the shoulder and then guide her back into the bedroom. "Don't you worry, Pretty Wife, my darling sweetheart. You just rest, and I will find Baby Heir. I'm sure he's fine, even though I don't know what he was doing separated from his mother. That's your only job, to look after him--and look what happened. But I'll take care of it. Just like I took care of that crab grass problem we had last year."
Pretty Wife let Consolation Husband put her to bed. This was all her fault. She had given Baby Heir to Old Neighbor to watch. She was Baby Heir's mother. But she had pushed him off onto decrepit Old Neighbor, as though she were loaning out her sensible car.
Consolation Husband was shaking out a couple of Valium into her hand. "Take these, dear overwrought wife. You'll feel better."
But Pretty Wife didn't feel overwrought. In fact, she realized, she trusted Rebecca the Sassy more than she did Consolation Husband. Because she suddenly remembered something about the night before at the hospital. The man who had pulled her away from Dan had been wearing a familiar cologne: Eau De Sinister Secrets. Consolation Husband's cologne. He was the man! And, as though a switch had been thrown in her brain, she knew exactly where Rebecca the Sassy had taken Baby Heir.
So she took the Valium and pretended to swallow them, but instead held them under her tongue.
Consolation Husband patted her hand a few times and then left the room. Pretty Wife spit out the pills and waited. She was patient.
After awhile, when the light had waned in the room, she crept to the door and listened. Nothing. She changed quickly into sensible shoes and a clandestine jean-jumpsuit outfit with a dark scarf belt, that she retrieved from the customized scarf hanger, tied jauntily around her slim waist. At the top of the stairs, she heard Consolation Husband yelling at someone over the phone.
"Baby Heir wasn't supposed to be part of this! I want to know what you're going to do about it!"
Pretty Wife noticed that Consolation Husband was using his business tone. This is how he would speak to people when he was dissatisfied with their service. It made her shudder.
She crept down the stairs, grabbed the spare set of keys to the sensible car and walked out the front door feeling freer than she had for years. She pulled out of the drive quickly, and drove through her quiet neighborhood, launching over speedbumps. Turning the corner she headed towards Small Town.
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...to be continued...
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Disclaimer: This fiction is intended as parody only; the characters, plot, etc., are the intellectual property of its authors. This story is not in any way affiliated with the Lifetime Channel, Lifetime Television, or the Lifetime Original Movie franchise.
by: Neftzer and friends (AAB, TRVMB, JMG, KLS) (c)2003
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