Disclaimer: I don't own Dark or Heero, even though I wish I did.....

Okay, the intro, i'll try not to make it long. This has nothing to do with anything, and has no point it's simply for people to laugh until they nearly die. Fun, huh? just so you know, Dark and Heero aren't supposed to be in character, so don't tell me they're not, i already know!!! This is co-written by Ainohikari (she's Teeth, I'm Talon), and this is only my second fanfic, so pleeeeez r&r!!! i wanna know whatcha think. Constructive criticism ONLY pleez. it doesn't help me if u just say the story sucks. tell me y, and if u don't have a good reason why then don't say nuttin at all!!! that's all i gotta say, so enjoy!!

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A loud explosion disturbed the morning quiet of Goosedown Apartments. In Apartment B22, three people were working to stem the fire coming from their stove.

A man came from another room, still in his boxers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His long purple hair was tousled, and his amethyst eyes were still bleary.

Dark Mousy snatched his girlfriend as she ran past him. "Talon, what's going on?"

Talon looked at him and sighed. "Teeth blew up the stove."

"What, again?" She nodded. "Where's the fire extinguisher?"

"It's empty. We're going to have to lock her out of the kitchen from now on! This is the tenth time!"

Dark let her go and she ran on. He entered the living room to find Teeth bawling her eyes out, creating tear smudges in the soot on her face, and Heero Yuy was comforting her.

"I was just trying to make some eggs!" she cried when Dark appeared.

"We know, Teeth. We know," her boyfriend said, in a way that suggested he'd been saying it for a while. Surprisingly, Heero had his guns with him, which lead Dark to believe that he slept with them in the same place. Wow, how uncomfortable for Teeth.

Dark smiled in a mischievous way. "Hey, Teeth. You should catch those tears of yours. We could use them to quench the fire."

This had a very satisfactory response: Teeth cried harder, and Heero glared at Dark.

"Go make yourself useful for once, Thief. Bat the flames out with your wings," Heero sneered.

"Phantom Thief, thank you very much. Why don't you use your wonderful guns, and shoot the flames. I'm sure that'll help."

Heero was about to get up and show Dark exactly how wonderful his guns were, when Talon dashed though the room and dragged Dark and Heero into the kitchen with her. "Come on, boys. More hot air in this place isn't going to help. Go get water and put out the fire." She dashed back out, most likely to call the fire department, and left the two men alone in the burning kitchen.

Upon her return they both had buckets in their hands, and they were both soaked. They were fighting each other, instead of the fire.

Talon raged for a while, and the two men tried to cower, but they had their backs to the flames, so were caught between two raging infernos.

Meanwhile, the flames got higher, and the entire couch was soaked from Teeth's tears.

Dark, very aware of the fire due to having no shirt on, strove to gain Talon's attention.

"TALON!!!" She was so startled that she shut up. "Do you think we should fight the fire, or watch you fan the flames with your breath?"

Talon glared, but picked up a bucket and they all returned to fighting the fire, with only a small interruption when Talon kicked Dark in the shin for his comment.

The firefighters arrived a short time later.

With the kitchen once again restored to normal, if a little burnt, all three went to collapse on the coach, only to jump back up.

Dark, his boxers slightly singed, was still damp from his fight with Heero, and this made him mad.

"Why is the couch soaked?" he asked in a deadly quiet voice.

The only sound was Teeth crying.

Dark flicked a hand and a knife appeared. Before he could move an inch a click sound, and Dark looked at Heero to see a pistol aimed at his head.

Dark and Heero were both frozen until Talon took the knife from Dark's hand. "Children, let's just go to opposite sides of the house, and calm down. I'm sure we'll all feel better after we think this over." She led Dark into the bedroom, while Heero attempted to stem the flow of tears coming from his girlfriend.

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Three hours later, the boys were pacing in the living room while the girls were in the bathroom getting ready.

"Why do they always do their makeup and hair in the same bathroom? We have two," Heero said for the fifth time.

Dark shrugged. "It shall forever be a mystery. That, and how Teeth can blow up the stove while making eggs. How does she do it?"

"I don't know. She can blow up things better than me, and she does it by accident." Heero glanced worriedly at the bathroom. "They've been in there for two and-a half hours. Think they're all right?"

"I'm not sure, but I do know that if we check on them we'll be set upon by steel tip boots, and armor gauntlets. By the way, how did Teeth get those?"

Heero shrugged. "She had them before we got together. Ask Talon."

The women emerged an hour later, and after telling the boys off for not dragging the sodden couch out to dry, they all piled into the car.

Teeth attempted to make it into the back, but was seized by Talon.

"You are not going to have a Make Out Fest without me. Now get in the front."

Teeth started to protest but Talon's steel tip booted foot tapped impatiently, and she decided against it.

Their boyfriends both began complaining at the same time.

"I am not going to share a seat with Fly Boy over there--"

"If you think I'm going to sit near that Gun Maniac--"

Their mouths snapped shut at a look from Talon, and they hurriedly got into the car.

Everyone was silent, blessedly silent, for a few moments.

"Could you cut that out?" Heero asked irritably as Dark fiddled with one of his knives.

"Make me," Dark returned absently.

"I will."

"Go ahead.

Heero snatched the knife. "Problem solved."

Dark smiled at him, produced another dagger, and proceeded to fiddle with it. "Solution absorbed."

Heero then began to take Dark's knives, one by one as he took them out, and then Dark came to his last one. As Heero took it a full out fight began in the back seat, with all of Dark's knives safely tucked in a pocket on the door.

"Dark! Heero! That's enough!" They looked up from the tangle of limbs that they had created, and looked at Talon. She focused on Dark in the mirror. A sweet smile lit her features, and Dark began to moan as he disentangled himself from Heero.

"Darkie...Darkie...."

"Don't call me 'Darkie' in front of him." He jerked his head in the general direction of a Heero that was cracking up, occasionally gasping something along the lines of 'Darkie, that's great.'

"You know what you have to do."

"I don't have to do anything."

"Yes, you do."

"Fine." With that Dark suddenly became Daisuke, and everyone relaxed until he spoke.

"Heero, Dark said he wants his knives back or he'll take your guns for a substitute."

Grudgingly, Heero handed them over, and Dai-chan put them in their respective places so quickly that no one knew where they went.

They arrived at the mall, and the boys groaned while getting out.

"You didn't say we were going to the mall," Dai-chan complained. "Can I turn back into Dark? He's stronger than me."

"You can turn into Dark later," Teeth responded. "I don't want those two to fight in a public place."

Dai-chan grumped, and mumbled, but didn't dare say anything out loud. Heero pulled his coat closed over his guns, because despite being in America they didn't look kindly on bringing killer weapons into a mall anymore. Talon and Teeth dragged them around the entire mall several times, stopping at nearly every store, and around four hours later they stopped at the food court, Daisuke and Heero panting under the weight of all the packages they carried.

Talon got a sandwich and Teeth got pizza while the boys collapsed into chairs and tried to get their breath back. When the girls got back, Daisuke complained so piteously that Talon was merciful and allowed him to change into Dark.

"Wow, what a lot of bags." A fully rested, and sarcastic Dark emerged from the exhausted Dai-chan, and immediately noticed Heero panting and covered in sweat. "Have fun toting the bags all over the mall?"

"I wouldn't talk, Darkie," Heero panted, a sudden smile appearing on his face. "You get to carry your share in a moment." He laughed at Dark, who had grown pale at the sound of his pet name.

Dark collapsed into a chair, pallid and furious that he could be taunted and not come up with a response.

"You deserved that, Dark," came Daisuke's voice inside Dark's head.

"I didn't ask your opinion, baka."

"That doesn't matter. You never ask me."

Once again Dark could find no response for this, because he often tormented Daisuke in a place he couldn't escape: his mind. This made him even angrier, and he was about to pull off his black overcoat and let With fly him away, but Talon was onto him, and grabbed his shoulder in a vice grip.

"Going somewhere are we?"

He looked up fearfully, hoping she wouldn't kick him in the right shin, the bruise from that morning hurt horribly. "What ever gave you that idea?"

She released his shoulder, and he didn't need to look to know there were red marks where her fingers where. "Nothing."

Dark almost gave a sigh of relief, but noticed Heero watching him, and instead just glared back.

"Okay! We're ready to go!" Teeth's cheerful call broke the Heero Yuy Stare, and they both groaned in exactly the same way. Their anger forgotten, they exchanged helpless glances, and picked up the numerous bags of the shop a holic duo.

Through their combined suffering, and help from With, they managed to get all the bags, even more than before because the girls both saw a few things they 'haaaaaaaad to get,' out to the car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boys took showers as the girls tried on, yet again, all the clothes they had bought, finding every possible outfit, and then some.

Dark and Heero came from their showers still in towels. Heero simply left to go change, but Dark approached Talon. "As I recall, no one has done the laundry for days, is that correct?" he asked.

"That's right," Talon replied with a grin.

"So, where did all my clothes go?"

"I'm not sure, did you lock the door when you left?"

"Only my clothes are missing, Heero still has his."

"Well, how about improvising? Unless you want me to help you find them."

"How do I do that?"

All she did was smile, and Dark instantly understood.

I don't think you want to know more about that, other than the fact that Make Out Fest 2003 ensued from that conversation. Heero and Teeth followed suit not long after that.

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"You wouldn't dare!" Dark's voice rang out the next morning.

"Oh, I would dare. I delight in daring." Heero had a triumphant smile on his face that was met with Dark's flat dangerous stare.

"Dark, don't do anything drastic," Talon pleaded from a safe place behind the couch.

"That goes for you as well, Heero." Teeth was crouched right next to Talon.

"Let him go, now," Dark said, a knife in his hand.

With was wriggling in Heero's grip, squeaking frantically to be let go. Finally he got an idea. With turned into Dark and elbowed Heero to let go. Talon cheered With on, while Teeth fumed about 'that little fur ball is hurting my boyfriend.'

Heero grunted and let go, and With/Dark ran over to Dark, who pushed With (now himself again) behind him and advanced on Heero. Heero reached for a gun, only to find that they weren't there. He hadn't put them on this morning.

Teeth ran out from behind the couch and leaped on Dark just as he reached Heero. Talon yelled and jumped onto Teeth. There was a tangle of limbs for a moment, then the girls both had a firm hold on their own boyfriend.

"Everything is all right now that With is free, so let's just calm down. Forgive and forget, you know," Talon said, hoping that the glares between Teeth and Dark wouldn't come to blows. Teeth huffed, and sniffed, but led Heero to the couch and sat down.

"I can't believe you would do something like that, Hee-man," came Teeth's voice from across the room.

Before things could start up again, Talon dragged Dark into the bedroom as he started laughing.

"Don't say anything to Heero," Talon admonished.

"Why not? Hee-man called me Darkie." Dark was still laughing even as he argued.

"But you deserved that," came Dai-chan's voice.

"You can just keep quiet there, Niwa-kun."

"Why, Darkie, you should be nice to me considering the secrets I could tell Heero when I get the chance."

Dark fumed as he considered this, and decided to retreat into an injured silence. Meanwhile, Talon had said something.

"Are you listening to me, Darkie?"

"What? I--uh--I mean of course I am," he amended as Talon puffed up with rage.

"What did I just say then?"

"That...uh...well...that is to say..."

"I knew it! What were you doing that's more important than talking to me?"

"Daisuke was annoying me, and I can't shut out a voice in my own mind."

"Oh," she deflated a little bit when he said this. She knew he heard Dai- chan's voice before any other. "Well, in that case, I'll repeat myself. I don't want you and Heero fighting."

"Hee-man started it."

"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!"

"He took With."

"With can take care of himself. He got out of that last problem without your help, didn't he?" At this moment With entered the room and jumped into Talon's lap, crooning. She scratched him on the head and smiled. When Talon next looked up she was sitting next to Dai-chan.

"Dai-chan! Well, that'll solve the problem with Heero and Dark for the moment."

Dai scowled right then, but he was cross-eyed at the moment, and she knew it was aimed at Dark. Talon didn't want to hear what was being said.

Teeth charged into the room right then. "You echi no baka!" Suddenly she noticed that it was Daisuke and Talon on the bed. "Uhhhh...."

"What does that mean?" Dai had gotten up, and was glowering at Teeth, who cowered away from the 14yr old boy.

"Uh... nothing..."

"I think she was talking about me, Dai."

"Oh."

Dai-chan abruptly became Dark, and the taller thief fastened his amethyst eyes on his accuser. "Now, explain what you mean by calling me a perverted idiot."

"Heero said you were."

"What did Hee-man say about me?"

Teeth turned red with rage at the sound of her name for Heero. "He said you have porn under your mattress," she hissed.

Talon walked forward, and joined her friend's side. "Is this true Darkie?"

"..."

"You'd better tell her, Dark. She'll look anyway, you know she will, and if you don't tell her it'll only make things worse."

"Can't you do something? Stave her off? Offer an alibi?"

Dai snorted mentally. "Yeah, right. Like I can stop Talon. That would be like you trying to convince Krad not to want to kill you."

"But... oh."

Dark fidgeted for a while longer, trying to figure out how to say it. Talon started forward, and he flinched. "Yes, all right! I do! So shoot me, I'm only human!"

Talon snarled. "That can be arranged." But before anyone else could move, Dark leaped onto Teeth, trying to exact his revenge. Talon tackled Dark, knocking all three of them to the floor, and causing such a ruckus that Heero came from the living room, and also launched himself onto Dark. Yet another tangle of limbs ensued from this, and it was resolved several minutes, a few torn clothes, and a knocked over table later. The scene was now thus: Teeth was panting while sitting on the floor, the sleeve on her right arm was torn, Dark was struggling madly to be released from Heero and Talon, who each had hold of one of his arms, and a lamp was broken.

Dark was putting up a hell of a fight, and was gradually inching his way closer to Teeth. Heero glanced at Talon, who nodded. She stomped on Dark's foot with her boots, and he crumpled. Then Heero seized one of his guns, and hit the thief on the head with the handle. Dark went cross-eyed for a moment, then shook his head. "Ugh..." He looked around, with Heero standing right behind him, ready to knock him out should he make a move against Teeth, then he slowly got up. Rubbing the back of his head, he bowed awkwardly to Teeth. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled.

"It's not nice to lie you know..."

"It is when it equals a long life."

"... You've got a point there..."

Teeth nodded, and stood herself. Before she moved away, she smacked him the back of his head.

"Owwwww.... What was that for?! I apologized didn't I?!"

"That was for being a pervert, and that" here she smacked him again "is for trying to kill me."

Dark only rubbed his head, realizing any further comment on his behalf would not end in him only being restrained.