Vices

AN: very short little fic, but I'm thinking of continuing it. Post-ep for "Accelerate," and it will go into an AU from there if I keep going. Tell me what you think!

Today I told Clark what I am afraid of. I told him that I am afraid that one day he will see the real me and be disappointed. He was very nice about it, but I don't think he understands.

Clark sees me as perfect, and at first I thought it was endearing and sweet, but now it scares me.

It scares me because maybe I am a better actress than I thought. Maybe I've hidden myself beneath so many masks that I've become them, and lost myself forever.

Or maybe Clark's adoration scares me because I've grown to like him. And I've lost everyone I've ever cared about: my parents, right before my eyes; Whitney, my first love; Emily, my childhood best friend; and now Nell has left as well. I've discovered that the life expectancy of someone in Smallville can be considerably lower than the rest of the country, and I don't know how many more people I can loose. I always try and keep my distance from those around me.

My mind has come so muddled with truths and lies and false smiles that I can't even sort through my own thoughts. I've piled lie upon lie, and at the heart of this mess is one simple truth:

I am a meteor freak.