I was sitting on my wheelchair, enjoying the breeze as Brownie played on my lap, trying to catch the beads of my itako necklace. He was easily irritated by the moving beads, but unfortunately, him pawing it was only making the beads rock faster.

"Oh Brownie, you are such a moron," I said, smiling. "Maybe if you sit still and wait, the beads would stop moving."

To my surprise, it looked at me in seeming comprehension and then sat down on its legs, waiting for my necklace to stop moving.

After a while, it stopped swinging. Brownie got up, wagged his tail, and pounced on the beads. The necklace began to rock again as the kitten leapt wildly. I laughingly hugged the kitten to my chest. "Your stupidity reminds me of somebody…"

On my mind, the face of my fiancé appeared.

"Yoh…" I whispered. Suddenly, the memory of Yoh giving me his last weak smile before he ran out of breath came back to me. I felt a sharp ache in my heart, and felt myself tremble violently.

The complaining mew of the kitten jolted me back to reality. I then realized that I was squeezing Brownie too much.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm trying not to remember…I'm trying my best not to be reminded anymore…"

Dakedo, when I decided to adopt the kitten, wasn't it because the creature's hyperness reminded me of my fiancé?

I wheeled myself back into my room.

The next morning, as sure as the sun's ascent in the east, Hao stopped by again in my room. This time though, he was a bit more welcome than before – he was bringing Shirayuki along with him.

I hugged the white kitten. "How is Shirayuki-hime doing this morning?"

"Fine," said Hao in a mock kitty voice. "Master Hao fed me with lots of milk and bread this morning, and he gave me a bath too!"

I glanced at the grinning boy. "You what?!"

"Huh? Did I say anything?" he asked innocently, his voice returning to its normal mode.

I ignored his crack. "Why did you give a small kitten a bath already?!"

"Well, for one…it stinks."

I frowned. "What if Shirayuki-hime died from the cold?"

"Well, for starters, I'll bury her somewhere really far away," he kidded.

"Damn you!"

"Hey, I was just kidding! Why should I do that?" he asked, laughing.

"I don't know."

"Don't take me too seriously. Where's your sense of humor?"

"Your humor is sick."

"Prove it."

"You find killing your former shaman opponents in the shaman fight 'fun'."

He shrugged. "This world has no place for weaklings like them."

"And yet you saved these kittens?" I asked testily.

He blinked, then laughed. "These helpless kittens are more worthy than the pointless lives of those weaklings."

"Who died and made you the judge of mankind?" I snapped.

"I am merely delivering salvation to the world." He motioned carelessly to the surroundings. "These goodness around us are corrupted by evil humans and the weak shamans that protect them." He sighed. "However, the world is not yet ready for my concepts. I'll just have to wait for another five hundred years then."

"Your wait will be in vain. The world will never be ready for your beliefs because they are wrong." I looked out at the window. "You cannot change the world by setting everything in flames. The end can never justify the means. You cannot guarantee that once you have an all-shaman existence when you rule, no more evil shall happen. But if you change the world with love…"

"Love," he scoffed. "That is just rubbish. In the entire history of mankind, love has been present, but has it made living better?"

I was about to reply when he stood up. "End of discussion, Anna. What you will say will not change my mind. I came here for something else."

I eyed him with detached curiosity.

"I want to help you get rid of that damn wheelchair already," he announced.

I immediately scowled. "I will never walk again."

"Do not be stubborn. Do you want to be a burden to the family all your life? To be served in your room for your meals? To be the cause of worry for the whole family?" he asked.

I bit on my lip. "I…will not walk."

I gasped when he suddenly strode towards me purposefully. He lifted me up from the wheelchair effortlessly and placed me by the door. He then went to my bed, sat on the covers, and watched me expectantly.

"What do you expect me to do?" I asked coldly.

"I expect you to crawl your way here, or else…" He reached for Brownie suddenly and positioned him outside the window. The kitten struggled fiercely when he sensed what Hao was about to do.

My heart dropped. "Brownie!"

"Make a way that you can reach me here as soon as possible, or my arm might get tired and suddenly drop this poor creature."

"No, you won't do it!" I cried. "Y-You're bluffing! You just saved him yesterday! Y-You can't just do that!"

"Don't test me, Anna." He wiggled the kitten, frightening Brownie more.

"B-Brownie!" I suddenly felt adrenalin rush within me. I struggled to get up, but felt sharp ache. I didn't collapse back to the ground; I tried to crawl this time, using my arms to paddle my body towards the bed just some meters away from me.

Hao watched me, a triumphant smile on his face. He took the frightened kitten back into the room as I reached the floor beside me, panting. He knelt down by me and placed Brownie beside me. The kitten immediately rushed to my neck, cowering in my plentiful hair.

"Hao Asakura…I hate you!" I hissed.

"When another similar situation arises, and in that opportunity, your perpetrator may not be bluffing anymore, what will you do?" he wanted to know. "Just because you don't want to make use of your legs…"

I clenched my fists. "I hate you…" I repeated.

"How then can you protect the ones you love?" he continued, gazing at my kitten. "So stop your nonsense. Whether you like it or not, you will get rid of that wheelchair. You will walk again. Mikihisa told me that you still have the possibility to walk. If Yoh was here, he would want to see you walk again with your own feet too."

I averted my gaze from him. The very reason I didn't want to walk anymore was because of Yoh. I felt so useless – if only I had been able to force myself to walk, Yoh would have been brought to the hospital, and then he wouldn't have died.

It was all my stupid fault…

A tear streaked down my face, and I wiped it angrily. "I hate you…" I hissed, forcing myself to hold on to the edge of the bed to heave myself up. Sharp ache sliced through my legs again, and I was about to collapse back into the floor had not Hao held my waist and arm.

"You sound more like you hate yourself," he said sadly.

"You don't have the right to assume my feelings!" I snapped, my temperature rising. No, it was not only because of anger. This was the closest that we had ever been since that time before the shaman fight – when I slapped him for taunting my Yoh. I struggled to untangle myself from him.

"Anna, listen. Yoh knew beforehand that he would die-"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, clamping my hands over both of my ears.

"It wasn't your fault-"

"I'M SO STUPID! IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF ME! BECAUSE I WAS SO HELPLESS!!!"

"Anna-"

"HE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!!!" I sobbed, finally releasing the pain tearing me apart for countless nights.  I was about to scream some more when he suddenly yanked me into his arms. My face fell against his mantle, his strong muscles around me.

"My brother's greatest happiness is to live and die for you, Anna," he said gently. "I'm sure that even if he lives again and is given the same opportunity, he would do that again and again…that loving idiot."

I shut my eyes weakly, my shoulders shaking violently. "I killed him…I killed Yoh…"

"Anna, hating yourself will bring you nothing good," he said, surprisingly, in a  patient voice. "You're making fuss over nothing, and that's not the right way to appreciate what my martyr brother did."

I felt my eyes widen.

"Yoh would like it very much…if you forgive yourself already and continue living," he murmured against my hair.

I pulled away and found Hao smiling at me warmly.

"All his life, what he had only thought about was your happiness. Isn't it about time for you to make him happy?" He patted my shoulder encouragingly. "Live and be happy."

I looked down at my lap.

"Prove to me that love is real…that love is strong. For Yoh's sake, live," he instructed me.

It was a challenge.

I nodded. He smiled at me tenderly.

"Sorry…I got your shroud wet," I mumbled, a little embarrassed.

He grinned pleasantly. "No problem. You can launder it for me then."

I glared at him. "Baka."

He laughed. "Tomorrow, we'll give your legs some nice exercise again."

"Don't you dare hold my kitten hostage again!"

"No, I won't. I'll hostage Yohmei next."

I laid myself wearily on my bed, patting Brownie to sleep. His fur was resting against my cheek, snoring softly.

"Hao gave you quite a scare, didn't he?" I whispered. I looked up at the ceiling. "But he did make me think of a lot of things. I didn't expect to learn these things from him…of all people, him who detests love."

"But awhile ago…it was so easy to imagine that he had a lot of love within him, masked deeply. Or how else could he stitch together such words?"

I closed my eyes. "Good night, Yoh."

Then in my mind, I quietly bade his brother good night too.

tsuzuku