How could she not remember? How can she claim that she wasn't there? I understand why she would say that to the police, but why would she continue to keep up the fiction with me. She knows that I would protect her, doesn't she? It is what I have been trying to do. She isn't making this easy for me. I don't blame her for killing him. Alcazar lied to her and made her believe that she was dying for four years. When she tried to leave him, he kidnapped her. He shot me. He tried to kill Corinthos. The stress of wondering when he was going to strike next had to have been terrible. I understand. I may not like it, but I understand. But why is she lying to me? I know that she was there. I followed her to the hotel. I watched as she got into the elevator. I saw the elevator stop at Alcazar's floor. I knew where he was staying. After everything else he pulled, I made it a point to find out. I saw her come back down. Afterwards, I went up to Alcazar's room. The balcony doors were open. I found her bracelet right there, at the spot where Alcazar was pushed. If I had known about the knife, I would have removed that too. Could she have really blocked it all out? Were the stress and the shock of what she did too much? I just don't know.

But I keep wondering, why did she go to Alcazar's room in the first place? She promised me that she would avoid Alcazar. I thought she understood that I would find a way to take care of the problem. So why did she go to his room? Brenda can be impulsive, but she gave me her word. It isn't like she was in town shopping and bumped into him. She came up with an excuse to get me out of the cabin. If I hadn't forgotten that file, I never would have known. I had turned my car around and was headed back to the cabin just minutes after having left, when I saw her car drive out. I could hardly believe it. When I left five minutes before, she had been dressed for bed. The second that I was out the door she was driving off somewhere? Why? I had to know. So I followed her. Brenda went straight to the hotel. She went straight to the elevator. She went directly to Alcazar's room. It wasn't some accident that she went there that night. She had a specific destination in mind. She had intended to go see Alcazar that night. She even planed ahead with an excuse to get me out of the house. I found out later when I talked to the guy I was going to meet that he had a call from my secretary saying that I wanted to have a meeting with him. I received the message for this meeting from Brenda. She definitely planed this in advance. But I don't believe that she planed to kill him. I may not know what the hell she was thinking, and God I wish she would tell me, but I don't believe that she went there with the intention of killing him. If she had planed it, she wouldn't have left the knife. I may not know exactly took place in that room but I'm willing to bet that Alcazar did or said something to set her off. I just wish that she would trust me with the truth.

Wait a moment. I wish she would trust me with the truth? Damn it. Where have I heard that before? The lying. Trying to second-guess what is going on in her mind. This is worse than when I was with Skye. How could I have fallen in love with two such difficult women? On the one hand I have Brenda, who I had to first woo away from Sonny. Just when I think I have her, she disappears for four years. She lets the world think that she is dead. She has a good excuse, sort of. She thought she was going to die anyway. She thought that because of her illness, she could turn dangerous like her mother. She wanted to protect me. So when this stranger offered to take care of her until the end (the same promise that I made her), she took him up on his offer because she wasn't worried about hurting him because she didn't care about him. Even though this really doesn't make sense to me, I'm sure that it makes perfect sense in her mind. I figured out a long time ago that Brenda's mind isn't wired that same way as everyone else's. Trying to judge her by the same standards as I live by doesn't work.

But isn't that what I did to Skye? I judged her by the standards that I live by. No, actually, I judged her by a standard that was higher than mine. I married her and expected her to abide by our wedding vows when I didn't. Why did I do that? Did Skye actually do anything that I hadn't already done to her first? She withheld the truth about Brenda. But didn't I do that first when I didn't tell her that Brenda was in town? The truth Skye withheld was cruel. Letting Brenda continue to think that she was dying when she wasn't goes beyond cruel. It was vindictive. I didn't tell Skye about Brenda being in town because I didn't want to hurt her. Didn't I? But didn't finding out about the lie hurt her anyway?

Oh God, what am I going to do? How did I get into this situation? I'm in love with two women and I don't trust either one to tell me the truth. It is worse than that. I was so angry the night that I found out that Skye knew that Brenda wasn't dying and didn't tell her that I walked out on my wife and ran straight to Brenda. I only intended to comfort her, but one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. If someone had told me a year ago that I would ever have sex with one woman while married to another, I would have thought they were nuts. I would have told them that my parents taught me better than that. I would never be so crude as to cheat so openly on the woman I married and loved. But I never thought that my first love would ever come back from the dead. How many people get a second chance with someone they thought had died?

I'm not even sure that Brenda is the woman I want to spend the rest of my live with anymore. I never planed to fall in love again, but I did. Skye pushed her way into my life and into my soul. Brenda is the kind of woman that waits for the man to come to her. She makes the men do all the work to reel her in. Skye on the other hand will never be someone who sits back and waits for something to just drop into her lap. When she sees something that she wants, she goes after it with all guns blazing and taking no prisoners.

The Gods must be having a good laugh at my expense. I have no one to blame but myself. Why the hell didn't I go somewhere to cool down after my fight with Skye? But no, I jumped in bed with Brenda before the sheets where in cold in my marriage bed. If only I hadn't gone back to the cabin with Brenda. If only I had just delivered the good news and left. But I didn't. Now there is no way out that doesn't hurt everyone I claim to love.

Knock

"Who is it?"

"Delivery for Jasper Jax."

I walked over to the door and opened it. The man held a brightly wrapped box. It looked like he was delivering a present. What could it be? It is nowhere near my birthday. There aren't any holidays coming up.

"I need you to sign here sir."

I signed for the package and gave the man a tip for his trouble. I smiled as he told me to have a nice day and left. Then I looked back at the package. Well it is clearly labelled for me. It is about the size and weight of a heavy book. No card. No return address. Now who would be sending me presents at this time of year. Mom, No she would have had a return address. Maybe Brenda is trying to surprise me. That is a possibility. Well there is only one way to find out. I sat down to open the present.

Knock.

I put the gift back down on the table and opened the door. "Hi, Ned."

"Hi, Jax. I came by to see how you were doing. Is there anything new with the case?"

"Not yet. So far they have her on film entering the hotel lobby before the murder. They have the knife that she attacked Alcazar with and they have her leaving the hotel after the murder."

"Hey she says that she didn't do it, so she didn't do it."

"She also says that she didn't go to the hotel and she didn't see Alcazar that night."

"Could the tapes have been altered? Someone could be framing her for this."

"Ned, I followed her to the hotel. She doesn't know that. I saw her get on the elevator. I saw her go to Alcazar's floor. She was there."

"That doesn't mean that she killed him."

"It also doesn't mean that she didn't. I don't know why she is lying to me."

"Could she have blocked it out?"

"I don't know. I can't say that the possibility hasn't crossed my mind. It certainly sounds better than her lying to me. But I don't know. Something is off."

"Hey, this is Brenda we are talking about. You remember, the love of your life, my recently risen from the dead best friend. She has always been a little nutty. Even if she did kill him, who could really blame her after everything Alcazar put her through. Besides you two have always been crazy about each other."

"Sure, when she wasn't crazy about Sunny."

"I have always believed that you and Brenda were meant to be together. She isn't staying with Sunny. She is staying with Jason."

"Across the hall from Sunny."

"Who is firmly in love with Carly and you don't need to worry about Brenda and Jason because they can't stand each other. It's not like she wants to be there. With the police breathing down her neck, she has to be there for appearance sake. When this is all over, Brenda and Jason will get a divorce and you and Brenda can get remarried just like I always figured that it was meant to be. And speaking of divorce, Alexis asked me to drop off your petition for divorce for you to sign." Ned handed the petition to me.

I stared at it for a little bit.

"Well, aren't you going to sign it?"

"I'm not sure that I should."

"What the hell are you talking about? If I were you, I wouldn't be able to divorce my cousin the barracuda fast enough."

"I asked for these in a fit of anger Ned."

"May I point out that you are with Brenda now. It wouldn't be fair to Brenda if you stayed married to Skye. As much as I hate Skye, it wouldn't be fair to Skye to stay married to her if you are planning a life with Brenda. Think of it this way. Skye needs to move on with her life. What better way to send that message than with divorce papers."

"Well aren't you so sympathetic." I said sarcastically.

"I never understood what it was that you saw in my cousin and I probably never will. I am just thankful that you came to your senses and realized what a wreck she would make of your life before it was to late."

"And I let you stand up for me at my wedding?"

"Hey if want to throw yourself off a cliff, who am I to stop you? Besides, I wanted a front row seat."

"Remind me never to go to you if I ever have homicidal intentions. You might help me over the cliff."

"That's what friends are for. Well you know what my opinion on the matter is."

"Yes, you have never made it a secret that you thought that I would be better off without Skye."

"I still do believe that. Now more than ever. Come on, you have the chance to be with Brenda again. You should be jumping at it." Ned looked at his watch. "Well I have an appointment so I will leave the papers with you. You can drop them off yourself after you are through with your fit of conscience. Just wait. You will see that I am right. You are better off without her." Ned saw the package on the table. "Did you have a birthday or something that I forgot about?"

"No. UPS dropped it off just before you came."

"Who is it from?"

"I don't know. There wasn't a return address on it. Whoever sent it seems to have forgotten the card. I was about to open it when you showed up."

"Well there's no time like the present."

I sat down next to the table and reached down to open it up.

Ring, ring.

Both Ned and I reached around for our cell phones. I found mine first. "It's mine." I answered it. "Hello, Oh Hi Dad." Ned made motions to indicate that he was leaving. "Hold on Dad, I have to see Ned out.

"Good bye Ned." I saw him to the door.

"Call me later Jax for an update or maybe just to let me know what is in the present." Ned said as he went out the door.

I nodded at him, closed the door and returned to the phone.

"Hi Dad, I'm back. What's up?"

__________________

"Well, Now that you are out of the hospital, your mother and I wanted to invite you and Skye up for a visit. And why are you still in Port Charles? Your mother would have skinned me alive if I put her through what you have put Skye through up until your accident. Now that you're out of the hospital, you should be on your honeymoon."

"Um, Dad, Skye and I have split up." I heard absolute silence on the other end.

"What's going on down there, son?"

"Skye lied to me. She found out that Brenda wasn't ill and then she didn't tell me. Hell, she didn't tell anyone. She just let Brenda continue to think that she was going to die."

"And what did you do."

"I left her. I'm have the petition for divorce in front of me right now."

"And Brenda?"

I decided to get my dad's reaction on my plans. "I'm considering remarrying her as soon as the divorce comes through."

"I see." That's it. An 'I see.' Dad never just says I see.

After some silence dad said, "Well, I will be there of course but your mother has this on going project that will take a few months to finish. I don't believe that she will be able to tear herself away from it."

"Dad, I want your opinion on this."

"Trust me son, if this is what you really want to do then you don't want my opinion on this."

"Dad, I really want to know what you think. Tell me even if you think it will hurt."

"Son you're throwing away your future to relive your past."

Ouch. "She lied to me."

"And you didn't lie to her? Do you really think that marriage is that easy? Marriage isn't one long honeymoon where everything is all rosy and you are so sure that you are completely in love. It's also about the hard times, the arguments, getting on each other's nerves at times because you are living with each other 24-7. There are times in your marriage when you don't get along at all."

What? My parents have always had a happy marriage. They have always been so in love and in sync with each other. Or at least that is what I have always thought. "Don't you love Mom?"

"Of course I love your mother, son, but that doesn't mean that our life together has been easy. We have had our share of fights. Remember those times when your mother would take you to see your grandparents after school and you would stay for a couple of days."

"Sure, you would come a couple of days later because you had business to take care of and Mom didn't want to stay at home without you."

"Son, there wasn't any business to take care of. Your mother was so ticked at me over something I did that she would go somewhere to cool down because she didn't want you or your brother to see us fighting. Getting married doesn't mean that you and your spouse are always going to agree. There have been times that I have done things that your mother almost knocked me over the head with a frying pan for. There have been times that I found out thing that your mother did and I wanted to shake her and yell 'what the hell were you thinking?'"

"But you always told each other about it and talked it out right?"

I could hear my dad laughing at the other end of the phone. "Actually no, we didn't. Not during the early years anyway. Acceptance of how the one you love thinks, especially when their thoughts go in a completely different direction than yours, doesn't happen over night. It took a good 10 years for us to settle in and accept that in any given situation your mother and I will very likely take different sides on the issue."

"But you and mom have always seemed so happy together and in love."

"Jax, we are in love. After so many years, we put on a good united front. We have learned to use our differences as strengths. In theory, you might think that you want someone who looks at the world in the same way you do, but in reality, having someone around who always agrees with you can get really boring really quick. If your mother and I agreed on everything, then I don't believe that marriage would have lasted as long as it did."

I sat back an absorbed this information. My parents don't agree on everything! This was news to me. As far back as I can remember, I don't recall mom and dad ever disagreeing in front of either Jerry or me.

"Jax, remember when your brother and I got into that little legal jam and you took responsibility for it to keep us out of jail."

"How can I forget? It cost me a fortune. I didn't talk to you for months."

"Well, your mother wasn't exactly pleased with me either. What your brother and I did was absolutely against everything she believed in, yet she is still with me. I still love her and she still loves me. That is why they say for better or for worse in those wedding vows. So many people who get married now days play lip service to those words, but I guarantee that your wife didn't. They also make you promise in sickness and in health. You forgot that vow the second you got shot. How do you think that made her feel? You pushed her away and threw yourself at Brenda. How many vows did you break before you ever found out what Skye was up to? How many more did you break afterwards? Before you throw away any chance of getting Skye back, think a little bit. Is Brenda what you really want? She has been gone for four years. She wasn't someone's prisoner. That was her choice."

"Mom doesn't really have a project keeping her busy at the moment does she."

"Do you really want the truth?"

"Yes, even if it hurts."

"Well I will probably get in trouble with your mother if she finds out that I told you this but there is no way in hell that I could get her to attend a wedding ceremony where the bride and groom are you and Brenda."

"She hates Brenda?"

"It's not that she hates her exactly, she just never really thought that Brenda was right for you. Brenda always reminded your mother of a grown child that could never make up her mind. She never liked the way that Brenda would swing between you and Sonny."

"She liked Skye."

"She still does and so do I. And Jax, here are two more things to keep in mind while your berating Skye for not wanting Brenda around. If Skye had come to us, we would have gladly helped her move Brenda out of town. And secondly, since the first thing you did when you ran out on your marriage is run back to Brenda, maybe Skye had good reason to do what she did. Try looking at this situation from Skye's point of view. On that note, I will say goodbye."

He hung up on me. He not only hung up on me, he took Skye's side. He took Skye's side over mine. That really stings. But he made many good points. I never really looked at what was happening from Skye's point of view. What would I have done if a former love of Skye's came to town and she lied to me in order to spend time with him? Would I have been so understanding? Hell no, I would have done everything in my power to get rid of the jerk. If she had been in the hospital and had thrown me out, I sure as hell would not have been okay with some other guy coming in and helping her in my place. Isn't that essentially what I asked her to do? I threw her out then asked her to trust that this other woman wasn't a threat to our marriage. I must have realized her greatest fear when I walked out of her door and straight into Brenda's arms. Dad's right. I have a ways to go before I will be ready to sign these papers.

I sat back down at the table as I thought about my conversations with both Ned and Dad. Ned thinks I belong with Brenda. Dad thinks that I belong with Skye. What do I think? I love them both. But who do I really want to spend the rest of my life with? This entire situation was starting to give me a headache. While I was thinking I looked back at the present on the table. Why don't I take a break and solve this little mystery first? I started to reach for the present.

Ring, ring.

I picked up the phone. "This is Jax."

"Hi Jax, this is Alexis."

"Hi Alexis. I have the petition for the divorce right here. Ned dropped it off. Don't expect it back right away. I'm not sure that I am ready to sign away my marriage right yet."

"You're having second thoughts."

"You don't sound surprised."

"I'm not. When you asked for them you were still acting out of anger. I don't really know Brenda the way that you and Ned do so perhaps I have a little different perspective than you two."

"What do you mean?"

"When you see her, you see the woman you loved four years ago. When Ned sees her, she is his best friend. I however didn't know her. My view isn't colored by the past."

"What do you make of her?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't been able to put my finger on it yet but something about her situation doesn't add up."

"When you figure out what it is, tell me."

"I will, but that isn't why I called. I found out something knew about the case. There was another person found in the apartment. In Alcazar's bedroom to be exact."

"That's great! So this other person could have done it."

"No the police have already established that this person couldn't have done it."

"Don't tell me, this other person is dead too."

"No, but they did have to rush her to the hospital be ambulance. I haven't been able to get a name yet. The police are being very tight lipped about her identity but I have been able to get a few details. Apparently Alcazar drugged some woman at a bar, brought her back to his hotel room, beat and raped her. I overheard a conversation between two of the officers that were at the scene. Apparently, the woman was in a pretty bad condition. There were a few comments on what they would have like to do to the guy if he weren't already dead."

I swore. "And they really want to put someone away for killing this guy? It seems to me that someone did this town a public service. So if she was there, then she may be able to identify the murder."

"I don't know yet. That depends on the state she was in at the time."

"Alexis, try to find out who she is. She may be the key to finding out what really happened in that room that night."

"I will call you as soon as I find anything. I am going to try the hospital records. She was taken to General Hospital. There must be a sheet somewhere that records who was brought in on that night."

"Alexis, thanks."

"You're welcome."

Yes. This the first good news that I have had since Brenda was arrested. I think that I will go over there and share it with Brenda. I'm sure that she could use something to lift her spirits about now. Especially since she is stuck with Jason for company. I jumped in the car and drove over to Jason's apartment. God how I hate coming here. As I stepped out of the elevator, I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. Sonny and Brenda's voices drifted out into the hall and what they said stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't move. I just stood there and listened. I just couldn't believe what they were saying.

"How long do you plan to keep playing this little game with Jax, Brenda?"

"I really don't know what you mean Sonny."

"You know darn well that I am talking about all the lies that you told about you and Alcazar. Alcazar had nothing to do with you four years ago or are you forgetting that I paid all the bills for your life after you came to me with your decision to play dead. You said that you couldn't settle for second best and that is what you said that Jax was to you. A replacement for me."

"I just couldn't handle it anymore, Sonny. I couldn't stay in this town and watch you and not be able to be with you. I sure as hell couldn't tell Jax that I needed to get out of this town before I had another breakdown. I thought it would be easier to just let Jax think that I had died and let him move on with his life. I thought that it would be kinder to let him live with his memories of me than destroy his illusions with the truth. No man wants to hear from the woman they love that she really loves someone else but will settle for them because she can't have what she wants."

"Why did you stop taking my money? Why go to those other men?"

"I still have needs Sonny. You weren't willing to fulfil them. They were. They could afford to pay the bills. Besides, I think that at least a couple of them would have been a little intimidated if they found out you were paying my way. That might have led to a lot of questions about why that I wasn't willing to answer at the time."

"So what is so different now? Why did you come back? And don't give me that crap about Alcazar. All you needed to do was pick up the phone. It wouldn't have been a shock to me. I already knew that you were alive."

"But you didn't know who I was currently with."

"I know that you could have only been with him for about nine or ten months."

"How do you know that?"

"You were spotted elsewhere with another guy, what was his name, well, I can't seem to recall at the moment. That isn't important."

"So are you going to tell on my."

"I haven't so far. Why should I start now? If you want to play Jax for a fool like you have all the others, go for it. Just so you are aware, you're being in town changes nothing. I am with my wife. We are raising a child together. Your being in town is not going to change anything. I will never leave her for you."

"My, my, aren't you protesting a little to much. Don't worry. The reason I am with Jax is because I know that I still can't be with you."

"No, I don't think that I'm protesting to much. When it comes to you, I think you need the situation spelled out. If and when you want to leave town again, call me. I will be happy to finance your trip and I will also arrange a place to stay with a generous allowance."

"Just like last time."

"Yes, and just like last time, I'm sure that you will eventually take it."

I stumbled back into the elevator. Oh Hell. I couldn't think. My mind was so completely numb. I spent the last how many years mourning what? I sure as hell was mourning for the truth. I mourned a memory. I mourned for what I thought I had. I wasted four years of my life on a lie. How many times did I let happiness pass by me? How many times did I push people away because I didn't want to be unfaithful the memory of my perfect love? How could she have fooled me so easily and completely? In all my life I have never felt more like an idiot than I do right now.

Ring, ring.

I stared at the phone as it rang a few more times before I answered it. "Jax here."

"Jax, it's Alexis. We need to talk."

"I'm not sure that I can at the moment. I just found out what that something off was about Brenda that you couldn't put your finger on. I'm still reeling."

"I take it that it's not good."

"No, if I hadn't heard it with my own ears and seen it with my own eyes, then I never would have believed it."

"Well I'm afraid that I have more news. I need to tell you in person. Jax this is important. It isn't the kind of thing that can be handled over the phone."

"Okay, I will meet you at the cabin in 15 minutes."

"That will be fine. I will see you there.