Part II
She knew they would eventually have to discuss "that night", but what was there to say? She knew he was hurting a lot, probably more than she was. He mostly just scared her. She wanted to hate him, but she torn. He had been right; she did feel the same way he did, though it took a long time for her to realize it. When she did, she was terrified. It brought up too many questions.
She knew he was genuinely in love with her, and that he'd do anything for her- hands down. But he didn't have a soul. But what was a soul, really? And, if he could love her without one, how come Angelus hated her so much? How come neither was successful in killing each other or even hurting one another until they became involved? Were they truly a match? Two different sides of the same coin? Thinking about all of this made her nauseous.
She didn't blame him one hundred percent for that night. She knew she was evil to him, You're a thing; an evil disgusting thing. You're just convenient. I could never love you. You can't feel anything real. But she did love him, and she trusted him. But for some reason, she felt he could never know that. Xander was wrong. Even w/out the chip, she'd trust him with Dawn.
He might have been "William the Bloody" and "the Scourge of Europe", but that was in the past. He probably hadn't killed an eighth of the people Anya did. Even so, some humans w/souls were more horrific and disgusting then he was. It's not like he wanted mass genocide or something.
As for that night, she saw in eyes that he was scared; scared of losing her forever. She knew what that was like- to get that close to someone and then for them to just take it all away. It's like for your most sacred dream to come true and to just end up being a never-ending nightmare. Maybe he's suffered enough... after all, the most magnanimous act a person can do is to forgive.
She came back down w/the blood and sat down on the bed.
"Sorry I couldn't warm it up, but no microwave."
"It's all right."
"Spike, I want, no I have to talk to you about the other night-"
"Buffy, listen I'm sorry for that. What I did was-"
"No, it's okay."
"No, it's not okay, it'll never be okay. I was wrong. I should of had control, but I, I just lost it. That's never happened to me before. I always have control, and in that moment, I just lost myself..."
"Look, it made me realize some things. Honestly, I do feel the same you do. But I was just so angry with you, you know with Anya. And I tried so hard to hate you for it, all of it. But I couldn't. I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, and if I was honest with myself a long time ago, none of this might not have happened."
"You can't think like that. What's done is done."
"Spike, shut up. I wasn't finish. I know what it's like to for the person that you love more than anything to just shut you out and break your heart. I shouldn't have put you through that pain, being through it more than once myself." She looked at him right in the eyes.
" Spike, bullshit aside, I l-"
"Don't, don't say it."
"Why? I mean it."
"Because if you say it, I don't think I'll be able to let you take it back. I wouldn't ever be able to leave you. I couldn't let you go."
"Well, good 'cause I wouldn't want you too. Been through enough of that for one "Slayer" lifetime. Oh, and I love you." she said hastily before he could interrupt her again.
She'd finally said it, no regrets. She gently grabbed his face and kissed his cool lips.
"Now, eat up if you want your strength back." He was too stunned to move. He just looked at her and then his vision became blurred.
"Spike, don't cry, please. Just, drink this, will you?" He continued to stare at her, and the tears ran over the brim of his eyelids. But he obeyed and gulped the jar of blood down. He put it down on the night stand, and continued to just look at his angel.
"Spike, I love you. I LOVE YOU. I. Want. To be with you. You make me happy, well , most of the time. I need you. Please say something." she said as she grabbed his hand. He didn't. He just grabbed her and kissed her ever so gently.
"God, Buffy. I love you so much. Please don't leave me."
"I won't. Can't."
"I'll love you 'till the day I'm dust luv. I'll always be drownin' in you, Summers."
Then she kissed him, softly and gently, which was so different from their usual hungry, raw, passionate kisses. This was more loving, though it contained just as much feeling.
"Spike, make love to me."
.
____________________________________________________________________________ __
"What's it gonna be, 'cause I can't pretend. Don't you wanna be, more than freinds? Hold me tight and don't let go."
En Vogue
____________________________________________________________________________ __
meanwhile at Xander's......
"I brought you some juice, Will." Xander said as he handed a glass of cranberry juice to a dreary eyed Willow, sitting up on his bed.
"Thanks, Xander." He gave her a nod and a smile and began to turn away.
"Xander?"
"Yeah Will?"
"Um, are you going out?"
"Well, I don't have to. You want me to be all stay inny and talk?" He asked sincerely.
"Yea, I mean, I'm not really much for talking now, but maybe we can watch a movie? I'd just like someone, no. I'd like to sit with you." She said looking down at the glass.
"Of course, Willow. Nothing better than being here w/ my best bud." He said has he sat down next to her.
"Xander, I just wanted to say that no words could ever express how ashamed I am at myself. sometimes, it's just so hard. I think about Tara... and what I did to Warren..." Xander placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.
" What terrifies me most is how I tried to hurt the people that I love. I tried to destroy the only family I have along with the world." Tears came down her rosy cheeks and her voice became weepy. "I don't think I'll ever live it down. How could anyone forgive me? Maybe it'll be best for everyone if I just leave, at least for a little while."
"Willow, no, you belong here with us. We're your friends and we love you and care about you, no matter what. We're going to help you get through this, okay?" He said, looking at her.
"No, maybe it's best that I go." She said, looking away from his brown eyes.
"Not so much, will. The last thing you need is to be alone. I'm not leavin. You're my Willow, and I'll always love you." He explained as he gave her his trademark Xander hug.
*****************
He caressed her face gently and then gently laid her down. He slowly lifted her light blue sweater over her head. She began to unbutton his dark blue shirt.
"Oh, you're hurt." she said as her face filled with worry and concern as she lightly touched the burns and bruises.
"It's all right. Doesn't hurt anymore."
"You sure?"
"Yea, pet."
She then slid the shirt off of his shoulders. He started to kiss her jaw line, then her neck, and then lightly along her collarbone, then down between her breasts on to her flat tanned stomach. She softly moaned as he traveled down her body.
He proceeded to take off her boots and unbuttoned her pants when he decided to stop his ministrations.
"Buffy, are you absolutely sure 'bout this? I mean, all of it?"
"Yes." she replied breathlessly from the anticipation of it all and undid her bra. He bent down and removed her lace panties and was about to taste her depths when she stopped him.
"No, later. I need you inside of me. Now."
He nodded as he looked at the extreme determination on her face. He slowly entered her. she wrapped her legs around his waist to bring him in as much as possible. They both moaned at the feel of it.
"Wait, sit up." He instructed her. She looked at him questioningly but followed his request. They both sat up and he placed her on top of him.
"I want you to move your hips in a clockwise motion, slowly." she nodded and wrapped her legs around him. He began to move in a counter clockwise motion so that they'd be moving together. It seemed to be excruciatingly slow, yet the pain was equivalent to that of pure bliss. To move in such a way and to be able to look directly into each others' faces... she kissed him and moved her tongue at the same rhythmic pace as their bodies were moving and tightened her slayer muscles around his length. Feeling his coolness in her depth of heat was incredible. he wished he could get lost in her forever. For the world to just fall away, except for her.
"Buffy, I love you. I love you. I love you." His declarations of love turned into ramblings and changed into muffled sobs as he tried to cover them up by burring his head into the crack of his neck.
"Oh, Spike. Ah!" she reeled backwards, pulling him down on top; pushing him even further into her. He quickened the pace and felt her shuddering as she reached her climax. He, on the other hand, could barely hold on much longer, so he pushed her over the edge by pushing on her clit w/ his thumb. They came together.
"Make up sex pretty good, Spike. It was wonderful."
"I didn't think of it as just sex you know. Though I must agree. It was incredible."
"Yeah, but as much as I'd like to stay and give it another go, I have to go back home. I should let Dawn know that you're okay and relieve Clem. Plus, we're supposed to go see Giles."
"Yeah, okay. want me to walk with you?"
"Actually, yeah, that'd be nice. Besides, I know Dawn wants to see ya. Besides, you're hurt. You need some type of attention."
"It's not so bad. I've suffered worse."
"I know."
"Do you think, maybe we could just stay here, for a little while?" she regarded him quietly before reaching out and holding him close. She knew what he was thinking- bad habits died hard. She saw no harm in a little reassurance that the second time around would be different.
TBC
She knew they would eventually have to discuss "that night", but what was there to say? She knew he was hurting a lot, probably more than she was. He mostly just scared her. She wanted to hate him, but she torn. He had been right; she did feel the same way he did, though it took a long time for her to realize it. When she did, she was terrified. It brought up too many questions.
She knew he was genuinely in love with her, and that he'd do anything for her- hands down. But he didn't have a soul. But what was a soul, really? And, if he could love her without one, how come Angelus hated her so much? How come neither was successful in killing each other or even hurting one another until they became involved? Were they truly a match? Two different sides of the same coin? Thinking about all of this made her nauseous.
She didn't blame him one hundred percent for that night. She knew she was evil to him, You're a thing; an evil disgusting thing. You're just convenient. I could never love you. You can't feel anything real. But she did love him, and she trusted him. But for some reason, she felt he could never know that. Xander was wrong. Even w/out the chip, she'd trust him with Dawn.
He might have been "William the Bloody" and "the Scourge of Europe", but that was in the past. He probably hadn't killed an eighth of the people Anya did. Even so, some humans w/souls were more horrific and disgusting then he was. It's not like he wanted mass genocide or something.
As for that night, she saw in eyes that he was scared; scared of losing her forever. She knew what that was like- to get that close to someone and then for them to just take it all away. It's like for your most sacred dream to come true and to just end up being a never-ending nightmare. Maybe he's suffered enough... after all, the most magnanimous act a person can do is to forgive.
She came back down w/the blood and sat down on the bed.
"Sorry I couldn't warm it up, but no microwave."
"It's all right."
"Spike, I want, no I have to talk to you about the other night-"
"Buffy, listen I'm sorry for that. What I did was-"
"No, it's okay."
"No, it's not okay, it'll never be okay. I was wrong. I should of had control, but I, I just lost it. That's never happened to me before. I always have control, and in that moment, I just lost myself..."
"Look, it made me realize some things. Honestly, I do feel the same you do. But I was just so angry with you, you know with Anya. And I tried so hard to hate you for it, all of it. But I couldn't. I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, and if I was honest with myself a long time ago, none of this might not have happened."
"You can't think like that. What's done is done."
"Spike, shut up. I wasn't finish. I know what it's like to for the person that you love more than anything to just shut you out and break your heart. I shouldn't have put you through that pain, being through it more than once myself." She looked at him right in the eyes.
" Spike, bullshit aside, I l-"
"Don't, don't say it."
"Why? I mean it."
"Because if you say it, I don't think I'll be able to let you take it back. I wouldn't ever be able to leave you. I couldn't let you go."
"Well, good 'cause I wouldn't want you too. Been through enough of that for one "Slayer" lifetime. Oh, and I love you." she said hastily before he could interrupt her again.
She'd finally said it, no regrets. She gently grabbed his face and kissed his cool lips.
"Now, eat up if you want your strength back." He was too stunned to move. He just looked at her and then his vision became blurred.
"Spike, don't cry, please. Just, drink this, will you?" He continued to stare at her, and the tears ran over the brim of his eyelids. But he obeyed and gulped the jar of blood down. He put it down on the night stand, and continued to just look at his angel.
"Spike, I love you. I LOVE YOU. I. Want. To be with you. You make me happy, well , most of the time. I need you. Please say something." she said as she grabbed his hand. He didn't. He just grabbed her and kissed her ever so gently.
"God, Buffy. I love you so much. Please don't leave me."
"I won't. Can't."
"I'll love you 'till the day I'm dust luv. I'll always be drownin' in you, Summers."
Then she kissed him, softly and gently, which was so different from their usual hungry, raw, passionate kisses. This was more loving, though it contained just as much feeling.
"Spike, make love to me."
.
____________________________________________________________________________ __
"What's it gonna be, 'cause I can't pretend. Don't you wanna be, more than freinds? Hold me tight and don't let go."
En Vogue
____________________________________________________________________________ __
meanwhile at Xander's......
"I brought you some juice, Will." Xander said as he handed a glass of cranberry juice to a dreary eyed Willow, sitting up on his bed.
"Thanks, Xander." He gave her a nod and a smile and began to turn away.
"Xander?"
"Yeah Will?"
"Um, are you going out?"
"Well, I don't have to. You want me to be all stay inny and talk?" He asked sincerely.
"Yea, I mean, I'm not really much for talking now, but maybe we can watch a movie? I'd just like someone, no. I'd like to sit with you." She said looking down at the glass.
"Of course, Willow. Nothing better than being here w/ my best bud." He said has he sat down next to her.
"Xander, I just wanted to say that no words could ever express how ashamed I am at myself. sometimes, it's just so hard. I think about Tara... and what I did to Warren..." Xander placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.
" What terrifies me most is how I tried to hurt the people that I love. I tried to destroy the only family I have along with the world." Tears came down her rosy cheeks and her voice became weepy. "I don't think I'll ever live it down. How could anyone forgive me? Maybe it'll be best for everyone if I just leave, at least for a little while."
"Willow, no, you belong here with us. We're your friends and we love you and care about you, no matter what. We're going to help you get through this, okay?" He said, looking at her.
"No, maybe it's best that I go." She said, looking away from his brown eyes.
"Not so much, will. The last thing you need is to be alone. I'm not leavin. You're my Willow, and I'll always love you." He explained as he gave her his trademark Xander hug.
*****************
He caressed her face gently and then gently laid her down. He slowly lifted her light blue sweater over her head. She began to unbutton his dark blue shirt.
"Oh, you're hurt." she said as her face filled with worry and concern as she lightly touched the burns and bruises.
"It's all right. Doesn't hurt anymore."
"You sure?"
"Yea, pet."
She then slid the shirt off of his shoulders. He started to kiss her jaw line, then her neck, and then lightly along her collarbone, then down between her breasts on to her flat tanned stomach. She softly moaned as he traveled down her body.
He proceeded to take off her boots and unbuttoned her pants when he decided to stop his ministrations.
"Buffy, are you absolutely sure 'bout this? I mean, all of it?"
"Yes." she replied breathlessly from the anticipation of it all and undid her bra. He bent down and removed her lace panties and was about to taste her depths when she stopped him.
"No, later. I need you inside of me. Now."
He nodded as he looked at the extreme determination on her face. He slowly entered her. she wrapped her legs around his waist to bring him in as much as possible. They both moaned at the feel of it.
"Wait, sit up." He instructed her. She looked at him questioningly but followed his request. They both sat up and he placed her on top of him.
"I want you to move your hips in a clockwise motion, slowly." she nodded and wrapped her legs around him. He began to move in a counter clockwise motion so that they'd be moving together. It seemed to be excruciatingly slow, yet the pain was equivalent to that of pure bliss. To move in such a way and to be able to look directly into each others' faces... she kissed him and moved her tongue at the same rhythmic pace as their bodies were moving and tightened her slayer muscles around his length. Feeling his coolness in her depth of heat was incredible. he wished he could get lost in her forever. For the world to just fall away, except for her.
"Buffy, I love you. I love you. I love you." His declarations of love turned into ramblings and changed into muffled sobs as he tried to cover them up by burring his head into the crack of his neck.
"Oh, Spike. Ah!" she reeled backwards, pulling him down on top; pushing him even further into her. He quickened the pace and felt her shuddering as she reached her climax. He, on the other hand, could barely hold on much longer, so he pushed her over the edge by pushing on her clit w/ his thumb. They came together.
"Make up sex pretty good, Spike. It was wonderful."
"I didn't think of it as just sex you know. Though I must agree. It was incredible."
"Yeah, but as much as I'd like to stay and give it another go, I have to go back home. I should let Dawn know that you're okay and relieve Clem. Plus, we're supposed to go see Giles."
"Yeah, okay. want me to walk with you?"
"Actually, yeah, that'd be nice. Besides, I know Dawn wants to see ya. Besides, you're hurt. You need some type of attention."
"It's not so bad. I've suffered worse."
"I know."
"Do you think, maybe we could just stay here, for a little while?" she regarded him quietly before reaching out and holding him close. She knew what he was thinking- bad habits died hard. She saw no harm in a little reassurance that the second time around would be different.
TBC
