Part V

Xander stormed towards Spike and gave him a ferocious right hook.

"You son of a Bitch!! How dare you come back here!" Xander began to approach the fallen vampire when Buffy intervened.

"Xander, stop. I invited him here." she said pleadingly.

"Buffy what the hell is wrong with you? What, you're all accepting to Mr. Attempted Rape now? Or did he cast some sort of spell on you? I hope so 'cause at least then I'd know if you've lost your sanity or not." Xander fumed. Spike just stood there and had no response. Willow just observed at what was transpiring between her two best friends.

"Xander, he didn't put a spell on me, and what happened between us happened between us. I don't expect you to understand but-"

"Understand? Oh I understand completely. You've totally lost it. You should of dusted him a long time ago. But oh no. That's right I forgot. Buffy's always had a soft spot for evil vamps, letting them get away with murder- literally speaking with Angel of course." That last statement pushed Buffy over the edge and she responded by smacking him.

"Stop it." Willow whispered, and only Spike heard through his vampire hearing and glanced at her.

"Enough. You don't know anything about that, and you certainly don't know or can even begin to comprehend this." she said in a low, menacing tone.

"All I need to understand is that he's a soulless demon on a leash." he said while glaring at her.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Willow yelled while rubbing her temples. "I can't take this anymore! The two of you are so stupid. All we have in our short, miserable lives are the precious moments. But the two of you are two stupid to see them and you miss them completely. All we have left is each other, and you guys are ruining it with your idiotic bickering." By this time, her voice was lowered. Her face was flushed as her tears caressed her face. The others just watched on with sad faces.

"All I can say is you guys better wise up before one of us is in the ground; indefinitely. I wasted precious time, time I could've spent with Tara because- I was too stupid and weak to with the magics. If I'd listened to her, we could spent all of those missed months apart together. I'll never have that chance ever again...." She shook her head and wiped her face with a shaky hand. Xander was the first one to speak up.

"Buff, I'm sorry. Now's not the best time to sort all of this out, so I think I'm just gonna go now."

"Okay, and I'm sorry too..." she said while unconsciously hugging herself.

"Red, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about Tara." Xander was going to say something but thought better of it. Willow nodded to Spike in acknowledgment and went out the door without saying another word. Xander glanced at Buffy before leaving and closing the door behind them.

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In Xander's car...

" Xander, can I go back to your place. I'm physically and emotionally drained right now, and I just want to sleep." she said while looking out of the window.

"Yeah, sure. Do you mind if I go out for awhile?" he asked while still looking at the road.

"Xander, you're a grown man. Do whatever ya want." she said rather indifferently.

"Um, yeah..."

*****************

A little while later, Xander arrives at the Magic Box...

Anya whipped her head around from the cash register as she heard the familiar tinkling of the bell expecting a customer when-

"Anya. Are ya busy now?" he asked, while still standing at the store's entrance.

"Xander, no, come on in." she said as she walked from around the counter, motioning for him to take a seat.

"Well, the place looks great."

"Oh, yeah, Hallie got a few demons over to help me real cheap." she said with a thoughtful expression.

"Um, Ahn, I wanted to talk to you about some serious stuff, today." he explained while fiddling with his fingers. "I've been thinking a lot these last few weeks, and I think that I never really explained why I couldn't go through with the wedding."

"Xander, really, you don't have to-"

"No, I do. I owe you that much. I told you then that I didn't want to hurt you, 'not like that.' What I meant was, I was afraid I'd turn into my father. My father made my life as well as my mother's a living hell. It was like he'd drained away all of the happiness and the life from her. His drinking problem eventually led to my mother to have one too." he said while looking at nothing in particular, but just looking. Anya gave him a sad look of sympathy and gently grabbed one of his hands.

"What that demon showed me- it was like every fear I ever had about us, about me, came true... You hated me, our lives... he not only showed me, but it was like I could feel everything; the hatred and the anger- and when he brought me back to reality, I just kept thinking that I couldn't do that to you. What he showed me may have been fake, but it was that possibility, no, probability that I feared of it actually coming true. Stuff like that's unavoidable. It sneaks up on you. Same thing happened with my parents. But I'm sorry."

At that moment Anya was shockingly at a lost for words. She just looked at him for awhile.

"Xander, I'm sorry too, about you know, with-"

"I know." he said as he looked at her.

"It's just, I was hurt, and he was hurt, but it was mistake. I knew it right from the start. But, I just wanted to lose myself. Thought maybe that it'd help the pain go away. I wasn't thinking clearly when it happened. We were both kind a wasted." she said while letting go of his hand and looking away for a moment.

"Um, Anya, do you think that maybe we could put this behind us, start over? Maybe out for a drink or something? Something small?"

Anya gave him a small smile. "Okay Xander Harris. You're on."