Blade: Yes! My first fic with out my hikari interfering!

Runic: (Blade's soul monster) Well done............be happy.

Blade: Read it, it's really good!

Runic: Well of course YOU think it's good, you wrote it.

Blade: _ What's wrong with you today!?

Runic: You said I was a water dragon!

Blade: ^_^;; oh yeah............umm but there was nothing personal about it.

Runic: I was DEEPLY insulted.

Blade: Sorry. Ohhhhhhh yeah a note to the readers if your wondering why my surname and the name of my soul monster are the same it's because-

Yami: Ladon has a very limited imagination.

Ladon: (growls, cuz he can only smite dragons)

Blade: Allow me to help............(points upwards) Indignation!

Yami: (is smited) OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

(Disclaimer: We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Final Fantasy VII or Final Fantasy IX, ok?)

******************************

Narrator: All is calm at Kalm.

Cloud: (looking around) Who said that?

Blade: (appears beside Cloud) It's me, Blade.

Cloud: (blinks) Blade who?

Blade: The authoress of this fic you idiot!

Cloud: Geez, you don't have to be snippy about it.

Blade: All is calm at Kalm.

Cloud: You said that.........

Blade: Would you stop interrupting!? (ahem) All is calm a Kalm (glares at Cloud who keeps his mouth shut.) A new day dawns in front of our group of hero's.

Cloud: Yo, is this about me or those Yu-Gi-Oh people?

Blade: (left eye starts twitching) The-Yu-Gi-Oh-people.

Cloud: So then why is it set in-(sees Blade red in the face so shuts up for a moment)

Blade: Little do they know that their peace is about to be shattered.

Cloud: We know now.........

Blade: Would you shut up!? I'm trying to set the scene!

Cloud: Is that what you call it? I thought you were just trying to bore us all to death.........

Red IXXX: (sees Blade about to explode) Cloud it would be to your benefit and ours if you kept quiet and listened.

Cloud: I would if she just got to the point!

Aeris: Red's right Cloud, Blade's getting mad............

Cloud: Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuu what's she gonna do? Turn me into a newt?

(Cloud transforms into a newt)

Blade: He asked for it.

Aeris: Blade!!!!!!!!

Blade: It's ok, he'll get better. Now where was I? Oh yes. But all is not as calm as it seems, in fact our heros are about to face the greatest danger they've ever faced in their lives!

Marik: (groans) What is it THIS time?

Blade: Something.........umm.........bad.

Marik: Bad?

Blade: Yes. Very bad.

Marik: How bad?

Blade: Very, very bad.

Marik: Such as.........

Blade: Well, umm.........actually, I'm really not quite sure yet.

Marik: Huh?

Blade: I haven't decided yet.

Marik: What do you mean you haven't decided!? How can it be the greatest danger we've ever faced if YOU don't even know what it is yet!?

Blade: I just did that for dramatic effect. It isn't fleshed out yet. Give me a little time willya? I've got a lot to do.

Marik: Geez, I'm beginning to think Cloud was right.

Aeris: What do you want us to do?

Blade: You, newt and Red go on back to the Highwind...Marik you can prepare for battle. I'll go try and think up some nasty enemies.

Marik: Don't do us any favours.

Aeris: Well we're subs characters right?

Blade: (nods)

Aeris: Well can you make sure we're done by seven? I'm getting my hair done.

Sephiroth: (he's the camera man) Really? Can't wait to see how it looks.

Aeris: (glares at Sephiroth)

Cid: Hey Seph, what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be hanging around with the bad guys?

Sephiroth: You mean like Hojo and Rufus? No thanks. They don't have cute chicks on their side. (smiles at Aeris)

Aeris: (makes gagging noises)

Sephiroth: Maybe after your hair thing we can go out and get dinner or something?

Aeris: Sorry, I've got other things to do like rolling down a hill wrapped in barbed wire.

Cid: Ouch.

Sephiroth: Well then I've got nothing to do since that BITCH killed off Tifa. (glares at Blade)

Blade: Sheesh! You kill someone and all you get is attitude. I'm just not appercited around here.

All: What gave it away?

Blade: It's not easy being a homicidal manic you know. You couldn't just replace me with any-old idiot off the street.

Aeris: You're right it'd take at least two idiots to replace you.

Blade: Grr, now I remember why I killed you off again!

Red: Oh quit it all of you, we've got more important things to do.

Blade: All right, I guess I'll just go off and plot now.

Aeris: Umm Blade?

Blade: Hmm?

Aeris: (points at the newt)

Blade: Oh yeah, right.

(Cloud turns back into himself)

Cloud: (pissed) Is that anyway to treat the star of the game!?

Blade: This isn't a FF VII fic, dolt.

Marik: Yeah it's supposed to be about ME!

Blade: Ahem.........

Marik: (groans) Ok then it's supposed to be about Yu-Gi-Oh.

Blade: That's better.

(the FF VII cast walk off and Yami, Yugi, Malik, Ryou, Bakura, Chi Mo and Joey appear.)

Marik: Let's get ready to kill what ever Blade thinks up then!

Yami: Wait!

All: What?

Yami: I have to go mousse and gel my hair again! There may be a photo op.

Yugi: Yami!

Yami: It'll just take a minute, I have to maintain my 'look'

Bakura: You know, most people spend their time on their hair with the express purpose of trying to avoid that 'look'

Yami: Oh shuddap. (goes into the bathroom and rummages around for a few minutes then comes back out.) Hey, where'd my mousse go?

All: Huh?

Yami: There's no mousse left in the bathroom cabinet. Who took it?

Blade: Are you sure you didn't use it all yourself?

Yami: Blade, there where FOUR bottles.

Blade: Well I don't use it.

Yami: Well someone did! (glares around the room)

Malik: Yami, might I point out that no-one but you uses your mousse?

Yami: I'm telling you it wasn't me! There where four bottles and they're gone. Someone must have taken them.

Malik: For what purpose?

Yami: Isn't it obvious? Someone didn't want me to look good in our fight!

Marik: (sarcastically) Yeah, that's gotta be it.

Ryou: Yami, it's no big deal, we'll just find it later.

Yami: Are you insane!? I can't go out looking like this!

Yugi: There's nothing wrong with the way you look, besides we're going to fight monsters, not to a bloody fashion show!

Yami: I don't care! If I don't mousse my hair, I'm not going!

Joey: Maybe it's a plot.

Yami: What?

Joey: Maybe it's a plot by whoever it is that Blade has decided is our enemy. Maybe they stole your mousse because they know you won't duel without it.

Yami: (glares at Blade) Is that true!?

Blade: (shugs) Nope. I've lost the power of authoress.

All: WHAT!? SO WHO'S WRITING THIS!?

Blade: Treno.

Yami: (shouts) Treno is what Joey said true? Did you make someone up and get them to steal my mousse!?

Treno's voice: Maybe.

Bakura: This whole thing is ridiculous! We've got to save the world from horrible monsters here, isn't that a little more important!?

Ryou: As hard as it may be to believe, I'm afraid for once I agree with Bakura.

Yami: I don't care what anyone says, I'm not going anywhere without my mousse!

Chi Mo: Oh stop being such a dork!

Joey: Hey Treno, why don't you just make some mousse appear for him?

Treno: I'm afraid I can't do that.

Joey: Why not? You're the author now right? You can do whatever you want.

Treno: (points) See the title?

Joey: Yup.

Treno: The Great Mousse Hunt.

Joey: Your point?

Treno: My point is, if I just gave him the mousse there wouldn't be much of a HUNT, now would there?

Joey: I guess you're right.

Yami: Damn so I take it we have to find some on our own.

Treno: Seems so.

Marik: Do we even have time for this!?

Blade: I don't see that we have much choice.

Ryou: Well maybe if we hurry we can find some mousse before the monsters get here.

Yami: All right then, let's go.

Marik: What do you mean let's go?

Yami: Just what I said, you're all going to help me find some mousse right?

Marik: Help you? Why should we help you? Go find it yourself.

Yami: But it's Christmas season (there is actually Christmas clubs and sales and thingies starting up over here -_-.........) it might be harder to find. It'll be a lot quicker if we all look.

Bakura: That's your problem.

Chi Mo: Come on you two we need Yami's help to fight the monsters!

Malik: Yeah and if you're both nice and help Santa might bring you more knives and such for Christmas.

Bakura and Marik: Oh all right.

Yami: Ok then, I'm going down to the mall.

Yugi: I'll come with you, there's a few things I need to get too.

Cloud: (comes outta no-where) I'll go too. Since you don't know where the mall is.

Marik: Me and Blade will go down to the grocery store.

(They leave)

CM: Joey, Malik, Ryou and me will go to the hair salon.

(They walk out)

Bakura: I'll go look in the woods (zooms off)

Yugi: The woods?

Yami: (Shrugs)

Cloud: Come on, let's get going.

AT THE HAIR SALON

Chi Mo: (after taking about five detours and asking directions from about fifty people) Well here we are.

Hojo: Here we are indeed.

Malik: Hojo? What are you doing here?

Hojo: Why, nothing at all. I'm merely trying to make a living. Would you be interested in our fine line of hair care products? (holds up a bottle of hair spray)

Ryou: Umm, why is it glowing?

Hojo: Well, there are a few special additives.

Joey: Additives? Like what?

Hojo: Oh this and that. Believe me they're perfectly safe, I use them myself all the time!

Ryou: Is that why you've got tentacles sticking out of your back?

Hojo: Those? No of course not! (smacks the tentacles until they withdraw from sight.) Don't pay them any mind.

Chi Mo: Got any mousse?

Hojo: We certainly do.

Ryou: Umm, I don't think we want to use a product that has Hojo's additives.

Hojo: I told you it's perfectly safe!

Ryou: (looks at one of the customers) Has he used them?

Hojo: Of course, and as you can see, he's perfectly normal.

Ryou: It's perfectly normal to have seven eyes?

Hojo: He doesn't have seven eyes!

Ryou: You're right. He has eight, I almost missed that one on his elbow.

Hojo: You exaggerating! What about this woman next to him? There's nothing wrong with her.

Ryou: She has an extra finger.

Hojo: Well, that's not so bad.

Ryou: Sticking out of her forehead?

Hojo: So they're all a little unusual. That's a good thing though, I'm improving them.

Ryou: Having eight eyes is an improvement?

Hojo: No-one can sneak up on him.

Malik: (bends down, picks something off the floor and holds it out to Hojo) Your thumb fell off.

Hojo: (grabs the thumb and quickly shoves it in a drawer) Oops. Hee, that's just a little side effect. I'm slowly losing all my useless parts. Why just the other day in the shower I looked down and-

Joey: (quickly interrupts) Why don't we just leave that on a need to know basis? (takes CM and runs out of the salon)

Hojo: Very well, the point is, I'm evolving into a higher life form.

Malik: You seem to have a strange idea of 'a higher life form'.

Hojo: Do you want the mousse or not?

Malik: Well.........

Ryou: I think not.

Hojo: C'mon I'll give you a special price!

Ryou: No thank you.

Malik: C'mon before Chi Mo and Joey get bored by themselves out there and we have to up the rating on this fic.

Ryou: You sure have unique way of putting things Malik.

AT THE GROCERY STORE.

Blade: Which aisle is the mousse in?

Marik: How should I know? I guess we'll have to ask, there's a stock boy.

(They walk over to the stock boy)

Blade: Do you know.........Reno?

Reno: Well if it isn't Captain Stab Everything and the Vampire.

Blade: _ I'M NOT A VAMPIRE!

Marik: Aren't you a little too old to be a stock boy?

Reno: Aren't you not even supposed to be here? I mean, Yu-Gi-Oh characters in a Final Fantasy game?

Marik: Oh shut it.

Blade: Where's the mousse?

Reno: Huh?

Marik: Mousse, git face!

Reno: (glares at Marik for a second) We're all out.

Marik: All out?

Reno: Is there an echo in here? Yes we are all out! Someone came in this morning and bought out are entire stock.

Marik: Who?

Reno: How the hell should I know?

Lady with shopping cart: Excuse me, but do you have wet nuts?

Reno: Not last time I checked.

Blade:.................................They sure ask some personal questions, don't they?

Marik: Anyway are you sure there's no mousse in the back room?

Reno: Nope, but I know where you might be able to get some.

Marik: Oh really. Where?

Reno: I think Commander Pompadour has some.

Marik: Commander Pompadour?

Reno: Are you doing that on purpose!?

Marik and Reno: (have a five minute long glaring contest)

Blade: (drags Marik away to the aisle with the butchers knifes then goes back to Reno) You where saying?

Reno: Anyway the commander won't just give it to you.

Blade: Why not?

Reno: Cause he doesn't just give stuff away, silly.

(both hear screams and Marik laughing)

Blade: How about we just beat the crap out of him till he gives us it?

(Marik gets bored and starts making his way back)

Reno: You don't have to do that. You can trade him.

Marik: Trade? Trade what?

Reno: It's very simple he's looking for the Makeup of Access. You can steal that off the evil Scorceress Tammyfay.

Marik: Tammyfay?

Reno:......-_-...............Uh huh. But in order to get into her castle, you have to pass the Pigskin gang. You can only do that if you get the Cloak of Parity, which is in possession of the Dr. Mad Gorebush. Are you talking notes? He'll give it to you but first you have to give him the Chad of Clarity. You can get that from the haystack of chads in Coral but there's a guard there, he'll let you through only if you give him the Shampoo of Oily Hair.

Marik: And where are we supposed to get that?

Reno: Why, aisle three of course.

Marik: All right then.

Blade: (folds her arms and raises her eyebrow at Reno.) You made all that up, didn't you?

Reno: Umm.........yeah.

Marik: DAMMIT! IS THERE ANY MOUSSE HERE OR NOT!?

Reno: I don't know. Hey Rude!

(Rude appears at the end of the aisle)

Rude:.........

Reno: Is there any mousse in the back room?

Rude:.........

Reno: Nope.

Marik: How do you know? He didn't say anything!

Reno: After all this time, I can tell what he's thinking just by looking in his eyes.

Marik: (fuming) He's.........wearing.........sunglasses.

Reno: Well, then by the slant of his soft supple shoulders .

Blade: Let's not go there.

Marik: (shakes his head) C'mon lets get outta here.

AT THE MALL

Yugi: 'Mousse is us'?

Cloud: Yeah, they have the best stuff!

(enters store)

Rufus: May I help you?

Cloud: Rufus??? You work here?

Rufus: Well I have to do something since you destroyed my company.

Sephirtoth: (Walks in.) I thought Diamond Weapon did that.

Yami: Aren't you supposed to be working the camera?

Sephiroth: Vincent took over.

Cloud: Oh.........anyway I thought you where supposed to be dead.

Rufus: Uh, ever hear of ducking?

Cloud: Anyway shorty here (points at Yami) needs some mousse.

Yami: (fumes)

Rufus: Sorry, we're all out. Someone came in a little while ago and bought the entire stock.

Cloud: Who was it?

Rufus: Umm, I don't remember.

Yugi: What do you mean you don't remember?

Rufus: What part of 'I don't remember' don't you understand?

Yami: How could you not remember? You said they came in a little while ago.

Rufus: I was busy.

Cloud: Busy? But there's no-one else but us!

Rufus: Umm, my short term memory isn't as good as it used to be since Diamond Weapon almost blew my head off.

Cloud: (Pulls out his sword) Rufus!

Rufus: Take it easy shiskabob boy. I've uh, got something else that might help.

Cloud: Oh? What might that be?

Rufus: (rummages around under the counter.) Uh, you don't have any white tape on you do you?

Sephiroth: (hands Rufus some white tape)

Rufus: Thanks.

Yami: (getting impatient) What's going on?

Rufus: (Places a bottle on the counter) Here you go,

Yami: (picks it up) What's this?

Rufus: A new kind of mousse, my own creation.

Yami: (reads the label) Rufus' Mousse (eyes it suspiciously) It doesn't look like mousse.

Rufus: Well it's a little different, you have to drink it.

Cloud: Drink it?

Rufus: Yup.

Cloud: I've never heard of such a thing.

Rufus: I told you it's my own creation.

Cloud: I don't believe you.

Rufus: Hey, trust me. Look what it says right there. (points to some writing on the bottle.)

Yami: Guaranteed or your money back.

Rufus: See?

Yami: Well it must be ok if it says that.

Yugi: Yami! Rufus just wrote that on there!

Rufus: I did not!

Yugi: You did too, look you used that tape that Sephiroth gave you to make a label.

Rufus: I did no such thing!

Yugi: Look! It's the same white tape!

Rufus: Coincidence.

Yugi: (Grabs the bottle from Yami) What does this say below that? Possible side effects, Nausea, vomiting, instant death.

Yami: Instant death!?

Rufus: Well that's rare.

Yugi: Is that so? Well then why is there a skull and crossbones on it?

Rufus: (dismissively) That's just the company logo.

Yugi: (rips the tape of the bottle) This is strychnine!

Rufus: (shocked) No! I don't know what to say. Someone must have mixed up the bottles.

Yugi: (skeptically) I'll bet.........

Cloud: Strychnine! Ouuuuuuuuu can I have it?

(Yugi hands the bottle to Cloud)

Cloud: Hey, Seph, I've got a present for you!

Sephiroth: (Backing away.) Keep him away from me!

Yami: (Grumbling.) Let's get out of here..........

BACK AT KALM'S BAR.

Malik: Well what do we do now? Everyone's back and no-one's found any mousse.

Ryou: Bakura isn't back yet.

Malik: Oh come on, do you really think he's gonna find any?

Ryou: Well, not really.

(Bakura suddenly runs in)

Bakura: (raises his arms in the air) The Great One has done it again!

Marik: Who are you talking about!?

Bakura: Why, me of course!

Yami: You found me some mousse?

Bakura: Indeed I did! (goes to the door and pulls a large animal inside and is evidently proud of himself.) See?

Ryou: Bakura, that's a moose!

Bakura: No shite Serlock!! Isn't that what you wanted?

Marik: Mousse, the stuff that goes in your hair.

Bakura: Stuff that.........(pauses for a moment) Ooooooooooooooooooh! Mousse.

Malik: What a dork!

Bakura: I AM NOT A DORK!

Blade: Didn't you hear us talking about hair?

Bakura: Hey, leave me alone. I wasn't paying attention cus I was too busy stealing all your Senn-.........umm reading a book

Moose: Can I go now?

Bakura: I guess.........

Ryou: So we still don't have any mousse.

Blade: Yami, you're just going to have to live without it.

Yami: No way!

Joey: Dammit, those monsters could be here any minute!

Treno: No they won't.

Yugi: Huh? What do you mean?

Treno: Turns out the monsters aren't coming.

Bakura: Why not?

Treno: They heard traffic was really bad, so they changed there minds.

Bakura: Well Sephiroth looks like your plan to steal all Yami's mousse isn't going to work after all.

Yami: Huh!?

Sephy: Oh well, better luck next time.

Yami: Sephiroth stole my mousse?

Sephy: (nods)

Yami: (looking at Bakura) And you knew?

Bakura: Well duh Pharaoh, everyone knew. I mean who else would have done it?

(Yami stands there looking at everyone)

Yami: You ALL knew?

(after a moment they all nod)

Chi Mo: Well it's not like it takes a genius to figure it out.

Yami: (looks at Blade) You too?

Blade: (rubs the side of her neck) Well............yeah.

Yami: And you didn't tell me?

Blade: Well.........your hairdo IS sort of...............strange.

Yami: (shocked) You don't like my hair!?

Blade: Not............really.

Yami: BLADE!

Blade: Oh give me a break! (Zack takes over being the author) Last night I turned over in bed and nearly got impaled!

All: O_O!

Blade: (covers her mouth)

Zack: (sniggers to himself)

Cloud: (takes out his sword) I know how I'd feel if I ran outta mousse! Stealing from one of us is like stealing from all of us! (runs towards Sephy)

Sephy: (goes to take out his masamune, but it's not there.) Hey, where'd my sword go!?

Zack: (whistles innocently) Beats me.

Sephy: That's not fair!

Zack: You're right it's not, what's your point?

Sephy: And they say I'M evil.

(Cloud raises his sword above Sephys head but suddenly Aeris jumps between them)

Aeris: Cloud don't!

Cloud: Aeris, get out of the way.

Aeris: No Cloud you can't just kill him like that.

Cloud: Why not?

Aeris: It wouldn't be right.

Sephy: (hiding behind Aeris) Listen to her Cloud!

(Aeris grabs the sword from Clouds hands)

Aeris: It wouldn't be right to hog all the fun for yourself! (runs toward Sephy and grins evilly)

Sephy: ACK! (runs)

Zack: (opens the front door) Quick, Seph! This way!

(Sephy runs to the door, but just as he reaches it, Zack sticks out his foot and trips him)

Zack: Oops.

Aeris: Ahhh!

Sephiroth: NO!

(whack, whack, whack, whack, whack!)

Malik: Ooh that's gotta hurt.

Chi Mo: Well I guess everything worked out happily ever after huh?

Sephiroth: (groaning) Speak for yourself.

(chop, mince, grind, shred, grate!)

Yami: I can't believe you don't like my hair.

Blade: ^_^;;

Chi Mo; Well maybe not THAT happily.

Aeris: (cheerfully) Does anyone know how to get blood stains out of a dress?

THE END

Blade: I swear if I get one review saying "One word-ODD" I'M GONNA FORCE CM TO RETIRE!

Zack: (laughs)

Blade: (growls) I've got a bone to pick with you Faeleen! (grabs Zack by the arm and hauls him out of the room)

CM: If you think it's odd or don't like it then don't review!

Zidane: Oh great, now no-one's gonna review!

CM: _ I'm not the one that wrote it.

Zidane: But do you want a fic with no reviews in you account?

CM: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

Blade: (comes back in) BTW I've got an idea for a sequel!

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Blade: If you want a sequel let me know ok?