Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor will I ever. Don't own Barney, either…and I would not ever want to. Do not try to do anything mentioned in this chapter as it could mean your life…then again I don't think that you're stupid enough to try anything that is mentioned in this chapter…I hope.

            Warnings: The same warnings as last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that…are you sensing a pattern?

            When Telemarketers Attack

            Or

            Mindless Dribble

            Act Nineteen

            By: NightChild

            This chapter featuring the talents of: Berrful Hunter

            ***

Once they finally got to the telemarketers' head quarters, they stood by the tall, tall building, all of them staring up at it. Relena proceeded to fold several layers of duct tape over, sticky sides out, and then give four apiece to the others. She ended up using a whole roll of the silvery-gooey-stuff. "Stick it to your knees and hands and climb!" she said, doing as she told them to do; saying it as if it were a very normal thing to do.

Duo paused hesitantly at Relena's orders, but upon receiving a rather scary looking glance from the girl, he grinned cheesily and started climbing the wall. Quatre followed not too long after, followed by a reluctant Trowa, a curious Heero and his trademark twitching-eye, and a steaming Wufei looking as if he were going to bring his katana out of nowhere and start slashing about like the madman Duo believed him to be sometimes.

The others had been left behind because they couldn't figure out how to get out of their duct tape. Relena had been of no help in getting them out and had sneered at them as they tried to get out of it. Heero swore that he was never letting her near coffee again. Kill-kill-kill-mode-Relena had numbered days.

"Come ooooonnnnnn!" Kill-kill-kill-mode-Relena called to the five boys, who grunted or glared in various degrees (well, actually, Quatre just sighed and rolled his eyes, whereas WuFei started what was a long chain of Chinese curses, while Trowa was the one who grunted, Heero was the one who glared his other trademark, aka the deathglare, and Duo just... was Duo). "We're never gonna finish at this rate!" Here, Duo stuck his tongue out and muttered random words along the lines of, "Why me?"

Several people by this time were standing on the sidewalk and pointing as the six people tried (Relena actually wasn't trying...she was just...doing, had to have been a side-effect of all the coffee) their best to climb up the side of TTHQ (the telemarketers' head quarters) with duct tape stuck to their hands and knees. "Why didn't we just walk in like normal people? Or steal a chopper and repel down?" Duo half-whimpered as his duct tape tried to unstick itself from the side of the building. Relena ignored him, still climbing like a mad little monkey.

"Because, Maxwell, upsetting Relena when in kill-kill-kill-mode is a deathwish." Wufei whispered to the American pilot, finally breaking the twenty-three-point-seven mile long chain of Chinese curses and explicitives.

"I never even knew there were that many bad words in one language," Quatre whispered to Trowa, who nodded in agreement. "...And I'm actually kinda glad Relena's in kill-kill-kill-mode, or else Wufei'd probably be regretting his mouth by now." Here, Relena stopped her climbing and turned on the other blonde, "Eh?" Quatre quickly shook his head, "Uh, nothing, nothing at all!"

Heero grunted, focusing on reaching the...the...he stopped climbing. "Just where are we going?" he asked as he tried to keep from sliding down the windowpane he was currently attached to. The rather insane Relena looked over her shoulder and smiled her way too sweet smile again, "To the roof." she stated simply as she climbed higher.

Somehow, they managed to (barely, on account of Duo's unsticky duct tape) make it to the roof in one piece, after many grumblings, glares, Chinese curses, and threats. Relena looked at her "troops", beaming. "That was wonderful! Now for the hard part!" There was an instant groan from Duo, who shut up as Relena fixed her "I'm gonna go kill-kill-kill-mode on you at any second" glare on him. He chuckled and sweatdropped.

"So." Trowa said, "What is this plan, how many years in jail will we get as a result of carrying it out, how much will it take to bail us out, what are our chances of escaping alive, will our gundams be needed, and has anyone but me noticed the crowds of people staring at us down there?" He pointed at the throngs of people staring at them as if they were asylum escapees.

"Trowa..." Duo said, slinging his arm around Trowa's shoulders, "I love ya, but don't ever talk that much again. It is just scary."

Wufei muttered more Chinese curses under his breath. He did not like being stared at as if he were some sort of loony! "Darlian/Peacecraft," he growled out, obviously trying to keep from going temporally insane and attacking her with his sword. "Just how did you come up with this hair-brained 'plan' of yours?" his vein in his head pulsed, showing just how annoyed he was.

Relena thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Call it women's intuition?" Insert a shaking screen and thumping sounds as all five pilots chibi-fell to the floor.

Once they recovered from their chibi-falls, Relena smiled at them, the smile that said she was about to tell them something important about OA. They all waited...and waited...and waited some more, until poor Duo just couldn't take it any more and glomped Relena. They landed in a tangle of limbs and Duo's-now-back-to-normal-braid. "SAY IT ALREADY!" he twitched rapidly while shaking her shoulders.

Wufei rolled his eyes and pulled the ravaging American off Relena, which earned him not only one but five very...interested...glances. "Well, what? I'm tired, I'm annoyed, my bed is still not made and I didn't get to practice with my katana yet!" The curious stares continued until Wufei released Duo's shirt collar and plopped down on the floor, crossing his arms and legs. "I'm not moving until you!" he said, pointing at Relena, "Give me a very detailed and analyzed explanation for disrupting my katana time."

Wufei finally gave up on getting anything but a rambling-not-making-much-sense explanation from Relena and got up. Heero's eye was doing its trademark twitch again. Duo was fiddling with the end of his braid, glad that the blue dye had finally faded away. Quatre was trying desperately to get Relena to tell them what to do next. Trowa was just standing watching.

"Let's get goin' already!" Duo yelled, dropping the end of his braid in favor of jumping from one foot to the other in inpatients.

"Patience, Duo, patience!" Relena exclaimed while she put her index finger to her chin in thought. "Aha!" With a devilish sparkle in her ocean blue eyes, Relena started climbing down the other side of the wall, giggling insanely as she found an open window. "Everyone! In here! I have found an open window!"

"Hallelujah thank you Kami, we're finally getting somewhere with this..." Duo muttered while he skillfully hopped down into the open window, followed by an annoyed Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, and Heero, complete with built-in twitching eye.

            As they were climbing through the window, they heard Relena start to cackle in a very un-Relena-like way. Quatre leaned over to Trowa and whispered, "I really think she's lost it...seriously..." he stared wide-eyed at her as she suddenly started to raid a broom closet. Trowa nodded as he watched the-now-raiding-a-broom-closet-kill-kill-kill-Relena.

Duo sighed and shook his head at Relena, wondering what on earth it was the girl was up to now. He turned to Heero and said, "Heero, why are we even agreeing to this again?" The Japanese pilot rolled his eyes. "If I didn't think declining would result in death, I wouldn't be here, Duo." A look very similar to the word, '...oh,' appeared on Duo's face. The braided baka then proceeded to watch as Relena dug manically through the broom closet.

After a few minutes of digging, Relena emerged from the broom closet, holding about ten rolls of duct tape, three brooms, and wearing six buckets stacked on her head. "Now we build armor!" The others stared at her like the people were staring at them from the sidewalks as they were climbing up the building, all thinking, 'She's had waaaay too much coffee.'

"Relena..." Duo said, pointing at the various 'equipment' Relena had gathered, "What the bloody hell is all that stuff and what is going on in that mind of yours?!" Relena giggled insanely, which caused all five gundam pilots to back away slowly with smiles on their faces, each one nodding.

Wufei muttered something about 'stupid onna' as he watched Relena grab Heero, who's eye twitched rapidly, and proceeded to plunk a bucket "helmet" on his head, break one of the booms in half, then duct tape the end with the bristles to his back. "Relena..." there was a note of warning in that tone, "What the hell are you doing?" The said insane girl smiled, "Making your armor!"

"You're not making my 'armor', Relena..." Heero grunted, "YOU'RE TURNING ME INTO A FREAKING SCARE CROW!" Insert shaking of screen and thumping sounds once again as Relena, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei chibi-fell, half from the cheesiness of the situation (not to mention how scare crow-like Heero actually did look), and half from 01's spontaneous outburst.

After they had all collected themselves from their various chibi-falls, Relena smiled the waaaay too sweet smile again, "But you look just so cute, Heeroy-beeroy!" Duo instantly saw an opportunity to tease and proceeded to do just that, "Oooo, Heeroy-beeroy...you look just so cute as a scare crowy-browy!" Heero then broke away from Relena and chased Duo around the room while threatening death in various ways.

            Once Heero had tired himself out chasing Duo, ripped off Relena's "armor", Duo was staring owlishly at everyone from the sheer strangeness of it all. They all headed down the hall as stealthily as they could with Relena wearing the "armor" that she had tried to make Heero wear. Wufei was following them at a distance, eyeing Relena as if she were truly nuttier than a fruitcake. Trowa and Quatre were following Heero and Duo, who had taken the lead. Relena followed Trowa and Quatre, sulking. They were finally headed toward the telemarketers' leader's office and then this whole big mess would be over...or they hoped it would be over, once they decaffeinated Relena.

            Somehow, they managed to make it to the telemarketers' leader's office without any more incidents worth mention. They stared at the door, all of them ready to dash behind the small forest of potted trees that stood near by. Duo looked at Relena, "Now what?" She shrugged, "Dunno…" she smiled that smile that made all sane people want to run for their lives. Duo slowly backed away in response. The others just shrugged at her, nearly used to it.

            Heero looked at Relena, who was still grinning like the Cheshire Cat, and sighed. "Right, we're breaking the door down and--" he was cut off by Relena.

            "Duct taping whoever is inside to a chair and forcing them to watch 'Barney'!" the others stared in horror at her. There was nothing worse than being forced to watch "Barney"…even being tortured by OZ was better than that. "Anou…Relena are you sure? I mean; was what they did really bad enough to warrant this?" Quatre asked nervously. Relena didn't answer, just got out her duct tape and proceeded to charge at the solid office door.

Heero sighed and shot the door open just before she would have ran into it, or he would have if his gun hadn't shot a spray of multi-colored glitter at the door instead of the bullet that was supposed to come flying out of the barrel. His eye twitched. "Duo…what did you do to my gun?!" he growled out. Duo laughed nervously, a sweatdrop appearing on the side of his head. "Um…" before he could finish what he was about to say, Relena kicked the door down and charged into the room, Trowa and Quatre following her, just in case she needed their help. "We'll finish this later." Growled Heero as he followed the others. Duo shrugged and followed Heero.

            What they met on the other side of the door they do not expect to see. They all slammed on the breaks and blinked dumbly at who sat behind the desk, before Wufei burst out, "I KILLED YOU!" everyone continued to stare. There, behind the desk, sat Treize, who was currently smugly smirking at them. "Mr. Chang, is that really the way to treat someone you've known for so long?" he tisked at them. Insert massive shaking of screen and thumping sounds as everyone beside Treize facevauted.

            Once they recovered from their shock, they decided that they didn't care how Treize came back to life or if he was even ever really dead in the first place. Wufei glared at Treize, Heero did his customary grunt/death glare, Quatre stared innocently at them, hoping that a fight wouldn't break out, Trowa just silently observed, while Relena flounced up to Treize and attempted to duct tape him to his chair. Treize dodged her attempts but ended up duct taped to his desk…he sighed.

            Several moments passed in silence before… "GAH! TALK ALREADY!" Duo yelled, hopping from foot to foot. Silence bugged him sometimes. Everyone stared. "Right…" said Heero; he turned to Relena, who was in the process of dragging a huge TV into the room…he didn't even want to know where or how she got it, decided that it was probably safer not to ask her and stay away from her until she was finished.

            After Relena finished setting up the TV, she popped in an old tape of the dreaded "Barney"…the others shielded their eyes from the horror of it. They could handle all the gore you could throw at them, but show them "Barney" and they cowered. Treize, oddly, didn't seem to be bothered about it…he was actually watching it with a look of dry amusement on his face. The others, having recovered from their "Barney"-induced-horror, stared at him as if he had three heads. Treize turned his head and looked at them. "What?" he questioned. The others, beside Relena, shuddered.

            When it was apparent that their plot of "Barney"-brainwashing Treize out of his "evil ways", Heero grabbed Relena by her waist and hauled her off, muttering something about her never having any coffee, ever again. Quatre sighed and un-duct taped Treize before dashing out of the room, to make sure that Heero would be alright with Relena. Trowa left soon after, not doing anything. Wufei glowered once more at Treize before leaving the room, all the while glaring at Treize, a feat that was amazing, considering he didn't run into anything because of not looking where he was going. Duo grinned slightly and took the tape from the TV, intent on destroying the evil thing, but Treize yelped, tackled Duo to the floor, grabbed the tape and then made a mad dash for it, in the opposite direction that the ex-pilots and Relena had headed.

            Duo blinked, alone in the room. "I wonder if he's had too much coffee, too." He shrugged and headed out of the room, already figuring that the others were back at their house.

            ***

            Several weeks passed and their phone was very, very quiet, seemingly the telemarketers had dropped off of the face of the earth. But on the morning of what would have been the third week, the phone rang loudly…

            ***

            The End?

            ***

            AN:

            Thank the gods! The story is over! YAY! O_O…this thing has been such a challenge to write; I never thought that humor could be so hard. I know that I promised a sequel, and I still might do that, but I am pretty much burned out on this story idea.

            Please excuse spelling/grammar errors…it hasn't been beta-ed yet…*sheepish look* and I don't think that I'll ever beta it, since I do my own beta-ing…oh well *shrug*

            Since this chapter is already so long, I'm not going to do the usual review responses, but…THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed and made me feel like I had to finish the story.

            NightChild