[16 yrs. A.B.Y.]
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"Hey Chewie, try her again," Han called as he pulled the welder out from Falcon's insides, signaling for his co-pilot to reroute the power to that area once again.

The engines moaned and power began to work its way through the causeways of the ship; the humming sound of the ship coming to life, following the energetic warmth which saturated the metal beneath him. Then a spark flew, and the humming turned to a wheeze as the power reached a dead end.

"Turn it off! Turn it off," Han yelled as the sparks became more numerous, a smokey haze rising from below the exterior panel.

He could hear Chewie growl a response while attempting to quell the problem. The Wookiee howled in frustration as the controls wouldn't compute with speed.

A spark made contact with Han's palm and the Correllian grit his teeth. "Dammit, Chewie! Shut the thing off!"

The humming stopped, and the sparks desisted as Chewbacca rumbled a reply.

Han took a look at his hand. ~Great, just what I need.~ It was burnt in a slash from the base of his thumb to his pinkie finger on his right hand. Though the cut was at a decent depth, the heat had cauterized it, burning dirt into the gash.

"Chewie, I'm gonna head inside for a few minutes - one of those sparks caught me." Following his arrival path, Han slipped off the roof of the Falcon, ascending the ramp to the inside after he hit the ground.

Passing the cockpit for a moment, Han poked his head in. "I'll be in the galley if you need me," he said to Chewie before continuing on to his destination.

Han slumped into a chair in the galley after procuring a medkit from the cabinet on the other side of the room. It had been a long time since he'd taken wounds for this ship. It was almost refreshing to have the slash in his hand, if merely for nostalgia.

Time seemed to have past so quickly since then, since he'd been a smuggler and a scoundrel, maybe even a hero every once in a while. Despite his outward despisal of heroics, he couldn't deny to himself that he missed saving the day.

He could remember the first Death Star - Luke's once in a lifetime shot - the unmistakable high of giving the Imperials what they deserved after all the pain they'd caused so many. Granted, he hadn't been into the life of the Rebel back then, or at least he wouldn't admit it. Bria had always said he'd come around on the cause when the time was right - he'd never ceased to despise her accuracy on that.

Days didn't hold adventure for Han Solo anymore. They held meetings and proposals and politics - things that he'd ever been able to fully stomach. It was depressing a great deal of the time, but he assumed that this is what responsibility meant: doing things you can't stomach because it's what was asked of you.

~Responsibility,~ he thought, allowing the word to echo in his head. It was funny how he could let it run his life; how he'd lost his spontaneity because of it. He missed the days when Chewie and he would take the Falcon for joyrides just for the fun of it. He regretted that Jacen hadn't had any of that kind of fun - the kid deserved to let loose once in a while.

Han couldn't put his finger on the last time he'd really let loose himself...


~ ~ ~
[7 yrs. A.B.Y.]

"Whohooo!" came a voice over the comm as the ship hit lightspeed, leaving battles and bad guys behind.

Han let out a deep breath as he slumped into his pilot's chair, laughing to himself as he heard Jacen's giggles from the other side of the simulator.

"You see dat, Daddy? Dat s'ot was un in a millon." Han allowed a genuine smile to slip across his face at the delight in his son's voice. The three year old tripped over his words but Han always knew what was being said.

"Yep, one in a million kiddo." He stood up and stretched a bit before leaving the simulator cockpit, making his way to the gunner chair where his son sat.

Han pulled around the corner to find Leia unstrapping the boy. She set Jacen down on the floor, giggling at how he squirmed. "I was going to suggest some candy to celebrate, but I'm not sure sugar would do him any good."

Han chuckled, "I don't know. Whadda you think, kiddo?"

Jacen looked up at his father, "I tink we s'ould get ice ceam."

"You would," Leia said, tousling his hair.

"Well, it's about time we headed back anyways if I'm going to make that meeting in the morning," Han sighed, turning his attention to Leia, "He's got to go with me since Chewie's on leave and I want him to get some sleep." Han lifted Jacen up into his arms and shook him around in jest. "The last thing I need is for you to be cranky."

"If you need someone to watch him tomorrow I can do it. Besides, Luke's on Coruscant for a few days and he'd like a chance to see him," Leia said as Jacen giggled profusely.

"You sure? I mean, it's bad enough that I dragged you along on this little trip–"

"You didn't kidnap me and force me to come, Han. Besides, I've got nothing better to do, and it's not like we don't get along," She picked Jacen up from Han and held him to her side, resting most of his weight comfortably on her hip, "We get along, don't we?" she said as she rubbed her nose against Jacen's.

"At least let me pay you back. Trust me, he can be a real handful," Han said, hinting of his many single-parenting woes.

"That's not necessary, really," Leia replied, rocking an already drowsy Jacen in her arms, "Look, he's already falling asleep so let's stop debating and get him home."

Han nodded and they exited the simulator.

~ ~ ~

"How's he doing?" Han whispered as Leia tiptoed out of Jacen's room, pulling the door closed softly behind her.

"He's out cold," she said, falling into step with him as they made their way down the hallway and into the living room.

"You really don't have to come by tomorrow," Han said, leaning on the bar which extended from his kitchen and wrapping his hand around a glass full of soft blue liquid.

"I'm beginning to think this is you subtle way of telling me to get lost," Leia replied, chuckling lightly.

"No, no, it's just I don't think you know what you're getting into. He's not cute all the time." Han's sincerity was only so believable as he laughed softly.

"I can handle Jacen, Han, but thanks for your faith in my abilities," Leia remarked, sipping her own glass of blue liquid.

"Why do you have to take everything like that? I'm just trying to save you some trouble." Han set his glass down.

"That's a load of poodoo, Solo. You don't trust me with your kid, do you?" Leia's face was reddening slightly, but she was more hurt at the thought than angry.

"I trust you with Jacen - even more that I think I trust myself with him. You'd make a better parent than I ever would, Leia - that has nothing to do with it." Han attempted to calm himself, exhaling slowly.

"Then what is it, Han? I'm a little confused here."

"I don't want to come home to you," Han blurted out, almost too loudly.

"What?" Leia breathed. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to come home to you because I'd like it too much," Han admitted, nearly through his teeth.

"I..." Leia began as Han moved closer. He brought his hand under her chin, guiding it upward, then lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss grew in intensity and it seemed for a moment that everything was as it should be - the universe had made a right turn, and the Force had put things in order. But Han pulled away, seeing in Leia's eyes what he had seen so many years ago in Bria's.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to do that."

Leia nodded, her nerves a little shaken. "I should go."

Han pushed away the voice in his head that told him what an idiot he was being, how he should say no, and that he should tell her the truth despite his guilt.

"Um, maybe we shouldn't talk about this again," he said, in hopes that he could pretend that it was a dream.

Leia nodded in agreement. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As she shut the door behind her, Han slammed his fist down on the bar, cursing at himself. He heard the cry of Jacen in the other room and cursed himself again. He hated himself for betraying Bria. He hated himself for lying to Leia. And he hated himself for being such an idiot as to let himself kiss her, when he knew all to well that it would only hurt them both.

Han sighed. ~Great job, Solo. ~

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