Leia rubbed the back of her neck as she looked out over the sea of datapads laid askew before her. Her muscles ached from holding her head up for so long. The dim light cast shadows across the room from its place on her desk, warming her right hand with radiated heat. It was late, and she was putting the finishing touches on her address.
She hadn't asked to head this committee, but she had to admit it was her fault for not being able to say "no" when she needed to. Everyone seemed to think that she had extra time on her hands to do things of this sort - to back proposals, to head committees and run campaigns. The truth was she didn't have the time of the energy. She was a Queen, a Senator, and on top of it all she was a mother, all of which are full time jobs.
Now the time she would have set aside for sleep is being spent on politics.
It wouldn't have been so troublesome had complications not arose. There had been protests, and not just about the proposal itself, there were factions arising who objected to Leia's involvement. Like father like daughter, the signs would say. These were the factions who challenged the Jedi's participation in New Republic affairs. These were the ones who hated Luke and the Academy.
One argument had accused Leia of trying to take over the Senate as Palpatine had done. One of the former Emperor's first steps in taking down the Old Republic had been the commissioning of a Clone Army. They said that Leia was doing the same. Leia hadn't even thought up the initiative, and yet they accused her of some false treachery behind it.
She had no doubt in her mind that the assassination attempts made on Isolder were connected to this sudden jump in hatred for the Skywalker lineage. She was now almost positive that someone had been after her son, and had only attacked Isolder as a way to cover it up. The Prince of Hapes was attacked on an almost seasonal basis. It could be expected to be taken in stride as any other political ploy in the Hapes Royal Court.
Leia sighed. She envied the people who'd never lived in the spotlight - the farmers, pilots, street venders. Those who live simple lives no doubt have fewer and less complicated problems on their minds while Leia's just kept growing in complexity and number by the hour. She had considered that with all the stress she underwent day in and day out that she might die young - now it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
How had she gotten here? She was at a place where serving the people meant everything she had in her as up for auction: her health, her time, even her heart. She'd been raised as a representative of the people, she was to help them and protect them, and she would die for them. But when had she decided to truly give her life?
~Little by little,~ she thought, ~little by little.~
She'd given up her childhood to help refugees and victims of the Empire. She'd given up her days of youth to be a freedom fighter and a Senator, and she'd given up her heart at the request of her people. That had been the last piece of herself to loose.
Leia's eyes fell on her wedding ring. With all the riches and power she gained, in the end, was it worth all she had left behind?
~~~
[8 yrs B.B.Y]
~
Leia took a deep breath as she opened the door. The last thing she needed right now was him. The past two weeks had been far too eventful for her taste and her head was reeling - something the presence of Han Solo had never done any good for.
Han took a step inside her apartment, remaining silent as he passed her and headed for the living room. She followed, echoing his silence because she was as unsure how to begin this conversation as he was.
They seated themselves across from one another in an almost uncomfortable distance was between them though there bodies were only a meter or so apart. This was but an inkling of the years to come.
"You make your decision today," Han said, breaking into the quiet.
Leia nodded, looking down at her hands as she lightly twiddled her thumbs. It went without saying what he was referring to. Today was the day she had to tell the Hapans whether or not she would marry their prince. It was the day she decided whether or not to rule them.
The last two weeks had been an unwanted turning point in her existence, a place where she had to decide the rest of her life. It was the point where she and Han would have to change their relationship from a thought to an action or to nothing at all. It was the beginning or the end, and it was her responsibility to determine which. It was a conclusion she didn't want to come to.
"Are you gonna do it?" he asked. His tone was quiet and lost as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, linking his fingers together and allowing them to fall between his legs.
She lingered in silence. This was the question she didn't want to answer, because the answer was one that Han wouldn't understand. It was the answer he didn't want to hear.
Han lowered his head, "You're gonna do it."
"Han, I-"
"You're going to say yes to that little twerp," he said, laughing to disguise the wound. "You know, I really thought it might have taken a few billion credits more than he offered, but hey, you must be cheaper than I thought."
"It's not about the money or the jewels, Han. I have millions of people to think of. They need a home. This isn't even about you," Leia countered. She ignored the insult to her, knowing that to match it would only egg him on.
"After everything, after that night, you're still going through with it," Han rubbed his temples.
What did her expect her to do? She was obligated to the Alderaan survivors; she had responsibilities and duties to perform. There hadn't truly been a choice. In the end, she'd known what had to be done.
"What would you have me do, Han?" she said, rising from her seat, her tone growing angry. "What reason do I have to refuse? Should I turn Isolder down on the off chance you might do what you've failed to do in four years? I think I've waited long enough."
Han got up from his seat. "Don't do it," he said, coming closer to her. "Please Leia, I-"
"Don't say anything," she said, holding up her hand to quell him. "You'll say you love me, and maybe I'll believe you, but that isn't going to change my mind." She took a deep breath as she held back tears. Leia straightened. "I have a duty to my people, they have asked that I do this and I will not refuse."
A silence fell on the room, only the slight noise of breath filled the air. Leia wished with every inhale that Han might offer her something worth staying for, to proven to her that she was wrong. But with every exhale the room became staler, and neither spoke a word.
Han left without speaking, and Leia maintained her tall posture until the door slammed behind him. With the room empty, she sunk into the chair behind her and gave her face, now watered with tears, in commission to her hands.
She hadn't asked to head this committee, but she had to admit it was her fault for not being able to say "no" when she needed to. Everyone seemed to think that she had extra time on her hands to do things of this sort - to back proposals, to head committees and run campaigns. The truth was she didn't have the time of the energy. She was a Queen, a Senator, and on top of it all she was a mother, all of which are full time jobs.
Now the time she would have set aside for sleep is being spent on politics.
It wouldn't have been so troublesome had complications not arose. There had been protests, and not just about the proposal itself, there were factions arising who objected to Leia's involvement. Like father like daughter, the signs would say. These were the factions who challenged the Jedi's participation in New Republic affairs. These were the ones who hated Luke and the Academy.
One argument had accused Leia of trying to take over the Senate as Palpatine had done. One of the former Emperor's first steps in taking down the Old Republic had been the commissioning of a Clone Army. They said that Leia was doing the same. Leia hadn't even thought up the initiative, and yet they accused her of some false treachery behind it.
She had no doubt in her mind that the assassination attempts made on Isolder were connected to this sudden jump in hatred for the Skywalker lineage. She was now almost positive that someone had been after her son, and had only attacked Isolder as a way to cover it up. The Prince of Hapes was attacked on an almost seasonal basis. It could be expected to be taken in stride as any other political ploy in the Hapes Royal Court.
Leia sighed. She envied the people who'd never lived in the spotlight - the farmers, pilots, street venders. Those who live simple lives no doubt have fewer and less complicated problems on their minds while Leia's just kept growing in complexity and number by the hour. She had considered that with all the stress she underwent day in and day out that she might die young - now it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
How had she gotten here? She was at a place where serving the people meant everything she had in her as up for auction: her health, her time, even her heart. She'd been raised as a representative of the people, she was to help them and protect them, and she would die for them. But when had she decided to truly give her life?
~Little by little,~ she thought, ~little by little.~
She'd given up her childhood to help refugees and victims of the Empire. She'd given up her days of youth to be a freedom fighter and a Senator, and she'd given up her heart at the request of her people. That had been the last piece of herself to loose.
Leia's eyes fell on her wedding ring. With all the riches and power she gained, in the end, was it worth all she had left behind?
~~~
[8 yrs B.B.Y]
~
Leia took a deep breath as she opened the door. The last thing she needed right now was him. The past two weeks had been far too eventful for her taste and her head was reeling - something the presence of Han Solo had never done any good for.
Han took a step inside her apartment, remaining silent as he passed her and headed for the living room. She followed, echoing his silence because she was as unsure how to begin this conversation as he was.
They seated themselves across from one another in an almost uncomfortable distance was between them though there bodies were only a meter or so apart. This was but an inkling of the years to come.
"You make your decision today," Han said, breaking into the quiet.
Leia nodded, looking down at her hands as she lightly twiddled her thumbs. It went without saying what he was referring to. Today was the day she had to tell the Hapans whether or not she would marry their prince. It was the day she decided whether or not to rule them.
The last two weeks had been an unwanted turning point in her existence, a place where she had to decide the rest of her life. It was the point where she and Han would have to change their relationship from a thought to an action or to nothing at all. It was the beginning or the end, and it was her responsibility to determine which. It was a conclusion she didn't want to come to.
"Are you gonna do it?" he asked. His tone was quiet and lost as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, linking his fingers together and allowing them to fall between his legs.
She lingered in silence. This was the question she didn't want to answer, because the answer was one that Han wouldn't understand. It was the answer he didn't want to hear.
Han lowered his head, "You're gonna do it."
"Han, I-"
"You're going to say yes to that little twerp," he said, laughing to disguise the wound. "You know, I really thought it might have taken a few billion credits more than he offered, but hey, you must be cheaper than I thought."
"It's not about the money or the jewels, Han. I have millions of people to think of. They need a home. This isn't even about you," Leia countered. She ignored the insult to her, knowing that to match it would only egg him on.
"After everything, after that night, you're still going through with it," Han rubbed his temples.
What did her expect her to do? She was obligated to the Alderaan survivors; she had responsibilities and duties to perform. There hadn't truly been a choice. In the end, she'd known what had to be done.
"What would you have me do, Han?" she said, rising from her seat, her tone growing angry. "What reason do I have to refuse? Should I turn Isolder down on the off chance you might do what you've failed to do in four years? I think I've waited long enough."
Han got up from his seat. "Don't do it," he said, coming closer to her. "Please Leia, I-"
"Don't say anything," she said, holding up her hand to quell him. "You'll say you love me, and maybe I'll believe you, but that isn't going to change my mind." She took a deep breath as she held back tears. Leia straightened. "I have a duty to my people, they have asked that I do this and I will not refuse."
A silence fell on the room, only the slight noise of breath filled the air. Leia wished with every inhale that Han might offer her something worth staying for, to proven to her that she was wrong. But with every exhale the room became staler, and neither spoke a word.
Han left without speaking, and Leia maintained her tall posture until the door slammed behind him. With the room empty, she sunk into the chair behind her and gave her face, now watered with tears, in commission to her hands.
