Once upon a time there was a boy named Harry Potted-Plant. Harry Potted-Plant was very famous in the Couch Cushion Administration because a terrible Black Sheep that had been killing the notebooks of Hillshire failed to kill him when he was naught but a wee grasshopper. He lived with his evil Step-God-Uncle and his ferret named Joe until he was eleven, when a giant singing dust bunny came to their door and told his Step-God-Uncle he must take Harry to Archie Dumbleybumbledoor so he could attend Horseboil Academy of Aerobic Alchemy for the Near-sighted and Odd. This was fine with his Step-God-Uncle because Joe wanted Harry's room in the linen closet behind the life-sized model of Angelina Jolie in a chicken suit.

          So little Harry went to Horseboil and met Hermy Granger and Ronnie Weasel. They became best friends and they all hated evil fellow student Dracula Malfoy. The year flew by on pink and purple wings outside the Chimera Tower and by mid-April Harry realized he was in love with Ronnie. He went to seek him out in the Chimera common room, but to his anguish Ronnie was busy snogging with Hermy so he threw them both off the Alchemy Tower then strangled himself to death with a rubber chicken. And Dracula Malfoy ruled the world with his pet FemBot Snape. Ha, ha.

THE END