A/N: Yeah, even though no one has come back and finished reading my story I'm going to sit here and keep on going. Mind you this is also going along with what I remember of H2G2's series as well as whatever I feel like making up. For this little brief moment, the characters are mine and I can manipulate them in any form that I wish. Muaahhahahahahah! The fanfic is original the characters are not. Save the ones I make up. Hail Eris. Fnord?

Chapter 5- Time to Meet Your Maker

Arthur was sitting in a chair drinking a cuppa and watching the stars fly by around them. Fnord was arm wrestling with Marvin and Zaphod knitting a sweater. Asked later why he made the sweater he said that the needles and yarn had appeared out of nowhere and he felt like making a sweater for some reason.

Suddenly the door to the ships' deck happily slid open and there in the doorway stood... Gilligan. No wait, Arthur's eyes were deceiving him again. It was Trillian. All he remembered of her was a drunken haze filled with attempts to get her to come to his house for some much needed tea. Arthur had dressed as a not so well done Holmes and she had been some Greek goddess. At least that's what his memory served as a helpful guide, all he remembered was wanting her out of that toga she was wearing.

"Arthur!" She exclaimed.

"Trillian!"

"Fnord!" She added as she came into the room.

"Trillian!" Fnord said and started walking towards her in amazement.

"Zaphod?" She asked him and he shrugged.

Suddenly Tim Curry flies by the window dressed in drag (remember, this IS the ship with the improbability drive) "Rocky!"

"Bullwinkle!" Everyone says automatically.

"By god what in the world are you two doing here?" She raised an eyebrow that mysteriously made her look like Kate Winslet in Titanic.

"Didn't you hear?" Fnord said and walked over towards her. Trillian shook her head. "The Earth was removed in order to make way for a major Inter- Galactic Highway."

"Really?" She walked over to the nearest chair and sat. Arthur looked at her from across the ship hand still politely holding the saucer and cup of tea he was drinking.

"Really." They all said in unison.

"So where to now?" Fnord asked as he sat back drinking PepiBlu. Arthur couldn't understand how Fnord could be so relaxed. Arthur himself was missing his house, his kettle, even his bed. He was blasted off his own planet, projected out into space, brought in by a ship and tortured until he could no longer stand it. Now, now, Fnord was asking where were they going to next. It was unthinkable.

"There's this small unpopulated planet I've always wanted to populate." Zaphod said with a wink at Trillian. Arthur could feel the anger rise and angrily sipped his tea instead.

"Well lets go." She said and Zaphod turned to Eddie.

"Eddie. Get us going. Now. We want to be there soon." He said. There was a pulsing beneath them and the stars beyond that started to become blurry lines.

They sat around waiting. Arthur had nothing better to do and Zaphod was trying to figure out how to do a hook stitch so he could connect two different patterns together. He was having a time of it but it didn't seem to bother him. Fnord was slowly drinking himself under the table, under the rug and floor even. Arthur almost wondered why he didn't sign Fnord up for AA.

Finally the ship landed with a jolt and a splash. Evidently there was some water around in which the ship had landed in. Luckily it was a puddle and nothing more. They stepped off the planet and looked around. It reminded Arthur of the moon, only brown and had some kind of smoky stuff surrounding the different craters.

"Fnord?" Arthur asked but the question was intercepted by Zaphod.

"This is actually. It can't be." He turned around and there, behind the ship was a billboard with a hole in it, evidently from the ship landing on it. In big bold red letters it said, 'Welcome to Margrathea.' Zaphod started laughing and kept on laughing long after everyone had figured out the joke, which even the writer doesn't know yet. "This planet once was inhabited. They had a fetish for boas. So they spent all their money making nothing but boas. Hamster boas, feather boas of all kinds, boas that were made from boa constrictors. Then they fell apart. Nothing here has been habitual since."

"Then why didn't they change anything?" Arthur asked as he stared at what had once been a boa empire.

"You know how hard it is to get people to change their minds on something. It's the same thing here. Someone gave them a copy of Richard Marx's proposals about socia-"

"I thought that was Karl Marx." Arthur asked, apparently confused.

"What? And who do you think gave him the idea after writing 'Open Arms'?" To Zaphod this was ordinary history.

"So it's unpopulated." Fnord said leaning against the ship wearing sunglasses trying to hide the glare from the gold ship. "And we only have tea to drink. What, Zaphod were you thinking?"

"Well what do you think?" He said giving a glance over at Trillian. Arthur could see now why he had wanted Trillian out of her toga that blurry night.

Arthur looked over at his friend who was standing up straight his hands balled into fists. He obviously felt something as well for Trillian. He tried to remember weather or not Fnord had been at the party but all that came up was a blurry outline of someone speaking about the fact that according to the... someplace... of Records, our planet was doomed.

As an argument could have ensued there appeared out of nowhere this small little being no bigger than a Tolkein hobbit, only with whiskers and a tail. "Ack!" It screeched in a high pitched voice, "Things!" And scampered off into the horizon.

Arthur looked to Zaphod who was scratching one of his heads. "Unpopulated?"

"Who knows?" Zaphod said and they followed the little rat being towards gods know what.

"This is such a bad idea," Marvin said. He had been busy most of his time arguing with the doors about the state of affairs with the world and had decided to follow them on this venture to see how miserable he could make their worlds.

They stopped at a small cave, only in the ground, with stairs. They followed the spiral down, down, down, down, down... Oh hell you get the point. They went pretty far down into the bowels of the planet. They stopped when they found a group of small rat like beings who scampered away at their sight. The smaller ones however stood on chairs shooing their male counterparts to whisk the visitors away.

Finally at the end of the long journey they came to a small anti-chamber. The only interesting thing about it was the fact that it was circular and was completely bathed in an orangish reddish glow. For a second Arthur's sight reeled and he finally found the small bits of color strewn throughout the place.

There was at the end of the room a rat being sitting by the fire. "I know why you came here." It said staring into the fire. Everyone in the small group exchanged glances. "You want a planet don't you?"

"Umm," Fnord spoke up, "I had just gotten off a small, kinda boring planet off in the western end of the universe."

"Ahh, it was a nice planet wasn't it?" He said and got up, tears in its eyes. It was dressed in a terry cloth robe and was exceedingly drunk off the sherry he had in a wine glass. "I (hic) helped create that planet. Earth wasn't it called?"

"Yes it was!" Arthur said. He was feeling rather testy after being dislocated in space and time. "I had a home, a kettle, a bed, a pub in which to get libations, there was the store, the rain."

"Yes. I once went there, right after it was (hic) created and looked around." The rat being said. "Oh I haven't properly int- introduced myself. I'm Larry."