DISCLAIMER: DBZ is not mine. As if you didn't know that.
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Kibito's Vacation
by Meressefers
Part 1: Grocery Boy
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Kibito, assistant to Higashi no Kaioshin, was taking a "much-needed" vacation.
He snorted at the idea. Vacation. He didn't need a vacation, hadn't needed one in the millenia he had served Kaioshin. If he wanted a break, he could easily find a quiet corner of Kaioshin-Kai for a few hours to himself, but he didn't. It just wasn't necessary. Kaioshin finally decided that some time off was in order for Kibito, and none could persuade the god otherwise.
It wouldn't have been so bad if 'Shin wasn't such a sneak. Even after all those years, it still amazed Kibito how the little guy could pull the wool over anyone's eyes, even Kibito's. The pink giant had unwittingly mentioned that he wouldn't know what to do with himself for a whole summer off, and basically got himself conned into spending the time with Goku's family. As can be imagined, Kibito wasn't exactly jumping for joy at the suggestion, but he had no choice but to obey his master.
Thus Kibito was lingering uneasily in the air above the Son household and looking down. He did not want to go through with this. A summer with mortals…and not just any mortals. He sighed and descended to the ground.
***
Chi-chi greeted Kibito at the door and led him inside. "You're just in time for breakfast," she told him.
Wonderful, he thought as she led him inside and into the kitchen, which was unnervingly silent except for the sizzle of eggs and bacon in a frying pan. Surprisingly, the three Saiyan food machines were nowhere in sight; the only other person in the kitchen was a rather large man with a beard, spectacles, and a horned helmet whom Chi-chi introduced as her father. "It's so quiet in here," Kibito finally remarked.
"Oh, they're all still asleep," Chi-chi whispered in response. She turned, cupped her hands around her mouth, and yelled, "FOOD TIME!"
"You may want to get out of the way right now," Ox King said as he directed Kibito to the far side of the kitchen. Goku, Gohan, and Goten stampeded into the room, sat down, and devoured the indecent amount of food, which Chi-chi had set in front of them, in a matter of seconds.
"ThanksChi-chigreatbreakfastgottagotrainnowloveyouhoneybye!" said Goku upon finishing his meal. He and Goten ran off to (obviously) go train.
Gohan looked up at his mother. "Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Could I got downtown today with Videl? And Sharpener and Erasa. Please?"
"Don't you have some studying to do?" Chi-chi asked skeptically.
"Aw, please, Mom?"
"I suppose, but just this once. It's a special occasion."
"Huh? Special occasion?" asked Gohan.
"Um, yeah, we have a guest." Chi-chi gestured to Kibito, who scowled to hide his pleasure at being considered "a special occasion."
"Oh. Hi, Kibito! How's it going?" Gohan asked good-naturedly.
"Er, I'm fine," said the bodyguard, who was still a bit taken aback by his new surroundings, not to mention his warm reception. Gohan soon left to hang out with his friends, and Kibito sat down to a small, quiet breakfast with Chi-chi and Ox King.
***
At two o'clock that afternoon, the house was deadly silent. Goku and Goten (although they had returned for lunch) were still training. Gohan was presumably wandering in the city with his friends, and Ox King…well, who really cares? Chi-chi was busy doing housework.
Our protagonist was sitting in the grass outside and trying to read. However, he was not getting very far, as the vast hordes of insects around him were driving him to distraction. They were everywhere, something of a shock to a man who had lived on a planet sans bugs for a few thousand years. He could barely turn a page without feeling the soft tap of six microscopic feet on his arms or getting paranoid and imagining that same feeling. After awhile, he decided that it would be better to read inside instead of constantly brushing off insects.
Kibito entered the house, only to find Chi-chi seemingly ransacking the house and muttering under her breath. "Stupid men...eating us all out of house and home...have to go shopping for the second time this week..." Kibito walked right past her, not planning to get involved in any way. Unfortunately, she spotted him. "Kibito, you can do Instant Transmission like Goku, right?"
"No," Kibito replied stiffly, mildly annoyed that his Kai-kai technique was being equated with the Goku's inferior Instant Transmission.
"You can teleport, though, right?"
"Yes..." Kibito suddenly had a bad feeling.
"Oh, same difference." Chi-chi gazed intently at Kibito. "I need to go grocery shopping."
"I fail to see what that has to do with me," he replied.
"You can transport me to the store, and then back with all the bags of food."
Kibito hmphed. "I am not running your errands. You have a husband and two sons for that."
"While you're staying in my house," Chi-chi affirmed, "you'll do errands. Got it?"
"I can conjure up whatever food you need. I don't feel like hopping around from place to place today."
"Nuh-uh, no funky magic tricks. Just take me to the store."
"And teleporting wouldn't be a magic trick?"
"Don't be difficult, Kibito," Chi-chi admonished her guest. "Now let's go!" She pointed to her frying pan, and thus, on his first day of vacation, Kibito became Chi-chi's personal grocery-toting service.
But really, that was nothing compared to what happened next.
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A/N: So, what did you think? Yeah, I know, that was really lame. The story will get better, I promise...I think...I hope? Um, yeah. Anyway, Chi-chi's got a new project next time: finding Kibito-san a girlfriend. And if you think that's bad, wait 'til you see who gets sucked into this plan ^_^
