A/N: Once again, sorry about the long wait. I blame it on my stupid summer assignments. Honors English...eeeeeevil... It ruins everyone's fun. Anyway, I think this chapter turned out pretty good. ^_^
Also, I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading & reviewing. To tell the truth, I really didn't expect much of an audience for a fic starring our favorite pink sourpuss, but hooray! Perhaps I can make Kibito fans out of all of you...or perhaps not.
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Kibito's Vacation
Part 4: Christmas in July
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After Janine, Chi-chi gave up on trying to find Kibito a girlfriend. Though a bit dejected about being dumped and all, Kibito was quite relieved, and things sank back into their normal routine at the Son household. Well, they did, until...
"Look!" said Chi-chi one day as she came in from the mailbox with big, sparkly eyes. She clutched a bright yellow envelope to her chest. "It's an invitation to Mr. Satan's party!"
Gohan sweatdropped and laughed. "See? I told you we'd get one." Chi-chi blithely ignored him and twirled in a circle. Kibito grunted and looked away, thinking of the Chi-chi who, upon learning of the party a week ago, stormed around the house saying that she'd teach that lout Hercule some manners if he had the nerve not to invite his only daughter's boyfriend's family to his stupid soiree.
"Aw, that's great, Chi-chi!" said Goku, wrapping his arms around his wife. "What's it for?"
The warrior matriarch dropped her gleeful expression just long enough to glare at her husband. "It's a Christmas party. Don't you ever pay attention around here?!"
Goku scratched his head. "'Course I do, Chi-chi; it's just that I forget sometimes." Chi-chi sighed and sat down. Goten, looking confused, plopped down next to her.
"Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"It's July, right?"
"Yes."
"Why's Mr. Hercule having a Christmas party, then?"
"You know," said Chi-chi, furrowing her brow, "I don't really know."
"To flout his wealth?" Kibito suggested, hoping to get under Chi-chi's skin.
To his surprise, she agreed. "Yeah, probably. But it really doesn't matter, so long as it gets us out of the house and into civilized company for once."
"We do go to Capsule Corp. whenever Bulma has a party," Gohan said meekly.
"Yeah, well, she puts heavy sedatives into Vegeta's meals before every party, and that still doesn't make him 'civilized company'." Chi-chi frowned at pulled the invitation out of the already opened envelope. "Let's see...it's July 25th -- that's next week...and we're all invited."
"Can Trunks come with us?" asked Goten.
"Eh, we'll see about that."
Kibito, getting bored and desperately needing to relieve himself, stood up and started walking towards the bathroom. Chi-chi glared at him.
"Where do you think you're going, Mister? You've got to hear this, too, you know!"
"I don't see how it really concerns me. I'm not going to the party."
"You're a part of this family now, Kibito, SO YOU'RE GOING. End of discussion." She gave Kibito an admonitory look. He gazed longingly at the door, then quickly sat down. He would find a better time to change her mind.
***
As it turned out, Kibito found several different -- but not better -- times to talk to Chi-chi about the party. He ended up with a concussion every time (good thing he could heal himself) and the response that he was going to Hercule's party and that was that. So July 25th rolled around, and all hell broke loose.
"GOOOOTEEEEN!" Chi-chi shrieked at the door of her youngest son's bedroom. "You'd better be putting that tie on right!"
"Yes, Mother," came the reply. Everyone else was standing around Chi-chi, dressed to the nines at her request -- perhaps even the nine-point-fives or, at the very least, the eight-point-nines -- with the exception of Kibito. Our long-suffering protagonist had donned his old Kaioshin-style clothing, and Chi-chi, in the chaos of that morning, didn't seem to notice.
"Uh...Mom?" said Gohan nervously. "Don't worry so much about Goten wearing a tie and all. Like I said, this is a casual party."
"Casual, schmasual," Chi-chi snapped. "They're rich people; they wouldn't know casual if it bit 'em on the butt. And," she said, putting on the mushy grin and sparkly eyes of a week earlier, "we have to fit in."
Gohan sweatdropped and wisely closed his mouth. A minute later, Goten came out of his room, his tie tangled in a big ol' clumpy knot around his neck. "How do I look?" he asked.
"ARGH! That's all wrong!" Chi-chi just about burst. Fortunately, Goku stepped in and fixed Goten's tie, preventing any explosions/heart attacks/frying pan-whackings.
"There you go, kiddo!" Goku said with a grin. He patted Goten on the head. "Now you're lookin' sharp, just like your old man." Goten grinned back, and Goku turned to his wife. "Ready to go, Chi-chi?"
"Hmm...just a minute..." she said, looking through her pocketbook for one final time.
***
An hour and a half later...
They finally left after Chi-chi inspected everyone's clothing, yelled at Kibito upon discovering that he was not wearing a suit, yelled at him more when he remarked that only an idiot would tie a miniature noose around his own neck to look "formal," and lectured everyone on minding their manners. Then, of course, she had to rifle through her purse for yet another "final" time and make sure she had everything she needed: house keys, spare change, lipstick, capsulized frying pan ("Bulma's greatest invention," as Chi-chi called it), et cetera.
To further delay things, she decided that there wouldn't be any "Kai-kaiing" or "Instantaneous Movement-ing" because it would be completely undignified to just suddenly appear in front of the Satan mansion. This, of course, provoked an argument with Kibito, who cited that there was nothing undignified at all about using one's psychic abilities. Chi-chi pulled out the previously mentioned capsule, and Kibito obediently dialed a taxicab company on the phone.
The taxi, however, came twenty minutes late, and when it did finally arrive at the Son house, they discovered that not everyone could fit in it comfortably, not even if all of the family proper sat stacked on each other's laps on one side of the cab and Kibito on the other. So Chi-chi sent the cab-driver back and insisted on somebody teleporting them to the Satan mansion. As you can imagine, Kibito nearly burst a blood vessel. As it was, he fainted straight away out of sheer frustration, and Goku ended up transporting them all to Hercule's house.
They landed literally on Hercule's doorstep, nearly tripping some snobby old lady who happened to have been crossing the threshold at the time. She sputtered and screamed at them until Chi-chi revived Kibito with a quick slap across the face. Kibito glared mightily at Chi-chi, but the rich-yet-overly-bright woman whom they had bumped into thought that she was the target of his glare. She went wide-eyed and promptly turned and went on her way, muttering, "Why, I never!" under her breath.
In any case, the happy bunch entered the mansion, where Videl soon greeted them. "Why are you all dressed up like this?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at their attire. Gohan turned bright red and shrugged, while sending his mother a look. Videl then led them to her father, the much-lauded Mr. Satan.
"You remember Gohan, right, Dad?" she said.
"Right, right, 'course I do. How's it going, kid?" Hercule asked. He shook Gohan's hand, though not before fixing him with a suspicious gaze.
"Um, great, sir; how about you--" Gohan started, only to see Mr. Satan move on to the rest of his family.
"His mom, right? Great boy you've got here...Goten, huh? Nice job in the Budokai last year, little guy...Goku! Nice seeing you again, after taking on that evil little menace Buu. Yeah!"
Goku blinked, his face registering an expression somewhere between confusion and embarrassment.
Hercule then moved on to Kibito. He looked up at the pink giant, a searching expression on his face. "You're...uh...you're -- I see the family resemblance -- you're..."
"You're an idiot," said Kibito. Chi-chi smacked him hard with her pocketbook. "Hey! Ouch!" He winced slightly. "That was uncalled for!"
"No, :that: was uncalled for," Chi-chi said pointedly. Kibito, not about to concede defeat to Chi-chi once again, merely glowered. Then, all of a sudden...
"FOOD!!!" squealed Goku, looking in every way like an excited puppy. He hopped eagerly from one foot to the other.
"Oh, no," said Chi-chi, Kibito, and Gohan in unison. Videl blinked.
"Pleeeease, Chi-chi-sa? PLEASE?" Goku pleaded, looking back and forth between his wife and the heaping buffet table set up across the room. Goten joined in. "Pleeeeease?"
"Well," said Chi-chi, biting her lip, "I don't --"
"Go right ahead! That's what's catering's for!" said Hercule jovially.
Goku grinned widely. "I've gotta hand it to you, Hercule, you're a great guy. Thanks!" He and Goten ran off towards the aforementioned table. Chi-chi shot Hercule her patented "I-will-kill-you-once-I-take-care-of-my-husband" look and raced after them.
Gohan looked nervously at his family, then turned red and grabbed Videl's arm. "Uh...we gotta go now!" The two slunk off somewhere, leaving the misfortunate Kibito with Mr. Satan.
"Now you, you're--" the "champion" started, shaking his finger.
"I think we both know that I am not part of Son Gohan's, er, family," Kibito interrupted him. "Please drop the act. There's no need to make yourself into more of a fool than you already have."
"Right," said Hercule, looking away sheepishly. Kibito turned to walk away. "Say, aren't you, uh, that guy from the tournament?"
"Erm...yeah," Kibito said uneasily, stopping and in no way liking where this conversation was going. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering..." Hercule trailed off. Kibito tried leaving for a second time, but was stopped again. "...Kibbutz or Kompeto, right? You were supposed to go up against that scrawny kid my Videl's dating."
"That's correct...but my name is Kibito. Get it right or don't use it at all." He frowned down, hoping to frighten Hercule off. It didn't work.
"Kibito, huh? How'd ya like the party so far?"
"I don't know; your presence has prevented me from participating in it."
Hercule was pretty much unfazed by Kibito's curt reply. "...Uh...sorry about that. You wanna go spar or something?"
"Oo;; What?! N-No!" Kibito sputtered. "This is neither the time nor the place!"
"Oh, come on! Everyone loves a good fight," Hercule asserted hopefully. "We'll give everybody something to watch."
Yeah, and it would be something, too. Kibito sweatdropped. "It wouldn't exactly be a fair fight, now, would it?"
"Don't worry about it! I'll go easy on you."
Kibito promptly fell over.
"Hey, Kibito! You all right? 'Bito? How many fingers am I holding up?! 'BITO?!?"
***
"I'm going to get some snacks now; you want any?" Hercule asked.
"No, thank you," Kibito mumbled, his patience growing short. It had been forty-five minutes since he had arrived at the party, and Hercule was still following him around, trying (and failing) to make conversation. It was infuriating -- enough so that Kibito, who hadn't eaten anything since 7:00 that morning, ignored his own ravenous hunger in the hopes that Hercule would leave him well enough alone.
"What was that, 'Bito-kun?" Hercule looked inquisitively at the divine assistant.
"I SAID, 'NO THANK YOU!'" Kibito snarled. His stomach growled angrily.
"Yipes!" Hercule went wide-eyed and scampered off towards the buffet, which miraculously seemed to have survived the onslaught of Goku and son. "Remember, you can always help yourself to some chow!" he yelled back.
Kibito paid no heed to this. "'Bito-kun"? Argh... Even he was having trouble restraining himself when the man he considered to be the biggest baka in the human race was making up nicknames for him. ...the assumed familiarity... :( ... Even Kaioshin, the closest person to him in the universe, would never think of addressing him with such a demeaning name.
Hercule soon returned with two plates stacked high with food. "I hope you like roast beef sandwiches!" He grinned. Kibito nearly drooled at the sight of the big, juicy sandwich merely a step away. His stomach grumbled more furiously than before, but he knew he had to get rid of Hercule first.
"I...um...which way is the lavatory?" he asked weakly.
"Right down that hallway." Hercule blinked. "D'ya want me to hold on to your food for you?"
"Don't burden yourself!" Kibito yelled back, already halfway down the aforementioned hallway. "Just put it down somewhere!" He sprinted into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and locked it. "Phew."
He waited in there for ten minutes, at which time he sensed that Hercule was no longer hovering around his plate, and then went back into the party. Time to eat... he thought dreamily. Then he realized he had no clue where Hercule had put his plate. "Kuso!" he said, perhaps a bit too loudly. A rich old couple (perhaps the only people there a dressed up as Goku's family) heard him and stared in shock. The man's monocle dropped from his eye, snapped in half, and fell into his glass of sherry.
"That's my third monocle this week," he said. "I simply must stop being so horrified."
"Indeed, Bartholomew," said his wife.
Kibito rolled his eyes and walked away.
He soon spotted his beautiful, untouched meal sitting on a table near the buffet with a sign that read, "DO NOT EAT. ORDERS OF MR. SATAN." He smirked and headed across the room, only to be halted by a conga line. Kibito prevented himself from cursing aloud again and waited for the dancing maniacs to pass by, but there were soooo many of them. "Argh..." Then he felt a ki approaching his sandwich. "Grr...not Hercule again!" But just looking over the crowd, he didn't see Hercule anywhere near his food. In fact, he didn't see anyone near his food. The conga line passed him completely. His jaw twitching, he pushed his way over to the table.
"All right, you, this is my sandwich and you can't have it!" he barked and looked down, only to see nothing. He looked down a little further and found his culprit.
"Heh heh...sorry, Kibito," said Goten, his head poking out from under the table. His words, however, came out something like, "Heh hm...rorrm, Kibmmph meh," on account of the half of the sandwich he had shoved in his mouth. He crawled out, swallowed said half, and placed the other, uneaten half back on the plate and handed it to Kibito.
"Oh, just keep it," Kibito said exasperatedly. "I'll get myself a new one." He strode over to the buffet and made himself a new meal, then found a chair and sat down to eat. Goten followed and sat beside him, still eating the old sandwich.
"So," Kibito began after devouring the majority of his sandwich, "why were you under that table?"
"I was hiding from my mom."
Who isn't? thought Kibito.
Goten giggled. "And then I got hungry."
"Uh-huh." Kibito polished off the last bit of his food. "What did you do?"
"Huh?"
"What did you do that you have to hide from your mother?"
"Oh, I didn't do anything," Goten said innocently. "Some guy called Dad a big pig, an' Mom got mad."
"That's a good reason," Kibito affirmed, nodding his head. They sat and talked for awhile, Goten's presence somehow soothing after nearly an hour with Mr. Satan. Then the peace was shattered.
"Hey, 'Bito! There you are!" said a familiar voice, rapidly moving close to Kibito and Goten.
"Not again!" Kibito groaned. He clamped a hand on Goten's shoulder. "Kai-kai!"
They soon re-appeared in the bathroom, which, fortunately for them, was not occupied. "What'd you do that for?" asked Goten, confused.
"To get away from Hercule." Kibito grimaced. "I swear by all things holy, if I have to spend one more minute with that man, I'll cause somebody bodily harm!"
"Oh." Goten scratched his head. "Why'd you take me?"
"To save you from the overwhelming stupidity." Kibito looked down at Goten's cluelessly grinning face. "You know, scratch that thought." He sighed and sat down cross-legged on the floor, covering his face with his hands.
At that moment, the doorknob began to turn. "Uh, Kibito?" said Goten. "Kibito? Someone's trying to get in." He shook Kibito by the shoulder.
"What?" Kibito gritted his teeth, then pulled Goten close, ready to teleport the hell out of there. "Arrrr... Why me?! Why didn't I lock that dumb door?"
"Hey!" shouted Goten. "Whoever's out there, go away! We need our privacy."
Too late. The door opened, and a head popped in. It was the old rich lady whom Kibito had shocked earlier. "'We'?" she whispered quizzically. Then she saw Kibito and Goten and screamed. "Aaah!!! Child molester!!!"
"WHAT?!?" Kibito spat, scooting away from Goten. "NO!!!"
"You sick, sick man!" the woman managed to shriek before fainting with a loud thud.
"Oh, no! Livia, are you all right?!" her husband screamed from outside the bathroom. He ran in, saw his wife's unconscious form, then looked up and noticed Kibito and Goten. "How repulsive!" he hissed, what must have been his fourth monocle dropping and breaking on the tiled floor. "And in Mr. Satan's bathroom at that! You monster!"
"No!!!" Kibito's face contorted into an expression of the utmost disgust. "It's not like that at all!"
Bartholomew turned and shouted out of the bathroom, "Help! Someone, help! Bring smelling salts! And take away this awful man!"
Kibito finally regained his senses and Kai-kaied out of there with Goten. "Are you all right?" Kibito asked once they were back by the chairs they had occupied barely two minutes ago.
"Um, yeah," said Goten. "Kibito, what's a child molester?"
Kibito sweatdropped. "It's a...it's a very bad kind of person."
"Are you one?"
"Nooooo," Kibito responded emphatically. He sat back down in his chair.
"Whoa," said Hercule, who was now standing before them, dot-eyed. "How'd ya do that?"
"Do what?" Kibito asked. He didn't want to explain anything to the imbecilic Champ.
"Just disappear and appear like that," said Hercule. "I mean, wow!"
"It's called Kai-kai," Kibito answered, irritated. "It's a telekinetic ability beyond your comprehension."
"Oh," said Hercule, not especially enlightened.
Kibito sighed. "It's not that hard to understand. I all but brought you to Kaioshin-Kai using that particular technique."
"What are you talking about?" Hercule was even more perplexed than before. "'Kaioshin-Kai'?"
"The Kaioshin planet?" Kibito countered, only to receive a blank look in response. "The place where Vegeta and Son Goku fought 'Kid' Buu?"
"You mean that freaky little Buu?"
"-_-;; Yes."
"Yeah, I remember that place...but you didn't bring me there; that was that purple-skinned guy --"
"That was me." Kibito scowled.
"Couldn't have been --"
"Fine! It was half me!"
"...So he was your son?"
"No! He was my fusion!"
"Your... 'fusion'...?"
"Yes, my 'fusion' between Kaioshi-- er, Mr. Shin and myself. Surely you saw Goku and Vegeta do the same!"
"Oh. Okay, I got you now," said Hercule, obviously still confused.
"Kibito, whatever happened to that fusion?" asked Goten.
Kibito twitched. "Does it really matter?"
There was a long silence.
"Hey, kid," Hercule finally offered, "do you want to go see Santa Claus?"
"Santa Claus?" Goten echoed, his face stamped with a look of vacant delight.
"That's right," said Hercule, leaning down to Goten's height. "And he's not just your run-of-the-mill Santa Claus, either."
"Oh, goody!" Goten squealed.
"'Santa Claus'?" inquired Kibito.
"You don't know who Santa is?!" Goten exclaimed.
"No...should I?" Kibito received no answer, just stares from Goten and Hercule. He looked into Goten's mind, figuring that the mysterious "Santa" would be the first thing there.
:::In Goten's mind...an elephant eating a peanut.:::
That can't be right, Kibito thought. He turned to Hercule.
:::In Hercule's mind...nothing but a hollow ringing sound.:::
Kibito glared. What's the use of being able to read minds if there's nothing to read?!
"What are we waiting for? Come on!" Hercule said, leading the two towards another room, out of which was a line of children spilled. "Now, Santa Claus is a big, fat, jolly man who gives out presents to good little boys and girls on Christmas." He turned to Goten. "Have you been a good little boy this year?"
"Yup!" said Goten. "Mom yells at me a lot, but my dad says I'm good."
"I'm sure you are." Hercule chuckled. They walked into the room, where many of the children, apparently in line to see Santa, giggled and pointed to Hercule. "Lookee! It's Mr. Satan!" a couple of them cried out excitedly.
"That's me," Hercule said proudly. "And guess what? Once you're done telling Santa what you want for Christmas, I'll sign autographs for you all."
"YAY!" said the children.
"Get on up there," Hercule told Goten. "I'll let you cut, okay?"
"'Kay!" Goten chirped, racing up to Santa. The kid at the front of the line pouted.
Kibito followed Goten with his eyes and studied the cause of the children's glee. Big, fat...red suit, white beard, seems jolly enough... So this is "Santa Claus"...big smile, round pink face... He gulped. Round pink face?!? He looked at Jolly Old Saint Nick again and whimpered. "Eaaaaah..."
"What is it, Kibito?" asked Goten, seeming oblivious to just whose lap he was sitting on.
"Yeah," added the Santa Claus, "Buu not make good Santa?"
"B-B-Buu?" Kibito squeaked out. He nearly soiled himself.
"Yeah, Buu," said Hercule. He narrowed his eyes. "Wait, how do you still know about Buu?" Bewildering, he came to another realization. "Hey, you knew about Buu before, too. How --"
"I'm -- I'm not from Earth," Kibito managed. "I helped in the fight against him."
"Uh-huh," said Hercule, still giving Kibito a suspicious look.
"It's okay, Kibito. This Buu's good now," Goten said reassuringly.
"I know, it's just..." Kibito shuddered spasmodically, then turned unusually calm.
"It's just what?" Hercule cocked his head in bafflement. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I am fine," Kibito said robotically. "Please excuse my bizarre and completely irrational outburst."
"Okaaaaay..." Hercule blinked, raising an eyebrow. Goten, however, was just having a grand old time with Santa Claus.
"I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey!" he stated happily.
Fat Buu nodded at him. "Santa make sure you get it, yes, yes!"
"Thank you, Santa Claus!" Smiling, Goten hopped off Buu's lap and over to Kibito. "I'm getting a monkey for Christmas!"
Kibito, now over both his freaked-out and trance-like states, gave him a funny look. "You are a monkey, Goten."
"No, I'm getting a monkey monkey. Like King Kai's one that my dad is always talking about."
Kibito, having not a blasted clue what Goten was talking about, merely grunted. The children who had been in line to see Santa did so, then ran up to Hercule, clamoring for his autograph.
"One at a time, one at a time," Hercule said, trying to write and calm the chibis down at the same time.
Kibito, sensing the inherent idiocy of it all, somehow turned off his mind and spaced out. So, of course, he was very surprised when a little boy shoved a notebook and pen in his face, saying, "Hold-on-a-minute-Mommy-I-want-to-get-Mr.-Satan's-friend's-autograph!"
"He's not just my friend," said Hercule, clapping Kibito on the back. "This is the great and mighty Kibito!"
"The great and mighty Kibito!" the children repeated in awe. Kibito, a dazed smile turning up the corners of his mouth, scrawled his name in the boy's notebook. Soon, every child left was asking for his signature in addition to Mr. Satan's. Parents were snapping pictures left and right of their kids with Hercule and Kibito. Kibito gave the "V for Victory" sign as each camera flash went off in his face.
Eventually, every child got both men's autographs, and Hercule induced them to sing Christmas carols. "How 'bout 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'?" he suggested.
"Yes, Mr. Satan!" the children said collectively. Everyone in the room -- even Kibito -- sang.
"...You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout; I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town. He's making a list and checking it twice; he's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town... He sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake! Oh, you better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout; I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town!"
***
By the time the Son family decided to leave the party, Kibito was in a complete stupor. Gohan found him sitting in the easy chair once occupied by Fat Buu, with Goten at his feet.
"Uh, Kibito?" Gohan inquired.
"Gohan!" Kibito grinned dopily.
"Um, yeah." The demi-Saiyan was thoroughly disturbed by the look on Kibito's face. "Are feeling okay?"
Kibito's grin grew, and he ignored Gohan's question. "You want my autograph? You, Gohan? Even though you're stronger than me and faster than me and better-looking than me AND Kaioshin-sama chose you to save the universe instead of me?!?"
"What happened to him?" Gohan asked, sweatdropping and turning to his brother. "Did he drink a few too many or something?" Goten shook his head. "Then why's he acting all goofy?"
"I think it was Mr. Hercule."
"That would do it," Gohan said matter-of-factly. He waved a hand in Kibito's face. "Helloooooo, anyone in there?"
"@_@"
"Er, that's not good." Gohan looked around to check that no one was watching, then whispered, "Sorry about this, Kibito." He then whacked the pink giant across the face.
Kibito immediately snapped back to normal. "Was that necessary?!" he snarled, a vein bulging in his forehead.
Gohan laughed uneasily. "Yeah...you were acting kind of kooky just now, Kibito." Kibito, having no response ready for this, stood up and glowered down silently. "Anyway, we've got to get going. Mom's been wanting to leave for the past half-hour." He led Goten and Kibito back into the main room, where Goku and Chi-chi were waiting.
"Are you ready yet?" Chi-chi demanded. She saw Goten, and her expression softened. "Oh, my little Goten! Come here, honey." She hugged her youngest son tightly, then said, "Mommy was so worried about you! The mayor's wife saw a child molester in the bathroom and got everyone scared. But you must've been with Kibito the whole time, right?"
"Yes, Mom," he replied as she ruffled his hair.
"Y-Yes, he was with me," Kibito added, shaken. He could vaguely recall the seven year-old's presence for the past few hours. He put that "Livia's" outlandish accusation out of mind.
"Look what I got, Mom!" Goten broke out of the hug and whipped a piece of paper out of his pocket. Chi-chi unfolded it to see two signatures: one was large and embellished in a John Hancock sort of way; the other was tiny, doctor-style chicken scratch.
"Hmm...you got Hercule's autograph here, but who's this?" she asked, pointing to the illegible signature.
"Oh, that's -- " Goten started. Kibito quickly clamped a hand over his mouth.
"I don't think it's really all that important, SO GIVE IT HERE!" He snatched the paper away from Chi-chi and shoved it at Goten. The boy pocketed the sheet and just looked befuddled.
Chi-chi blinked at her now-empty hands, than at Kibito, then back at her hands again. "I'm in a good mood right now, so I'm going to pretend that whatever just happened just didn't."
"It's best that way," Kibito averred.
"Autograph?" squeaked Gohan, thinking of what the stupefied Kibito had said to him only a few moments earlier.
"Shut up," said Kibito.
"I got to see Santa Claus, too!" Goten piped in.
"Oh, you did, did you?" Chi-chi smirked. "Did you tell him what a mischievous boy you've been this year?"
"Noooo." Goten twittered.
"You got to see Santa Claus?" Goku whined incredulously. "Aw, you should've told me, Goten-chan! I'd have gone with you!"
Goten giggled yet some more. "It wasn't the real Santa, silly daddy. He lives at the North Pole. This was just Buu in a costume. *I* know the difference," he boasted.
"But a Santa is still a Santa!" Father and son wore the same cheesy grin.
"Chi-chi?" said Kibito.
"What?"
"Please take out that frying pan of yours and knock me unconscious so that I don't have to hear anymore about Santa Claus from a grown man!"
Chi-chi shook her head. "No can do. You didn't do anything worthy of a punishment. Besides, if I knock you out, how will we get home?"
"The same way we got here?"
"There's no one at home for Goku to focus his mind on, so we have to go your way."
"Very well." Kibito brought his lower lip up in what he hoped was a menacing scowl. Unfortunately, it gave a very different appearance than desired.
"Uh-oh, Kibito's pouting," Goten pointed out.
"Wow, he is." Goku scratched his head. "Well, you know what they say about pouting, right?"
"Right!" Goten and his father burst into song. "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout; I'm telling you why --"
"Oh, be quiet already." Kibito grimaced, made everyone scooch toward him, and Kai-kaied away.
***
That night, Kibito had trouble sleeping. He sat in bed, thinking of (and cringing at) the day's events. Images of roast beef sandwiches and grinning children and smashed monocles flashed at him... and then a memory of belting out "Up On a Housetop" with Mr. Satan. "How embarrassing," he said to himself, glad that no one had witnessed that particular moment of humiliation.
Of course, now that he thought of that, a different Christmas tune came to mind. "You better not shout, you better not cry..." He wasn't quite sure who he wanted to blame for getting that musical masterpiece stuck in his head: Hercule, Goten, or Goku. Regardless, the chorus of children's voices was repeating the song over and over in his head.
Kibito tried to go to sleep, but now that the song was started, he couldn't get it out of his mind. He pulled his pillow over his ears and shook his head a few times, but to no avail.
"...He's making a list and checking it twice..."
"Yeah, I'll give him something to list," Kibito snorted as he tried various means to drive the song out of his head. The only way he could think of that would decisively end his suffering was to turn off his mind again, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Who knows what I'd do then? Eventually, though, he became too tired to care anymore and started to drift off.
"...He sees you when you're sleeping..."
"Does he really?" Kibito murmured with a sleep-deprived smile -- which was almost, but not quite, as goofy as his braindead one. "Omniscience, eh? Heh, stupid mortals and their silly Earth-myths... Santa Claus sounds like a deity." He thought for a moment. "I wonder if Kaioshin-sama is watching me right now."
There was silence.
"Nah, couldn't be." He rolled over and went to sleep.
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TBC... creepy, eh? -_-" The next chapter should be up in considerably less time than my last two have been. I have been :inspired:. Ooh.
