"You think?"

"Really?"

"No Sh!t, Sherlock"

The other three asked, sarcasm oozing out of their mouths.

"Hey! I only stated the obvious!" Rachael fired back

"We know!" they chorused

"Anyone else panicking here?" Henry asked

"No! We're only stuck in the past, with a bunch of guys I've been reading about! I'M NOT PANICKING!" Hayley yelled

"We've all been reading about them!" Rachael put in

"Guys! Stop worrying about this!" Sarah said, "There's no need to worry!" everyone turned to stare at her. "Shut your mouths before a fly goes in. Anyway.we're not stuck in the past! These guys are on a . a film! That's right! A film!"

"Where are the cameras?" Rachael asked

"At the moment .. they're doing .. character study! See! I knew there was a logical explanation somewhere!" Sarah rushed

"Sarah, what about the dead guys?" Hayley asked

"And the guns?" Rachael asked

"The guns are fake!" Sarah panicked

"Trust me they are real!" Rachael said, twirling one in her hand.

"Then they are firing blanks!" Sarah yelped

"Those guys are dead, Sarah. Do you know what that means?" Rachael asked again

"They're acting!" Sarah gulped

"Sarah, a bullet went through my shirt! They're real!" Rachael, sighed, realizing that she was the only one trying to contradict Sarah's firmly held beliefs.

"We're probably somewhere where there's still the death penalty!" Sarah explained

"Then why were they chasing the good guys?"

"I don't know!" Sarah started to give in

"Give up Sarah, we've gone back in time!" Rachael sighed

"No.no.no, I've got it! They're acting!"

"Sarah, drop it!" Rachael ordered

"No! I'm holding on the last piece of sanity, I've got left in my life!"

"What? You're sane?" Hayley yelled

"No! But I like my surroundings to be sane!"

"Right!" Henry sighed

"Never mind Sarah, we're all mad together!" Hayley said

"Now drop it!" Rachael ordered

"SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! PORTHOS! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! BANDANNA! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! PIRATE! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! FIT!" Hayley yelled

"SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SHUT UP!" everyone else chorused

"Okay! Rachael, give me the stats! How long have I got with Porthos?" Hayley ordered

"Well.a week to translate the stuff. A week to understand it. About a fortnight, if not more." Rachael said, being the group's official level headed one, or at least more level headed that the others. Hayley, being the eldest, was the leader, with a major sick mind; Rachael was the level headed one, with more brains; Henry was the completely nuts one, with the slightly sick mind; and Sarah was youngest, who was constantly being corrupted by the others.

"Great!" Hayley cheered

"Now comes our next problem." Rachael began

"Which is?" Sarah asked

"What do we have with us?" Rachael completed

"We've got. Sarah's bag!" Hayley rejoiced

"Okay!" Henry celebrated

"Brill!" Sarah smiled

"So what's in it today?" Hayley asked

"I'll take a look!" Rachael slung the bag off her shoulder, put it on a nearby tree-trunk and opened it.

"What's there?" Henry asked

"One brass hat stand!" Rachael said, removing the large item, intact, from the rucksack, which could easily be carried by Sarah (although everyone yelled at her for carrying too much), and handed it to Henry, who put it on the ground.

The next item was passed to Hayley,

"One singing mirror! LAAA!!" Hayley held it in front of her and sung a note, the mirror smashed into pieces "Oh, well that's seven years bad luck!" she muttered throwing the last pieces she held over her shoulders.

"One large plant!" Sarah mentioned, as she saw it emerging from in front of the hunched Rachael, before it was passed to her.

"Why did you pack that lamp?" Henry asked, as a large brass lamp was passed to her, it was taller than her.

"Dunno! I thought you did!" Rachael said, still rummaging around in the bag.

"So what else is there?"

"One sawn off shotgun! One bazooka! One machine gun! One Tommy gun!" Rachael proceeded to hand the weapons out, they were given to their various owners, mainly Hayley, but the Tommy gun was Rachael's.

"One heat seeking missile launcher, with 5 spare missiles!"

"Mine!" Hayley grabbed the item.

"Aragorn sword!"

"Mine!" Henry yelled

"YEOUCH!!" Rachael screamed, removing her hand from the bag at the speed of light.

"What's up?" Hayley asked

"Something in there is alive!"

"What?!" Henry yelled

"Ooops!" Sarah gulped

"Sarah?!" Rachael asked

"Well . you see . I put my cats in there!"

"Sarah, what kind of cat are they?" Hayley asked

"Kittens!"

"But theses marks are huge!" Rachael yelled

"Sarah?" Henry asked

"Okay! They're tigers!"

"TIGERS?!" Hayley yelled

"Only little ones!"

"Where. Did. You. Get. Them?" Rachael asked

"Well . Where do you think? Henry, you remember that trip to the zoo?"

"Yes. Hey, didn't some animals go missing that same day?" Henry said

"Ahhem! No comment!"

"Sarah, you stole them?" Rachael said

"No! They were orphans! I adopted them!"

"Brilliant! Now will you get them out?" Hayley asked

"Come on, kitties!" Sarah said, and out of the bag came three tigers, each about the size of a German Sheepdog "Ahhhh! They think I'm their mommy!"

"Sarah, that's because they were about two days old when you stole them!" Henry said

"What are they called?" Rachael asked

"That's Stripy!" Sarah pointed at one

"And the others are Spotty and Stained?" Hayley said

"No, that's Stripy, and that's Stripy!"

"They're all called Stripy?" Henry asked

"Yes!"

"Sarah, you spend way too much time with them!" Rachael said

"Anyway!" Rachael carried on searching in the bag, "Someone's left their sabre on!" She muttered

"Not me!" Sarah said

"Okay!" Rachael removed a light sabre, and switched it on "Red, Hayley!" she handed it over, "Blue, Sarah! Purple, mine. Henry!" Rachael handed over the last light sabre a bright green one.

"Sorry!"

"Okay. The rest of the stuff is: 4 lock pick sets, several sets of bows and arrows, my laptop, my printer, my bike generator, my dig camcorder, my dig camera, all my weapons, 'Weapons through the ages', my library card, all Hayley's other weapons, all Henry's weapons, several swords. Sarah how many swords did you pack?"

"Only ten!"

"Well considering that I've found 27 so far, I don't think so." Rachael said

"Only ten of those are swords. The rest are sharp pointy objects."

"I'll call them swords, for sake of argument." Rachael sighed

"Carry on!" Hayley ordered

"Okay, we also have the patented Hannah tracking device."

"What's the reading?" Sarah asked nervously

"Well, either we left Hannah behind . or the thing isn't working!"

"Well, they're both equally likely. So just ignore it!" Hayley said

"Okay! Who packed the broomstick?" Rachael asked

"Hang on, it might be my mum's!" Hayley said

"Or mine!" Rachael said, having thought about it for a while.

"No, mine! Her name's on it!" Hayley said

"Ah, but here's my mum's!" Rachael removed another broomstick

"Listen, Rachael, don't get everything out. We'll be here all week otherwise. But before you put everything back in, can you find my knuckledusters?"

"Okay.now if I remember correctly, I put them down near the bottom. What do they look like again?"

"Mine are the leather ones, with the spikes."

"Okay! Pair of purple shoes, who put those in there?"

"Dunno!" Henry said

"A small mirror!"

"Who's is it?" Sarah asked

"Not mine!" Henry said

"Bother, I think they're down at the bottom. Give me a minute!" Rachael removed her arm, and instead shoved the whole top half of her body into the bag, rummaging around, before emerging with four leather bags, and peered into each one in turn. "Okay we have: the small brass knuckledusters, Sarah's; the large brass knuckledusters, Henry's; Hayley's leather ones with the aluminium spikes; and my leather lined aluminium knuckledusters." She handed the bags to the owners, before putting all the items back into the bag, unless their owners quickly grabbed them.

"Okay, now how about we deal with the gibbering musketeers over there?" Hayley asked, hefting her arrows on to her back, and slinging her sword to her left hip.