Oh, hello! You've come back! Meaning I ain't not no crack pot! Ha! Now today I'm going to FREE THE BALLOON PEOPLE and... HEY! These aren't my que cards! Uriko!!
Uriko: AHAHAHAHA! You suck Maverick!
As you can see Uriko has been messing with my que cards, so I'm just going to get right into the fic, before I go insane. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fic especially not Uriko who is still messing with my que cards!!!!!!
Uriko: HAHAHA!
THAT'S IT!!!! (Takes out mallet and chases after Uriko while British Comedy music plays)
Disclaimer: No own. No sue. No problem.
-In an oddly familiar looking forest
(Link, The Hero of Winds, after going through some sort of crrrazy portal, is now stoned and passed out in a forest. All of a sudden a horse rides up and begins to lick Link's face)
Link: Uhhhh. (Getting up)
Horse Rider: What is it, girl? Is it a squirrel? That raccoon didn't really do the trick.
Fairy: (Hovering around the Horse Rider's head) Oh, is that the only thing you think about?
Horse Rider: NO! I also think about getting high. Hey wait it's a dude! (Goes down to look at Link) WOW! THIS MIRROR DOES THE BEST ME!
Link: That's just what I was thinking!
Both: He's got the hat! And the tunic! And the Sword! Okay! Do Gannon!
Fairy: Uh, Link, that's not...
Link (Previously Horse Rider): Not now Navi!
Link (HoW): Wow! This mirror talks!
Link (Unless you didn't already know (You need this brain transfusion) it's the Hero of Time, Adult Version to be exact): Neat!
(Pause...)
Links: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Faint)
Navi: Oh, boy Epona, we are so f**ked aren't we?
Epona: (Nieghs affirmativly)
(Meanwhile, the dark lord Gannondork, er a dorf was experiencing a similar situation, but with Cuccus!)
-A few Hundred miles outside the kingdom of Hirule (Did I just spell Hyrule with an i. Oh I was just so entertained by my submarien!)
(At the moment Gannon is sitting in a Cuccu pen, being pecked at by rabid Cuccu)
Gannon: Oh. My head. Did I already get locked in the sacred realm? (Sees Cuccus) Oh. trying to torture me with Cuccus to see if I'll talk, eh Link? Well It's not gonna work! FEEL THY KNOWN WRATH FOUL!!!! (Shocks the Cuccus with evil black lighting) Hahaha! (After a hearty fried chicken lunch, Gannondorf began to seek signs of life and/or death. Death was also good) Ah, there's someone! Old woman!
Peasant#3: Man!
Gannon: What?
Peasant#3: I'm a man!
Gannon: You'll be a bird if you don't shut up and tell me where I can find the nearest evil hangout!
Peasant#3: Well son, if you want the abandoned Tower of the evil Gannondorf Dragmire is about twelve miles down the road. But you have to realize that evil isn't the way. Evil only leads to more evil! And that evil only leads to pudding! You gotta stop your evil ways! You gotta reach down in your pants and find the good in you that has always been there. Bring it out!
Gannon: Hmmm.
-And it's said, that in Hyrule that day, that Gannondorf's small heart...
Gannon: Perhaps you are right old crone. I only hope your sage words will warm you while you are FROZEN IN CARBONITE!! (Gannondorf takes out a freeze gun and freezes the old crone)
-Shrunk twelve sizes
Gannon: Do do do do do!
-Outside Gannon's Tower
Gannon: Huzzah! My Temple! Funny, I remember more guards! And I don't remember any "Living People" near my temple. Maybe I was asleep longer than I thought. (As he walks in, the many people look at him strangely as they walk by)
(Okay, let's go see what up with Link)
-Lost Woods
(At the moment the two Links are passed out, and most likely stoned, while Navi has a oanic attack)
Navi: Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din! (I'm Catholic! So sue me) What do I do? What do I do?
Voice in Navi's Head: Kill tham.
Navi: I meant what NOT HOMOCIDAL thing do I do?
Voice: Sorry.
Navi: Wait I know! (Goes into Link's pack on Epona and takes out a bottle) Lon-Lon Milk! Don't leave the dimension without it! (Opens the bottle and splashes it on Link)
Link (T): AHHHH! I'm up! I'll kill Gannondorf!
Navi: No, relax Link.
Link: (T): Why am I all wet and sticky?
Navi: Well, you fainted so I threw milk on you to wake you up.
Link (T): Was that really nessicary?
Navi: Yes. :)
Link (T): I hate you. Anyway, why did I faint again?
Navi: You saw that creepy kid with the huge bug like eyes.
Link (T): Oh, yeah. (Looks at Link (W)) He does look a little like me.
Navi: Yeah. The pants are a dead give away. Maybe he's just a Korkiri who wandered away from the Great Deku Tree.
Link (T): No way! That place was great! Free food, eternal youth, trees made of candy! Hell if that bitch Mido hadn't pissed me off so much, I would have never left!
Navi: Even though the Great Deku Tree and me told you to?
Link (T): Hell no!
Navi: Well that's inspiring.
Link (T): Eh, the kid's probably just a fan. I mean, look, he's wearing my tunic, he has my hat, he's even got a mini Master Sword and... (As he gets closer his magic Triforce crest begins to glow, as does Link (W)) Oh dip!
Navi: Dip indeed! Link, he's got your magic Triforce of Courage crest!
Link (T): Yeah.
Navi: Do you know what this means?
Link (T): Yes. I am so wasted! I need more pot! (Takes out Ocarina and calls Kaepora Gaebora)
Kaepora Gaebora: (SInging the Tingle song to the Oompaa Lompaa theme) Tingle, tingle, Lim...
Link (T): Cut the crud Owl Boy! Gimme the weed.
Kaepora Gaeboa: Fifteen rupees little man, put that sh*t in my hand!
Link: Oh, crud I'm out of money.
Kaepora Gaebora: Well, your Oompah Lompah Dompitty Screwed. (Flies away) (Stolen joke from Ultrafan, who was paid for it)
Navi: You spent all our money on drugs?
Link (T): I'll find more in a bush somewhere.
Link (W): Oh my head!
Link (T): Hey the kid's up! (Goes over to Link) Yo kid. I got three questions for you, Who are you? Why do you have a Triforce Crest? And do you have any money?
Link (W): Uh, no, Link, and it's myne. Not exactly in that order but you get the picture. Okay, where's my ship?
Link (T): Ship?
Link (W): Oh, never mind, just point me toward the sea. I need to get back to the fight with Gannon!
Link (T): ??? Dude, Gannon's been sealed and there is no "sea".
Link (W): Oh no! Oh Farore no! It's worse than I thought! We're shipwrecked!!!!!!!!!!! We'll have to live on this island forever! We'll have to make coconut houses and live off palm trees! (Goes into a fetal position) WE ARE SCREWED!!!
Link (T): Oh, by the way, my name's Link!
Looks like them Link boys are in a whole mess of Deku Leaves. (Wow that was incredibly stupid. Who writes this stuff)
Uriko: Do you even have to ask any more?
(Yes because otherwise people will kill me)
-Inside Gannon's Tower
Gannon: Funny, I don't remember my tower being so rustic. I thought it had more of a 'Cheers' atmosphere. (Starts singing the Cheers song)
(We are sorry. Due Maverick not knowing the Cheers theme music, Gannondorf Dragmire will now sing, the Dragonball Z theme)
Gannon: Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon...
-Top of the Tower
Gannon: (Sees the rustic tower) It's obvious what's happened here. I must have traveled through time... (Catches on faster than the rest of um eh?) I'm in the year 3000! I gotta warn everybody about Y3K!
Gannon's Mind: No you fool! It can be our implement of destruction!
Gannon: Oh right! Hmm, if I was sealed in the sacred realm for (Calculating) A bajillion years, then the Triforce must still be lost in the sacred realm! Gannon the Cannon away! (Presses a button which opens a set of poles) Thank Satan I had a magic pole installed in this place before Hero of Pansy's sealed me away! (Goes down the poles to a metal room with a bookcase. Pulls a book to cause the bookcase to slide away. He then walks through a collection of metal doors to go to a phone booth. He walks into the booth, dials a number, and is sucked up by a vacuum on top of the phone booth. He lands in front of a magic blue portal... exactly five feet away from the poles) I don't know why I installed those polls. Anyway, BEHOLD! THE GATE TO THE SACRED REALM!
Gannon's Mind: WHO AM I TALKING TO? AND WHY ARE MY WORDS ALL BIG?!
Gannon: Now, it's physically impossible, but by my prediction, the years I was conked out must have weakened the portal's power! One good hard punch should cave it in! (Smart isn't he? That is called Sarcasm!)
-Sacred Realm (AKA Dark Realm)
Gannon (T): (Has a beard and his evil, royal gowns are all tattered) Oh man! I can't believe I was sealed away by that little imp! If I ever see him again, I'm gonna crush him like this pellet! (Crushes pellet but is shocked) Ow! I've tried breaking this stupid wall a million times!
Helmaroc King: (Was first minion Ganon Created in the dark realm. He also has a beard) BWWAAAKK!!
Gannon (T): Yeah, you're right. Once more couldn't hurt. So what's for dinner tonight, Chile?
Helmaroc King: BWAAAAKKK!!!
Gannon (T): Okay, okay! We'll get Chinese! WARLOCK...
-Other side
Gannon (W): WARLOCK...
Both: PUNCH! (And by the purist coincidence, the whole timey, space continuey, taffy the power of the two Gannon's attack, and the fact that they are both the same person, breaks the door and blasts Gannon (T) and the Helmaroc King out of the Dark Realm)
Gannon (T): Huh? What the? King! We're free! WE'RE! FREE!!!!
Helmaroc King: BWAAAKKK!
Gannon (T): Yes, I suppose we can take off our fake beards now! (Both take off beards) Now that we're free, nothing can stop us! (Runs into Gannon (W)) O.O Who the devil are you?
Gannon (W): FOOL! I GANNONDORF DRAGMIRE!!!!!
Gannon (T): That's funny, cause last time I checked, I WAS GANNONDORF DRAGMIRE!!!!!
Gannon (W): But, if you're Gannondorf...
Gannon (T): And you're Gannondorf, then... O.O
Gannon (W): O.O
Ganon (T): O.O Oh man, do I really get that fat?
We're gonna leave off on that note! HAHAHA!I would continue, but I'm coming down with a case of writer's block. (A giant cinder block falls on Maverick) Ow. URIKO!!!
Uriko: O.o Uh, my bad. I'll just finish. Will Link discover what's going on? Will the other Link go crazy from island madness? What will become of the Gannon's? Why is the Helmaroc King there? Are they... you know, queer? And what of the other three? What will become of them? Will Maverick be sued by Ultrafan or regain consciousness? Why am I here? Will China be destroyed? Will Colin ever recover from his coma? And what will become of Doughnuts? WHAT???
Janitor: Uh, Miss Proffessor Chaos 13? You've been asking questions for two hours. Are you quite done? I have to sweep up.
To Be Continued
Urko: Or is it?
Uriko: AHAHAHAHA! You suck Maverick!
As you can see Uriko has been messing with my que cards, so I'm just going to get right into the fic, before I go insane. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fic especially not Uriko who is still messing with my que cards!!!!!!
Uriko: HAHAHA!
THAT'S IT!!!! (Takes out mallet and chases after Uriko while British Comedy music plays)
Disclaimer: No own. No sue. No problem.
-In an oddly familiar looking forest
(Link, The Hero of Winds, after going through some sort of crrrazy portal, is now stoned and passed out in a forest. All of a sudden a horse rides up and begins to lick Link's face)
Link: Uhhhh. (Getting up)
Horse Rider: What is it, girl? Is it a squirrel? That raccoon didn't really do the trick.
Fairy: (Hovering around the Horse Rider's head) Oh, is that the only thing you think about?
Horse Rider: NO! I also think about getting high. Hey wait it's a dude! (Goes down to look at Link) WOW! THIS MIRROR DOES THE BEST ME!
Link: That's just what I was thinking!
Both: He's got the hat! And the tunic! And the Sword! Okay! Do Gannon!
Fairy: Uh, Link, that's not...
Link (Previously Horse Rider): Not now Navi!
Link (HoW): Wow! This mirror talks!
Link (Unless you didn't already know (You need this brain transfusion) it's the Hero of Time, Adult Version to be exact): Neat!
(Pause...)
Links: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Faint)
Navi: Oh, boy Epona, we are so f**ked aren't we?
Epona: (Nieghs affirmativly)
(Meanwhile, the dark lord Gannondork, er a dorf was experiencing a similar situation, but with Cuccus!)
-A few Hundred miles outside the kingdom of Hirule (Did I just spell Hyrule with an i. Oh I was just so entertained by my submarien!)
(At the moment Gannon is sitting in a Cuccu pen, being pecked at by rabid Cuccu)
Gannon: Oh. My head. Did I already get locked in the sacred realm? (Sees Cuccus) Oh. trying to torture me with Cuccus to see if I'll talk, eh Link? Well It's not gonna work! FEEL THY KNOWN WRATH FOUL!!!! (Shocks the Cuccus with evil black lighting) Hahaha! (After a hearty fried chicken lunch, Gannondorf began to seek signs of life and/or death. Death was also good) Ah, there's someone! Old woman!
Peasant#3: Man!
Gannon: What?
Peasant#3: I'm a man!
Gannon: You'll be a bird if you don't shut up and tell me where I can find the nearest evil hangout!
Peasant#3: Well son, if you want the abandoned Tower of the evil Gannondorf Dragmire is about twelve miles down the road. But you have to realize that evil isn't the way. Evil only leads to more evil! And that evil only leads to pudding! You gotta stop your evil ways! You gotta reach down in your pants and find the good in you that has always been there. Bring it out!
Gannon: Hmmm.
-And it's said, that in Hyrule that day, that Gannondorf's small heart...
Gannon: Perhaps you are right old crone. I only hope your sage words will warm you while you are FROZEN IN CARBONITE!! (Gannondorf takes out a freeze gun and freezes the old crone)
-Shrunk twelve sizes
Gannon: Do do do do do!
-Outside Gannon's Tower
Gannon: Huzzah! My Temple! Funny, I remember more guards! And I don't remember any "Living People" near my temple. Maybe I was asleep longer than I thought. (As he walks in, the many people look at him strangely as they walk by)
(Okay, let's go see what up with Link)
-Lost Woods
(At the moment the two Links are passed out, and most likely stoned, while Navi has a oanic attack)
Navi: Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din, Oh Din! (I'm Catholic! So sue me) What do I do? What do I do?
Voice in Navi's Head: Kill tham.
Navi: I meant what NOT HOMOCIDAL thing do I do?
Voice: Sorry.
Navi: Wait I know! (Goes into Link's pack on Epona and takes out a bottle) Lon-Lon Milk! Don't leave the dimension without it! (Opens the bottle and splashes it on Link)
Link (T): AHHHH! I'm up! I'll kill Gannondorf!
Navi: No, relax Link.
Link: (T): Why am I all wet and sticky?
Navi: Well, you fainted so I threw milk on you to wake you up.
Link (T): Was that really nessicary?
Navi: Yes. :)
Link (T): I hate you. Anyway, why did I faint again?
Navi: You saw that creepy kid with the huge bug like eyes.
Link (T): Oh, yeah. (Looks at Link (W)) He does look a little like me.
Navi: Yeah. The pants are a dead give away. Maybe he's just a Korkiri who wandered away from the Great Deku Tree.
Link (T): No way! That place was great! Free food, eternal youth, trees made of candy! Hell if that bitch Mido hadn't pissed me off so much, I would have never left!
Navi: Even though the Great Deku Tree and me told you to?
Link (T): Hell no!
Navi: Well that's inspiring.
Link (T): Eh, the kid's probably just a fan. I mean, look, he's wearing my tunic, he has my hat, he's even got a mini Master Sword and... (As he gets closer his magic Triforce crest begins to glow, as does Link (W)) Oh dip!
Navi: Dip indeed! Link, he's got your magic Triforce of Courage crest!
Link (T): Yeah.
Navi: Do you know what this means?
Link (T): Yes. I am so wasted! I need more pot! (Takes out Ocarina and calls Kaepora Gaebora)
Kaepora Gaebora: (SInging the Tingle song to the Oompaa Lompaa theme) Tingle, tingle, Lim...
Link (T): Cut the crud Owl Boy! Gimme the weed.
Kaepora Gaeboa: Fifteen rupees little man, put that sh*t in my hand!
Link: Oh, crud I'm out of money.
Kaepora Gaebora: Well, your Oompah Lompah Dompitty Screwed. (Flies away) (Stolen joke from Ultrafan, who was paid for it)
Navi: You spent all our money on drugs?
Link (T): I'll find more in a bush somewhere.
Link (W): Oh my head!
Link (T): Hey the kid's up! (Goes over to Link) Yo kid. I got three questions for you, Who are you? Why do you have a Triforce Crest? And do you have any money?
Link (W): Uh, no, Link, and it's myne. Not exactly in that order but you get the picture. Okay, where's my ship?
Link (T): Ship?
Link (W): Oh, never mind, just point me toward the sea. I need to get back to the fight with Gannon!
Link (T): ??? Dude, Gannon's been sealed and there is no "sea".
Link (W): Oh no! Oh Farore no! It's worse than I thought! We're shipwrecked!!!!!!!!!!! We'll have to live on this island forever! We'll have to make coconut houses and live off palm trees! (Goes into a fetal position) WE ARE SCREWED!!!
Link (T): Oh, by the way, my name's Link!
Looks like them Link boys are in a whole mess of Deku Leaves. (Wow that was incredibly stupid. Who writes this stuff)
Uriko: Do you even have to ask any more?
(Yes because otherwise people will kill me)
-Inside Gannon's Tower
Gannon: Funny, I don't remember my tower being so rustic. I thought it had more of a 'Cheers' atmosphere. (Starts singing the Cheers song)
(We are sorry. Due Maverick not knowing the Cheers theme music, Gannondorf Dragmire will now sing, the Dragonball Z theme)
Gannon: Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon...
-Top of the Tower
Gannon: (Sees the rustic tower) It's obvious what's happened here. I must have traveled through time... (Catches on faster than the rest of um eh?) I'm in the year 3000! I gotta warn everybody about Y3K!
Gannon's Mind: No you fool! It can be our implement of destruction!
Gannon: Oh right! Hmm, if I was sealed in the sacred realm for (Calculating) A bajillion years, then the Triforce must still be lost in the sacred realm! Gannon the Cannon away! (Presses a button which opens a set of poles) Thank Satan I had a magic pole installed in this place before Hero of Pansy's sealed me away! (Goes down the poles to a metal room with a bookcase. Pulls a book to cause the bookcase to slide away. He then walks through a collection of metal doors to go to a phone booth. He walks into the booth, dials a number, and is sucked up by a vacuum on top of the phone booth. He lands in front of a magic blue portal... exactly five feet away from the poles) I don't know why I installed those polls. Anyway, BEHOLD! THE GATE TO THE SACRED REALM!
Gannon's Mind: WHO AM I TALKING TO? AND WHY ARE MY WORDS ALL BIG?!
Gannon: Now, it's physically impossible, but by my prediction, the years I was conked out must have weakened the portal's power! One good hard punch should cave it in! (Smart isn't he? That is called Sarcasm!)
-Sacred Realm (AKA Dark Realm)
Gannon (T): (Has a beard and his evil, royal gowns are all tattered) Oh man! I can't believe I was sealed away by that little imp! If I ever see him again, I'm gonna crush him like this pellet! (Crushes pellet but is shocked) Ow! I've tried breaking this stupid wall a million times!
Helmaroc King: (Was first minion Ganon Created in the dark realm. He also has a beard) BWWAAAKK!!
Gannon (T): Yeah, you're right. Once more couldn't hurt. So what's for dinner tonight, Chile?
Helmaroc King: BWAAAAKKK!!!
Gannon (T): Okay, okay! We'll get Chinese! WARLOCK...
-Other side
Gannon (W): WARLOCK...
Both: PUNCH! (And by the purist coincidence, the whole timey, space continuey, taffy the power of the two Gannon's attack, and the fact that they are both the same person, breaks the door and blasts Gannon (T) and the Helmaroc King out of the Dark Realm)
Gannon (T): Huh? What the? King! We're free! WE'RE! FREE!!!!
Helmaroc King: BWAAAKKK!
Gannon (T): Yes, I suppose we can take off our fake beards now! (Both take off beards) Now that we're free, nothing can stop us! (Runs into Gannon (W)) O.O Who the devil are you?
Gannon (W): FOOL! I GANNONDORF DRAGMIRE!!!!!
Gannon (T): That's funny, cause last time I checked, I WAS GANNONDORF DRAGMIRE!!!!!
Gannon (W): But, if you're Gannondorf...
Gannon (T): And you're Gannondorf, then... O.O
Gannon (W): O.O
Ganon (T): O.O Oh man, do I really get that fat?
We're gonna leave off on that note! HAHAHA!I would continue, but I'm coming down with a case of writer's block. (A giant cinder block falls on Maverick) Ow. URIKO!!!
Uriko: O.o Uh, my bad. I'll just finish. Will Link discover what's going on? Will the other Link go crazy from island madness? What will become of the Gannon's? Why is the Helmaroc King there? Are they... you know, queer? And what of the other three? What will become of them? Will Maverick be sued by Ultrafan or regain consciousness? Why am I here? Will China be destroyed? Will Colin ever recover from his coma? And what will become of Doughnuts? WHAT???
Janitor: Uh, Miss Proffessor Chaos 13? You've been asking questions for two hours. Are you quite done? I have to sweep up.
To Be Continued
Urko: Or is it?
