And now we bring you, Shippo.

Shippo: (Is sitting in a big comfy chair in front of a roaring fire reading a comic book) Oh hello! I didn't see you come in! No seriously get off my property! FOX FIRE! (Shoots fire from hands) Anyway your probably asking yourself, who the f*ck is this little fox boy preaching to me? Well, last chapter, Maverick was crushed by a cinder block wielded by Shippo's good, good friend Uriko and is now in critical condition! Isn't that something? Anyway, she would be here, trying to usurp Maverick's thorn, but unfortunately her power was cut short and forgot to breath during an extended conclusion thingy! Spookey Noochies eh? She's fine, sad for some of you, but she lost her voice so I'm the only one capable of doing the opener, and no one can stop miyah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Inuyasha: SHIPPO!!! Are you doing another cameo for that author?

Shippo: Oh sh*t! Gotta go! (Runs like a deer)

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Audiance Guy: He's not ere you bastard!!! Get on with it!

(Let's check what's going on with Link)

-Lost Woods

Link (W): Oh man! It's hopeless! We're doomed to the rest of our days on this vast, high populated, and food/rupee/drug filled island!

Link (T): (To Navi) You know what, I'm starting to think this little kid ain't right in the noggin.

Navi: What was you first guess?

(No that's no good! Let's see Gannondorf)

-Ganon's Abandoned Tower

Gannon (T): Damn! Do I really get that fat?

Gannon (W): HEY! It is a glandular problem! (Turns into a giant pig, which makes no bloody sense, but oh well) Maybe this will teach you to listen to authoritah!!!!

Gannon (T): Bring it on old man! Bring it on! (Also turns into a giant pig and starts grappling with the other giant pig)

(Oooooookay. Let's try Zelda. PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD, DON'T BE GOING CRAZY OR FIGHTING!!!!!)

-Hyrule Castle

Behold the symbol of all Hylian ingenuity! The... (Shows a straw hut) Uh, over there! (Pans over to Hyrule Castle) Better

Zelda: (Is entering from the front gate with Impa) Wow, I can't believe I got two-million rupees at the store for selling one of Link's old tunics!

Impa: And I scored another couple hundred rupees for one of his old hats and his slingshot! You think he'll mind?

Zelda: Not as long as we don't tell him it was to a witch doctor. I hope he doesn't have to go underwater any time soon. (Suddenly, there is a magical electric storm, localized entirely in the castle courtyard) What the heck was that? (The two look over the courtyard to see Tetra on the ground)

Tetra: (Rubbing her head) Ow! Darn magic light. (Yelling out loud) And also it hurt my feelings! (Sees Zelda and Impa. The three stare at each other. After a few seconds, Tetra grows bored and decides to make the first move) Hi-ya!! (Goes into karate stance)

(So much for hoping)

Zelda & Impa: (Do the same)

(As the three women prepare for the inevitable cat-fight, from afar a certain Deku watches)

-Saria's House, Kokiri Forest

Deku-Link: Oh dear! I really should do something. After they fight! =)

Saria: Deku! Are you using the telescope to spy on swells?!

Deku-Link: No! =)

-Hyrule Again

(The three are still standing in fighting stances)

Tetra: Is... is anyone gonna, you know, attack?

Zelda: We thought you were gonna?

Tetra: Hmmm.

Zelda: It seems there is only one answer. (Goes into a trance like state)

Impa: Oh no. The phycic mind meld.

Tetra: Oh yeah! I'll beat ya to it! (Also goes into trance)

Impa: Hmmm. The princess and her double are both in a catatonic state. Finally! I can usurp the throne!

Zelda: No you can't.

Impa: Damn it!

Zelda: Cheer up Impa there's always next year!

Tetra: (Regains consciousness) Damn, you finished first?

Zelda: Ha, I told ya!

Impa: Did you guys even do anything important?

Tetra: Yes. I learned see has mind reading powers!

Zelda: Well I learned that she's a crazy pirate captain from the year 2801, sent back to our time by a crazy white light, generated by the unreleased energy of the Ocarina of Time while in a super battle to the death with...(Zelda keeps rambling)

Impa & Tetra: O.O

Zelda: And thusly revealing to all to behold that the only true path to enlightenment is... synergy and pizza!

Impa & Tetra: O.O

Tetra: Is she always this crazy?

Impa: Try living with her.

Tetra: Hey, wait! If you knew all that, then you must be that "Princess Zelda" the red guy is constantly referring to!

Zelda: The red guy?

Tetra: Oh, he's just the crazy spirit of this old king who keeps rambling about stuff. Oh there he is! (Points to the king (Alive) in the courtyard)

Zelda: Hey dad!

Tetra: What up big red?

King: O.o Impa schedule my next trip to Acapulco. I am out of here. (Leaves forever, again)

Impa: Well that was weird.

Tetra: So, can I see the castle? I mean I saw it before but that was when it was dank and underwater.

Zelda: Wha?

Tetra: Yeah, gods flooded Hyrule. All water, far as the eye can see.

Impa: But, we sealed Gannondorf!

Tetra: Yeah, he breaks out, twice! It's a bitch ain't it.

Zelda & Impa: X.X

Tetra: Uh guys? Guys? Hello?

(Well, they is screwed)

-Inside Castle

Zelda: Okay, I think I've gotten over the whole seal-gate down, but I think Impa is another story.

Impa: X.X

Tetra: Man, this place is swanky! I kinda miss the dank though!

Zelda: Well we were thinking about redecorating to give it a Cheers feel! (Begins singing the Cheers theme)

Shippo: Uh, we are sorry, though Maverick has finally learned the Cheers song, I have not. Therefore Zelda shall now sing the Spiderman Theme.

Zelda: Spiderman. Spiderman. Radioactive Spiderman...

Tetra: Well, if I've been thrown back in time, first things first! I'll need a new pirate crew! (Turns to Zelda and Impa) You two! How would you like to be my new minions!

Zelda: I don't know. What's it pay?

Tetra: All the loot in the world! This place could use some bling-bling!

Zelda: Bling-bling you say? Okay, what do I need to do?

Tetra: First, how much you got?

Zelda: On me, about two million rupees.

Tetra: I'll need all of that! (Takes money) Woah! Good-bye student-loan payments! Now, you see that guy carrying a sack of gold coins? (Shoots a light arrow, causing him to drop the load and run off) Now it's loot! See that guy with the cart of rubies? (Fights the guy kung-fu style and knocks him out) Now it's loot! See this huge gold nugget Lucy Liu left on your lawn? Pure loot!

Zelda: This "loot" intrigues me. Teach me to steal it!

Tetra: Okay! Let's go make some mischief!! (The two run off to go rob the land of Hyrule)

Impa: X.X (Goes out of trance) Hubba wha? Where's they go? This does not bode well.

Well now we know where the royal jewels came from.

-Kokiri Forest

Deku-Link: Well, so much for my cat fight. (Sighs) Oh well. Hey Saria, you got any money?

Saria: Deku, it's time we had a talk!

Deku-Link: Does it involve me getting money?

Saria: No! Deku, ever since you moved in five years ago, you've been nothing but a nuisance for this whole forest!

Deku-Link: Hey that's... wait, no that was Link. What do you know? I have been a nuisance!

Saria: You've spent all of the Kokiri's money on Deku-Nuts, Weed from that giant owl, and your own sick little pleasure that go on down near that Deku Tree. Don't think we don't see it!

Deku-Link: Hey! In Termina, all Link, Darmani, Mikuo, and I did was get high every night! Sometimes twice a night!

Saria: You guys were only together for four days.

Deku-Link: That's long enough!

Saria: Look, I'd love to get high whenever I wanted, but sages can't smoke. I'll kill Rauru for that one day. I've got the murder all set up. I can make it look like suicide. Back to the point, you used the sacred Kokiri Sword as a tooth-pick...

Deku-Link: (Cleaning "teeth" with Kokiri Sword and then puts it on a pedestal that says "Le Grande Tooth-Pick")

Saria: And that doesn't even make sense. And no one has seen Mido since he pissed you off by calling you Deku Squirt.

-Great Deku Tree

(Mido's head is sticking out of the trunk of the Great Deku Tree)

Mido: Uh, help.

Kokiri#1: (Walks by with other Kokiri) Hey look! The Great Deku Tree got a Mido head wall hanging!

Kokiri#2: Just like the deer at Chile's!

Kokiri#1: Keep up the good work big D!

Great Deku Tree: Okay!

-Saria's House

Saria: Man, sometimes I regret letting you out!

-Six Years Ago

Saria: (Sitting around) Man life sure is boring.

Link: (Walks in) Uh Saria, could I talk to you for a minute?

Saria: Oh, hey Link! I thought you went off to fight evil, and then find your fairy, and then complain to the frogurt store?

Link: Still working on those last two. Anyway, I need you to keep this mask! (Takes out the Deku Mask)

Saria: Oh, how sweet. (Suspiciously) What's wrong with it?

Link: Nothing, it's just, well. I was just saving an alternate world from a falling moon and a phycopathic skull child and I was sort of turned into a... well long story short I collected a bunch of masks which I delivered to this crazy mask guy, but I didn't want to part with two of them. One because it might come in hand and the other, well it's pure evil! (Lightning crashes) I need you to guard it.

Saria: Guard, a mask?

Link: Please! Just take it! It stole my money, it ate one of my hats! Just shove it in a drawer some where! For the love of Gawd!

-Five and a Half Years Ago

Saria: Hmm, Link told me never to look at that mask, but I'm sure doing just the opposite couldn't hurt. (Opens drawer, causing mask to fly out and zoom away) That can't be good.

(As the mask flies out it latches onto a near-by Deku Scrub and causes it to be enveloped in a dust tornado. When the dust clears it turns into... Deku-Link)

Deku-Link: (Crazily) SMOKIN'!!!

-Six Minutes from Now

Deku-Link: I'll do what I want...

-Six-Hundred Years from Now

Makar: (Meditating) This is boring. Time for another Sexy Party!

(OKAY! Enough with the time skipping!

Shippo: I can't hold her captain! She's wastin' energy fast! (Sets it on fire causing it to stop) There we go!)

-Now

Deku-Link: Can't disagree with the results.

Saria: Yes I can. Now Deku, you better get your act together or hit the non-installed highway!

Deku-Link: Hmmm. Uh-huh. Let me respond to that in the following way. (Goes crazy) You can't control me bitch! I'm too real!!! I'll do what I want, when I want, who I want, why I want, and when I want Chile!!! (Zappy sounds and lighting is seen outside) What the hell was that!

Saria: Probably just a cat.

Deku-Link: There are no cats in the forest.

Saria: Cucco?

Deku-Link: Link took care of all the Cuccos in a blind rage after they tried pecking him to death.

Saria: We got some dogs in the forest.

Deku-Link: (Chuckles) I took care of those dogs years ago. They piss me off!

Kokiri#2: Hey Saria! I think some of your sage friends are here!

Saria: Oh! It must be Ruto and Rauru! I invited them over for poker!

Deku-Link: (Eyes perk up) Hello?

(The two go down to see a smoking crater with a tiny masked creature and a bird/woman hybrid in it)

Saria: What the...?

Medli: Oh, my head.

Makar: Man, that was one hell of a kegger, eh Medli? I don't remember anything!

Medli: Yeah, but where the heck are we?

Makar: (Looks around) Looks like the Forest Haven. Maybe we got on a boat to Acapulco and got kicked out by the red guy.

Saria: Uh, hello?

Makar & Medli: (Look up to see Saria and Deku-Link)

Makar: Oh your Gods! It's a Kokiri and a Deku!!!! (Goes up to examine them) Look! This one has green hair, and this ones made of wood! (Knocks on Deku-Link) Medli! These species have been extinct for almost one-million years! We must have been transported to a Jurassic wonderland! I shall tame this savage land, market it as a theme park, and make a fortune! (Gets kicked aside by Deku-Link)

Deku-Link: Would you shut that guy up? He's making me pissed! And you won't like me when I'm pissed!

Mido's voice: He ain't lying!

Medli: Uh, excuse my friend he is still suffering from a hangover, could you tell us where we are and uh, what you are?

Deku-Link: Hey! The question is what are you? Some sorta wacky bird trainer? (Looks at feathers) What are these plastic?

Medli: Bite me wood boy, and hands off the merchandise!

Deku-Link: You wanna fight chicken girl?

Makar: Bring it on extincto!

Deku-Link: Make the first move punks!

Medli: Oh, you're f*cking up the wrong tree!

Deku-Link: What does that have to do with anything!

Saria: (Hits Deku-Link with a Deku-Stick, subduing him for a moment) Mine apologies, heir bird and... thing. This is the Kokiri forest. I'm am Saria the Kokiri and this is my creepy, badly trash-talk oriented roommate Deku-Link.

Makar: Hey, if you're a Kokiri, then that means you're a forest sprite right?

Saria: Yeah.

Makar: Dude! So am I! I'm a Korok! (Holds out badge) Local union 27!

Saria: Wait, if you're a forest sprite, then what's our secret hand shake?

Makar: (Crosses eyes and sticks up pinky fingers)

Saria: (Does the same) Brother.

Medli & Deku Link: O.o

Saria: Don't ask. So who are you guys?

Makar: Well, I'm Makar from the Forest Haven. I love to partah!

Medli: My names Medli. I'm from Dragon Roost. Well actually I'm not from Dragon Roost, my people just bought Dragon Roost from a group of rock eating people for a giant slab of igneous rock, which they promptly ate and swam away with. Needless to say they all drowned. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Everyone in the Forest: O.o

Medli: Hehe. I guess it's one of those things you had to be there to see.

Saria: Right. So how bout I show you guys around the place.

Makar: Cool.

Saria: This is it.

Makar: Oh. (Looks inside Saria's house) Ooo. Nice place you got here. What's up with this "Grande Tooth-Pick"? Is this a sword?

Deku-Link: Hey, hey, hey! That's Mine! If you guys wanna live in miy house you have to not touch miy stuff and...

(In the background Tetra (In Pirate cloths) is now being lowered by a rope into Saria's house to steal loot)

Tetra: Yes! Ze Grande Toothpick! She is mine! (Steals sword and leaves)

Deku-Link: And of course, the evil dragon makes it illegal to say sh*t in fanfic.

Makar: Uh, actually we just wanted to know where we are.

Medli: Yeah, I don't think we could spend like five minutes with you guys.

Ruto: Hey Saria! I'm here for poker! Rauru couldn't come cause he had indigestion and... (Sees Medli and Makar) Oh, you have Mormons. I'll just go paw through Link's clothing and other personal items.

Saria: No that's cool, we'll be done in a minute.

Medli: Anyway could you just point us toward the Sea. See, we're the Master Sword sages and we need to get back to our shrines or Link will be seriously PO'd.

Saria: Uh, well... Hey you guys are master sword sages?

Medli & Makar: (Hold up sage symbols)

Saria & Ruto: (Do the same)

Deku-Link: :) (Reaches into pocket and pulls out label that says "Dry clean only") :(

Saria: Wow, I always thought there were only six sages, well if you don't include Princess Know-It-All.

Ruto: We should probably go see Rauru and tell him. He'll probably know what the Shitzu's goin' on.

Saria: Good idea. But first we better go find a phone to use in that spooky mansion. (Camera pans to a spooky mansion ala Scooby Doo)

Medli: Can't we just use your phone?

Saria: I don't have a phone.

Medli: Well then what's that? (Points to magic leaf phone)

Saria: (Smashes phone) It's broken.

Deku-Link: Okay, first I just have clean my teeth... It's gone! My tooth-pick is gone!

Makar: The whole place has been cleaned out! Well, it look's like we got a mystery on our hands gang!

Ruto: Who are you?

Medli: I'll explain on the way to the mansion.

Ruto: (Sees harp) So you play the harp?

Medli: Yeah, my ancestors made it of human bones.

Ruto: No kidding? That's how my people make harps!

Shippo: Well, this fic just pulled a Roswell. That's all we have for you today on Ocarina of Doom. Tune in next (Insert Period of Time) for another crappy chapter. Until then, good night and good...

Maverick: (Appears behind Shippo) Ello, ello? What's all this then?

Shippo: O.o Lord Maverick! I was just...

Maverick: It's benderin' time!

Shippo: AHHHHH! (Runs like a deer again)

Maverick: I love watchin' that guy run! Thanks for the tip Inuyasha!

Inuyasha: Sa'right.

Maverick: And now, free cheese! (Throws cheese everywhere)

Fin