Hello everybody! Once again we shall begin another chapter with... (Screen suddenly goes blank and fades in on Uriko and Shippo)

Uriko: Hello America! Me and my lackey Shippo are really tired of this guy's rambling! Right Shippo?

Shippo: Eh?

Uriko: Right! So we are going to put a stop to his rambling by seeking vengeance on the land of Hyrule! We shall do something that has never been done! We shall FLOOD HYRULE!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Shippo! Activate the wacky weasel!

Shippo: Okay! (Turns on a novelty sprinkler)

Uriko: Say good bye to your precious land and hello to Chaos!!! HAHAHA!!!

Audience Member #1: Uh that's already been done!

Uriko: What?

Audience Member #1: They did that in Wind Waker remember?

Uriko: O.o Uh, we're gonna go do the thing! (The two leave with the sprinkler still going)

(Back to Maverick)

And it was at that point I realized the cop wasn't a prostitute and killed myself. Well off you go, I guess!

-Hyrule Castle

(Link T, Ruto, Saria, Navi, Malon, and Impa are waiting in the courtyard outside a door that says "Orientation Room")

Link T: Man, they've been in there for three hours! How long does it take to explain a simple fact like, "You've been sent back in time five hundred years"? Man, first the fangirl incident and now this!

Saria: Hey, at least you can get high if you want!

Ruto: Relax Link. Don't think about them. Just relax. Lose yourself in the velour.

Link T: There's no velour.

Ruto: Uh, right. (Is sent death glare from Malon and Saria) Hey it was worth a shot. (Death glares intensify) I'm gonna run now.

Link: Come on, time travel's not that big a shock. I mean I took it pretty well!

-About one parallel year ago

Link T: (Realizing he's been sent seven years in the future) AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Faints)

Rauru: What should we do?

Navi: What else? Loot!

-Now

Navi: No, you screamed like a little girly man and then we stole your wallet!

Link: So that's why that cop arrested me!

Malon: (For no apparent reason, stops chasing Ruto with a hammer) Hey shouldn't you three be at your temples?

Saria: I dunno?

Impa: I suppose.

Ruto: Whatever.

Malon: Now I remember how Ganondorf got out.

-Orientation Room

(Zelda and Tetra are desperately trying to explain the concept of time travel to the mentally retarded Link W, Medli, and Makar)

Zelda: (Has drawn a large, mathematical problem on a chalk board explaining the use of time travel and the four dimension) And by that process we can see that time travel, is not only possible but the only reason we have poodles! Now do you understand?

Makar: (Raises hand)

Zelda: Yes, leaf head!

Makar: Poodles suck!

Link W: Yeah!

Zelda: Are they always this dense.

Tetra: Well, I always thought Makar was smarter but...

Makar: (Is sticking crayons in his nose and ears) Fourteen! Fifteen!

Tetra: Yes. Yes they have.

Zelda: I give up! You try explaining!

Tetra: Okay, when the magic light hit Ganon, Link, and me, the blast transported us into the past five hundred years, to the last time Ganon reeked havoc on Hyrule. Then, it teleported us to the exact place where are past selves were, which is how we got split up, somehow when the light hit Link's sword it sent a signal to the sages powering up the master sword, sending them to the past versions of themselves which is why you guys are here! So now we're trapped five hundred years in the past, with two Ganon's and I still don't have the Triforce! Okay. Do you understand?

Link W, Medli, & Makar: ???

Tetra: -__- We got hit by a flying Delorian!

Link W: O.o!!! Oh my gosh! We've traveled back in time! Eh? Eh? AHHHHH!!!!

Medli: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Makar: Meep!

(All three faint)

Tetra: That ain't good.

Deku Link: (Walks by eating a hotdog) Nope. Hotdog?

(They are now outside as Ruto and Link T try to wake up Medli and Link W)

Link T: (Slapping Link W) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up damn you!!!

Navi: That ain't gonna work Link!

Link T: It always worked on me!

Ruto: Man, these guys must have brains made of... some really hard stuff. Linkie? Could you help wake up the conked bird girl?

Tetra: Hey Ruto! Look! It's an available Link!

Ruto: Where? I wanna see!

Tetra: (Steals Zora Sapphire) Sorry. Must have been a fanfic.

Impa: (Looking at the not conked out Makar) How come you aren't fainting?

Makar: As a mighty forest sprite, my mind is far evolved to that of your human minds!

Saria: Right on! (High fives Makar)

Link T: Hey I know what to do! (Takes the Master Sword)

Zelda: Link!!! What the hell are you doing!?

Malon: Put down the butter knife man!

Link T: (Stabs Medli and Link W, which promptly wakes us up)

Link W: Ow! Thanks man!

Medli: Well I'm alive but why?

Saria: Blame Shigeru Miyamoto.

Maverick: Stop stealing jokes! Do you realize how much Maverick 1812 has to pay, whenever you steal a joke!

Link T: Well now what do we do?

Impa: Well, since Mini Geebola and the Coke-Rock here are sages, we gotta take um to Rauru. It's the right thing to do.

Saria, Ruto, and Zelda: O.o

Impa: What? Am I the only one who has sense of responsibility?

All: Yes.

Impa: = Well, I'm older and have dirt on you all so I win.

All Sages: Awwwww.

Impa: Come on guys, let's go!

Link W: Well what do we do?

Impa: I don't know! What do you usually do?

Links: Get high.

Impa: Then do that.

Tetra: Well, see you guys later, I have a Triforce to steal!

Zelda: Nice try Tetra, you're a sage too.

Tetra: What? No! I was tricked!

Saria: Uh... you don't really need me, soooo I'm just gonna go get high with the others, bye!

Impa: Nice try Saria.

Saria: It was, wasn't it?

-Minutes Later

(The sages are carrying Tetra and Saria on a pole)

Saria: NOOO! Must get weed!

Tetra: Triforce. So close.

Makar: (To Medli) Are you sure we can't take a quick weed break?

Medli: I wouldn't try it Makar, these guys are f*cking crazy.

Makar: So are you.

Medli: Well yeah, but I don't tie people up.

Makar: Yes you do!

Medli: Now let's not point fingers.

Deku Link: (trying to catch up to sages) Hey! Guys! Wait up!

Ruto: Oh it's that pip-squeak Deku Link!

Impa: What do you what Deku Link?

Deku Link: Can I be a sage too?

Impa: Forget, we don't let Deku Scrubs into the sages.

Deku Link: But what I lack in magic, I make up for in... (Is suddenly kicked away by Impa) OBNOXIOUSNESS!!!!

Saria: You know, he could have taken my place.

-Back with the Links and all other non-sages

Deku Link: Well now what do I do?

Link T: Beats me. But the rest of us are gonna go get high and watch that movie about getting high! Wanna come!

Deku Link: Well you guys can sit around and get wasted, or you can come with me, and start the revolution! Who's with me? (Everyone but Malon has left) Oh well come on Malon it's up to us!

Malon: No I'm cool.

Deku Link: I'll give you gold!

Malon: Weeellll.... Okay, but only since being a tool is all I know.

Deku Link: Excellent!

-Temple of Time

(Rauru is watching TV while Nabooru and Darunia are talking)

Darunia: Okay Nabooru, I'm thinking of a word, and it's definitely not kitty, what is it?

Nabooru: I don't know, is it kitty?

Darunia: (Hysterical) AHHH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

Rauru: Would you guys be quiet? I'm trying to watch this new sci-fi show before the network cancels it!

TV: We now return you to Will and Grace.

Nabooru & Darunia: O.o

Rauru: Uh.... I'll have you know that Will and Grace is very scientific. Besides it's not like I watch Saturday morning cartoons.

Zelda: (Walks in) Hey Rauru! Watching Digimon again?

Rauru: I hate you all so much.

Saria: At least you don't have that little voice in your brain telling you to smoke weed.

Zelda: How did you break out of your ropes?

Saria: You'd be amazing what some people would do for weed. Link told me about this one crazy kid who killed twenty Elvis impersonators for some weed.

Rauru: Ganon?

Saria: No, he used a mask.

Rauru: Quite.

Saria: Indeed.

Rauru: So what the hell are you guys doing here, you guys never visit, baring that time we tried to take over Canada.

Ruto: Who hasn't tried that?

Rauru: So why are you here?

Zelda: We've got problems.

Rauru: Well what's your first problem?

Saria: There are two Ganon's on the loose in Hyrule.

Rauru: Well, don't worry about that, I'm sure it'll be all right. Now what's the other problem.

(Tetra, Medli, and Makar walk in)

Rauru: Oh no! Oh dear goddess no!

-Minutes Later

Rauru: Okay, explain it to me again.

Medli: We are the reincarnations of Zelda, Ruto, and Saria.

Rauru: (Drinks an entire bottle of beer) Okay, now explain it to me again.

Makar: (To Saria) Dude, what the hell is wrong with this guy.

Saria: Well, we had to spend about a month together in this place, so he hates us all with a fiery vengeance.

Makar, Medli, and Tetra: Ohhh.

Rauru: Sh*t, oh sweet mother of...

(Due to the foul nature of Rauru's brain equation, we now bring you, Puppies from Around the World!)

Uriko: Uh, we lost the puppies.

(O.o Fine, I'll just beep the profanities)

Rauru: Beep Beep Beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Okay, I can get through this without losing my sanity. That's a road I don't wanna go down again. First I gotta make sure they aren't just f*cking with me Okay, so you really are sages?

Tetra: Yes.

Rauru: BLAST! Very well. However, we will need proof that you are indeed sages.

Makar: What, the seals weren't enough proof?

Rauru: Those things could have been forged.

Medli: They're radiating energy and radon, and that's not enough proof?

Rauru: No. (Looking at Makar's) Look, this one was chewed! Explain that.

Makar: Oh, that was me. I thought it was chocolate.

Rauru: Oh! I've been down that road too my friend. (Holds up chewed light sage seal) Still we need to do a background check. Nabooru!

Nabooru: (Puts on glasses and takes out a bunch of paperwork) Okay, are you now, or have you ever been captured and or tortured by evil, most preferably Ganon?

Tetra: Well, I was captured by the fat one himself, Makar here was held hostage in a hellish forest jail, and Medli here is a congressman!

Nabooru: Really? Okay I'll need proof of this.

Makar: Do horrible scars count?

Nabooru: Yes, if they are in the shape of a lightning bolt.

Makar: Okay I'm covered.

Tetra: Do resonating Triforce count?

Nabooru: Uh, yes?

Tetra: Okay! I just need something to make it resonate. I know! 42! (Golden Triforce appears on hand) There we go!

Nabooru: What about bird girl?

Medli: My card! (Gives her card which says "Medli, Hippie/Rito/Mailman/Attendant to Valoo/Congressman/Lawyer! I sue EVIL!")

Nabooru: Okay, they're cleared.

Rauru: Excellent, we may now begin the test!

Tetra: The evil hostage thing wasn't the test?

Rauru: No.

Medli: You mean I helped pass the law to make wizrobes into toucans for nothing!?

Rauru: Yes. Now to become a sage you must complete the trial of the sages. All sages must pass this test or you shall be sentenced to the realm of eternal screaming and restlessness! All attempts to weasel your way out shall be severely frowned upon. Let the tests begin!

-Link's House

(The Links and Navi are once again getting high off the blue stuff they made last chapter)

Link T: Man this stuff is great!

Link W: Yeah, who knew the secret ingredient was shoe leather?

All: O.o... (Begins laughing crazily again)

(Once again, they're just getting high)

-Temple of Time (Again)

(Medli, Makar, and Tetra are all wearing blindfolds and standing on the steps of the temple)

Rauru: We are standing on the top of Hyrule Castle. To become a sage you must jump from the top and stay alive.

Tetra: This isn't going to be pretty.

Medli: Relax Tetra.

Tetra: Easy for you to say! You have wings!

Medli: I can't be held responsible for the things the goddesses gave me!

Tetra: You got them from a dragon!

Medli: Well, yeah.

Rauru: Less talking more walking! (The three jump off and onto the ground causing everyone to laugh)

Saria: Oh, I never get tired of that one.

Impa: Hey, where's bird girl?

Medli: (Flying away) If I stop flapping I'll die, but it still beats commercial air!

-Later

Nabooru: Now, this is one of the most important parts of the test. We'll need to take a drug test!

Tetra: What?

Rauru: We need to make sure if you're high on dope. Sages aren't allowed to be high!

Saria: A mistake the sage council shall dearly regret!

Makar: (Gulp)

Medli: (Gulp)

Tetra: I wonder where they keep the Triforce?

-Minutes Later

Nabooru: Okay, you're all checked, accept Tetra. You tested positive for crack!

Saria: (Gasps) Tetra! How could you! (Lights up a bong which is quickly snatched away by Impa) :(

Tetra: That doesn't seem right.

-More Minutes Later

Nabooru: Okay, the new results are fine. Sorry for the mix up.

Tetra: That's okay, ten million dollars should cover the expenses.

Nabooru: What?

Tetra: Nothing.

-Very, Very Later

Nabooru: Okay, you've past the leap of faith, the joystick of knowledge, and the moose of doom!

Makar: Hallelujah!

Nabooru: Just one more test!

(A two doors appear, a white one, and a black one saying "The Maze of Death")



Nabooru: Taking your door of choosing, you must make your way to Rauru's liquor stash and bring us some booze.

Darunia: And be quick about it!

(The three think about which door to take)

Makar: I think we should take the maze!

Tetra: The maze of death?

Medli: Why don't we just take the other one?

Makar: The other one could be anything! I say we go with that maze thing!

Tetra: The maze of death.

Makar: Exactly!

- Minutes Later

Tetra, Makar, and Medli: (Come running out of the maze of doom carrying wine and stuff) AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Makar: Oh that was horrible!

Medli: I thought the Iron Knuckles had us for sure!

Tetra: And that Sheik/Kaffie buddy cop fic!

All: (Shudder)

Darunia: Congratulations, you'll!

Medli: We're finally sages?

Darunia: No, you've helped me get blasted! Goodnight!

All: O.o

-So Much Later That the Old Narrator Got Bored and They Had to Hire a New One

(They are now at a very tiny graduation ceremony with no one in the audience except the sages)

Rauru: Ladies and Gentlemen, er Makar and Darunia. We are gathered here today to initiate a group of weirdoes who have barged their way into our sacred temple! Have you all signed the sacred document?

Medli: Uh, we're a little confused. What exactly is this?

Rauru: Oh, it's just legal mumbo jumbo and that stuff.

Makar: Looks more like a legal waver.

Medli: Well, this explains why we're here, eh Makar?

Rauru: Look just sign it! (They promptly do) Congratulations, you are now all sages!

(They promptly throw their musical instruments into the air)

-The Next House Over

Moblin Leader: Congratulations, you are now all Ganon's moblin soldiers!

Moblins: (Throw skull necklaces in air)

-The Next House Over

Guy Dressed as the King: Congratulations, you are all Imprisoning War recreationists!

Soldier Actors: (Throw swords in the air) Uh oh!

-Temple of Time

Rauru: Excellent. Now that you are sages, let us begin our age-old quest to prevent the oncoming evil and hold sacred the principles of the sage council. NOW LET'S ALL GET DRUNK AND PLAY PING-PONG! (A switch is flipped, turning the black and white room into a strobe light wonderland of doom!)

Sages: YEAH!!

Medli, Makar, and Tetra: O.o (Shrug) YEAH!!!

-Link's House

(After a long "getting high" session, the two are now slightly less high and talking about concerning issues in Hyrule)

Link W: Yeah that there Dave Chappelle is funny but he needs to know when to stop making fun of pot head. (Fine, they're talking about famous potheads. SHUT UP!) Besides, we all know we can steal some rupees from the guy who lives above Orca, take a boat down to Forest Haven, and talk to a Mexican Korok named Hollo. And we know Hollo's stuff is the bomb! Hey what's this lever?

Navi: I believe they call that a doggy!

Link T: Uh, Navi, getting high time is over.

Link W: So, larger me, what's this lever?

Link T: Hell if I know. I haven't been in this room in five years.

Navi: PULL IT!! (Pulls lever)

Link T: Sometimes I wish Navi drank ever day.

(Suddenly a secret passage opens in the floorboards)

Link W: That's interesting.

Link T: Damn these Kokiri! They can't go ten minutes with out redecorating! (The three go down to find the worlds largest supply of weed, bongs, and pipes) What the?

Link W: (Sees a sign that says Deku Link's keep out) Wow, Deku Link's secret stash!

Link T: I've heard about this. Deku Link once found a pot loving Gohma, and killed him! Then, he took his stash! See this pipe? They say he carved it himself, from a bong.

Link W: Wow! They've got every weed imaginable! Even this Billy Weed from the seventies!

Link T: Hey, I know what we should do! We can take this weed, and sell it to the gullible Kokiri out side! Then we can by all the weed in the world!

Link W: COOL! Wait, won't your Deku friend be mad?

Link T: Relax, he won't be back for hours! He's still busy with Malon!

Link W: Do you even know what he's doing?

Link T: I'm sure it's something incriminating that'll keep him busy.

-Somewhere in Hyrule Fields!

Deku Link: (Is standing with Malon, in front of a large group of Deku Scrubs) My fellow Deku Scrubs, we have been denied for the last time! We shall not survive under the rule of the sage council no more!

Deku Scrub#21: (Taking to another Deku Scrub) Who's that guy up there?

Deku Scrub#13: Who cares! He's got a mega phone!

Deku Link: Let us rain destruction upon our enemies and bring chaos to them! Malon, the horses!

Malon: Uh, did you want them now?

Deku Link: Yes, now.

Malon: Okay, we got a problem.

Deku Link: = Fine I'll get them. You continue to whip the crowd into a frenzy.

Malon: ....Uh, what's up! I am Malon and I am a massive tool! This week I am Deku Link's new lackey, and next week you catch me as the new sales representative for the Happy Mask Man.

-Temple of Time

(All of the sages our now parting and such, proving my most prominent theory of Hylian legends which states that sages do absolutely nothing)

Tetra: Wait, so this is all a sage does?

Rauru: Sure! What did you think we did?

Tetra: I don't know. Sage stuff?

Makar: See! I told you I was right! Didn't I tell ya! PARTY!!!

Medli: You sages are one f*cked up bunch of people you know that?

Darunia: (Dancing crazily) Oh relax love! We're rockin' great!

Medli: Hey look! A giant rock in the middle of the ocean!

Darunia: Where?! It's mine!

Medli: See I told ya these rock eaters are gullible. (Doorbell rings)

Makar: That must be the pizza I ordered. (Opens door to see a group of angry Deku scrubs) Saria! It's one of your friends!

Saria: (Goes over to the door to see the Dekus) No that, is a Deku Scrub.

Makar: What's a Deku Scrub? (Is suddenly hit by a bunch of Deku Scrubs) Ow!

Saria: That is a Deku Scrub, actually that is a Deku Scrub's Nut. Deku Nut.

Impa: What the heck are Deku Scrubs doing here?

Darunia: Do they dance?

Impa: Well, come on let's go shoo um away!

Sages: (Stare blankly)

Impa: I'm surrounded by weirdoes. (Opens door) Look ya little... (Sees the legions of Deku's) Oh snap. (Is suddenly dragged away by the wood sprites and the door closes)

Zelda: Hey, those guys kidnapped Impa.

Sages: ...YEAH!!!

(Suddenly the Deku Scrubs break down the door and attack the sages)

Rauru: Uh oh.

Medli: Quick! Everybody, stand still!

(They all do that)

Darunia: What do we do next?

Medli: (Has already run down to the lower levels of the Temple)

Rauru: EVERYBODY RUN! (They all do that)

Zelda: Hey, aren't you coming?

Rauru: No, I will fight.

Zelda: Whatever. (Runs with the rest of the sages)

Rauru: (Gets into fighting stance) It's them you want! They're trying to reverse your polarities!

Deku Scrubs: O.o (Run by Rauru)

Rauru: It's good to be the fat coward!

(And so the remaining eight sages run for their no good nick lives)

Ruto: (Trips over a loose brick) Curse this building's crappy workmanship!

Saria: No! Ruto! We've gotta go back for her!

Medli: No! She's dead to us!

Makar: She's not dead! She's right there!

Medli: No she's dead! Come on!

(The sages run into a room in the basement of time)

All: AHHHH!

Zelda: (Closes door) Darunia! Barricade the door!

Darunia: (Destroys the door) Done.

Tetra: You stupid as well as large idiot! She said barricade, not destroy!

Darinia: Oh Barricade! I thought you said bust down this door and I'll give you a cookie.

Tetra: Oh I'm gonna die and I never got the Triforce.

Zelda: Tetra, its time we told you something. The Triforce was already stolen by Ganondorf seven years ago. We've been using you to garner power It's easier than deception and chocolate.

Tetra: O.o Well, that explains why all I found was his shiny tooth pick. (Holds up the master sword)

All: O.o

Tetra: What?

-Link's House

(In the secret room, the Links have become drug dealers and have made enough money to fill a kiddy pool full of pie. You heard me)

Link W: Man, we're Rollin' in da pie!

Navi: You mean money.

Link W: Eh, whatever floats your boat.

Link T: (Is at register, talking to a Kokiri) Welcome to Stoner's Pot Palace! How may I pot you?

Kokiri#1: Yeah, I'm throwing a costume/weed smoking party and I need a Master Sword shaped bong.

Link T: Uh, we don't have one of those at the moment.

Kokiri#1: I'm exceedingly wealthy.

Link T: (Grabs the Master Sword) Would ya like it gift-wrapped?

Link W: Link, did you just give that Kokiri the Master Sword? That is a very important sword and... (Link T gives him a thousand dollars which he got from the Kokiri) Wow a thousand-dollar bill! Carry on.

(Suddenly for no reason at all, a bunch of Hyrule Guards break in)

Hylian Guard: Random weed bust! Everybody down!

Link T: Hey, since when did Hyrule have a random weed bust?

Hylian Guard: The king instigated a weed busting bill after he had a hallucination of two princess Zelda's and went crazy in Accupoco.

Link W: Damn you big red!

Hyrulian Guard: Are you two the owners of this dubie farm?

Link W: No sir, we're just borrowing and extorting it without permission or intent of repayment.

Link T: What he said!

Hylian Guard: Well, whoever does own this place is in more trouble than Shigeru Miyamoto at a Celda hating party.

Links: O.o

Hylian Guard: You heard me! Come on let's go men! (The soldiers leave)

Link T: Well, that's the end of our drug scam, eh Link.

Link W: People hate Celda?

-Temple of Time

(The remaining (Counting on fingers) eh screw it, the remaining sages are enjoying their last moments of life through subtle reflection)

Darunia: Hey guys, I just realized! We're all gonna die!

Nabooru: Could we sacrifice him to the Deku's first? I think his stupid waves are infecting us.

Medli: Good question!

Zelda: That's it!

Nabooru: Really we can?

Zelda: NO! We'll beat the Deku's with stupidity! (Reaches into inter-dimensional pocket and pulls out Kirby)

Kirby: No... more... pie.

Makar: We're going to throw a pink blob at um?

Medli: Yes throw the monster! It was my idea!

Zelda: No, it's inside the monster. (Starts shaking Kirby, causing chair, sink, and computer to fall out of the pink monster)

Saria: That boys got a big appetite.

Zelda: Here it is! (Holds up a shinny cake)

Makar: AHHH! TOO... SHINEY!! (Keels over with shininess)

Darunia: Cake! Must eat!

Nabooru: Aren't you like one of those creatures from the Never-ending story that only eats rocks?

Darunia: Am I?

Medli: Hey Darunia, There's a big juicy rock in the middle of lake Hylia! Why don't you go swim out and get it?

Darunia: OH BOY!!! (Walks away but crashes into wall)

Medli: =) Some times I'm surprised my people didn't enslave his people.

Zelda: Hey, I was talking! Anyway, this is the most powerful weapon in my inventory! Stupid Cake!

Saria: Stupid Cake?

Zelda: Yes, my horrible attempt at baking gone wrong! Once ingested, this pastry will make anything retarded for a matter of hours!

Makar: That's... (Counting) almost enough time!

All: o____o

Makar: What?

Medli: I say we enslave his race next!

Saria: (Slaps Medli)

Medli: What? (Is slapped again) I'll shut up.

Tetra: So, how does it work?

Zelda: Oh that's the easy part. I made it out of six parts saki, eight parts saki, and saki to taste!

Saria: Then how does it stay solid?

Zelda: It is the mystery of the cake.

Tetra: Oh yeah. My grandmother spoke of a magic pastry that could intoxicate people! It's how she became a pirate captain.

Nabooru: What'd you do with the original captain.

Tetra: Same thing we do to all the other leaders whose power we usurp. We left him on an island somewhere. Wonder whatever happened to him.

-A Couple Hundred Years From Now on an Island

Jack Sparrow: (Drunkenly singing)

-Temple of Time

Zelda: Anyway, we can use it to stupefy the Deku's and escape to freedom!

Nabooru: There's not enough cake!

Zelda: How about we stupefy the biggest Deku and help me escape?

Makar: Time! Time is what we need but time we ain't got!

Saria: Wait! I know what to do! Gimme the cake!

Zelda: No! It's mine!

Saria: Just give it! (Grabs cake somehow, and eats it all in one bite)

Medli: Wow! I thought only Kirby could do that.

Kirby: I supposed only I could.

Saria: (Takes out Ocarina) You, leaf head! Play the Ocarina!

Makar: Why?

Saria: Just do it!

Makar: (Plays the Ocarina, transmitting Saria's brain waves which are being stupefied by the cake)

Saria: (Grabs the Ocarina and faces the approaching Deku Scourge) See you in that place where forest sprites go when they die, wood men!!!! (Throws the Ocarina in slow motion and then faints. As the Ocarina hits the Dekus, they begin to fight over it, until...)

DUMB!!!!

(Suddenly all the Dekus are wasted)

Makar: Hey look! All the Deku's are wasted!

Medli: Well duh, we aren't blind.

Darunia: I am in my right eye sort of. But I don't need that eye anyway. Hey look! Wine! (Crashes into wall)

Medli: =)

Deku Link: (Walks in with Malon) NOOOOO! My minions of Chaos!

Makar: Deku Link!? You're behind this?

Deku Link: Well duh! I am the only competent Deku in Hyrule.

Zelda: Why'd ya do it Deku Link?

Deku Link: Would you believe, I have a problem with authority?

All: ...

Deku Link: Fine! It's because I wanted to be a sage!

Zelda: Uh, Deku? To become a sage, all you have to do is be imprisoned by evil.

Deku Link: O.o! Oh I know! I was imprisoned by an evil skull kid once! I go get my album! (Runs off)

Tetra: Well, how did he enlist you as a part of him scam Malon?

Malon: It's easy. I'm a puppet!

Tetra: Oh right! It's all coming back to me now.

Rauru: (Walks in with Ruto and Impa who are tied to chairs) Well it looks like everyone's okay.

Makar: Well yeah except Saria.

Rauru: Truly a great sacrifice was made. Let us never forget Saria.

Darunia: Uh, she ain't dead B. She's just drunk.

Zelda: Extremely drunk!

Rauru: Well, I gotta do the eulogy for someone. Otherwise I'm useless! (Looks at Makar) You! You must die!

Makar: Epp!

Rauru: Anyone who gets that Leaf Head is an honorary sage!

Malon: (Catches Makar) Got him.

Rauru: Excellent work! You're now the honorary Ranch Sage.

Malon: Alright! Deliciousness!

Deku#23: Hey! Can I be a sage too!

Rauru: You got it! As a matter a fact, I'm making everyone in this room and honorary sage!

All: Hooray!

Tetra: Well, this explains the Deku Sage council of 2136.

Deku Link: (Runs in) Did you just say...?

Rauru: Too late hot plate.

Deku Link: Oh crap!

-Much Later

(All of the Dekus and Malon now have little sage seals and Deku Link is now standing in front of the sage council (Minus Saria whose still drunk))

Rauru: Okay DL, we got your resume and we are proud to make you the sage of... (Pulls a slip of paper out of a large bowl labeled "Emergency Sage Titles) Maximum Occupancy.

Deku Link: Finally! This calls for a victory bong!

Ruto: Deku Link sages aren't allowed to smoke, or marry, or have a life, or any of that other stuff Link enjoys the privilege of.

Darunia: It's kinda like being Knuckles, except you don't get to hang out with a talking crocodile.

Deku Link: Uh oh. You're not gonna like...

(Suddenly a bunch of knights charge the back door)

Hylian Knight: Deku Link, you're under arrest for weed hoarding.

Deku Link: O.o Oh snap.

(The Links walk in)

Link T: DEKU LINK! You gotta hide! The cops are... (Sees knights) Nevermind.

-A whole lot later

(The Links are trying to wake up Saria)

Link T: Why do I always have to wake up people. It's so boring. Okay Link, let's do this thang.

Link W: (Slices Saria a couple times) They're finally paying me for this!

Saria: (Regenerates and gasps) Damn that stings! What the hell is that sword made of, the Triforce.

Tetra: Oh if only it was that easy. Ganon would easily kill himself, and then we could send in the video and make ten million dollars.

Links: O.o

Saria: So, what I miss.

Link T: Well, Deku became a sage and then was arrested for pot hoarding.

Saria: See! I told him this would happen! This is one of the reasons I told him that's what happens when you hoard weed! He is so irresponsible!

Link T: Hmmm. You miss pot that much eh?

Saria: (Disappointedly) Yes.

Navi: Hey Link, is he gonna be alright?

Tetra: Relax, I set up the case with the world's best and worst lawyer!

Link W: You did send them to the right cases right?

Tetra: What?

Link W: Well, you sent Deku the best, and the other guy the worst right?

Tetra: Well...

-Court

Zelda: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I intend to prove that Deku Link is a drug hoarder! I also intend to prove the existence of non-dairy creamers and aliens but that's on a different topic.

Judge: Okay. Does the defendant's lawyer wish to state any opening notes. (Deku Link's lawyer is non other than Randal!!!)

Randal: Yes I would your honor. I would like to say that neither me or my client respect this court's authority!

-Temple of Time

Tetra: Eh, I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

Saria: So... what happened to the weed?

Link T: Well, the Knights didn't know what to do with it so, they sent it to the next highest authority.

Saria: What's the next highest authority?

All: The sages.

Saria: Oh yeah.

Link W: Yeah, they'll find something to do with it. (Malon, Makar, and Medli walk in carrying a bunch of Deku Sticks) Hey guys! What's up with the sticks? Are we gonna start building the dam, for the inevitable flooding of Hyrule?

Malon, Link, and Saria: O.o

Link W: Uh, I meant build Deku Link a friend?

Malon: No, we shouldn't toy with his emotions, it will only lead him to find an life as an airline steward.

Medli: Rauru wanted us to get him these sticks to burn the weed with.

Link T: Oh.

(A few seconds pass)

Link W: So you guys doing anything tonight?

Medli: Nah.

Malon: I was gonna teach the horses to run around in circles aimlessly and spell out my name.

Tetra: Eh, you know. Make ten-million dollars.

Navi: Plot to kill Link.

Link T: What?

Navi: Nothing.

(A few more minutes pass)

Link W: So you guys wanna go see a movie?

Malon: Yeah okay.

Tetra: I'm game.

-Movie Theater

(An hour into the movie)

All: BURN THE WEED?!?!?!

Guy in the theater: Hey! You're ruining the movie!

-Temple of Time

(They all walk in to see the sages getting high)

Rauru: Woah! My hand is huge! It can touch anything, but itself.

Darunia: (Crashes into wall) :) (Crashes into wall) :) (Crashes into wall) :) More steak please.

Impa: (Playing a guitar) Come on people now! Smile on your brother everybody come together! Come and love one another!

Ruto: (Is meditating in front of a Link statue)

Medli: Wow, you'd think as a hippie, I'd find this more appealing but I don't.

Saria: Look at them all, getting high, doing insane things, making shrinky dinks! They're living my dream, and you won't let me join them!

Tetra: We need to have as many sane people as we can!

Links: (Are already high)

Tetra: Oy. Well have we learned anything today guys?

Malon: I learned that weed is an evil drug and we should all switch to milk as our main drug!

Tetra: Milk isn't a drug.

Malon: Then why would the aliens want it?

Medli: Well, I learned that... (Ruto suddenly disappears in a flash of white light)

Everyone including sages: O.o

Medli: On second though, f*ck what I learned.

-Wherever Ruto Went

Ruto: Where am I?

Some Girl: You have reached the final stage of Link worship. You have reached Link nirvana. I am Mary Sue, leader of the Link worshippers.

Ruto: Neat. So what do I do now?

Mary Sue: What everyone who comes here does, get the hell out, you're cramping my style.

Maverick: . . Uh..... look a puppy! (Runs away)

Shippo: (Looks at audience and starts dancing)

R&R&R

The extra R is for RRCFR (Really really crappy fic)

Shippo: What's that extra R for?

That's a typo. Now... Free sage seals for all!

Deku Link: Oh son of a...