Aishiteru, Spike.
Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop.
Being with you has left an indention on my heart. I can hold these memories created with you close forever. The life I lost slips from away from my fingertips like water. I can never hold them the way I hold the memory of you, so close to my heart. I know know, that if I died tomorrow, I could die happy. You're gone now, nothing else matters.
I can't sleep anymore. When I close my eyes, I see your face. I see your eyes, just before you left to die. Your odd colored eyes...
I never noticed before then that your eyes weren't the same color. I never knew until you pointed it out. In a way, I'm like you. I can only see the past. The future is ever so slowly creeping past me. It doesn't matter.
I know you didn't love me. I was just another "woman with an attitude" to you. I know you loved her, you always did. I thought that maybe you cared, just a little bit. There were times when you seemed like less of an unapproachable god, and more of a mere mortal. I thought you could never die. You did though. You died for her. Your golden angel. Everything you did was for her sake, wasn't it? Just being there, and acting as if life was worth something. That was for her.
You said that the past didn't matter, but you held on to yours. You never allowed yourself to forget. At least you could remember. I wanted, the whole time I was with you, to be someone else. I wanted to be her. She was important to you. That's what I wanted. I wanted you to have that same look when you thought of me.
It broke my heart to see you look so sad when you left. I told you not to go. I knew the way it would end before it even began. I wanted to run away from it all, but I stayed. Not for me, for you. Just to be near you one for second. Just one more day.
I'm not so sure that who I acted like was me. I don't know what I was like then, so I'm not sure if the "me" you knew was the "me" I used to be.
I don't care that no one else knew what I felt. In fact, I'm glad you never guessed. Maybe you knew it all along. That would be just like you. To know it all, and not say a word.
I couldn't stand the thought of you being gone. I don't know how I've lasted this long. I'm never alone, though. I have you, even if you are dead, you live on in my heart. That's where you'll be, for the rest of my life. You'll be with me.
A part of you finally belongs to me, Spike.
Aishiteru, Spikeā¦.
