The Lost Ones-9
Kessel.
Two figures dueled against a background of steamy smoke, fiery geysers, and rocky mountains. Luke struggled to see them more clearly through the mist. He had a terrible sensation of something being wrong, but he didn't know how to correct it, or even if that were possible. He could see green and red lightsabers flashing and dimly make out the two opponents lunging and weaving back and forth in a terrible dance of destruction.
Again Luke felt the insistent urge to stop this. "No!" he tried to call to them. "Stop! Please, before it's too late."
He wasn't sure if he were unable to speak aloud, or if the figures were unable to hear him, but they paid no attention to Luke and the duel continued unabated. Then the mists cleared and Luke could see their features plainly. He had never seen them at such young ages, but he immediately recognized his father and Ben. Anakin was about Luke's own age and Ben was not yet forty. Their faces were filled with such anguish and fury, it was painful for Luke to see.
And then they were on a high ledge with flaming lava pits below. Anakin was dangerouly close to the edge. He rushed at Ben, saber blade flashing in an agressive flurry. Ben met the attack and, as the crimson and emerald blades locked, pushed Anakin back. Luke watched in horror as young Anakin slipped and fell over the edge.
"Father!" Luke screamed and raced to the peer into the fiery abyss. The mists converged around him then and the next thing Luke became aware of was harsh, mechanical breathing. And suddenly he was dueling against Vader.
Luke raised his lightsaber blade and saw that it was blue, instead of the green one he currently used. He and his father were in the carbon freezing chamber of Cloud City.
"No, no!" Luke tried to cry out. "Stop!" He wasn't sure which of them he was talking to, but it didn't matter. Much as he wanted to, he couldn't seem to stop himself. He was trapped inside his own body, his own memories. And Vader wasn't quitting either.
Heavy chunks of machinery flew through the air, striking Luke. He tried to avoid the painful blows, but he couldn't.
"Father, stop. You know I'm your son. There has to be another way."
They were in front of the gantry of the reactor shaft. Vader's lightsaber swung in slow motion, cutting through Luke's wrist, severing his hand and lightsaber. Luke cried out in agony.
"Luke, wake up. It's all right, son. I'm here."
With a start, Luke opened his eyes and realized he'd been dreaming. Anakin had turned on the lights dimly and sat on the cot, looking concerned. He had placed his hand on Luke's shoulder. Reacting almost instinctively, Luke flinched away from his touch.
He regretted it immediately, but the damage was done. Anakin's expression became filled with hurt and confusion. He took a deep breath and moved back slightly, tacitly acknowledging Luke's rejection.
"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.
Luke started to nod when his stomach twisted sharply. He whispered, "I'm going to be sick."
He barely made it to the refresher before collapsing against the sink, racked with dry heaves. He didn't really throw up, probably because he hadn't eaten much lately. He hadn't had much of an appetite the last couple of days. Luke was surprised at pale and wan he looked when he straightened up and happened to glance in the mirror.
Anakin knocked on the door. "Luke, can I come in?"
"I'm all right. I'm coming out." He didn't want to. He needed a few minutes to regain his composure and push his terrible memories to the back of his mind, but he knew Anakin was worried and he wanted to reassure him.
"I'm all right," he repeated as he came back into the medcenter room. "It was just a nightmare." //Except that it wasn't. It was real.// He squelched that thought and made sure his shields were secure. No more stray thoughts or feelings were going to disturb his father, although Luke wasn't sure how he was going to explain the shielding. Ever since Endor, he and his father had enjoyed a close rapport through the Force.
He got a reprieve, fortunately. Anakin was more concerned about his physical well-being at the moment. "Luke, I would like for you to see a med- droid now. You haven't been yourself lately, and we need to know if there's a medical reason for it."
Luke considered refusing. He knew there was nothing wrong physically with him, nothing that a little food and rest wouldn't cure anyway, and being examined by medical droids was not high on his list of favorite things to do. But he recognized that Anakin was genuinely concerned and he had caused enough problems for one day. He could humor his father on this one. //And it will give me a little space.// he thought guiltily. He wondered how he could think such a thing regarding his father, whom he loved dearly. But he would be glad of the chance to be alone for a little while. It would be easier to suppress his memories if he wasn't having to constantly deny them to Anakin. So he agreed.
They summoned a medical droid and Luke and the droid went to an examination room while Anakin waited anxiously outside. Luke patiently answered questions about his eating and sleeping habits and then proceeded to tune out the droid's comments about his heart rate, blood pressure, and so on.
"Well?" Anakin inquired the instant they stepped out.
"I'm fine, just like I told you," Luke replied.
"Master Skywalker's condition is satisfactory for the moment, though he is on the verge of being underweight. He must be certain to eat regular meals, and I would advise more rest, as well."
Luke noticed his father's anxious look, and forced himself to put aside his reservations and pat Anakin's arm. "Don't worry, Father. Med-droids always say things like that." As both Anakin and the droid began to admonish him, he hastened to add, "But I'll eat and sleep, I promise."
When they were once more back in their room, Anakin asked, "Are you sure you're all right?" He started to reach out to Luke. He wanted nothing more than to hold his son, comfort him, and help him with whatever burden he was carrying. But a barrier had come between them. He wasn't sure how or when. But it was definitely there. He didn't know how to overcome it, but he would have to figure that out, somehow. He loved Luke too much to let anything harm their relationship. But, for tonight, perhaps it would be best not to stir anything up again. He let his arms fall back to his sides.
Luke pretended not to notice. "Yes."
But when they were back in their beds and the lights were off, Luke said, almost in a whisper, "I'm sorry."
"You've done nothing wrong," Anakin replied.
//I have. I've hurt you, and that's the very thing I was trying not to do. But you hurt me, and I don't know how to handle it.//
Luke was sure he kept the thought shielded, but he wondered if Anakin might have caught a hint of it, anyway, because his father asked quietly, "Are you angry with me, Luke?"
"No. I love you," Luke was able to let him see the truth of that through the Force.
"And I love you, son, with all my heart," Anakin sighed. After a moment, he said, "Whatever is wrong-and I know something is wrong, we'll work it out."
He didn't think Luke was going to answer, but finally the boy said, "Okay."
If Anakin thought they were going to have a long discussion in the morning, though, he was wrong. Luke seemed determinedly cheerful by morning, but just as determined to avoid personal questions, and Anakin was feeling completely bewildered.
Had he over-reacted last night? Or was Luke truly upset? And if so, what was the best approach? Anakin didn't know if he should keep pushing Luke to open up to him, or if he should back off and let Luke decide when or if to talk. There were, he realized, many things about fatherhood that he didn't know.
// People say raising children is hard.// he thought gloomily. //I'm beginning to think dealing with grown children is impossible.//
At any rate, they were so busy over the next week that it was easy enough for Luke to side-step difficult questions. They had several meetings with New Republic officers and checked up on some of the slaves.
Rallyroro was going to visit his homeworld of Kashyyk, and then, he proudly informed them, he was going to accept General Madine's offer of a position in New Republic Intelligence. The elderly woman Luke had saved had contacted her family on Sullust. Her son and daughter came to Kessel for a joyous reunion.
The rest of their time was spent diligently searching the slave records. They had hoped to find some trace of Betta and Keren Colzin, but finally had to admit that it was unlikely the two had ever been on Kessel.
"What now?" Luke asked one evening as they were finishing dinner on board the Angel.
"I guess we'll have to go to Tatooine," Anakin said slowly. Father and son had good reasons to avoid their homeworld. They had both lost loved ones in horrible ways there. Neither was eager to return.
To distract himself, Anakin looked over at Luke's plate, making sure his son had eaten an adequate dinner. Ever since the med- droid's warning, he had watched every bite Luke ate, probably annoying him to no end, he knew. But that kind of annoyance didn't cause any real problems between them. The real problem-if indeed there was one-seemed to lying dormant again. Anakin had brought the subject up several more times, but Luke adamantly insisted that nothing was wrong.
He could almost believe it, except that Luke had begun to keep his thoughts and emotions shielded. That hurt, Anakin had to admit, but he had decided to be patient. He would respect Luke's privacy as long as Luke wasn't hurting. Although patience had never been one of Anakin's virtues, and if Luke seemed the tiniest bit upset again, he was going to have to start pressing him to talk. Anakin loved his son too much to watch him suffer in silence.
Kessel.
Two figures dueled against a background of steamy smoke, fiery geysers, and rocky mountains. Luke struggled to see them more clearly through the mist. He had a terrible sensation of something being wrong, but he didn't know how to correct it, or even if that were possible. He could see green and red lightsabers flashing and dimly make out the two opponents lunging and weaving back and forth in a terrible dance of destruction.
Again Luke felt the insistent urge to stop this. "No!" he tried to call to them. "Stop! Please, before it's too late."
He wasn't sure if he were unable to speak aloud, or if the figures were unable to hear him, but they paid no attention to Luke and the duel continued unabated. Then the mists cleared and Luke could see their features plainly. He had never seen them at such young ages, but he immediately recognized his father and Ben. Anakin was about Luke's own age and Ben was not yet forty. Their faces were filled with such anguish and fury, it was painful for Luke to see.
And then they were on a high ledge with flaming lava pits below. Anakin was dangerouly close to the edge. He rushed at Ben, saber blade flashing in an agressive flurry. Ben met the attack and, as the crimson and emerald blades locked, pushed Anakin back. Luke watched in horror as young Anakin slipped and fell over the edge.
"Father!" Luke screamed and raced to the peer into the fiery abyss. The mists converged around him then and the next thing Luke became aware of was harsh, mechanical breathing. And suddenly he was dueling against Vader.
Luke raised his lightsaber blade and saw that it was blue, instead of the green one he currently used. He and his father were in the carbon freezing chamber of Cloud City.
"No, no!" Luke tried to cry out. "Stop!" He wasn't sure which of them he was talking to, but it didn't matter. Much as he wanted to, he couldn't seem to stop himself. He was trapped inside his own body, his own memories. And Vader wasn't quitting either.
Heavy chunks of machinery flew through the air, striking Luke. He tried to avoid the painful blows, but he couldn't.
"Father, stop. You know I'm your son. There has to be another way."
They were in front of the gantry of the reactor shaft. Vader's lightsaber swung in slow motion, cutting through Luke's wrist, severing his hand and lightsaber. Luke cried out in agony.
"Luke, wake up. It's all right, son. I'm here."
With a start, Luke opened his eyes and realized he'd been dreaming. Anakin had turned on the lights dimly and sat on the cot, looking concerned. He had placed his hand on Luke's shoulder. Reacting almost instinctively, Luke flinched away from his touch.
He regretted it immediately, but the damage was done. Anakin's expression became filled with hurt and confusion. He took a deep breath and moved back slightly, tacitly acknowledging Luke's rejection.
"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.
Luke started to nod when his stomach twisted sharply. He whispered, "I'm going to be sick."
He barely made it to the refresher before collapsing against the sink, racked with dry heaves. He didn't really throw up, probably because he hadn't eaten much lately. He hadn't had much of an appetite the last couple of days. Luke was surprised at pale and wan he looked when he straightened up and happened to glance in the mirror.
Anakin knocked on the door. "Luke, can I come in?"
"I'm all right. I'm coming out." He didn't want to. He needed a few minutes to regain his composure and push his terrible memories to the back of his mind, but he knew Anakin was worried and he wanted to reassure him.
"I'm all right," he repeated as he came back into the medcenter room. "It was just a nightmare." //Except that it wasn't. It was real.// He squelched that thought and made sure his shields were secure. No more stray thoughts or feelings were going to disturb his father, although Luke wasn't sure how he was going to explain the shielding. Ever since Endor, he and his father had enjoyed a close rapport through the Force.
He got a reprieve, fortunately. Anakin was more concerned about his physical well-being at the moment. "Luke, I would like for you to see a med- droid now. You haven't been yourself lately, and we need to know if there's a medical reason for it."
Luke considered refusing. He knew there was nothing wrong physically with him, nothing that a little food and rest wouldn't cure anyway, and being examined by medical droids was not high on his list of favorite things to do. But he recognized that Anakin was genuinely concerned and he had caused enough problems for one day. He could humor his father on this one. //And it will give me a little space.// he thought guiltily. He wondered how he could think such a thing regarding his father, whom he loved dearly. But he would be glad of the chance to be alone for a little while. It would be easier to suppress his memories if he wasn't having to constantly deny them to Anakin. So he agreed.
They summoned a medical droid and Luke and the droid went to an examination room while Anakin waited anxiously outside. Luke patiently answered questions about his eating and sleeping habits and then proceeded to tune out the droid's comments about his heart rate, blood pressure, and so on.
"Well?" Anakin inquired the instant they stepped out.
"I'm fine, just like I told you," Luke replied.
"Master Skywalker's condition is satisfactory for the moment, though he is on the verge of being underweight. He must be certain to eat regular meals, and I would advise more rest, as well."
Luke noticed his father's anxious look, and forced himself to put aside his reservations and pat Anakin's arm. "Don't worry, Father. Med-droids always say things like that." As both Anakin and the droid began to admonish him, he hastened to add, "But I'll eat and sleep, I promise."
When they were once more back in their room, Anakin asked, "Are you sure you're all right?" He started to reach out to Luke. He wanted nothing more than to hold his son, comfort him, and help him with whatever burden he was carrying. But a barrier had come between them. He wasn't sure how or when. But it was definitely there. He didn't know how to overcome it, but he would have to figure that out, somehow. He loved Luke too much to let anything harm their relationship. But, for tonight, perhaps it would be best not to stir anything up again. He let his arms fall back to his sides.
Luke pretended not to notice. "Yes."
But when they were back in their beds and the lights were off, Luke said, almost in a whisper, "I'm sorry."
"You've done nothing wrong," Anakin replied.
//I have. I've hurt you, and that's the very thing I was trying not to do. But you hurt me, and I don't know how to handle it.//
Luke was sure he kept the thought shielded, but he wondered if Anakin might have caught a hint of it, anyway, because his father asked quietly, "Are you angry with me, Luke?"
"No. I love you," Luke was able to let him see the truth of that through the Force.
"And I love you, son, with all my heart," Anakin sighed. After a moment, he said, "Whatever is wrong-and I know something is wrong, we'll work it out."
He didn't think Luke was going to answer, but finally the boy said, "Okay."
If Anakin thought they were going to have a long discussion in the morning, though, he was wrong. Luke seemed determinedly cheerful by morning, but just as determined to avoid personal questions, and Anakin was feeling completely bewildered.
Had he over-reacted last night? Or was Luke truly upset? And if so, what was the best approach? Anakin didn't know if he should keep pushing Luke to open up to him, or if he should back off and let Luke decide when or if to talk. There were, he realized, many things about fatherhood that he didn't know.
// People say raising children is hard.// he thought gloomily. //I'm beginning to think dealing with grown children is impossible.//
At any rate, they were so busy over the next week that it was easy enough for Luke to side-step difficult questions. They had several meetings with New Republic officers and checked up on some of the slaves.
Rallyroro was going to visit his homeworld of Kashyyk, and then, he proudly informed them, he was going to accept General Madine's offer of a position in New Republic Intelligence. The elderly woman Luke had saved had contacted her family on Sullust. Her son and daughter came to Kessel for a joyous reunion.
The rest of their time was spent diligently searching the slave records. They had hoped to find some trace of Betta and Keren Colzin, but finally had to admit that it was unlikely the two had ever been on Kessel.
"What now?" Luke asked one evening as they were finishing dinner on board the Angel.
"I guess we'll have to go to Tatooine," Anakin said slowly. Father and son had good reasons to avoid their homeworld. They had both lost loved ones in horrible ways there. Neither was eager to return.
To distract himself, Anakin looked over at Luke's plate, making sure his son had eaten an adequate dinner. Ever since the med- droid's warning, he had watched every bite Luke ate, probably annoying him to no end, he knew. But that kind of annoyance didn't cause any real problems between them. The real problem-if indeed there was one-seemed to lying dormant again. Anakin had brought the subject up several more times, but Luke adamantly insisted that nothing was wrong.
He could almost believe it, except that Luke had begun to keep his thoughts and emotions shielded. That hurt, Anakin had to admit, but he had decided to be patient. He would respect Luke's privacy as long as Luke wasn't hurting. Although patience had never been one of Anakin's virtues, and if Luke seemed the tiniest bit upset again, he was going to have to start pressing him to talk. Anakin loved his son too much to watch him suffer in silence.
