The Lost Ones-11

Tatooine.

Father and son felt a little awkward around each other the next morning. Breakfast was eaten in silence for the most part. Anakin asked Luke if he would prefer toggleberry or rofgum syrup on his toast, and a while later Luke asked his father to please pass the blue milk. Other than that they did not speak, but cast surreptitious glances at each other. Finally Anakin couldn't bear the silence any longer, and decided a change of topic might be good for them.

"There's something I want to do before we start going through the records this morning," he announced.

Luke gave him a curious look.

"I want to see where Obi-Wan lived," Anakin finished. "Do you want to come, too?"

Luke hesitated, but then shook his head. "No, thanks. I'll stay here and keep working. The sooner we get through these records, the sooner we'll know if there's any trace of Betta and Keren."

Anakin almost cautioned Luke to be careful-he didn't like the idea of Luke being alone here. But Luke was a Jedi. Deep down Anakin knew his son was very capable. He just couldn't help being an overprotective father. He supposed he was trying in some way to make up for hurting him in the past. And he couldn't bear to think of anything happening to Luke-or Leia-now. Life without his children would be unbearable. He refrained from saying anything, though, because he had a suspician that Luke would take it the wrong way, and he didn't want to offend him, or start another argument.

After breakfast Luke gave him directions to Obi-Wan's old home and returned to Jabba's Palace while Anakin flew the Angel across the Jundland Wastes. He wished Luke had come along. He didn't really think there was any danger. If he had, he would never have left his son's side. All the troubles seemed to be internal now.

But he missed Luke. He missed the close, loving camaraderie they had shared these past months, and he was becoming increasingly afraid that it was gone forever.

He saw the plain, boxy structure where his old master had lived ahead and brought the Angel to a gentle stop beside it. As he walked down the lowered ramp, he was flooded with memories of the man who had been the closest he had ever had to a father, and filled with sorrow as he remembered how their relationship had crumbled.

//Am I doomed to destroy everyone who is close to me?// he wondered in despair. //Perhaps I should just leave. I'm beginning to believe that Luke and the others would be better off without me.//

"Don't be foolish, Padawan," a voice spoke in his head. "Luke would be devestated if you left. He loves you very much. You know that."

"Obi-Wan," Anakin breathed. Luke had told him of seeing their mentor after his death, but Anakin had never supposed Obi-Wan would want to appear to him. 'Appear' was the wrong word, he realized, looking around. There was no ephemeral figure to be seen, only the voice.

"I can take form, but it requires much energy and concentration," Obi-Wan told him. "I appeared to Luke because I wanted to make certain he knew it was me, but it is actually easier for me to communicate this way."

"Master, I'm sorry, so sorry," Anakin said rather awkwardly. How did one apologize to a person one had killed? "I wish-"

"It's all right, Padawan," Obi-Wan replied gently. "It has all worked out for the best. And besides," he added, with a note of affectionate teasing in his voice, "You don't really think you could have killed me so easily if I hadn't let you, do you?"

"Well, I wondered about that," Anakin admitted. "Then again, I never did understand you."

"I think it's been mutual, Anakin," the voice grew sad. "I also owe you an apology. I was not ready to be a Master when you came, I can see that now, and I made many mistakes. I did always love you, though. I hope you can realize that."

"Yes, I always knew. And you may not believe it, but I always loved you, too. Even after I turned. I blamed you for many things that weren't your fault, and I was enraged, but underneath, I still loved you."

"It is a shame that we both could not be more open and willing to share then," Obi-Wan sighed. "Perhaps a great many things could have been avoided. That's more my fault than yours, Anakin. I always found it difficult to express my feelings for you, and that is one of the things I will always regret."

Anakin shook his head. "No, Master, it's my fault as well. During the time I was turning, you tried to talk with me, and I shut you out. I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, I have some idea now of what you went through then."

"Luke is not turning to the dark side, Anakin," Obi-Wan said with assurance.

"No, of course not. I didn't mean to imply that," Anakin answered quickly. "But something is wrong, and he absolutely refuses to let me help. It's breaking my heart." He was quiet a moment, then an idea occurred to him. "Do you know what's bothering him?"

"I have an idea," Obi-Wan admitted. "But it's not my place to discuss it with you. Besides, I'm not certain that I'm right. Just remember that Luke loves you, and that he doesn't want to cause you any pain. He truly believes that he's acting in your best interest."

Anakin frowned. "He doesn't have to take care of me. If anything, it should be the other way around."

Obi-Wan laughed, "Most of the time, Luke reminds me of Padme, but every now and then, he's just like you. Both of you are natural caretakers, Padawan. I really shouldn't call you that, though. You are a Master now. You and Luke will resolve things, I am confident of that, and you will be stronger and closer than ever. Train the new Jedi well, Anakin. Remember the past and learn from it. Farewell."

"Master, wait-" Anakin called, but Obi-Wan had gone. The older Jedi swallowed hard and whispered, "Farewell, Obi-Wan, and thank you."

He entered the house and studied the simple rooms, wondering what his former master had done to pass the time. Tatooine was often harsh and lonely. Most off-worlders found it difficult to adjust to life here. He tried to imagine Obi-Wan spending nearly twenty years living as an outcast, surrounded by danger and his memories. Anakin could only hope he had found some measure of peace.

"I think he did," a voice spoke softly from the doorway.

Anakin turned to find Luke there.

"I'm sure he must have been sad and lonely sometimes, but whenever I saw him, he seemed at peace." Luke came into the living area and looked about curiously.

Anakin wondered what memories this place held for him. "How did you get here?" he asked as he sent a tendril of pleased welcome to his son.

"I kept thinking about coming, and I finally decided I wanted to see it, too," Luke told him. "So I went to the garage at the Jabba's Palace and got a speeder."

"How well did you know Obi-Wan when you growing up?" Anakin asked.

"Not that well. I saw him from time to time. Usually when I was in a potentially dangerous situation, he'd show up. He was looking out for me, I suppose. And when I was small, he would even come by our farm sometimes," he shrugged. "But the older I got, the more Uncle Owen discouraged any contact. I had hardly seen him for several years before we bought the droids."

Luke grew quiet, absorbed in his own memories of Ben. His journey had begun here. He remembered coming here with 3PO and R2, the hologram of a beautiful princess fresh in his mind. He remembered Ben telling him about the Force, about his past as General Obi-Wan Kenobi, about his father.

Luke sighed. He'd accepted that Ben was right not to tell him the truth about Anakin/Vader at that point in time, but he couldn't help feeling a twinge of the old hurt and betrayal. //Couldn't you have told me at some other time, Ben? Why did you let me find out the way I did?//

Out of all the painful memories of Bespin, telling the truth about their relationship was one thing he didn't blame his father for. He felt, would always feel, that Ben and Yoda should have enlightened him on that point themselves. He could forgive them, but it was one more thing that hurt him.

He remembered the lightsaber. Anakin's first lightsaber. He missed it. It had been a treasure to him, something of priceless value, because it had belonged to his father. He had loved holding that lightsaber and imagining his father as a young man. Imagining if Anakin had still been there to teach him. That lightsaber had been lost at Bespin, along with his hand and his innocence.

"What are you thinking of?" Anakin asked softly. He had watched in silence the last couple of minutes as Luke's expression grew thoughtful and then troubled.

Luke met his eyes, and the concern and love in Anakin's suddenly made him feel ashamed and guilty. //Why do I bring everything back to Bespin? It's over, and no one feels any worse about it than Father. He's doing everything he can to make up for it. And how many times now has he saved my life? Even if he had to suffer and risk death to do it. And I repay him by making him worry and feel guilty. Maybe he deserves a better son.//

"Just remembering the last time I was here with Ben," he said slowly, wondering if he should apologize to his father. But then Anakin would want to discuss the problem in detail, and Luke still thought it was better for him not to know what was really wrong. He stared at Anakin uncertainly, wanting desperately to make things right between them again, but not sure how to go about it.

Anakin reached over to gently squeeze his shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I said last night. I never want to hurt you again, son. You and your sister mean everything to me."

"I'm sorry, too," Luke looked relieved. "Are you ready to go back to Jabba's, Father? There's still a lot of records to go through."

They searched for the rest of the day before finding any mention of the mother-daughter slaves Gammy Meep had told them about, but finally Anakin saw a notation that made his heart skip a beat.

"Luke, come look at this," he called.

His son hurried to his side and together they read an entry that described how a mother and her twelve year old daughter had been purchased from Mos Espaa to serve on Jabba's Sail Barge. A couple of months later, they had been sold to a spice and gas mine dealer who had come to Jabba to purchase slaves.

"But where are they now?" Anakin murmured. "That was nearly seven years ago."

"We'll call Coruscant," Luke suggested. "Han and Lando used to know lots of dealer around the galaxy. Maybe they know something about this guy. What's his name again?" He peered closely at the paper. "Allyn Yewly?"

They went back to the Angel right away and called Coruscant. Unfortunately only 3PO was there to take their call. He explained that the others were at a reception honoring the delegates from the Nylquer system, and promised to give them the message.

Anakin meant to keep alert for any sound from Luke's room that night. If his son suffered another nightmare, he wanted to go to him. He was determined not to make any more mistakes as a father. He'd certainly made enough already, but from now on, he would be comforting and steady. He would not do anything to hurt Luke or make him defensive again. However, he was worn out from the past few days, and fell into a sound sleep almost as soon as he lay down.

He berated himself the next morning when Luke came to breakfast with dark circles under his eyes and looked at the food on his plate without any interest. Before Anakin could say anything, though, Luke spoke up. "Father, there's something I need to do while we're here, too."

"What is it?"

"I need to see my home."