Chapter 11
Yay!! I'm back! Time to jump for joy! Oh, come on, you know you want to;) hehe- anyway thanks for waiting so patiently. . .or not so patiently. . .hell, thanks for waiting!=D
Oh my clavicle, just look at all those reviews=D That's mighty. Thank you ever so much! *bear hugs* (=
A lot of people had a problem with Harry last chapter. Yeah, I know he was an ass wasn't he? I thought that one line (I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about; and if you don't, then I guess you didn't have a problem with it) might have been pushing it a little, but I really wanted you guys to get pissed with Harry, and it worked for the most part, so it stays;-P I'm not a professional author, I have no desire to be one, and I don't fool myself: my writing isn't chopped liver, but it won't exactly be winning any awards. So mistakes are inevitable, especially because I don't want to bother with a beta. I'm doing this because I'm weird and for some strange reason find authoring fanfiction entertaining, not because I want to better my writing skills, or anything reasonable like that;-)
And I know, I know, I missed my deadline! I'm sorry, don't hurt me!!- lol. School's just started, and I didn't realize how much I would have to do in the week after vacation, so I thought that I'd be able to get a chapter up before I left for school, but whenever I did sit down to write I'd feel so stressed out that all I'd do is stare blankly at the computer screen. And then I finally do get the chapter done and the internet at my school goes down for a WEEK (which pissed me off to no end, because I had to listen to everyone else complaining about it) st0opid worms! Okay, I'll stop with the excuses now(=
Alrighty- updates might not be too steady from here on out; I have an 18 credit course load, plus I'll have to start practicing 3+ hours a day if I want to pass my jury in December, so fanfic probably won't be at the top of my priority list. However, I'm going to do my damnedest not to make you go more then 10 days without an update (I'm not making any promises, though). Please stick with it=) If you would like me to e-mail you every time I update, I'd be happy to, just tell me. I know how annoying it can be to have to keep checking. omg, I can't believe the semester's already started, I can already feel the headaches coming on. . .Agh, migraine! D-: *whimper*
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Harry sat in the first potions class of the year feeling surly and depressed. He glanced over at Hermione quickly. Neither she nor Ron had spoken to him since this morning. Harry stared at the directions for the potion on the board glumly. They were his friends, not Ginny's. They were supposed to be on his side. But they had made it clear who they believed earlier that day. He thought back to the incident moodily.
Harry and Ron had been walking down to the Great Hall, Ron rambling on about how dismal his schedule was, and Harry pretended to listen, his mind still haunted by what had happened last night. He was starting to feel guilty about how harsh he had been on Ginny, though he had meant every word he had said at the time. Well almost every word. He admitted to himself that the parting shot might have been below the belt. And he didn't really think that she was loose, or that she had been faking her emotions with him. Okay, so he hadn't meant anything he had said, but he had felt so betrayed that at the time it had seemed like the truth to his tortured mind. He again thought of how her eyes had teared as she ran from the room. Damn. What the hell was he supposed to do about this?
"Hey Hermione!" he heard Ron call out, and looked up to see Hermione approaching them at a brisk pace. He began to offer a half-hearted smile in greeting, but became immediately wary at the site of the angry, determined look on her face, and he knew. She had talked to Ginny.
"Now Hermione," Harry said, holding out both hands in a gesture of supplication, "wait until you hear my side of the story before you go and-"
But she didn't wait. Instead she promptly began to pummel him, and these were no girly slaps, but jabs that Dudley himself would have envied. Ron shouted "Whoa there!" and wrestled Hermione off Harry, but not before she had managed to give him a bloody nose and a bruised lip.
"Why do you keep DOING that!" Harry winced in annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease the bleeding. At least his glasses were still intact.
"Because you keep acting like such an enormous prat!" She yelled, and proceeded to throw a stream of curse words at him that had even Ron raising his eyebrows as he struggled to hold her back from attacking Harry again. Harry glared at her unemotionally as she finally ran out of insults, seemingly using up every cuss word she knew, which wasn't a very long list, and by this time an impressive amount of students had gathered to stare at the spectacle Hermione Granger was making of herself.
She stopped suddenly as if realizing this and stiffened, at the same time slapping Ron's restraining arms away from her irritably. She stuck her nose in the air and glared at the fascinated students mutinously as she said, "What are you looking at? Start moving or I'm taking house points!"
Though the majority of the students knew it was an empty threat, they quickly cleared, peering over their shoulders as they left. She turned back towards Harry, and he subconsciously put a hand on his wand, afraid that she would at any moment start throwing hexes at him. He was surprised, however, when she turned on Ron instead.
"How can you just stand there after the way he's treated your sister?" She accused, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at him huffily.
"What are you talking about?" Ron asked, looking confused.
"Didn't he tell you what happened?" she said incredulously.
"Well, I know that they broke up because he saw Ginny-"
"I'm not talking about that," she said dismissively, waving her hand in front of her to shoo away that fact as if it were an annoying fly. "I'm talking about the horrid things he said! You should have seen Ginny crying last night. Ron, it was pitiful!"
Harry felt yet another stab of guilt and ducked his head shamefaced. He had known that Ginny was upset when she left, but actually hearing that he had made her cry. . . Ron was suddenly paying a lot more attention, and his eyes narrowed on Harry, "What did you do?"
Harry was about to explain when Hermione beat him to it, and shouted, "He called her a whore!"
"You what!?"
"Lower your voices!" Harry gritted out in a hushed exclamation, then glared at Hermione, "I didn't call her that."
She glared right back. "As good as!" she said, and pressed her lips together in irritation. She seemed to be trying desperately to hold her tongue.
Ron folded his arms across his chest and stared at Harry threateningly, "You know you'll be apologizing, I hope?"
Harry sighed and avoided Ron's eyes. "I had already figured that out for myself, Ron. I was out of line and I know it."
Ron was silent for a second, but then he nodded and said, "Okay." He still looked stern, but Harry knew that he had been at least slightly appeased.
Hermione watched this all disbelievingly. "That's IT!" she said, looking at Ron in amazement, "That's all you're going to do?"
"Well, what were you expecting?" Ron asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I don't know, maybe a little more anger? A little more brotherly concern and indignation over the tattered emotional state of your only sister?" She said incredulously, looking at Ron in disappointment.
"Well, he said he's sorry, and I believe he is, so what more can I do? You've already beat him up," he smirked, and she looked as if she would defend herself, but he held up his hands as he continued, "If Ginny wants to come with to me to. . .talk," he looked pained, as if the very idea made him uncomfortable, "I'll be here for her. But I've decided that it's not our place to get involved in their relationship. We tried that once, and see all the good that's done," he said, looking at Hermione pointedly. She appeared highly affronted.
"Are you blaming ME for what's happened?" she asked in disbelief.
"Now, Hermione, you're misunderstanding-"
"Oh, no. I think I understand perfectly," she fumed. She raised her hands in the air and looked up at the ceiling, as if praying for some patience, and then scowled at Ron before she stalked off moodily.
"Come on, Hermione! Don't be like this," Ron called after her, but she refused to look around. Ron cursed in frustration and started to rush after her, but not before glaring at Harry accusingly. "Thanks a lot," he said sarcastically, and before Harry could respond, he was gone.
So now Ginny was angry with him because he had acted like an asshole and hurt her feelings, Hermione was angry at him because he had been such a shit to Ginny, Ron was angry at him because he had put Hermione in a bad mood, and he was angry at himself because he had done such a royal job of screwing everything up. Why hadn't he just listened to Ginny when she had tried to explain last night? He might have if she hadn't started bombarding him with questions about that damned note. Or maybe he wouldn't have. He had just gotten so defensive and then. . .well it had all gone downhill from there. And the more he thought about things, the more convinced he became that Ginny hadn't been out to hurt him, that she had just been confused. He could understand that, couldn't he? She hadn't seen Dean in months and maybe some old feelings had gotten stirred up in her. . .but even that was too painful for him to bear. He wanted to be the only one doing any 'stirring up' of Ginny's feelings. And he knew that if she told him it had been a mistake, he would take her back in a second.
"Why, Mr. Potter, what is that you happen to be brewing?"
Harry looked up in dread. Sure enough, Snape was standing over him, looking down his long beak of a nose at the contents of Harry's cauldron. Harry dared a glance around the room and saw that every single cauldron had a light mist of gold hovering over it but his, which was emitting sporadic wisps of dull gray. Of course everyone else in the class had made the potion correctly, the large majority had received O's on their OWLs, or they wouldn't have been accepted into the class. Harry looked at the board and immediately knew what he had done wrong. He was supposed to have stirred for six minutes counter-clockwise, but had been so lost in thought that he had long ago stopped counting how long he had been stirring, and had been doing it in the wrong direction. He was pretty sure that he had missed one of the ingredients too. He sighed, waiting for the insults to roll.
And Snape never disappointed. "Then again, what more should I expect from someone who received just an A on their OWL. A pass that I'm sure you didn't deserve, Potter. You're lucky that Professor McGonagall favors you, otherwise you wouldn't have even been admitted to this class, but don't think that her influence will be enough to keep you here. Any more abysmal showings like this, and not even Dumbledore will be able to sway me to keep you here."
There were a few snickers from some Slytherins huddled in a group toward the back of the class, a clique that included Malfoy, of course. But most of the class, which held quite a few DA members, gave him pitying looks that were almost as bad. Naturally Snape would go and announce Harry's shortcomings to everyone. Harry ached to tell him that nothing would make him happier then leaving his ruddy potions, but Snape was already turning away disdainfully, and Harry comforted himself by imagining Grawp pulling every hair out of the greasy git's ugly little head. He turned back to his cauldron and caught Hermione glancing at him sympathetically from the corner of his eye. She turned away when he looked at her, but he still felt considerably better by the end of the period, despite the fact that he had been given extra homework. At least he knew that Hermione wouldn't stay upset with him forever.
He left the room, but decided to hang back and see if he could make Hermione talk to him. He let his bag drop to the floor and leaned against the wall, waiting for Hermione to walk out. She exited with a group of Ravenclaws, talking animatedly with Terry Boot. Either she was ignoring him or she didn't see him, so he reached out and caught her arm as she passed. She stopped in mid speech, and looked at Harry as if surprised to see him.
"Hermione, could I talk to you for a second?" he asked quietly, after nodding to Terry in greeting. Hermione seemed undecided, so he added a "please", and she sighed and shook her head yes. He pulled her to the side as the rest of the class streamed by.
She continued to look at him frostily and his adam's apple bobbed as he cleared his throat. She wasn't going to make this easy on him. "Listen, Hermione, I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said this morning. I really am sorry for what happened with Ginny."
"Have you told her that?" She asked.
Harry avoided her gaze, "Not yet. I haven't seen her." She looked disapproving, and he hastily added, "But I'm going to as soon as I can. That is, if she'll talk to me at all."
"You know she has every right to tell you to take your apology and shove it up your-"
"Yeah, I know, I know," he interrupted hastily.
"That's what I'd do," Hermione grumbled, but felt her anger start to fade at the miserable expression on his face. She sighed. "You really have some groveling to do."
Harry nodded and swallowed, hesitating. "She didn't. . .she didn't tell you why she and Dean-" he stopped, unable to bring himself to complete the thought. He cleared his throat again and looked away, but was surprised when Hermione touched his arm sympathetically. He looked up, "Did she?"
Hermione bit her lip, and appeared to be debating with herself. Finally she shook her head and said, "Harry, you need to be talking with Ginny about this, not me. Not only have I promised Ginny that I wouldn't discuss this with you, I've decided Ron's right. It's not our place to get involved," she put her hands on both his shoulders and shook gently as she looked up at him, "Just listen to her, okay? Trust her."
Harry couldn't make himself speak, and he ran a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes and nodded. It finally hit Hermione that Ginny wasn't the only one hurting from this, that Harry was suffering too, and she hugged him, patting his back reassuringly.
"Ugh, that's disgusting! Get a room, mudblood."
Hermione pulled away and Harry could almost see her hackles going up. Malfoy had just left the potions classroom, and was sneering at them disdainfully. The hall had cleared except for the three of them, and Hermione crossed her arms as she curled her upper lip and said, "Grow up."
"I should take off points from Gryffindor, you know. No snogging in public," Malfoy smirked, ignoring Hermione's comment.
"You know perfectly well that we were doing no such thing, Malfoy," Hermione glared. "And you're not the only one here who's a prefect."
"Oh, that's right. I've heard that red-headed beggar is your boyfriend now. A mudblood and a Weasley, what a perfect match."
"Speaking of boyfriends, Malfoy, where are yours?" Harry shot back.
Malfoy's flush looked unusually bright against his sallow skin. Whatever undoubtedly scathing reply he was about to come up with was cut off by Ron, who said from behind Malfoy, "Yes, I'd be careful what I said if I were you. Seems you're outnumbered."
Malfoy sneered as Ron walked around him to take Hermione's hand. She smiled up at Ron in greeting, and Malfoy's voice was dripping with sarcasm, "Well, isn't that just touching."
"Jealous, Malfoy?" Ron said casually, curling his arm around Hermione's waist protectively.
"Why the hell would I be jealous of you, Weasley?" Malfoy sneered.
"Maybe because no girl would touch you with a ten-foot pole. And Pansy doesn't count; I have my doubts about her being female."
Malfoy's grin was evil. "If I wanted that kind of company, all I'd have to do is look up your sister. She can't be all that selective if she's shagged Potter, here. And I've heard that she. . .gets around quite a bit," Malfoy smirked lasciviously.
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Harry was on him. The world around him became strangely faded as he pushed Malfoy back against the wall and pressed his forearm against the little shit's jugular, aware only of the urge to break Malfoy's neck. "You take it back Malfoy!" He said, pressing Malfoy harder into the wall for emphasis. "You take it back or so help me. . ." his voice became ominously quiet and Malfoy emitted a gargled whimper. "Who's been talking about her, huh, who?" Malfoy was now starting to turn a bit blue, but Harry barely noticed in his enraged state. All he could see was the red haze of anger that clouded his vision.
Hermione's voice sounded far away to him as she said hesitantly, "Uh, Harry? He can't talk. . ." She glanced at Ron anxiously, "Harry let him go."
"Not until he answers me. I want to know who's been spreading lies about Ginny," he growled, but eased up just enough so that Malfoy could breath, "I've walloped you once, Malfoy, and I'll do it again. Tell me!"
There were a few moments of tense silence, during which Malfoy closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Harry was getting ready to damn the consequences and beat Malfoy to within an inch of his life, when Malfoy opened his eyes and stared at Harry straight on. He looked an odd combination of resentful and triumphant as he gasped out, "You."
Harry felt as if he had been punched in the gut, and his grip relaxed enough in his shock for Malfoy to break free of him and back away a safe distance. Harry felt as if a vise was being tied around his throat, and his voice was hoarse as he said, "What are you talking about?"
"Did you really think no one would hear what the two of you were screaming, Potter?" Malfoy spat, grinning, "It's all over the school. Everyone knows what a little slut she is, screwing around with you behind Thomas' back." The blood drained from Harry's face as Malfoy turned to Ron, his laugh almost gleeful, "Shows how stupid your tub of a mother is, naming that gutter snipe Virginia. What a joke." Hermione gasped and Ron made a guttural noise deep in his throat that sounded like a growl as he lunged for Malfoy. But his hands grabbed only air as Malfoy sprinted away, his laughter ringing ominously through the Dungeon hallway.
Harry stood rooted to the spot. His hands felt clammy, and he was aware of a strange tightening in his chest, an anxious pressure that seemed to be building at an alarming rate. He took a shaky breath, but it only seemed to make the feeling worse, sharper and more painful. He started to feel panicked and he breathed "I have to go find her," to Ron and Hermione, but he didn't wait for a response, leaving the pair to stare after him worriedly as he fled.
He made his way toward the Great Hall, hoping she would be there. It was their lunch hour, so she should be. During the long trek through the halls and secret passageways, Malfoy's words kept ringing through his head. Was he telling the truth? Harry hoped not. But he knew in his gut that for once Malfoy had not been lying. He had known about the argument hadn't he? But this meant that a Gryffindor had spread the rumors, and this fact didn't sit well with him. And if the person had truly been listening in on his and Ginny's argument, they would have known that he and Ginny had never. . .well. . .done THAT, so what had Malfoy been talking about? Harry felt a shudder go through him at the prospect of what the whole school must be thinking about Ginny. Because of him.
He spotted her almost immediately. Ginny was sitting, talking quietly to Neville, and if Harry hadn't been looking for it he wouldn't have seen it. There were clusters of students all around the Great Hall, and it appeared as if they were all laughing and talking good naturedly. But every so often someone would turn and point in Ginny's direction, then speak in hushed voices to their respective groups, who would either look disgusted or snicker behind their hands knowingly. What Harry didn't notice was that there were plenty of students throwing glances his way as well, but he had long ago grown accustomed to this, and had learned to block it out for the most part. Had he noticed he still wouldn't have cared, his indignation at the sight of so many people speaking sordidly of Ginny was so great.
He made his way towards her, faintly aware of the hall becoming quieter as they realized that he was going to speak with Ginny. He knew that he had to get her away from the prying ears and eyes of the other students if he wanted to have any kind of coherent conversation with her. He stopped behind her and leaned down close. "We need to talk."
Ginny shivered at the feel of his breath against her ear and then stiffened. She took a deep breath and had to reminded herself of all the insults he had thrown at her yesterday before she started to go all soft inside as she so often did whenever he was near her. She would not be a wimp, she told herself. She would not forget what he had done. "I don't feel like talking right now," she said, not deigning to turn toward him.
"Ginny, please just come with me," he whispered, leaning in close and putting his hand on her shoulder.
She flinched at his touch and pulled away from him, and he gritted a low sound of frustration. She turned toward him angrily, "What do you expect Harry? You can't just act like everything's normal, like I'd just follow you wherever you tell me to go. I'm through being your doormat, you only noticing me when its convenient for you. For too long your opinion has been too important to me. But you cleared up a lot of things for me last night, Harry, and now my eyes are wide open to just how flawed you are," Ginny finished, feeling very proud at the little speech she had just given. So she was a little irritated when Harry just rolled his eyes, completely disregarding what she had said.
"Fine, we'll do this here in front of everyone, then," he pointedly skimmed the hall around them. Ginny looked up and was surprised to see a quite few heads turning away hurriedly when they noticed her looking their way. She bit her lip and quickly decided that it might in fact be better if they got this over with somewhere else. "Neville, if you'll excuse me, this won't take long at all," she said with meaning, standing and walking past Harry quickly, leaving him trail behind her.
When they were out in the hall she stopped, but Harry grabbed her elbow to guide her forward, and Ginny realized that he was steering her outside onto the grounds. She shook her arm free of his grip and walked next to him in stony silence. When they were finally outside, and Harry was convinced that no one would overhear them, he stopped and Ginny crossed her arms, giving him a look that reminded him eerily of Hermione at her most strict, and as he cleared his throat he had an odd sense of deja-vu.
"I'm waiting," Ginny said when Harry just stood there, seemingly at a loss for words. Now that he had her alone he didn't know what to say.
Harry stared fixedly at the ground and rubbed a hand through his hair agitatedly. "I don't know where to start," he muttered.
"You could start by looking me in the eye when you're talking to me," she said irritably, already growing impatient with him.
Harry flushed but looked up. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Ginny asked.
Harry looked confused, "For what I said to you last night. For what I said about you."
"And?" Ginny said, tapping her toe impatiently.
Harry paused, "Oh, and for not telling you about the letter."
"AND?"
"And what?" Harry exclaimed, absolutely puzzled. Ginny just shook her head in disgust. She made as if to walk away from him, but he blocked her way, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Tell me what you want me to say!"
"I shouldn't have to tell you, Harry, you should know!" She shouted back at him, knocking his hands off her again.
Harry bit his tongue and tried to calm himself. "Look, Ginny, I don't want to fight with you," he said. He tried to put his hand on her arm but thought better of it in mid-gesture, and let it hang back by his side. "I should have been truthful about the note with you from the beginning, and I said some awful things last night," she made a snorting sound and rolled her eyes, "Some really awful things," he amended. "None of which I meant," he shuffled his feet and searched for the right words to say. "It's just that. . .Ginny, I'm so in love with you, and seeing you with him and realizing that you didn't feel the same way. . ." he breathed, "It just drove me crazy."
Ginny was speechless. She felt short of breath, and there was a wonderful sort of warmth spreading through her, originating in her heart and stretching to her very fingtips. She turned her back on him to hide the smile she was unable to repress, and she allowed herself to lean into the hand he placed on her shoulder from behind, just a bit. He had said he loved her. "I understand if your feelings aren't that strong yet, I mean, everything's happening sort of fast. And I realize that you might still have feelings for Dean," he got a little choked up, and had to stop for a second. "Can you forgive me for everything, Ginny?"
Any other girl might have made him beg, but this was Ginny. She often had trouble staying mad at people for long, due largely to her forgiving nature. Not only that, but this was Harry she should be forcing to his knees apologizing, and despite everything she truly loved him, would probably never stop loving him. He must have figured out what had happened last night, he wouldn't say he loved her if he thought she was a duplicitous person like that. He must trust her. She turned toward him and put her arms around his neck, nodding into his shoulder. Harry sighed in relief.
"Good," he said, putting his arms around her, albeit a little reserved. "We have to talk about what happened with Dean, Ginny," she pulled away and opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head. "Let me just ask you one question," he set her away from him a bit and looked her in the eye tensely, "Do you want to be with him?"
Ginny's brow furrowed, and her smile faded, "Harry, I don't think you quite understand-"
"Because I'll forgive you if you tell me it was a mistake," he interrupted.
Ginny wasn't sure she had heard him right. Had he just said that he would forgive her? That HE would forgive HER! But instead of making her angry, his words made her incredibly sad. "Do you not trust me at all?" she asked in disbelief.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked.
"Harry, what I was trying to say to you when you blew up at me last night was that I was breaking up with Dean. I had just told him about us, when all of a sudden he was saying how he must not have been aggressive enough, and before I knew it he was trying to stick his tongue in my mouth," he started to pale a little and she added, "I didn't want him to kiss me, Harry, and I didn't kiss him back! He forced it!"
Harry looked doubtful, and Ginny balked, "You don't believe me?" she asked incredulously.
Harry shrugged and looked away from her, "It's just that, I've known Dean for years, and he's not that kind of guy-"
"OH! But I'm THAT kind of girl!" she fumed.
"No, but-" Harry wracked his brain for the right thing to say, "You don't have to make things up about Dean just to make me feel better."
Ginny's temper burned as red as her hair, "I am NOT lying!"
"Ginny, you don't have to do this! I said I would forgive you!"
Ginny took a deep breath and shook her head slowly, "That's the point, Harry, there's nothing to forgive," she said, but quietly, and it sounded with more conviction because of it. She looked miserable, almost deflated, and Harry reached out toward her, not knowing what else to do. But she backed away, "Until you realize that, until you can really trust me, we have nothing to say to each other." The warmth that had spread through her just a few moments earlier was gone, leaving behind a chill that seeped into her bones.
"Ginny, don't do this to us," Harry begged, taking a step toward her. But she held up her hand to stop him.
"It's not me, Harry, it's you," she said, "Let me know when you figure that out." With that she walked away, and Harry watched her go, completely dumb- founded as to where he had gone wrong.
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It's done it's done it's done! Wow, writing that chapter was like pulling teeth! Please make me happy and review! =D Please please please please! I'm beggin' ya ;-)
Yay!! I'm back! Time to jump for joy! Oh, come on, you know you want to;) hehe- anyway thanks for waiting so patiently. . .or not so patiently. . .hell, thanks for waiting!=D
Oh my clavicle, just look at all those reviews=D That's mighty. Thank you ever so much! *bear hugs* (=
A lot of people had a problem with Harry last chapter. Yeah, I know he was an ass wasn't he? I thought that one line (I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about; and if you don't, then I guess you didn't have a problem with it) might have been pushing it a little, but I really wanted you guys to get pissed with Harry, and it worked for the most part, so it stays;-P I'm not a professional author, I have no desire to be one, and I don't fool myself: my writing isn't chopped liver, but it won't exactly be winning any awards. So mistakes are inevitable, especially because I don't want to bother with a beta. I'm doing this because I'm weird and for some strange reason find authoring fanfiction entertaining, not because I want to better my writing skills, or anything reasonable like that;-)
And I know, I know, I missed my deadline! I'm sorry, don't hurt me!!- lol. School's just started, and I didn't realize how much I would have to do in the week after vacation, so I thought that I'd be able to get a chapter up before I left for school, but whenever I did sit down to write I'd feel so stressed out that all I'd do is stare blankly at the computer screen. And then I finally do get the chapter done and the internet at my school goes down for a WEEK (which pissed me off to no end, because I had to listen to everyone else complaining about it) st0opid worms! Okay, I'll stop with the excuses now(=
Alrighty- updates might not be too steady from here on out; I have an 18 credit course load, plus I'll have to start practicing 3+ hours a day if I want to pass my jury in December, so fanfic probably won't be at the top of my priority list. However, I'm going to do my damnedest not to make you go more then 10 days without an update (I'm not making any promises, though). Please stick with it=) If you would like me to e-mail you every time I update, I'd be happy to, just tell me. I know how annoying it can be to have to keep checking. omg, I can't believe the semester's already started, I can already feel the headaches coming on. . .Agh, migraine! D-: *whimper*
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Harry sat in the first potions class of the year feeling surly and depressed. He glanced over at Hermione quickly. Neither she nor Ron had spoken to him since this morning. Harry stared at the directions for the potion on the board glumly. They were his friends, not Ginny's. They were supposed to be on his side. But they had made it clear who they believed earlier that day. He thought back to the incident moodily.
Harry and Ron had been walking down to the Great Hall, Ron rambling on about how dismal his schedule was, and Harry pretended to listen, his mind still haunted by what had happened last night. He was starting to feel guilty about how harsh he had been on Ginny, though he had meant every word he had said at the time. Well almost every word. He admitted to himself that the parting shot might have been below the belt. And he didn't really think that she was loose, or that she had been faking her emotions with him. Okay, so he hadn't meant anything he had said, but he had felt so betrayed that at the time it had seemed like the truth to his tortured mind. He again thought of how her eyes had teared as she ran from the room. Damn. What the hell was he supposed to do about this?
"Hey Hermione!" he heard Ron call out, and looked up to see Hermione approaching them at a brisk pace. He began to offer a half-hearted smile in greeting, but became immediately wary at the site of the angry, determined look on her face, and he knew. She had talked to Ginny.
"Now Hermione," Harry said, holding out both hands in a gesture of supplication, "wait until you hear my side of the story before you go and-"
But she didn't wait. Instead she promptly began to pummel him, and these were no girly slaps, but jabs that Dudley himself would have envied. Ron shouted "Whoa there!" and wrestled Hermione off Harry, but not before she had managed to give him a bloody nose and a bruised lip.
"Why do you keep DOING that!" Harry winced in annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease the bleeding. At least his glasses were still intact.
"Because you keep acting like such an enormous prat!" She yelled, and proceeded to throw a stream of curse words at him that had even Ron raising his eyebrows as he struggled to hold her back from attacking Harry again. Harry glared at her unemotionally as she finally ran out of insults, seemingly using up every cuss word she knew, which wasn't a very long list, and by this time an impressive amount of students had gathered to stare at the spectacle Hermione Granger was making of herself.
She stopped suddenly as if realizing this and stiffened, at the same time slapping Ron's restraining arms away from her irritably. She stuck her nose in the air and glared at the fascinated students mutinously as she said, "What are you looking at? Start moving or I'm taking house points!"
Though the majority of the students knew it was an empty threat, they quickly cleared, peering over their shoulders as they left. She turned back towards Harry, and he subconsciously put a hand on his wand, afraid that she would at any moment start throwing hexes at him. He was surprised, however, when she turned on Ron instead.
"How can you just stand there after the way he's treated your sister?" She accused, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at him huffily.
"What are you talking about?" Ron asked, looking confused.
"Didn't he tell you what happened?" she said incredulously.
"Well, I know that they broke up because he saw Ginny-"
"I'm not talking about that," she said dismissively, waving her hand in front of her to shoo away that fact as if it were an annoying fly. "I'm talking about the horrid things he said! You should have seen Ginny crying last night. Ron, it was pitiful!"
Harry felt yet another stab of guilt and ducked his head shamefaced. He had known that Ginny was upset when she left, but actually hearing that he had made her cry. . . Ron was suddenly paying a lot more attention, and his eyes narrowed on Harry, "What did you do?"
Harry was about to explain when Hermione beat him to it, and shouted, "He called her a whore!"
"You what!?"
"Lower your voices!" Harry gritted out in a hushed exclamation, then glared at Hermione, "I didn't call her that."
She glared right back. "As good as!" she said, and pressed her lips together in irritation. She seemed to be trying desperately to hold her tongue.
Ron folded his arms across his chest and stared at Harry threateningly, "You know you'll be apologizing, I hope?"
Harry sighed and avoided Ron's eyes. "I had already figured that out for myself, Ron. I was out of line and I know it."
Ron was silent for a second, but then he nodded and said, "Okay." He still looked stern, but Harry knew that he had been at least slightly appeased.
Hermione watched this all disbelievingly. "That's IT!" she said, looking at Ron in amazement, "That's all you're going to do?"
"Well, what were you expecting?" Ron asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I don't know, maybe a little more anger? A little more brotherly concern and indignation over the tattered emotional state of your only sister?" She said incredulously, looking at Ron in disappointment.
"Well, he said he's sorry, and I believe he is, so what more can I do? You've already beat him up," he smirked, and she looked as if she would defend herself, but he held up his hands as he continued, "If Ginny wants to come with to me to. . .talk," he looked pained, as if the very idea made him uncomfortable, "I'll be here for her. But I've decided that it's not our place to get involved in their relationship. We tried that once, and see all the good that's done," he said, looking at Hermione pointedly. She appeared highly affronted.
"Are you blaming ME for what's happened?" she asked in disbelief.
"Now, Hermione, you're misunderstanding-"
"Oh, no. I think I understand perfectly," she fumed. She raised her hands in the air and looked up at the ceiling, as if praying for some patience, and then scowled at Ron before she stalked off moodily.
"Come on, Hermione! Don't be like this," Ron called after her, but she refused to look around. Ron cursed in frustration and started to rush after her, but not before glaring at Harry accusingly. "Thanks a lot," he said sarcastically, and before Harry could respond, he was gone.
So now Ginny was angry with him because he had acted like an asshole and hurt her feelings, Hermione was angry at him because he had been such a shit to Ginny, Ron was angry at him because he had put Hermione in a bad mood, and he was angry at himself because he had done such a royal job of screwing everything up. Why hadn't he just listened to Ginny when she had tried to explain last night? He might have if she hadn't started bombarding him with questions about that damned note. Or maybe he wouldn't have. He had just gotten so defensive and then. . .well it had all gone downhill from there. And the more he thought about things, the more convinced he became that Ginny hadn't been out to hurt him, that she had just been confused. He could understand that, couldn't he? She hadn't seen Dean in months and maybe some old feelings had gotten stirred up in her. . .but even that was too painful for him to bear. He wanted to be the only one doing any 'stirring up' of Ginny's feelings. And he knew that if she told him it had been a mistake, he would take her back in a second.
"Why, Mr. Potter, what is that you happen to be brewing?"
Harry looked up in dread. Sure enough, Snape was standing over him, looking down his long beak of a nose at the contents of Harry's cauldron. Harry dared a glance around the room and saw that every single cauldron had a light mist of gold hovering over it but his, which was emitting sporadic wisps of dull gray. Of course everyone else in the class had made the potion correctly, the large majority had received O's on their OWLs, or they wouldn't have been accepted into the class. Harry looked at the board and immediately knew what he had done wrong. He was supposed to have stirred for six minutes counter-clockwise, but had been so lost in thought that he had long ago stopped counting how long he had been stirring, and had been doing it in the wrong direction. He was pretty sure that he had missed one of the ingredients too. He sighed, waiting for the insults to roll.
And Snape never disappointed. "Then again, what more should I expect from someone who received just an A on their OWL. A pass that I'm sure you didn't deserve, Potter. You're lucky that Professor McGonagall favors you, otherwise you wouldn't have even been admitted to this class, but don't think that her influence will be enough to keep you here. Any more abysmal showings like this, and not even Dumbledore will be able to sway me to keep you here."
There were a few snickers from some Slytherins huddled in a group toward the back of the class, a clique that included Malfoy, of course. But most of the class, which held quite a few DA members, gave him pitying looks that were almost as bad. Naturally Snape would go and announce Harry's shortcomings to everyone. Harry ached to tell him that nothing would make him happier then leaving his ruddy potions, but Snape was already turning away disdainfully, and Harry comforted himself by imagining Grawp pulling every hair out of the greasy git's ugly little head. He turned back to his cauldron and caught Hermione glancing at him sympathetically from the corner of his eye. She turned away when he looked at her, but he still felt considerably better by the end of the period, despite the fact that he had been given extra homework. At least he knew that Hermione wouldn't stay upset with him forever.
He left the room, but decided to hang back and see if he could make Hermione talk to him. He let his bag drop to the floor and leaned against the wall, waiting for Hermione to walk out. She exited with a group of Ravenclaws, talking animatedly with Terry Boot. Either she was ignoring him or she didn't see him, so he reached out and caught her arm as she passed. She stopped in mid speech, and looked at Harry as if surprised to see him.
"Hermione, could I talk to you for a second?" he asked quietly, after nodding to Terry in greeting. Hermione seemed undecided, so he added a "please", and she sighed and shook her head yes. He pulled her to the side as the rest of the class streamed by.
She continued to look at him frostily and his adam's apple bobbed as he cleared his throat. She wasn't going to make this easy on him. "Listen, Hermione, I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said this morning. I really am sorry for what happened with Ginny."
"Have you told her that?" She asked.
Harry avoided her gaze, "Not yet. I haven't seen her." She looked disapproving, and he hastily added, "But I'm going to as soon as I can. That is, if she'll talk to me at all."
"You know she has every right to tell you to take your apology and shove it up your-"
"Yeah, I know, I know," he interrupted hastily.
"That's what I'd do," Hermione grumbled, but felt her anger start to fade at the miserable expression on his face. She sighed. "You really have some groveling to do."
Harry nodded and swallowed, hesitating. "She didn't. . .she didn't tell you why she and Dean-" he stopped, unable to bring himself to complete the thought. He cleared his throat again and looked away, but was surprised when Hermione touched his arm sympathetically. He looked up, "Did she?"
Hermione bit her lip, and appeared to be debating with herself. Finally she shook her head and said, "Harry, you need to be talking with Ginny about this, not me. Not only have I promised Ginny that I wouldn't discuss this with you, I've decided Ron's right. It's not our place to get involved," she put her hands on both his shoulders and shook gently as she looked up at him, "Just listen to her, okay? Trust her."
Harry couldn't make himself speak, and he ran a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes and nodded. It finally hit Hermione that Ginny wasn't the only one hurting from this, that Harry was suffering too, and she hugged him, patting his back reassuringly.
"Ugh, that's disgusting! Get a room, mudblood."
Hermione pulled away and Harry could almost see her hackles going up. Malfoy had just left the potions classroom, and was sneering at them disdainfully. The hall had cleared except for the three of them, and Hermione crossed her arms as she curled her upper lip and said, "Grow up."
"I should take off points from Gryffindor, you know. No snogging in public," Malfoy smirked, ignoring Hermione's comment.
"You know perfectly well that we were doing no such thing, Malfoy," Hermione glared. "And you're not the only one here who's a prefect."
"Oh, that's right. I've heard that red-headed beggar is your boyfriend now. A mudblood and a Weasley, what a perfect match."
"Speaking of boyfriends, Malfoy, where are yours?" Harry shot back.
Malfoy's flush looked unusually bright against his sallow skin. Whatever undoubtedly scathing reply he was about to come up with was cut off by Ron, who said from behind Malfoy, "Yes, I'd be careful what I said if I were you. Seems you're outnumbered."
Malfoy sneered as Ron walked around him to take Hermione's hand. She smiled up at Ron in greeting, and Malfoy's voice was dripping with sarcasm, "Well, isn't that just touching."
"Jealous, Malfoy?" Ron said casually, curling his arm around Hermione's waist protectively.
"Why the hell would I be jealous of you, Weasley?" Malfoy sneered.
"Maybe because no girl would touch you with a ten-foot pole. And Pansy doesn't count; I have my doubts about her being female."
Malfoy's grin was evil. "If I wanted that kind of company, all I'd have to do is look up your sister. She can't be all that selective if she's shagged Potter, here. And I've heard that she. . .gets around quite a bit," Malfoy smirked lasciviously.
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Harry was on him. The world around him became strangely faded as he pushed Malfoy back against the wall and pressed his forearm against the little shit's jugular, aware only of the urge to break Malfoy's neck. "You take it back Malfoy!" He said, pressing Malfoy harder into the wall for emphasis. "You take it back or so help me. . ." his voice became ominously quiet and Malfoy emitted a gargled whimper. "Who's been talking about her, huh, who?" Malfoy was now starting to turn a bit blue, but Harry barely noticed in his enraged state. All he could see was the red haze of anger that clouded his vision.
Hermione's voice sounded far away to him as she said hesitantly, "Uh, Harry? He can't talk. . ." She glanced at Ron anxiously, "Harry let him go."
"Not until he answers me. I want to know who's been spreading lies about Ginny," he growled, but eased up just enough so that Malfoy could breath, "I've walloped you once, Malfoy, and I'll do it again. Tell me!"
There were a few moments of tense silence, during which Malfoy closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Harry was getting ready to damn the consequences and beat Malfoy to within an inch of his life, when Malfoy opened his eyes and stared at Harry straight on. He looked an odd combination of resentful and triumphant as he gasped out, "You."
Harry felt as if he had been punched in the gut, and his grip relaxed enough in his shock for Malfoy to break free of him and back away a safe distance. Harry felt as if a vise was being tied around his throat, and his voice was hoarse as he said, "What are you talking about?"
"Did you really think no one would hear what the two of you were screaming, Potter?" Malfoy spat, grinning, "It's all over the school. Everyone knows what a little slut she is, screwing around with you behind Thomas' back." The blood drained from Harry's face as Malfoy turned to Ron, his laugh almost gleeful, "Shows how stupid your tub of a mother is, naming that gutter snipe Virginia. What a joke." Hermione gasped and Ron made a guttural noise deep in his throat that sounded like a growl as he lunged for Malfoy. But his hands grabbed only air as Malfoy sprinted away, his laughter ringing ominously through the Dungeon hallway.
Harry stood rooted to the spot. His hands felt clammy, and he was aware of a strange tightening in his chest, an anxious pressure that seemed to be building at an alarming rate. He took a shaky breath, but it only seemed to make the feeling worse, sharper and more painful. He started to feel panicked and he breathed "I have to go find her," to Ron and Hermione, but he didn't wait for a response, leaving the pair to stare after him worriedly as he fled.
He made his way toward the Great Hall, hoping she would be there. It was their lunch hour, so she should be. During the long trek through the halls and secret passageways, Malfoy's words kept ringing through his head. Was he telling the truth? Harry hoped not. But he knew in his gut that for once Malfoy had not been lying. He had known about the argument hadn't he? But this meant that a Gryffindor had spread the rumors, and this fact didn't sit well with him. And if the person had truly been listening in on his and Ginny's argument, they would have known that he and Ginny had never. . .well. . .done THAT, so what had Malfoy been talking about? Harry felt a shudder go through him at the prospect of what the whole school must be thinking about Ginny. Because of him.
He spotted her almost immediately. Ginny was sitting, talking quietly to Neville, and if Harry hadn't been looking for it he wouldn't have seen it. There were clusters of students all around the Great Hall, and it appeared as if they were all laughing and talking good naturedly. But every so often someone would turn and point in Ginny's direction, then speak in hushed voices to their respective groups, who would either look disgusted or snicker behind their hands knowingly. What Harry didn't notice was that there were plenty of students throwing glances his way as well, but he had long ago grown accustomed to this, and had learned to block it out for the most part. Had he noticed he still wouldn't have cared, his indignation at the sight of so many people speaking sordidly of Ginny was so great.
He made his way towards her, faintly aware of the hall becoming quieter as they realized that he was going to speak with Ginny. He knew that he had to get her away from the prying ears and eyes of the other students if he wanted to have any kind of coherent conversation with her. He stopped behind her and leaned down close. "We need to talk."
Ginny shivered at the feel of his breath against her ear and then stiffened. She took a deep breath and had to reminded herself of all the insults he had thrown at her yesterday before she started to go all soft inside as she so often did whenever he was near her. She would not be a wimp, she told herself. She would not forget what he had done. "I don't feel like talking right now," she said, not deigning to turn toward him.
"Ginny, please just come with me," he whispered, leaning in close and putting his hand on her shoulder.
She flinched at his touch and pulled away from him, and he gritted a low sound of frustration. She turned toward him angrily, "What do you expect Harry? You can't just act like everything's normal, like I'd just follow you wherever you tell me to go. I'm through being your doormat, you only noticing me when its convenient for you. For too long your opinion has been too important to me. But you cleared up a lot of things for me last night, Harry, and now my eyes are wide open to just how flawed you are," Ginny finished, feeling very proud at the little speech she had just given. So she was a little irritated when Harry just rolled his eyes, completely disregarding what she had said.
"Fine, we'll do this here in front of everyone, then," he pointedly skimmed the hall around them. Ginny looked up and was surprised to see a quite few heads turning away hurriedly when they noticed her looking their way. She bit her lip and quickly decided that it might in fact be better if they got this over with somewhere else. "Neville, if you'll excuse me, this won't take long at all," she said with meaning, standing and walking past Harry quickly, leaving him trail behind her.
When they were out in the hall she stopped, but Harry grabbed her elbow to guide her forward, and Ginny realized that he was steering her outside onto the grounds. She shook her arm free of his grip and walked next to him in stony silence. When they were finally outside, and Harry was convinced that no one would overhear them, he stopped and Ginny crossed her arms, giving him a look that reminded him eerily of Hermione at her most strict, and as he cleared his throat he had an odd sense of deja-vu.
"I'm waiting," Ginny said when Harry just stood there, seemingly at a loss for words. Now that he had her alone he didn't know what to say.
Harry stared fixedly at the ground and rubbed a hand through his hair agitatedly. "I don't know where to start," he muttered.
"You could start by looking me in the eye when you're talking to me," she said irritably, already growing impatient with him.
Harry flushed but looked up. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Ginny asked.
Harry looked confused, "For what I said to you last night. For what I said about you."
"And?" Ginny said, tapping her toe impatiently.
Harry paused, "Oh, and for not telling you about the letter."
"AND?"
"And what?" Harry exclaimed, absolutely puzzled. Ginny just shook her head in disgust. She made as if to walk away from him, but he blocked her way, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Tell me what you want me to say!"
"I shouldn't have to tell you, Harry, you should know!" She shouted back at him, knocking his hands off her again.
Harry bit his tongue and tried to calm himself. "Look, Ginny, I don't want to fight with you," he said. He tried to put his hand on her arm but thought better of it in mid-gesture, and let it hang back by his side. "I should have been truthful about the note with you from the beginning, and I said some awful things last night," she made a snorting sound and rolled her eyes, "Some really awful things," he amended. "None of which I meant," he shuffled his feet and searched for the right words to say. "It's just that. . .Ginny, I'm so in love with you, and seeing you with him and realizing that you didn't feel the same way. . ." he breathed, "It just drove me crazy."
Ginny was speechless. She felt short of breath, and there was a wonderful sort of warmth spreading through her, originating in her heart and stretching to her very fingtips. She turned her back on him to hide the smile she was unable to repress, and she allowed herself to lean into the hand he placed on her shoulder from behind, just a bit. He had said he loved her. "I understand if your feelings aren't that strong yet, I mean, everything's happening sort of fast. And I realize that you might still have feelings for Dean," he got a little choked up, and had to stop for a second. "Can you forgive me for everything, Ginny?"
Any other girl might have made him beg, but this was Ginny. She often had trouble staying mad at people for long, due largely to her forgiving nature. Not only that, but this was Harry she should be forcing to his knees apologizing, and despite everything she truly loved him, would probably never stop loving him. He must have figured out what had happened last night, he wouldn't say he loved her if he thought she was a duplicitous person like that. He must trust her. She turned toward him and put her arms around his neck, nodding into his shoulder. Harry sighed in relief.
"Good," he said, putting his arms around her, albeit a little reserved. "We have to talk about what happened with Dean, Ginny," she pulled away and opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head. "Let me just ask you one question," he set her away from him a bit and looked her in the eye tensely, "Do you want to be with him?"
Ginny's brow furrowed, and her smile faded, "Harry, I don't think you quite understand-"
"Because I'll forgive you if you tell me it was a mistake," he interrupted.
Ginny wasn't sure she had heard him right. Had he just said that he would forgive her? That HE would forgive HER! But instead of making her angry, his words made her incredibly sad. "Do you not trust me at all?" she asked in disbelief.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked.
"Harry, what I was trying to say to you when you blew up at me last night was that I was breaking up with Dean. I had just told him about us, when all of a sudden he was saying how he must not have been aggressive enough, and before I knew it he was trying to stick his tongue in my mouth," he started to pale a little and she added, "I didn't want him to kiss me, Harry, and I didn't kiss him back! He forced it!"
Harry looked doubtful, and Ginny balked, "You don't believe me?" she asked incredulously.
Harry shrugged and looked away from her, "It's just that, I've known Dean for years, and he's not that kind of guy-"
"OH! But I'm THAT kind of girl!" she fumed.
"No, but-" Harry wracked his brain for the right thing to say, "You don't have to make things up about Dean just to make me feel better."
Ginny's temper burned as red as her hair, "I am NOT lying!"
"Ginny, you don't have to do this! I said I would forgive you!"
Ginny took a deep breath and shook her head slowly, "That's the point, Harry, there's nothing to forgive," she said, but quietly, and it sounded with more conviction because of it. She looked miserable, almost deflated, and Harry reached out toward her, not knowing what else to do. But she backed away, "Until you realize that, until you can really trust me, we have nothing to say to each other." The warmth that had spread through her just a few moments earlier was gone, leaving behind a chill that seeped into her bones.
"Ginny, don't do this to us," Harry begged, taking a step toward her. But she held up her hand to stop him.
"It's not me, Harry, it's you," she said, "Let me know when you figure that out." With that she walked away, and Harry watched her go, completely dumb- founded as to where he had gone wrong.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's done it's done it's done! Wow, writing that chapter was like pulling teeth! Please make me happy and review! =D Please please please please! I'm beggin' ya ;-)
